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Celebrities
  
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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Some Unfortunate Habits Oct 7, 2007 6:58 am
Mood: 18, 1358 Views
It seems that each of us has the same number of hours in every day and roughly equivalent claims on our attention. If the second requires more time than the first, you are in trouble. Under normal circumstances, it is not a problem for which you are allowed to impose the indulgence of others.

RL

* When waiting for a lift, stand aside and let others align when the lift door opens. RLThat way there will be more room in the lift for everyone. Do not push your way through, even when you are in a hurry. Others might also be in a hurry.

* In a shopping complex, restaurant, or other public place, hold the door open for the person that might be behind you. RL Have a quick check if anyone is behind you.

* At the escalator, help the elderly, handicapped, or mothers with a pram or pushchair to easily and safely get onto the escalator.

Some people are quite oblivious of their habits that irritate others. They burb and slurp; they spit and croak; they crack their knuckles; shake their legs; drum the table; stare at others.

They eat disgustingly and sneeze worse, sometimes manage to combine the two. They give off evidence of poor personal hygiene.

RL

They scrape their throats, and then scrape their teeth.

They pick their nose, and chew their nails.

They dig their ears, and sniff their nose.

They whisper into someones ear and shout at others.

They scratch their crotch and check their hair.

One thing these people never seem to do is to entertain self-doubts. Presumably they are too busy having a good time, going about their business in perfect ignorance and pleasure while disgusting everyone within range.

RL

Most of us are probably very innocent about those unfortunate habits and have to bear with it in the office proximity. Some of us are paired as the offender and the offendee, and are married to each other. RL

There is no all-purpose way of complaining about, much less altering, the annoying personal habits of others. We just have to be gracious enough to ignore them. RL

However, if the person happens to be your best friend or spouse you may restrain them gently from doing whatever irritates you, i.e."Dearest, I wish you wouldn't do that"
The usual response is "Do what?"
to which one replies, "I don't know ~ whatever it is that makes that strange sound". RL

More distant relationships require more distant allusions.

One can offer a solution without mentioning the problem ("Would you like a mint?") Or one can generally complain ~ "We are going to ban food at the desk. I just found a cockroach." RL Even if it only concerns one person who eats in the office or shop, others may find it offensive. RL

However, having said that.

* One should Not to give instructions to strangers

Good Habits are Learned at Home and are a Reflection of Ones Background.

Property of Renee Laurent
11 Comments
~*~*~* Proverbs *~*~*~ Sep 26, 2007 5:14 am
Mood: 24, 2370 Views
Never throw stones when living in a glasshouse.

This proverb often comes to mind when I read some comments

What is your favourite proverb?
53 Comments
*~*~*~ Things You Can't Buy ~*~*~* Sep 21, 2007 10:56 am
Mood: 18, 1841 Views


We cannot buy ...

* Common Sense

* Compassion

* Love

* Intelligence

* Kindness

* Good Manners

What else do you know that we cannot buy with money?
26 Comments
~*~*~*~ I heard It on The Grapevine ~*~*~*~ Sep 19, 2007 8:31 am
Mood: 46, 1560 Views


1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist : - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after…

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails.

5 Comments
Z A P A T A' S Sep 18, 2007 11:37 pm
1287 Views


Notice spotted at a Mexican restaurant in China:

Zapata's Mexican Cantina does not sponsor prOstitudes at our establishment.

If you are a prOstitude, please refrain from entering our garden or restaurant.

If you are unsure whether or not you are a prOstitude, please ask one of our friendly security guards to sort it out for you.



now was that so bad that FF had to ban it?
2 Comments
~*~*~* Friends *~*~*~ Sep 15, 2007 7:42 am
Mood: 54, 1467 Views
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you."
-Elbert Hubbard

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts.
And we are never, ever the same." -
~Anonymous


"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter,
and sharing of pleasures."
~Kahil Gibran
10 Comments
The Best Letter yet Sep 14, 2007 2:02 am
Mood: 43, 1487 Views
Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want to have sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case is, I am gone.

Your EX - Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!
________________________________________________________________________

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It is true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.
The first thing that came to mind was, 'You look just like a girl!' but my mother raised me not to say anything, if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating steak seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your new silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So, when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Rich and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem. Change is good.


16 Comments
Blond, Brunette, or Redhead? Sep 14, 2007 12:51 am
Mood: 22, 1463 Views
Blonde Logic

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

************************************************

Car Trouble

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


*************************************************

Speeding Ticket

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

************************************************

River Walk
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

?????????????????????????????????????????????????

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

*************************************************


FOR THE KIDS!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

12 Comments
Dog Philosophy Sep 8, 2007 3:05 am
Mood: 27, 1334 Views
There is more truth than poetry to these...

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous



Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers



If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers



There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams



A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings



The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney



We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made .
-M. Acklam



Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud



I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner



A dog teaches us fidelity, perseverance, & to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley



Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones



If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber



If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown



Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler



If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain



You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry



Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras



If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret



My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am .

15 Comments
Would You Remarry? Sep 2, 2007 9:31 am
Mood: 27, 2664 Views
Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure. It's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably. It is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?"

HUSBAND: "Yes. Those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No. She's left-handed."

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: " . . . sh..t."



Have a great Day.

44 Comments
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