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Celebrities
  
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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Lost in Translation Apr 15, 2008 7:10 am
Mood: confused, 955 Views
The Worst Slogan Translations Ever...

.

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."



12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."



11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."



10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."



9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.



When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.



7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.



6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."



5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.



4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).



3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"



2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn't Go".



1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."

Now I know why I'm always smiling

Never believe what the advert tells you
18 Comments
I Know What I Want ****.... Mar 28, 2008 8:19 pm
Mood: contemplative, 1178 Views


I recently had a brief conversation with a male friend who asked me casually ...

"What kind of man are you looking for?"



I sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and ask.

"Do you really want to know?"



Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

I began slowly to explain to him ....

"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.

* I pay my own bills.

* I take care of my household without the help of any man.

I am in the position to ask,

"What can he bring to the table?"



My friend looked at me thoughtful. Clearly he thought that I was referring to money.

So I quickly corrected his thought and stated,

"I am not referring to money, I have enough to give me all the material comfort I seek. I need something more."

"I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."



He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked me to explain.

I said,

* "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally, because I need conversation and mental stimulation.



I don't need a simple-minded man."

* "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually, because I don't need to be unequally yoked...

believers mixed with disbelievers is a recipe for disaster.



* I need a man who is striving for perfection financially

because I don't need a financial burden.



* I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman,

but strong enough to keep me grounded.



* I am looking for someone who I can respect.

In order to be submissive, I must be able to respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of himself and/or of his business.



I have no problem being submissive...

he just has to be worth it.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man.

I can't help a man if he can't help himself".



When I finished my spill, I looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You're asking for a lot."

I replied,

"I'm worth a lot."

37 Comments
~*~ That's Punny .. part I ~*~ Mar 22, 2008 5:57 am
Mood: silly, 1072 Views


1. Energizer Bunny Arrested & Charged with Battery.

2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

9. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

14. Without geometry, life is pointless.

15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

16. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

16 Comments
~*~ That's Punny .. part II ~*~ Mar 22, 2008 5:53 am
Mood: silly, 1033 Views


17. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

18. What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

19. A backwards poet writes inverse.

20. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

21. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

22. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

23. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

24. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

25. A grenade in a French kitchen results in Linoleum Blownapart.

26. A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

28. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

29. A short fortune-teller escaped from prison is a small medium-at-large.

30. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

31. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .

32. An actress who saw her first strands of grey hair thought she'd dye.

33. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

14 Comments
*~*O R G A S M*S T Y L E S*~* Mar 10, 2008 8:44 pm
Mood: energetic, 1391 Views
Only for those with an open mind



Zex in a boat = Oargasms
Zex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Zex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Zex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Zex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Zex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Zex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Zex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Zex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Zex with an accountant = Boregasms
Zex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Zex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Zex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Zex while broke = Poorgasms
Zex with a lion = Roargasms
Zex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Zex on a golf course = Foregasms
Zex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Zex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Zex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Zex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Zex with chocolate marshmallows = S'moregasms
Zex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Zex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Zex on the beach = Shoregasms
Zex when you get an award = Honogasms
Zex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Zex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Zex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Zex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Zex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Zex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Zex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
Zex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Zex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Zex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Zex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Zex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Zex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Zex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Zex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Zex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Zex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Zex while flying = Soargasms
Zex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Zex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Zex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Zex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Zex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Zex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Zex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Zex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Zex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Zex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Zex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Zex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Zex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Zex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Zex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Zex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Zex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Zex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Zex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Zex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Zex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Zex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Zex without a climax = Nogasms

Now, do you think they will ban me for this?
24 Comments
*~* My Weekend Music *~* Mar 7, 2008 5:08 pm
Mood: melancholy, 1055 Views


Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me



I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me




Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be




I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you are comin' from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby.



Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me





Backstreetboys
18 Comments
~** Cheers * Prosit * Salute * Scol **~ Mar 3, 2008 6:05 pm
Mood: thirsty, 1168 Views
Some of you will know more about the accuracy of this

Drinks that Show Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:


PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.

Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with my friends.


Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk...And naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.



PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid .

Wine:
He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated Image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay



So, what's your poison?

28 Comments
~* Classes for Men *~ Feb 27, 2008 6:06 am
Mood: pissed off, 1131 Views
For all husbands and aspiring husbands, please note...

FALL CLASSES FOR MEN AT?

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

...

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
...

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself??Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
...

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.?
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
...

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.?
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
...

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.?
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM.
...

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.?
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.
...

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--
Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum,
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
...

Class 8
Health Watch--
Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
...

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
...

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks??
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks,
Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
...

Class 11
Learning to Live--
Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM,
location to be determined.
...

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion.
Relaxation Exercises,
Meditation and Breathing Techniques.?
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
...

Class 13?
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.?
Three nights;
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
...

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--
What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM,
location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
...

25 Comments
When The Moon Hits Your Eye... Feb 21, 2008 5:55 pm
Mood: loved, 1095 Views


It's a full moon and it affects people in various mood. I just met someone who is totally over the moon Thank goodness it hasn't affected me ........ yet



Do you remember this song?

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand and that's not what you planned
That's a moray.

When our habits are strange and our customs deranged
That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw and the bales total four
That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife, she gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight used a sword in a fight
That's Sa...mur...ai.


14 Comments
**~ Related ~** Feb 20, 2008 9:40 am
Mood: naughty, 1027 Views


A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, 'If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related'

'The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, 'Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even.'

12 Comments
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