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Tempting Fate, Bubba !!!
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Nov 7, 2007 7:13 am
367 Views
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The absolute nimrod who serves as the President of Iran held a press conference to brag about how many centrifuges his country now has in their nuclear program.
Centrifuges are, of course, used to enrich uranium to weapons-grade status for use in nuclear warheads.
What's that sound I hear? Is it the whirr of U.S. Navy cruise missiles being prepped in their silos? Ready...Aim...
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Still Think Kids' Self-Esteem is Priority?
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Nov 6, 2007 2:19 pm
416 Views
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The next time you have to listen to all the touchy-feely crap from a liberal about molly-coddling kids to boost their self-esteem, share THIS little ditty with them.
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WASHINGTON — Like many middle-class, suburban American parents, Shannan and Joey Troiano worried about their son’s behaviour and his bad grades at high school. And like many wayward teenagers, Cory Ryder was grounded for weeks at a time, had a PlayStation confiscated and was banned from watching TV.
Less typically, this 16-year-old was plotting to murder his parents by hiring a hitman, while his mother was organising a sting operation involving a police officer posing as a contract killer.
Cory’s trial is scheduled to begin today at the circuit court in St Mary’s County, Maryland. His mother is expected to testify as a witness for the prosecution.
At an earlier court hearing Mrs Troiano, 35, explained how her emotions were torn between being an agonised mother and a murder victim. “I miss him being at home,” she said, “and I miss us joking around and kidding around. And then in the very same breath – I don’t know what this kid will do, because it’s not my son. That can’t be my little boy sitting there.”
Mrs Troiano remembers the night on June 2 when she discovered that the vague threats her son had made were serious. A woman Cory trusted, the mother of one of his friends, took him to a hotel room where he met an undercover police officer pretending to be a hitman.
At home in southern Maryland, Mrs Troiano told her husband that Cory would never go through with it and began frantically tidying the house, according to an account in The Washington Post yesterday.
After a few hours’ waiting, the policeman called: Cory was in custody and would be charged with attempted murder. Mrs Troiano fell to her knees in the bathroom she was cleaning and burst into tears.
Police say that Cory offered the undercover officer his stepfather’s new pickup truck as payment for killing his parents. “Two bullets is all it takes,” he is alleged to have said.
His mother, a financial manager at Patuxent River naval station, and stepfather, a computer specialist, had lived an ordinary life with Cory and his two stepsisters. Mrs Troiano had left his father when Cory was little more than a year old but, by the time she remarried, her son’s behaviour was getting steadily worse.
He walked out of lessons at Spring Ridge Middle School in Lexington Park, smashed a fire extinguisher case and then broke into the county fairgrounds, where he vandalised property. A judge sentenced him to supervised probation and his parents attended no less than 36 meetings with the authorities about him.
But Cory dropped out of school and then, after stealing $45 (£22) from his sister’s piggy bank, had a fight with his mother, which led to him being kicked out of home. He has since told officials that he was upset about being thrown out of the house and that he felt pressured to talk to the man in the hotel.
Cory insists that he never intended to have his parents killed and that he wanted to call the police that night in the hotel room. A judge has ruled that he should be tried in the juvenile system, which means that he cannot be held beyond his 21st birthday.
He has also been writing to his mother, saying: “You know I love you with all my heart mom!” Mrs Troiano fears that he is being manipulative. She wanted him tried in an adult court where he would have faced a much longer sentence. “He needs to understand what he did was wrong,” she told the court in September. “I’m scared to death that if this kid is serious, and they put him in a three-month programme, they’re going to release him to the street.”
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Friendly Bears
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Nov 4, 2007 1:39 am
403 Views
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Friendly Bears
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, “Are there any friendly bears listening?”
After a moment, another voice replied, “Yes, I'm a friendly bear,” and then another voice, “I'm a friendly bear too!”
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link.
When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, “You're not a very friendly bear, are you?”
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You should question your politics if...
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Nov 4, 2007 1:35 am
434 Views
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We have a high consciousness today about potential terror on society. How do you know if you are a radical Islamic terrorist? Well, you might be if...
...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You've ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.
...You've ever had your camel repossessed.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.
...You've ever been asked, "Does this burka make my ass look too big?"
...You've felt the urge to "rub her out" after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
...You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
...You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."
...You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
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Medical Chart Notes
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Nov 4, 2007 1:31 am
412 Views
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More Actual Medical Chart Notes
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.
- Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
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But, I Just wanted a Pizza!
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Oct 31, 2007 5:58 pm
337 Views
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Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think tha t's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very
high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "Darn. What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,
sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit."
Custo mer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,sir. If
you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up.
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents
us from offering free soda to diabetics."
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A MEETING OF THE MINDS
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Oct 31, 2007 3:55 pm
376 Views
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The Marine & The Terrorist
A U.S. Marine squad was patrolling north of Fallujah when they came
upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite
side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had
happened.
The Marine reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We
saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag,
and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat,
left wing liberal drunk.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-
spirited lesbian!
He retaliated by yelling, Oh yea. Well, so does Hillary Clinton!
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands,
when a truck hit us.'
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DOG FOR SALE
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Oct 31, 2007 3:54 pm
375 Views
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Dog For Sale: OR free to good home.
Answers to the name of Sal.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, rapists or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as ' holy sh*t!! '
Your help will be appreciated.
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Amish Language Barrier
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Oct 31, 2007 3:51 pm
350 Views
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YOU GOT TO LOVE THEM AMISH!!!
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking
from his pond.
The Amishman shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben
dahin gesheissen."
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have defecated in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please
speak in English."
The Amishman shouts back, "Use two hands. You'll get more."
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To link to this blog (broadcastdeejay) use [blog broadcastdeejay] in your messages.
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