| Two black eyes Johnny |
Jun 11, 2008 4:25 pm
60 Views | Little Johnny was sitting in class, head bowed low with a cap trying to hide the embarrassment of two black eyes.
Only to be exposed when he had to turn in his papers in to the teacher.
The teacher gasps and has to inquire of how Johnny got the two black eyes.
Johnny's reply:
Well the first black eye I received when I helped Sister Agnes out by pulling her dress out of her rear-end when she stood up to worship in church service.
The teacher say's, 'Oh! Then how in the world did you receive the other black eye?'
Little Johnny says, 'Well, I guess Sister Agnes liked it so much that I tucked her dress back in for her.'
Guess you're not supposed to mess with people while they're worshiping the Lord. | |
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| Paint My Mind |
May 26, 2008 11:30 am
126 Views | A beautiful song by Rusty Goodman that was on my heart today. One I very much enjoy singing.
Verse I
ON THE PAGES OF MY MIND LORD I OFTEN FIND MEMORIES
OF DAYS GONE BY AND THE TEARS I'VE CRIED FROM THE HURTS I'VE SEEN
LORD I KNOW YOU CAN'T ERASE EVERY LINE AND EVERY TRACE OF A USED TO BE
BUT THE MARKS WILL CEASE TO SHOW WHEN THEY'RE PLACED BENEATH THE FLOW OF CALVARY
Verse II
LORD I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL FOR EACH DAY THAT YOU'VE GIVE TO ME
FOR THE SUN THAT SHINES THAT MAKES THE BLACKEST NIGHT OF DARKNESS FLEE
LORD I KNOW THERE ARE DAY'S WHEN THE PICTURE STARTS TO FADE AND THERE ARE TIMES
THAT I NEED ONCE AGAIN JUST A TOUCH OF THE MASTERS HAND JUST TO PAINT MY MIND
Chorus:
LORD PAINT MY MIND WITH CAVALRIES BLOOD
WIPE AWAY THE STAINS OF YESTERDAYS PAIN WITH YOUR BRUSH OF LOVE
YOU COLORED THE EARTH THE SKIES AND THE SEAS
LORD WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE THING JUST FOR ME
PAINT MY MIND WITH CAVALRIES BLOOD | |
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| What's our greatest possession? |
May 18, 2008 8:19 pm
232 Views | One day a very wealthy man died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he stopped and asked the heavenly angel if he could bring all his possessions with him.
The angel said I suppose that would be ok, so the man rushed off and decided to liquidate all his possessions to gold and was so proud of his accomplishments on earth.
He came proudly dragging his possessions of gold in a wagon behind him to the gates of heaven. He called to the angel and declared he was ready to enter into the beautiful heaven, holding on to the handle of the wagon.
The angel did all to conceal the laughter that was bubbling up to a roar and the man noticed it and questioned, 'why are you laughing at me'?
The angels reply, 'You brought pavement'? | |
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| You just might get what you pray for... |
May 18, 2008 8:14 pm
232 Views | One day an established minister for 30 years decided he was going to miss Sunday's service and go bear hunting. He had never missed before and thought this one time would be alright.
So all suited up, gun in hand, he climbed up the side of a pretty secluded mountain. It was so peaceful and he was enjoying the scenery around when he spotted a bear.
He was so excited! While getting his gun ready and not taking his eye off the bear, he had tripped over a big rock and down he went.
The gun went one way and he landed in another with his leg broken. With all the commotion, the bear spotted him and came charging toward him.
The minister began to pray: Dear God, I've honored you for 30 years and this is the first time I missed a Sunday. I'll never miss again if you can save this bear and make him to become a born again Christan.
The bear came up to him in a screeching halt and stopped to pray: Dear God, thank you for this food I'm about to eat. Amen!
Arthur unknown | |
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| A Potato Story |
May 18, 2008 5:33 pm
260 Views | You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato-head had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one, a real Sweet Potato, whom they called "Yam".
They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked, because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry--no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her!
But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato-head even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped.
Yam told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato-head wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to Idaho P.U. -- that's Potato University where the Big Potatoes come from and when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Walter Cronkite. Mr. and Mrs. Potato-head were very upset and said she couldn't marry him, because he's just a....
Common Tater. | |
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