| it's all about ME ME ME...well, and all of you |
Oct 16, 2007 7:53 pm
Mood: jubilant, 699 Views | Thanks to some insightful responses to my latest blog, I've discovered this trend in my writings about relationships.
Time.
I blame the Internet for speeding things up, but melodymac so neatly talked about rushing things along and I thought - yes - rushing, it's not about the Internet, it's about time.
You can falsely feel close to another whether you met online or not. A mixer at a church or a town's social center could make you falsely feel close. Or a blind date set up by a friend. It's where you're at and how ripe you are to have something, anything, happen that makes this occur, not where you met.
I understand this because I was there. Spending 22 years under the thumb of a mean and spiteful man let me out of a box a year later. I wanted to experience all the good that was out there in MANkind. I wanted a guy to be consistently nice to me. I wanted to be accepted for who I was. I let one creep after another with good lines and smooth words into my life but it was something I needed to do. I needed to FEEL the things I'd been missing for years.
What would have happened though had I become really serious about one of those creeps? Maybe the fact I've done this while still legally married, albeit separated ad infinitum, and unable to make a real commitment to anyone was a good thing. To think of the tremendous mistakes I could have made otherwise!
So maybe I'm trying to warn others when I start to talk about putting too much stock in someone's words. Or thinking you know someone better than you do because they can write a good profile. I know because nothing good ever came to me following those leads.
And all you wonderful people who take the time to page through my ramblings brought all this to light to me tonight.
I get by with a little help from my friends
So time - time to get to know someone, time to see beyond a non-glitzy surface, time to burrow under the skin of another and get to that place where you can comfortably become one and neither feels stifled or cramped, or maybe even needing to constantly be together but still, to be no less one.
Time.
Maybe I should thank the n-ex for giving me so much time to discover this about myself. All things happen for a reason and I just may have found one of the reasons I've had to endure the world's longest divorce.
Thank you to those who care enough to post thoughtful responses to my ramblings. You've helped me more than you'll ever know.
Later!
P.S. to the animated basketball player, in case you haven't noticed, I didn't go crochet, or kill an offspring, and sorry, haven't called Chris either. Too busy having an epiphany. I'd send you a chicken but there isn't one here so this will have to do  | |
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10 Comments | |
| Couple #5 - the internet gone bad |
Oct 11, 2007 7:08 pm
Mood: contemplative, 801 Views | In my further examining of those couples around me come Cheryl and Dave - the reason I made the comment about the WHAM relationships on my blog about roses and rose bushes.
Cheryl met Dave online. Instaneous attractive. Lightening struck. Love at first sight. Never could another man do for her the things that Dave could. He was all and more. He adored her. He wanted to be a daddy to her kids. He was a single dad himself and she so respected him for that. There was not one thing NOT to love about this man.
This total definition of Dave to her came about in roughly 2 months. But from their first contact she was telling me he was the one.
I'm not debunking those who honestly do fall in love at first sight. Those who can meet and three weeks later marry and be happily ever after till death do they part.
But this wasn't the case with Cheryl and Dave.
Oh initially, it was. They were engaged in 6 months, married in less than a year. He and his two teenagers moved into her house with her and her two teenagers and the "fun" began.
She saw things in Dave she'd never noticed before - but things I'll be honest, her friends did. From the start we did, but it was hard to tell her anything because she didn't want to hear it, he was just IT and that, was it.
See, to me, Cheryl bought the rose. She didn't invest a whole lot in getting to really know who Dave was before deciding he was the one for her and when she started to see who he really was, well she was already tied into the relationship.
Now none of these things about Dave are lethal. He's not an alcoholic. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't mistreat her.
But he's a bit thickheaded - for lack of any better wording. Cheryl thought it was neat in the beginning to have to explain everything to him with this isn't it cute how much he needs me sentiment. But now, three years later, it's getting old. She has to take care of the bills, set up repairs, schedule things with her kids AND his, because honestly? He just doesn't have it in him to do and to her now, it's getting old.
Dave is very handsome, great body, and it's easy to see how Cheryl could have become so enamoured of his outside. But that's getting old to her now too. This is a man with higher maintenance needs than some women I know. Moisterizer, facials, tanning, the gym. Did he do these things before? Well...yes, but she talked about how cool it was that he took such great care of himself.
Then there was the intimate portion of things, the details of which I'll spare in this blog. But it was EVERYTHING to her. He possessed something she'd not experienced before and she went overboard telling us of their bedroom antics. But now? She said about a month ago she cringes a bit when he touches her because she knows where it's going to lead, where all his touches lead, and she's tired of that being their only real form of communication.
Could these things have happened if she met him outside the Internet? Well - certainly! But see, the Internet breeds such a false sense of closeness, it almost encourages people to believe that those single roses from the cooler at the florist shop are the real thing. That you could plant them and get a bush. I see e-ads all the time for dating sites that talk about this love at first site phenomena. But I don't see many 5 year studies that see how long these love at first site people stay together.
So I definitely don't want what Cheryl and Dave have. Oh at the start it was whirlwind, romantic, sweeping, literally what any woman would want. But I think if Cheryl would have taken some steps back, not been so willing to label Dave "the" one before getting to know him, she may have more clearly seen those things now that make her wonder if she should even stay married. Then maybe she would have just enjoyed Dave for whatever the duration, knowing he wasn't forever material, and possibly found someone more suited to planting the bush with.
Just my opinion.
Later!
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16 Comments | |
| doom despair..... |
Oct 9, 2007 6:35 pm
Mood: happy, 744 Views | ....and agony on me
deep down depression excessive misery
if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all
doom
despair
and agony on me
Thanks to HeeHaw and their depressing little diddy!!
I've not had the best day. In fact, I've had days so much better they should make this one fade to oblivion.
But you know what? I'm finding it hard to wallow in depression, to feel sorry for myself, to get going on a good crying jag, or anything else that will only make me feel worse.
My mother - God rest her soul!! -  used to say even when backed into a corner, we always had two choices in life, we were never left with only one - or worse none. No matter what happened we could either:
a) deal with it or
b) not deal with it
If we didn't deal with it we would be miserable, sad, depressed, just like the lines in that funny song they used to sing on HeeHaw. And you know what? NOTHING changes, whatever is happening in our life continues to happen.
If we deal with it well, we have some joy in the midst of whatever it is, find some hope, look for the rainbow and you know what? NOTHING changes, whatever is happening in our life continues to happen.
The difference between choice a & b - how YOU feel. In one you're sad, lethargic, hopeless, in the other, you have some peace, some joy, some hope.
My mother knew what she was talking about. She was manic depressive (bipolar per the moniker psych professionals use now but she died long before this title came to be). She lived with a mind that she sometimes had little control over - nor did she always care to have control over it. The medications and their side effects were more than she wanted to deal with so most times, she went unmedicated.
But she had joy, hope, laughter, smiles. Not that of the insane who smile no matter what. She mostly lived on the depressive side of the mania, not often taken over by the control of the too high, highs.
But she also had faith, extraordinary faith, and I watched this get her through things that crushed others.
So when I have bad days, as I had today. When those things out of my control try to take control. Well, sometimes I put perspective on it - as I did some blogs ago - and count my blessings. And sometimes I get silly, sing that nutty song, consider those others who are far worse off and know, absolutely know, that by dealing with it I will feel better.
Nothing will change.
Well not quite nothing.
I will change.
Later!
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18 Comments | |
| one for the girls |
Oct 8, 2007 6:54 pm
Mood: silly, 720 Views | Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord
my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to You.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other!
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13 Comments | |
| the rose vs the rose bush |
Oct 8, 2007 12:35 pm
Mood: thoughtful, 636 Views |  | Most people who want to enjoy a rose won't go through the bother of planting a rose bush. They'll walk into the florist shop, pick out what they want, pay for it, and leave. They'll take it home, put it in a vase, and enjoy it for whatever the duration. Then, if they want to have that beauty again, they'll go back to the florist shop.
The rose bush takes a lot of work. It needs a good climate, soil, sun, and care. It has to be pruned, watered, fertilized, and covered to protect it from the elements. It's something of a pain, really, when you think of having it around just to enjoy one rose.
This Internet, it's such a quirky thing when used as the route to meet a romantic interest. It's like that florist shop with all the roses in the cooler, different colors, shapes, sizes, something for everyone. It's as easy as grabbing a rose from the cooler too. But the problem I see is when that rose grabbed from the cooler gets mistaken for the continual presence of the flowers from the rose bush.
People meet and WHAM, instant attraction, instant gratification, grab that flower, wrap it in paper, and can't wait to get it home and into the vase. They're sure they've found "the one" and sadly, many wind up commiting their lives to this "one" just to find out later they really don't know who that person is.
I'll have to write a blog on why I said that at another time, but I have basis for the comment.
Anyway, the time, the trouble, the sheer effort it takes to know someone before you take the next step, whether it be talking on IM, the telephone, meeting in person - sex? So much of that seems to be bypassed in the name of having that rose NOW.
I, prefer the bush. I think the WHAM, instant attraction relationships don't have the longevity of the ones where patience is practiced upfront, and that there would be much less sadness in relationships born of the Internet if more time were taken. If more bushes planted. You'll still have those beautiful roses, you can still cut them off and put them in a vase and enjoy them, but the best part? You have a continual supply of them when you plant the bush. One major investment of time, money, effort, energy, education, and the ability to enjoy something could be endless.
The rose attached is used without permission. Much forgiveness I beg from the artist for adding it without consent. |
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6 Comments | |
| having to be an observer |
Oct 7, 2007 11:07 am
Mood: contemplative, 641 Views |  | I have 4 sons. I'll often tell people it's because God has a sense of humor then add, because He has a keen sense of humor my sons' ages are 21, 18, 15 and 8....oops!
This is about #1 son. He's a junior at Western Michigan University studying chemical engineering. This son is the child of my heart. Not that I love him more than the others, I love them all the same and enjoy all of them for the individuals they are. This is the one closest to me in temperment and personality.
#1 (know I am labeling him for birth order, not because he's #1 in any other way). Anyway, #1 is one of those guys who has all the hot girls talking to him about their troubles and issues, but none who want to date him. Everybody's friend, no one's boyfriend.
He's not bad looking, he's very smart, has a good sense of humor and he's a GREAT listener. He's perfected the art of nodding, doing the "uh huh" and "yeah" and so forth, making eye contact, even giving intelligent responses, while planning how to beat the latest edition of Final Fantasy.
He had a tough time growing up. He was teased, mercilessly, and it wasn't until high school band that he found his place and people who liked him for who he is and became comfortable with himself. So he lacked a lot of self confidence and rarely asked a girl out. He went to all the dances, some arranged with friends, some girls would ask him when she wanted to go and had no boyfriend to take her. I think in 4 years he only missed one dance.
But....no girlfriends.
He got to college and became comfortable around the girls, young women now. But he has this issue - at least in some of their eyes - he intends to stay a virgin until marriage. He's very intent on this and I can see him seeing it through, he's that kind of kid. But he's now experienced girls not wanting to date seriously with him because he won't have sex and lets them know.
Then walked in Stephanie. They met at the Senior Citizen's Ball last spring. It's where the college kids go to a retirement center and have a dance with the residents. He did it as a freshman and enjoyed it so went back last year.
Stephanie is not like the other girls. She's a year older than him and of the same mind with taking a relationship to the intimate level. She too had guys leave her because she wouldn't have sex with them. He also told me she didn't think he was weird for doing things like spraying her body spray on his work smock (before he was an RA this year and had an off campus job) so he could still smell her when he was away.
She lives far from the Kalamazoo campus in the upper peninsula and they had a long distance relationship until school started in August. Then #1 was definitely wanting to move forward, but she pulled back. One excuse after another - she was having a hard time adjusting back to school, realized her dream of doing something in performance with voice wouldn't happen, and on and on - oh, and there was that guy she told #1 was just a friend who she was spending a lot of time with.
#1 is very close to me, talks to me all the time, so he tells me about this and all that's happening and says "I'm going to give her 2 weeks then that's it."
This was in the beginning of September. The two weeks came and well, she started making noises about how much she liked him, loved being around him, but she still wasn't sure, still said she needed to get her head on straight and so he calls and says "I'm going to give her 2 weeks then that's it."
Last night he calls me again. He has this habit of calling in the middle of the night - or early morning. That usually means something huge is on his mind and last night - this morning - it was. Again, with Stephanie.
She came to his room, asked if he wanted to go to the Homecoming Dance, they talked, he said it was great, she kissed him on the cheek and said she really missed that - then she left. He said he was thinking - great, she's finally coming around but then she called him later to say she hoped he didn't take more from that kiss on the cheek and dance invite than she meant. Again twirling him in circles and he tells me "I'm going to give her until the Homecoming Dance" - yep, that's in two week - "and then she's out of here if she doesn't have her act together."
I told him at the start, if something is right it remains right, regardless of what's happening around it. You can even let go of something that is right and it will eventually come back to you. But no amount of time and energy put into something that's wrong will ever make it right.
I know this because of my marriage, but I didn't tell him that. His dad burdens him enough with how he feels about things - because the "kid" is 21 so his dad feels he can be spoken to like a peer (MAN that could be subject of a few blogs if I let it) - but I don't say things about his dad and I to him unless he asks.
#1 says he knows, he agrees he's going to turn into a convenience date or fall back guy but this girl - it took him so long to find someone who thinks like she does and he doesn't want to let that go.
So I asked him - does he want to have to deal with the flipflop emotions forever? He's setting up a pattern, he needs to stop it now.
Again he says he knows. He agrees that something good will wait. He knows he can't tell her to get her act together and come see him when she's through because that stamps "welcome" all over his forehead - but that's what he's doing but extending the 2 weeks over and over.
I watch him, this child of my heart, making the same relationship mistakes I did with his dad. But I can't say STOP!!! I can give advice, can word things so he sees he has value and she's not the only girl on campus and if she's not "the" one, there will be another.
But he's young, and idealistic, and this is the first time someone close to what his heart desires has come to him.
So I sit, an observer, making myself shut up and just listen, while I hope, and pray, he doesn't do what I did. But I can't stop him if he does and this is very hard for me.
I took more than 10 minutes - 18 to be exact - sorry!! - but the subject warranted it.
Later! |
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10 Comments | |
| it's all good |
Oct 7, 2007 8:04 am
Mood: hopeful, 490 Views | these words weren't written by me, but Dave Matthews
I've taken liberty with which words I've chosen to use and trusting that the ones I've chosen to not use - that it's understood why they were left out - not because it's something unwelcomed, it's that pop up timer, it hasn't popped up yet and you just can't take that turkey out of the oven until that little red thing pops up....right?....cuz raw turkey does bad things to your insides....so do other things when they aren't given the time to "cook"
Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
Crush me with the things you do
And I do for you anything too....
And in this moment it feels so right
I slept on it - okay? I did exactly as instructed and you know what? When I got up this morning there were lightbulbs all over the place but maybe some things aren't meant to really make sense.....
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
And is this real or am I dreaming
neat little words grounded in a feeling....a barrier around them maybe - but a feeling....like there's just one?......feelings.....guarded not feared....four months...yeah....that...you know what I mean.....
Let me drink you please
Won't spill a drop, no, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
everything and anything....no agendas....that, right?.....important things like who ordered what at Quiznos....prime rib sandwiches do sound good - ah but I digress.....rain and rain and more rain and bikes with new handlebars......interruptions...little men without pants...bigger men who want to be heard just because they like the sound of their voice and.....understanding.....things about my life
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
And it's times like these
When my faith I feel
not jumping off the deep end....thank you....maybe - not a lack of desire to see what the water feels like......barriers, guards, knowing - absolutely knowing that ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WAITING FOR....oops! just made some sense
It's crazy I'm thinking
just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
and now what?.....not knowing and enjoying that....in no position to answer.....endings not ended.....but in the mean time.....
fat ladies with sexy shirts on
vivid descriptions of road kill
brothers.....who live in our houses
15%
some 85 thrown in
bicycle tricks
school
plans - 5 year and otherwise
dirty rooms and messy houses
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
My friend....yes...friend - new to me, never...always diving in head first to a pool that only had 2 feet of water in it.....tired of headaches
My friend
My
Friend
Until later............. | |
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0 Comments | |
| as the band plays on |
Sep 30, 2007 12:04 pm
Mood: thoughtful, 654 Views | It's one of those unseasonably warm fall Chicagoland days. It's 83 and I have my windows open - because I refuse to use air conditioning once it's officially fall, just not right to me. Two blocks away is the high school, and on the practice field, is the band.
I can hear the music, but in this faded and filmy kind of dreamy way. It's the show I heard yesterday, being practiced today for the competition this evening at a high school in the city. They're going over the trouble spots, the places the director would have noticed in yesterday's performance that needed work.
I sit here, the "why can't he give it up already and become my" ex having just dropped off the youngest and left. It seems fitting I should be listening, in this far off kind of way, to the band working on their trouble spots because it's what I've been doing since the n-ex (that would be nearly ex) left.
I debate whether, by letting him drag on the inevitable for so long, I'm still acting in the best interests of the kids, or if I'm getting permanent tread marks over my back from the amount of times I've willingly let back up and move forward over and over.
I can't get into the logistics of a very complicated 25 year marriage in 10 minutes. I don't even have a real desire to do a snapshot. But I can sum it up in 5 words - immaturity; religion; hope; denial; release.
We don't have a bad relationship now, the n-ex and I. We have an unholy alliance. Friendship, the odd kind of friendship two people who once said they loved each other have, but it's not combatitive. We were. Or he was. I just had inhuman acceptance.
Last November he was supposed to sign the paperwork that had taken us two years and a marital counselor to get through. He asked if I could wait until the spring. He said he wanted to get some bills worked out. I agreed, what was another 4 months when you've already waited 2 years?
In the spring he became emotionally undone, said he couldn't handle things, asked if I could be patient with him. After all, I was the one who asked for the divorce, he was still getting used to the idea that it was permanent.
To fully understand that I think it needs to be said that I forgave him numerous times in the 22 years before I made him leave. That I left twice before the final time and even then, he was back for two months two years ago because I got sick and needed help with the kids. He took this to mean I was letting him back in and it wasn't entirely off base for him to think that, even though it wasn't what was happening then, because it had been my pattern before.
So realizing my part in this I agreed to wait until July when I handed him the paperwork and stayed on his back for two weeks waiting for an answer.
We settled on everything anew except for insurance for the two oldest boys. His insurance only covers major medical after age 18 and is free as part of his Teamster dues. Mine would cover them fully to age 25 as full time students but would cost, quite a bit too, because I work for a small place.
He pulled out mediation to settle this because I was pushing and unwilling to just give the extra time as I'd been before. It was to be decided within 60 days but that time frame has now passed and he's again pulled out mediation. This time for financial reasons. He now says he lacks the funds to pay to get this ended and won't pressure me for the money - even though technically he could because I'm the one who filed. He's asked for 90 days that I had to give because I don't have the money to pay for his part of it, and we're now looking at January 2008.
I wanted this over before this year. I had this weird thing about being married 25 years and being divorced. But....too late for that! Our Silver Wedding Anniversary happened a few weeks ago.
I want things to be amicable. He was very hostile when this first began, and I've seen the progress in that area over the last 3 years. But I'm ready to have it over permanently. I'm ready to move on. I've been ready to move on and have accepted all the continuances, understood them, saw my part in how they've been propogated but now I wonder - am I being understanding to the point of once more letting him take advantage of me with my permission?
The band has stopped playing. They have to load the truck for their trip to the city so they have time to change and warm up before they play at 5. Whether the trouble spots have been successfully overcome will remain to be seen tonight at the performance.
I know what I need to do about the trouble spots with the n-ex too. But I've get to step up to that performance to see how successful my solutions will be. I just haven't gotten warmed up enough to do it. I want to make sure I have it right because unlike the band who will have two more competitions to get this right, I don't want to have to play through this again. I want a final performance so I can move to a new venue.
Later!
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12 Comments | |
| whining in perspective |
Sep 29, 2007 8:15 am
Mood: happy.....now, 625 Views | Lately I've had motivation to do nothing. My house is a mess, laundry needs to be done, dishes washed, and there's something in my BOWL!!!!
I'm this optimistic person who smiles through the raindrops because she knows there's a rainbow on the other side. But sometimes, when you do that, you forget that you need to whine and wallow once in a while just to get it out. So.....allow me to whine......
My house is a mess. Well, the board of health wouldn't nail it shut, but it's messier than I like it.
At least I have a house to live in. I was gifted this house when I needed it, away from the demons next door, but still close to the schools and my kids' friends.
I have a house.
Laundry needs to be done. Sure, I could cop out and say "at least I have clothes" but come on - we all have clothes. That's not putting anything into perspective, so.....at least I have a basement with my own washer and dryer and don't have to go to the laundry mat. I have money to pay for the water and soap, and Downy to be April fresh, and people who live with me whose clothes need to be washed, which means I'm not alone. Wallowing when you're alone really sucks.
I have my own washer and dryer and people with dirty clothes who live with me.
Dishes need to be washed - because I have food and something to get them dirty with. I have more than many in that respect. Not just that I have food, but that I have it in plenty. I also have clean water to wash my dishes in and that's more than a lot of people have as well.
I have food. Sometimes I could use to eat less of that food, but....I have food.
Okay - took care of that.
Now how about how I have to go to the cable office in person because the last people who rented this house had the same service and racked up a huge bill they ran out on. I have to go prove I'm not those people
I could live without cable. I could live without TV. I don't even watch it and in fact, my kids are so not into the TV that the satellite signal had been out for a month before anyone noticed.
Maybe I should skip the cable office and just get bunny ears. There's no antennae on this house so it's bunny ears and 2, 5, 7, 9 & Fox (for those in the greater Chicagoland area) or cable and Cartoon Network. Which does keep my 8 year old happy but more importantly, it keeps him downstairs and occupied instead of messing up my living room and putting things in my bowl.
I think I need to go to the cable office then.
I don't want to go to the cable office.
But I would like my bowl to be empty.
I have the little extra money to pay for cable and can get it turned on because I'm not the one who owes that huge bill.
Somehow, that doesn't seem like anything was put into perspective, but, I'm no longer whining about it.
I also have two marching band competitions this weekend which means, after no relief with my workload since the end of July, and no relief with my kids because their dad is working OT and hasn't been able to take them for more than a few hours, I can't even rest on the weekend. I get to drive for an hour today - tomorrow it's battling the Dan Ryan and construction - to sit on cold metal bleechers with an 8 year old who would rather be playing with his friends at home and.....
have the distinct privilege of watching my 18 year old in the last year he'll be playing with the band. He's also the drumline section leader which means the cadence they'll play on the way out is of his design.
Add to that the other distinct privilege of just this one year, being able to see two of my sons on the field at the same time. My 15 year old is a freshman and plays trumpet.
I may have to travel, battle traffic, be cold and deal with a complaining 8 year old but, I have kids. There are some who want this and will never know what it feels like. Who would love to complain about having to do things with their kids when they'd rather sit at home and play Canasta.
I have kids.
So.....do I feel better? I think so I wasn't feeling all that bad, just crabby and I know sometimes I need to take the step back and see what blessings are lurking beneath my chores.
I don't have as much as some, but I have more than most. Overall, that's not too bad.
Later!
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9 Comments | |
| more words |
Sep 26, 2007 8:12 pm
Mood: creative, 552 Views | Sometimes pieces of things get stuck in my brain, and they shout to have attention paid to them. This is almost always creative and it's always song lyrics that do this. Something cosmic occurs when words and music combine and in the process of fiction writing, I've found when that happens these words are important because something is inside of them waiting to be discovered.
So...these words are for no one, or about anything. They're stuck in my head and I can't get them out so I'm going to leave them here in hopes they'll germinate - because it will be dark when I flip closed my laptop and seeds grow well in the dark. If they ever become something, I'll share that too.
Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you
by Finger Eleven | |
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4 Comments | |
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28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
