| Laugh at it |
Jul 27, 2007 11:19 am
Mood: thoughtful, 937 Views | Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life.
Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. | |
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6 Comments | |
| New Barbie Doll |
Jul 21, 2007 11:27 am
Mood: mischievous, 1098 Views | One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95
The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The salesperson annoyingly answers :
"Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends
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18 Comments | |
| Kitty Kitty ... |
Jul 21, 2007 8:20 am
Mood: giggly, 883 Views |  | A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
OMG FF cut the punchline  |
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2 Comments | |
| Smile |
Jul 18, 2007 5:17 am
Mood: happy, 1098 Views |  |
Smiling is infectious
You catch it like the flu,
When someone smiles at me today,
I started smiling too
I passed around the corner
and someone saw my grin
When he smiles I realised
I'd passed in on to him
I thought about that smile
then I realised it's worth,
A single smile,
just like mine
could travel round the earth.
So, if you feel a smile begin,
don't leave it undetected
Let's start an epdemic quick
and get the world infected!!
Common ...
Gimme a smile
down the line |
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14 Comments | |
| Senators and The Like |
Jul 17, 2007 8:11 am
Mood: crazy, 1024 Views |  | A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why the Big Apple is in trouble...
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa. Her response - click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates
to save time.
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She Needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said,"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the Airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it Be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."
10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said,"Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" Replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, Ma'am,
I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal". |
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14 Comments | |
| The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist |
Jul 15, 2007 8:46 pm
Mood: naughty, 1050 Views |  | Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, "Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentive."
Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds."
Still no good.
Anónother attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes."!
Unacceptable again.
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts."
No way.
"Nuts and Butts?"
No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?"
Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?"
Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
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?
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"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."
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everyone loved it!
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18 Comments | |
| Moments In Life |
Jul 14, 2007 11:44 pm
Mood: peaceful, 917 Views |  | There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.
Don't count the years-count the memories..........
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away!
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12 Comments | |
| Our Environment |
Jul 7, 2007 11:03 am
Mood: calm, 994 Views |  | Just watched the greatest concert ever ... with all my favourite musicians, including Sting
WOW !!!
Visit liveearth.org to see the video
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Question:
How do YOU contribute to save our environment?
Do you watch less television or walk around the corner instead of taking the car?
Do you take a shopping bag or basket with you to do your grocery shopping?
How good are your receicling skills? |
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14 Comments | |
| Woodpeckers |
Jul 4, 2007 3:33 am
Mood: naughty, 979 Views |  | A Hawaiian woodpecker and one from California were arguing about which state had the toughest trees.
The Hawaii woodpecker claimed that Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The California woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Hawaiian woodpecker was amazed.
The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely "impeckable" (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Hawaiian woodpecker expressing confidence, said he could do it and accepted the challenge.
So the two flew to California where the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called "impeckable" tree with no problem at all.
Both woodpeckers were terribly confused.
How was it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck through the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker able to peck through the Californian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Your pecker is harder when you're away from home.
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18 Comments | |
| Girls Night Out |
Jul 4, 2007 3:22 am
Mood: bouncy, 952 Views |  | Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi BREEZERS.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in
the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would
take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a very
expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it,
so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they
proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and
innocent wife was still in bed, hung over, so he phoned the other husband
and said, "These darn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to
suspect the worse. My wife came home with no panties."
"That's nothing," said the other husband. "Mine came back with a card stuck
in the crack of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'"
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10 Comments | |
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