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Celebrities
  
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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Involuntary Muscular Contractions Feb 20, 2008 9:36 am
Mood: naughty, 925 Views


A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject,the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what the arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm"

She replied, "Probably fishing & drinking beer with his mates."
5 Comments
?+ Missing Person +? Feb 17, 2008 12:03 am
Mood: worried, 1140 Views
Does anyone know where Mark aka Oldhoglover has disappeared to?

I hope they didn't suspend him

With so many strange things happening here, one never knows where one stands

Wonder how much longer this site is going to survive

What glitches have you experienced here lately?

26 Comments
What Not to Say to Your Valentine Feb 13, 2008 11:05 pm
Mood: giggly, 1124 Views
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.



I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.



Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.



Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.



Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.



I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.



I love your smile, your face, your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!



My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.



I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.



My love, you take my breath away.
But what have you stepped in to smell this way?



My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell!"



What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.



Hope it's not too late
for Valentine

22 Comments
~*~ My Valentine ~*~ Feb 12, 2008 7:35 pm
Mood: loved, 983 Views


Take my hand and lead the way,
tell me all you want to say.
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear.
Kiss my lips and touch my skin,
bring out passions deep within.
Pull me close and hold me near,
take away my pain and fear.
In the brightness of the sun,
Show me I'm the only one.
Give me wings so I can fly,
for I soar when you're nearby.
Enter my heart, break down the wall,
it's time for me, to watch it fall.
I've been a prisoner, can't you see?
Break my chains, and set me free.
Strip me of my armor tight,
You'll find I won't put up a fight.
Release my soul held deep within,
I'm ready now,
Let love come in.

16 Comments
~*~* Natural Beauty *~*~ Feb 10, 2008 7:21 am
Mood: relaxed, 1085 Views
You cannot judge a women's beauty
by appearance alone

________________________________________________
30 Comments
A Question I Always Wanted 2 Ask Feb 4, 2008 1:16 am
1401 Views
Some of us have been here for some time and know each others name ... but ...
Can we use the person's name?
Even though the person did Not invite us to use it - yes?
Only when we get permission from the person
Only after posting many comments on the person's blog
Only when the person uses it as a 'signature'
Not even tho it's in the signature
Only if we know the person personally
Only if we email each other
Never ... it's an infringement of privacy
36 Comments, 14 votes
~*~ Finding the Right Mr/s Right the Right Way *~* Feb 3, 2008 11:31 pm
Mood: hopeful, 969 Views
Wouldn't it be great if fairy tales came true? Most of us still want and expect to find our Mr. or Ms. Right. The good news is, finding a partner who is perfect for you is a real-life possibility -- and something you can turn into a probability by resetting your expectations.

Remembering three simple rules will help you understand the person you are dating, manage your expectations and prevent ugly surprises.

1. Everything you want to know about a person is there for you to see right from the beginning.

By being observant,

You can realize someone's true nature from the very start. Let's say the person you are dating throws their jacket on the chair when they come into your apartment. As much as that may annoy you, you must understand that is who they are. They are not going to become a neat freak later on. As a matter of fact, the more relaxed they grow to be, the more likely they are to take liberty in throwing their clothes around -- expect to find scattered socks, shoes, even underwear!

2. You cannot change anybody. Try as you might, you can't change anyone. You can, of course, let the person know you are unhappy with the sloppiness, but you cannot expect him or her to change. What you can change is your reaction to their behavior. By seeing someone for who they are and understanding that you cannot change them, you can recognize early on if someone is an appropriate match.

3. There is an "upside" and a "downside" to every trait. You may realize that even though your Mr. Right is a slob, it doesn't mean that you must cast off your otherwise Prince Charming as a toad. Think about the other side to your potential partner's sloppiness. Maybe his carefree attitude towards the proper place of a coat is indicative of his flexible and relaxed nature -- perhaps a trait that is a nice counterbalance to your tendency to get a bit uptight.

Compromise is the key to harmony

16 Comments
~*~* Remember ...? *~*~ Jan 27, 2008 4:22 am
Mood: amused, 1134 Views
If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Please note:
most, if not all, of those answering the questions are (now) dead!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.



Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.



Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.



Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.



Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.



Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.



Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.



Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.



Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hand while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.



Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.



Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.



Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.



Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.



Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?



Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.



Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.



Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"
What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.



Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.



Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.



Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet



Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

32 Comments
Flight Announcement Jan 20, 2008 9:04 pm
Mood: confused, 1167 Views
This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:



"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill." (thank you)

30 Comments
~*~ Leave Your Mark ~*~ Jan 10, 2008 2:36 am
Mood: hopeful, 1199 Views


The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.

"There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "..before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

1. You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in someone's hand.

2. You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

3. You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

4. The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

5. On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

32 Comments
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