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Expressions
  
Whatever is in my head on any given day.
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thanks to the lizard Mar 18, 2008 7:22 pm
Mood: 105, 527 Views
I have some kind of cold, virus, throat, ear, whatever the heck it is thing. You know? I'd hardly get sick if it weren't for the little germ magnets I gave birth to.

Yesterday I sounded like a man - could sing bass in the choir. Today my voice is cracking and hard to hear - think my teenaged boy phase is kicking in. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be a woman again.

The Lizard did this to me. He had an ear infection and bronchitis last week. Last year on Good Friday he decided to get a sinus infection so I spent my day off work at the Immediate Care getting him taken care of. I think Easter is dangerous to his health.

I don't feel real bad though, worn out mostly, and I get light headed speaking because I have to use so much air to be heard. A rather cool side effect, getting buzzed from talking.

I think the whatever the heck this is has seeped into my brain now. Time to shoo the Lizard into bed and decompress for awhile.
14 Comments
the human body Mar 17, 2008 5:58 pm
Mood: 104, 518 Views
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.....

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

-Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test...now remove your thumb from your nose and share these facts with the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well...

14 Comments
the ability to break a heart Mar 16, 2008 8:48 pm
Mood: 56, 413 Views
I've always worried more about my heart in a relationship, than the heart I was with. Rather selfish, eh? But I'd been taken advantage of so many times - and yes, all with my permission, no victim here, I walked right into it each and every time. Because of this though I began approaching every new man with a sense of trepidation. Holding my breath. Walking on egg shells. Waiting for the inevitable when the communication would dwindle, or he'd just plain disappear, and then it was done, done and being forced to go onto the next one.

This eternal optimist in me kept waiting for the one who wouldn't do that. But time after time, whether it be months or weeks of getting to know someone, I'd be let down. A few times, I had my heart broken.

So in walks David, someone different from the other men in more ways than just the miles separating us. I liked him from the start, but I was wary. I had some pretty secure iron clad curtains sewn around my heart. It's why there were 4 months before we met one another. That was my doing, he agreed to it, but it was based on this theory I had about a 4 month litmus test. None of the "serious" encounters I'd had before him lasted longer than that.

He's a good sport, he went along. But even as we began to grow closer, I'd stop short of letting myself totally trust that something wasn't going to happen and I'd slip into the doormat phase, not realizing it until my heart was so wrapped up it would tear it apart to walk away.

Something occured to me though - finally breaking through the selfish iron clad curtained barrier. I have the ability to break his heart. I can hurt him.

See, I've never hurt another. Even when I knew it wasn't going to work out, I was always kind about it. I never disappeared. I never led someone to believe something that wasn't true in the name of getting off easy.

It could also be that the men I've been involved with in more than a passing way these last three years were pretty tough in that area. They never seemed the kind that could be hurt. Never even talked about it in fact.

But David is different in this way too. I realized, with much awe, that he has given me his heart for safe keeping. Willingly. Handed it over. Not with love, no eternal declarations at this point, but with trust. He's trusted me to not hurt him. To not take advantage of him. To be kind to his heart.

He and I talked about this. I'd never write anything this personal about him without it having reached his ears first. And I think that I'm really slow going on the revelation because my "aha" moment was his "glad to see you finally arrived". I was just too blind, too wrapped up in keeping those iron clad curtains in place to see this very special gift that this very sweet man was giving to me.

There are no strings. There are also no boundaries. No undying professions....yet? But it could easily go there.

I've never felt the magnitude of this before. I didn't realize how wanted it would make me feel to know another trusted me in this way. Or how heavy it would sometimes be to know I have the ability, now, to break a heart.

But it's a heaviness that makes me smile. Of course that might just be him. He has that affect on me.

I'm thankful for the distance, because it's forced time to pass and with this time has come a strength - endurance, trust, a very special bond that is based in friendship first but has wings to fly much higher than that.

Not yet. I want to enjoy this new revelation awhile, soak in what it really means....and keep riding those waves.
12 Comments
yesterday and today Mar 9, 2008 9:22 am
Mood: 54, 655 Views
It seems lately my time isn't my own, I'm always moving from one thing to the next. This isn't bad, really, because it's been a good busy. But I like my down time so when things get hectic I let other things go to the wayside so I still get some down time. I've learned it's what I need to stay sane.

So my house is messy...oh well!! I'll get some work done on it today. And there's laundry - geez! There's always laundry with 3 boys in the house. But I'll get some of that done today too. The things I traded off for this were well worth it.

I got to see Drummer Boy perform in his high school's Group Interpretation of The Little Prince that, I found out last night, got a first and they'll be going to state on Thursday.

I also got to see him perform in The Crucible, their contest play. They got a 4th in that.

I went to a wine and cheese tasting with one of my long time girlfriends last night. I'd never done that before, it was pretty cool. Then we went to dinner at a micro-brewery, but I didn't imbibe any more, I'm not a big drinker and sampling 8 wines was more than enough for me.

Inbetween was the usual mix - went to the bank, Wal-Mart to get Drummer Boy some white opaque knee highs, the eye doctor to get the two youngest's glasses that were being repaired and a new pair of contacts for Drummer Boy. I also got to talk to my happy person.

Today I have some grocery shopping to do, and will be driving the Dreamer and Lizard to their dad's later. He's taking #1 Son back to school, spring break is over. Chris said she'd like to do coffee later, and there will be some more conversing with David...April 10 can't get here fast enough!

But for now, on with my day....be back later.
26 Comments
10 things Mar 8, 2008 10:56 am
Mood: 113, 446 Views
I just saw Drummer Boy in his high school's Group Interpretation of The Little Prince. I looked up a quote I liked when I got home so I could use it again, and came across an entire web page of quotes from Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the author of The Little Prince. So instead of writing what I wanted, I just want to share 10 things I read on that page that touched me. Maybe at another time I'll write about why I liked these things....

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction."

"You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."

"Whoever loves above all the approach of love will never know the joy of attaining it."

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well."

"The one thing that matters is the effort."

"The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them."

"Only the unknown frightens men. But once a man has faced the unknown, that terror becomes the known."

"A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born."

"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something."

8 Comments
today's scorecard Mar 4, 2008 7:39 pm
Mood: 54, 524 Views
Got items together for the Moscow audit, two private accounts, three immigrants, and too much to the local office to count.

E-mailed the auditor two times, spoke on the phone once.

Sent two online bills for payment, one secure wire. That was fun, never did it before.

Looked up one check on a past due bill (cleared already) and solved the Admin Director's assistant's problems...twice.

Taught one new person how to use the accounting software.

Had one prayer said for me.

Ate lunch with 5 of my favorite people.

Counted $12,000 in cash.

Created one new Smart List and taught someone how to use it.

Taught someone else history reports and empowered another to look up her own journals.

Took one person to her house on my way home.

Made dinner for my 4 favorite men.

Bought 5 treats at Dairy Queen.

Wrote an e-mail to one very special guy 1100 miles away. Boy do I miss him!!

Bought two bags of cheese for tomorrow's dinner.

Need to get one freakishly large Lizard into bed.

I smiled too many times today to count. I laughed at silly things. I'm happy, I'm well, I have a job, a house, a car that runs, 4 boys who give me more joy than I can mention, and one sweet man who likes me just the way I am.

I'm rather pleased with today's scorecard.
Onto tomorrow!!
12 Comments
my boyfriend at Shell Mar 3, 2008 8:30 pm
Mood: 104, 564 Views
Who thought it would be a good idea to put TV screens above gas pumps? Are we so unable to sit still for a moment that even when we pump gas we have to be doing something? Why not use that time to meditate, let your mind wander aimlessly, write a mental grocery list.

Or maybe those screens are to prevent the strokes and heart attacks brought about by the price of gas. They give us something else to concentrate on besides the fact that it costs more to fill the tank than buy a week's worth of groceries.

But I digress.....

There's this Shell station not too far from where I work and there's this guy there (sigh!) He knocks on the screen above the pump to get my attention as soon as I pick up the handle and always says "Hi! Good to see you!"

He's pretty close to my age, Asian, and is wearing a white jacket (maybe he's a doctor....you think?)

I just can't believe how lucky I am to have found him. He waits for ME and even taps on the screen to make sure I'm looking at him. Then he lets me see the weather, or what's on NBC tonight, and when I hang up the handle he always says "Thanks for coming. Come back again!" He's so polite and he lets me know every time that he still wants to see me. What a guy!!

But please don't tell him that sometimes I go to Speedway. It's in IN, and the gas is cheaper there than in IL where I work, and I do have one of those nifty Speedy Rewards cards so I'm sure he'd understand why I have to go there sometimes. Those Speedy Rewards points are nice. But their screens, alas, they don't have HIM. So it's really not cheating because I'm not even near another gas station TV screen guy, right?

Brenda told me the other day he talks to her when she gets gas at Shell too. But I don't believe her. I just think she's jealous, don't you?

Okay.....coming back to earth now and the question that yet remains...do we have to even watch TV while pumping gas?

Things that make me go hmmmm

....and David, you know I'd never take the Shell guy over you. He's so 2D.
17 Comments
weekend? what weekend? Mar 2, 2008 6:32 pm
Mood: 114, 498 Views
I've had one of those weekends where you need another weekend to recover from it. Just too busy - and the Lizard has not made things easier on me this week so I've really needed a weekend.

He's been very frantic over some tests next week at school - the ISAT. He has a reading disability and works with a level 3 intinerate and didn't realize he wasn't going to have to read all those questions. But in the meantime he made himself crazy, added onto that his usual worries about the world and those around him, and he's also gotten something going with the divorce now too. It seems it's sunk in that this is permanent.

He was leaning on me relentlessly all week so I have a call in to a counseling center in town that can help him through all this better than I can. I'm just too close to it.

Then there was solo/ensemble for the high school students yesterday. But Drummer Boy had to be at another high school for drama (he's in the contest play and group interpretation) that was over there. So Chris, her son, myself, 4 stands and two sets of quads, had to go pick him up - and another percussionist in their group. Then we had to take them over here for the competition. They didn't perform until 1:14 but Drummer Boy is the section leader so he had to be there early.

Chris and I sat with gads of parents and students from 11:45 on in the high school cafeteria where my very sore back end complained about the hard plastic seats. I injured it Friday on the ice on my back stairs (read that fell on it and this time hit my tailbone, not all the padding). So after about 40 minutes we retired to the percussion performance room to sit on those hard plastic seats and have our eardrums pierced by the ensembles coming in.

Drummer Boy's group played for exactly 4 minutes. Just two movements of what will be the Winter Drumline's spring performance. Then it was back to there with Drummer Boy so he could be at the other high school for the awards presentation. Did I mention he was still in full make up from the play? He wasn't allowed to be out of character at the contest - though he did take off his preacher's outfit (don't ask) .

We also stopped at Wendy's to feed them then it was back home but wait, had to go to the grocery store first - Chris was nice enough to say she'd take me as long as I let her drop off the two sets of quads so they weren't in the back of her van. I had to get spinach dip and Hawaiian bread. Why you may ask? Well, for the Bunco party the head of my department was having that night.

I won't even get into it - maybe in another blog - as to why my department feels the need to officially socialize a few times a year though NONE of them do that outside of work any other time.

Okay, not NONE, I do, with the Inventory Control Manager, we hang out quite a bit outside of work, but the rest of the 8 people in our department don't. Only when we do these special get togethers.

So two hours after getting back from the grocery store the Lizard and I - and my spinach dip and Hawaiian bread - picked up Jan (she's the Inventory Control Manager and she doesn't drive), and we went to BF Indiana where the head of department lives. In this ginormous house! Man, we must be paying this guy well.

It wasn't a bad time. I'd never played Bunco before but it's not brain surgery. They let the Lizard play too and he had a blast which was good for him. He relaxed quite a bit.

Then back home (well, dropped off Jan first) and onto today. Where my disgustingly messy house was staring at me, and none of my kids seemed able to help unless hollared at.

#1 Son was being picked up from school - he's on Spring Break this week - by his dad who calls to tell me he's going to let the boys decide if they want to spend the night with him tonight. The man only takes them every Sunday to Monday, (more things to maybe get into in another blog) and why he keeps giving me this "let the boys decide" thing is beyond me. There should be NO decision, they should be spending time with their dad....period.

Well I knew the Lizard wanted to be where ever #1 Son was, and that #1 Son wanted to be here with me. So I got all PMS female over it and said nothing, like a good PMS female should. I just ended the phone call and proceeded to loudly clean the kitchen.

It's lovely by the way - the kitchen that is. I clean really well when I'm angry.

Turns out #1 Son thought I sounded really worn out and tired and said he would go with his dad - which meant the Lizard would go - thank GOD, I get a breather - and the Dreamer went too. Drummer Boy doesn't go anymore. That whole give the boys the decision to go thing. He's decided not to go....ever.

He did have Winter Drumline practice though, and while he was there Chris and I went to one of my favorite Italian restaurants and I had some calming fettucini alfredo.

I also have almost all my laundry done.

And Drummer Boy asked to go to Volleyball Girl's house after practice so I'm ALONE.

And I'll be calling David soon for our regular Sunday night date. Well tonight it's more of a hanging out. He has too much homework for a date, that will come when he's on break.

Still...I could really use another weekend. Anyone have a spare one to loan me?
12 Comments
me and my tooth Feb 26, 2008 6:40 pm
Mood: 56, 533 Views
No root canal - something to definitely not whine about!! The dentist is being conservative. He said nothing on my x-rays indicate this tooth should have a problem. Could be the one next to it giving me referred pain, but we're going to wait and see on that.

He took the aluminum covering off the temporary crown and improved my bite. I do have pain still, but I'm going to give it a few days to settle down.

He also sat there in amazement over the aphthous ulcers in my mouth. He was calling other people in the exam room to see them. I'm using an OTC mouth rinse right now and he wants me to continue that until these heal, but for the next time they happen he wrote me a prescription, we'll see if that works better.

He thinks some of the pain could be from the ulcers too. So lots of waiting and seeing.

In the meantime the Lizard is having a time with worrying. Poor dude!! That little mind of his won't shut off and I don't know what to do for him. Two of my others had similar problems at around the same age and I remember it not being much fun. I'm older, have more on my plate, the emotional energy it takes to hold him up, when I'm needing so much help being held up right now myself feels like it's more than I have in me.

Breath........

But on the bright side, as I was in that whining mood last night doing my dishes, who should call but M1KM, having no idea I was washing and wallowing. Nice timing. I definitely felt much less whiny when I got off the phone. He did wonders for my state of mind.

BTW is it okay if he has a name now? I'm tired of calling him M1KM - and really, of calling myself askimyt in reference to him because we aren't handles on a blog, we're people. So you can call me Betty, and we'll all call him Al.

Sorry, have to be Paul Simon fans to get that one.

How about David, call him David - and I will too, okay? It's such a nice name. And since he has a Christian name, I might as well adopt one too...Shari....but feel free to spell it however you like, I'm used to no one spelling it correctly anyway.

The Dreamer has the Lizard laughing now, nice sound. The Lizard had put himself to bed because his left boob was hurting.

Yep! Left boob. I think it's growing pains, seems to be centered on a muscle and it's been coming and going for a few weeks. I remember #1 Son complaining about something similar around the same age. It's the Dreamer who labeled them boob pains - have to love his warped sense of humor.

But he got the Lizard out of bed to watch something on the computer downstairs. Thank God for big brothers!!

16 Comments
whine whine whine Feb 25, 2008 7:49 pm
Mood: 51, 712 Views
I'm so tired of winter, and it just doesn't want to quit. It's snowing AGAIN and we're due to get another 6-8 inches by tomorrow. At least the old stuff has melted, but still - I want spring!! I want sunshine and warm breezes and I want to open my windows and turn off my heat and not have this gray film of salt all over my car.

I also want my mouth to feel better. I go back to the dentist tomorrow, a week after he put a provisional crown on a "naked" tooth because the pain I've had since he did that most likely means the tooth is dying a horrible death. Root canal Not on my top 10 list. I'd rather give birth.

On top of it last week when they took x-rays of the bottom of my mouth the tech shoved those plates in and I developed several aphthous ulcers - something I'm prone to because of a GI issue. So my whole mouth hurts.

Anyone have some cheese to go with all this whine?

Think I'll take my whining self into the kitchen and do some dishes. Then I'll go put my whining self to bed. Hopefully tomorrow when one of my reasons to whine goes away - namely this *&$@%#!%*%#@ toothache - I'll be in a better mood.

A very pleasant evening to you all.....
30 Comments
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