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| *~~* Wine & Love *~~* |
Nov 24, 2007 7:24 am
Mood: mischievous, 1987 Views |  | Just a follow-up thought from the previous post 
Men are like a good bottle of wine
'
* First we need healthy grapes as a base.
* Then we have to stomp it to make it pliable.
* Then let it sit in its own stew for some time.
* Ahhh ... now we can taste it ....
and if it has stewed well,
we can take it ...
anywhichway we like
plz dear males don't hold it against me  |
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28 Comments | |
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| Weekend Blues |
Nov 17, 2007 12:44 am
Mood: pissed off, 1668 Views |  | Today, Saturday I'm just a bit P t off cause I can't do anything, go anywhere with dysentery 
So if I don't visit your blogs friends, don't hold it against me  |
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14 Comments | |
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| New Technology |
Nov 11, 2007 9:55 am
Mood: amused, 1571 Views |  | A man wakes up in hospital,bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five-incher this time she might be disappointed. So
it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'
So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .
'We're having a new kitchen'.
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7 Comments | |
| The Barber of Seville... |
Nov 9, 2007 10:53 pm
Mood: curious, 1279 Views |  |
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said," About three hours."
The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.
"A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes from laughter and said,
.
.
"Your house."
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1 comment | |
| *** A Different Kind of Wedding Invitation **** |
Nov 8, 2007 8:28 pm
Mood: bitchy, 1758 Views |  | 
You Are Regretfully Invited
To The Wedding Between My Perfect Son,
The Doctor
and some
Cheap Two-Bit Tramp
whose name escapes me right now.
The Biggest Disaster In My
Family's History Will Take Place At
9pm on Saturday, November 25th
and No Doubt End in Divorce
'
Hopefully in Time to Still Be Eligible For an Annulment
The Overwhelming Disappointing Heartbreak of a Ceremony
Will be Followed by Dinner,
Where Nuts Will Be Served
Because Whatsherface Has an Allergy
'
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6 Comments | |
| ^^^ Coincidence ^^^ |
Nov 7, 2007 1:27 am
Mood: cheerful, 1045 Views |  |
A chicken farmer went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just
ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man ... "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different c o c k," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence"!
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1 comment | |
| ~*~ The Law of Return ~*~ |
Nov 2, 2007 1:41 am
Mood: peaceful, 1920 Views |  | 
Whatever you give away today, or think or say or do, will multiply about tenfold, and then return to you. It may not come immediately nor from the obvious source, but the law applies unfailingly through some invisible force.
Whatever you feel about another, be it love or hate or passion, will surely bounce right back at you in some clear or secret fashion. If you speak about someone a word of praise or two, soon tens of other people will speak kind words to you.
Our thoughts are products of the soul, not secrets of the brain, kind ones bring us happiness, petty ones untold pain. Giving works as surely as reflections in a mirror, if hate you send, hate you'll get back, but loving brings love nearer.
Remember as you start this day and duty crowds your mind, that kindness comes so quickly back to those who first are kind. Let that thought and this one direct you through each day... The only things we ever keep, are the things we give away.
This is called the law of return the divine boomerang effect and reminding you to reflect in your life of how you have acted toward others and then honestly analyse how you have been treated. When you see the results, you will then know how to act.
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37 Comments | |
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