| back to reality |
Apr 14, 2008 10:00 pm
Mood: happy, 630 Views | I should be sleeping, but my schedule it still a little off. SOMEone is a night owl  and I'm not back into the usual groove yet.
I had a wonderful time! We did a touristy thing - saw the Bok Sanctuary - went to a few movies, had dinner at this awesome Italian grill, but mostly hung out. I got to meet David's mother - him, 25 years older and in a female body so is it any wonder I liked her?  And I got to see where his life is, things I think that may be more taken for granted when you aren't long distance. Like the streets he drives on to get to work, or the sandwich shop he likes, where his bank is at, just ordinary things, but they put more flesh onto him.
I also got to cash in on all the long distance hugs passed back and forth since January. Hugging in person is so much better  Then, as luck would have it, my flight back got delayed half an hour and we got to spend an unexpected extra last 30 minutes together.
It was hard to leave, and I imagine as time goes on, it's only going to get harder. I knew this when I made the choice to get to know David on a deeper level, but I've not expected how much more I'd miss him with every time I'd see him.
10 more weeks........... | |
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16 Comments | |
| leaving on a jet plane |
Apr 10, 2008 4:46 am
Mood: giddy, 607 Views | Though I do know when I'll be back again Sunday, about 10 p.m.
I'm off to see David in a few hours...and I can't wait! It seemed so far away when I bought the tickets, and then it just crept up on me and it's here.
Sorry I've been scarce. ALOT has been going on since Drummer Boy got his college acceptance - mostly things with him - but it's been all good.
I'll catch up with everyone when I get back.
Hope you all enjoy the next 4 days....I know I will. | |
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15 Comments | |
| GOOD news for Drummer Boy!! |
Mar 28, 2008 7:55 pm
Mood: jubilant, 633 Views | I got a call this morning from the admission's counselor at Illinois Wesleyan who told me Drummer Boy was accepted!!  The letters went out Wednesday, he just hasn't gotten his yet.
The school is giving him a $7500 a year academic award, and the counselor said per the FAFSA score, Drummer Boy is looking at some significant aid. That will be greatly needed. The price tag on this school is steep, but it will give him such a wonderful start to his future, and it's the school he really wants to be at, that whatever I have to do to help him see this through will be well worth it.
I thought I'd wait until the acceptance letter got here to say something, but there's this reception for one of the other schools he was accepted to tomorrow and I knew he wouldn't want to go there if he was accepted at Wesleyan. Plus I thought it would be much more fun to take him and Volleyball Girl out tomorrow to celebrate - the other two are with their dad this weekend - then to go to that reception. So I told him at dinner. He was his usual lowkey excited, asked to use my cell phone to call Volleyball Girl, but as soon as we got home he was back on the phone to her, all smiles. I think it had to sink in first.
This is SO cool!! And the best part? HE did this. Not me, this was all him and that's even cooler!! It's such a great feeling to see your kids succeed, and even better when you know it's their effort that got them there.
Thanks to all who sent up prayers and well wishes for this. I'm sure all the extra nudging in his favor helped. | |
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12 Comments | |
| GOOD news for Drummer Boy!! |
Mar 28, 2008 7:55 pm
Mood: jubilant, 574 Views | I got a call this morning from the admission's counselor at Illinois Wesleyan who told me Drummer Boy was accepted!! The letters went out Wednesday, he just hasn't gotten his yet.
The school is giving him a $7500 a year academic award, and the counselor said per the FAFSA score, Drummer Boy is looking at some significant aid. That will be greatly needed. The price tag on this school is steep, but it will give him such a wonderful start to his future, and it's the school he really wants to be at, that whatever I have to do to help him see this through will be well worth it.
I thought I'd wait until the acceptance letter got here to say something, but there's this reception for one of the other schools he was accepted to tomorrow and I knew he wouldn't want to go there if he was accepted at Wesleyan. Plus I thought it would be much more fun to take him and Volleyball Girl out tomorrow to celebrate - the other two are with their dad this weekend - then to go to that reception. So I told him at dinner. He was his usual lowkey excited, asked to use my cell phone to call Volleyball Girl, but as soon as we got home he was back on the phone to her, all smiles. I think it had to sink in first.
This is SO cool!! And the best part? HE did this. Not me, this was all him and that's even cooler!! It's such a great feeling to see your kids succeed, and even better when you know it's their effort that got them there.
Thanks to all who sent up prayers and well wishes for this. I'm sure all the extra nudging in his favor helped. | |
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7 Comments | |
| where does everyone keep going to????? |
Mar 27, 2008 6:25 pm
Mood: confused, 697 Views | Donald Hoppy left, and now I notice that Bellezia's gone, and potterspal went on vacation, and melodymac was gone and came back, and I'd like to know what's with all the games of peek-a-boo? Is FF banning all of them? Are they falling victim to what happened to universallylost? Should I hold tight to my blog and profile just in case?  | |
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17 Comments | |
| calling all FF women |
Mar 26, 2008 7:08 pm
Mood: silly, 611 Views | Last week, as I was talking to my sister and lamenting my bad day, I made mention that all I really wanted to do right then was to put my head on David's shoulder and breath.
Well....that brought about a righteous tirade on my sister's part about how I shouldn't need a man so much and what was wrong with me and don't I know that all I really need are my girlfriends and if a man's around well fine but stop counting on having one and cherish my female friends because they understand things men never will.
I've been thinking about that and she's right, there are things men just don't understand like:
A bad fitting bra.
PMS.
Men.
Pantyhose that aren't long enough.
...and if FF doesn't censor it - true understanding of what it means to have a tampon in the wrong way
But I still can't see how that means I don't need a man so wise women of FF help me out here. What can you add to this list of things men just don't understand....... | |
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12 Comments | |
| a March 25 scorecard |
Mar 25, 2008 5:14 pm
Mood: cheerful, 565 Views | Today I....
Drove one person to work, and two people home.
Made one stop at McDonald's each way - but only bought something there once.
Sent three online bills.
Got called into a closed door meeting with my boss over two invoices. He agrees with my decision on them so that was nice.
Went to a farewell reception for two men who started on the same day 15 years ago and today, left on the same day.
Bought 210,000 South African Rand - didn't get a very good price....the dollar really stinks right now.
Explained our account codes to a new employee feeling her way through things.
Receipted 18,201 Spanish Bibles.
Corrected two mistakes the input person made.
Bought $20 worth of gas at Shell - from a pump that the previous person had bought $100 from!!! 
Had dinner alone - leftovers - the boys are on Spring Break and playing in the basement with friends.
Got three e-mails from my happy person
Have 16 more days until we see each other again
I'm going to take one walk tonight for 40 minutes, then fold three loads of laundry and veg the rest of the evening.
Happy Tuesday Night to all of you!!
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16 Comments | |
| Happy Easter!! |
Mar 23, 2008 7:42 am
Mood: happy, 591 Views | The Lizard is sitting in bed playing his Game Boy and waiting on his dad to get here to hunt for the 23 Easter eggs he colored yesterday. There were 24, but he "tested" one a bit too roughly when they were cooling and we had to eat it...you know, to make sure it was hard boiled enough. He doesn't want to spoil the fun of finding them by getting out of bed, so he waits. I will certainly miss this little boy phase when it's over.
The other two are still sleeping. #1 Son didn't come home, he's staying on campus with his girlfriend.
I have my sister coming in from MI for dinner, and the boys' dad will stay too, then take the two youngest back to his place for the night. We're having ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans, salad, rolls. I love to cook, and to do more than the 20 minute meals I put together on work nights.
I need to get to slicing some potatoes and get them in the crockpot. I have this nifty food processor that makes me smile every time I use it
I hope those of you who have already had Easter had a wonderful and joyous day. I hope those of you like me, just beginning to celebrate, do the same.
Happy Easter!! | |
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20 Comments | |
| snapshot |
Mar 22, 2008 9:01 am
Mood: cheerful, 547 Views | We sit here in an anonymous environment to all who read our posts. No one knows what the room looks like that we're in. Or are we in a public place, like a library or a coffee shop? Are we sitting outside with our laptop, a warm breeze blowing, beautiful sun shining?
So I thought I'd take away any pretense of who I am and where I write to all of you and give you a snapshot of my computer "room"
I have wireless in my house, a raised ranch. I banish the boys to the basement (it's not torture, trust me, maybe sometime I'll give a snapshot of the basement). By doing this though I get the entire upstairs to myself.
Well, except when one of them has to do some "reading" in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. They have a bathroom downstairs, but they prefer the one upstairs. They say it's warmer. I say they just don't want to leave their stench down there - they prefer to gift me with it.
But I digress
When I'm online, I'm sitting at the dining room table facing an outside window with my laptop. Today it's gray outside and SNOWING...AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! I am so ready to be done with this stuff, but it's not a heavy snow. A dusting. It won't last long, but still, it's there.
On the table in front of me are two cordless phones. One has a dead battery and belongs in Drummer Boy's room but hasn't found its way back again. The other is mine.
There's a winning lottery card for a whole $1 - woohoo!! But to remind me of the reality of it all, is my gas bill for the house (I don't want to talk about that).
There's a small collection of college propoganda from the places Drummer Boy has been accepted. An invitation from one to visit. Housing information from the other. We're still waiting on the verdict from Illinois Wesleyan - continue to pray. 
There's a box of kleenex - still battling this thing the Lizard gave me.
The Dreamer's pills - with part of a Juicy Fruit package stuck to the bottom...I don't even want to know.
Directly across from me is a bean bag cow laying over a copy of All Quiet On The Western Front, the two of them leaning over the three library books the Lizard took out this week to read while on break.
For good measure there's a bottle of glue, 4 squares of chocolate, a trial size bottle of bubble bath and a knife. A dirty knife. It hasn't found its way to the sink yet.
So there you have it, and yes, I didn't clean house yesterday, spent it being lazy and doing whatever the heck I wanted to all day. But I will clean today. Because this stuff, is just what's on the table. On the floor is:
Two bags of garbage from when Drummer Boy's room was cleaned up, two bowling balls (in a bag), a pair of drumsticks (wonder who those belong to), a coat, a hoodie, a pair of shoes and the costume Drummer Boy wore for the contest play...why it's still here, I don't know.
I don't live in a pig sty, really. Pleasantly disorganized, but mostly because of the kids. Someday they'll leave and my house will be clean and knowing this, in a really odd, sick and twisted way, I enjoy the chaos. It's reminder that I'm not alone.
Happy Saturday!!
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14 Comments | |
| just weird |
Mar 20, 2008 4:57 pm
Mood: weird, 494 Views | There was a school meeting for the Lizard this morning. He has a special ed placement with the state of Illinois for his reading and once a year we have to revisit this.
Well his dad showed up to the meeting. Not that this is unusual, not for this kid. When I kicked his butt out a few years ago he woke up and is very attentive to the Lizard in ways he never was with the other three.
Anyway, he was still here when I got home from work. He stayed at my house after the meeting. He lives almost an hour away and picks up the Lizard everyday after school and it didn't make sense for him to go home for an hour just to turn around and come back again.
He cleaned the boys' rooms. I didn't ask, he just did. He also bought dinner from an Italian carryout place. Then he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay and talk. Fine. We're one of those couples who should have started out the marriage being divorced. We're much better at this.
So we're doing the usual talk about the kids, jobs, etc and then he asks me on a date. Not to share a meal as we sometimes do, but a date. He even worded it that way.
This is such a weird thing to say about someone I lived with for 22 years and have 4 kids with but he's one of the LAST men I'd want to date.
I was nice, I didn't say it that way. I did tell him there was a time I doubted we could be more than friendly and now I can say we have a degree of friendship but that's all it is.
He wanted to keep talking about this though. Rehashing some of the marriage stuff, telling me how changed he is.
I can sympathize that he misses his family. I can't totally feel sorry though because he destroyed any love I had for him. He wore it away over time, eroded like a rock being hit by the waves over and over.
I stopped short of saying that too. I felt like I was talking to some prospective suitor who I just didn't feel "that way" about. It's not in my nature to be nasty, or purposely hurt anyone's feelings, not even of a man who spent a great majority of our time together hurting mine. It was like I was letting him down easy.
Him. This man I was with all those years.
How weird!
He left, but not before asking me again if I'd go out to dinner with him, a dinner date.
No.
He said he got the drift. He left. But the whole thing was SO weird and it still makes me feel weird.
There's no longing. Nothing that says any of the old feelings are back or leaving him was a mistake.
I just feel weird. | |
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14 Comments | |
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