| Your Children |
Mar 7, 2007 8:39 am
Mood: thoughtful, 1111 Views |  |
And a women who held her babe against her bosom said "Speak to us of Children"
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
from The Prophet
Kahlil Gibran
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This is one of my favourite poems and just wanted to share it with you here. |
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6 Comments | |
| Why God Made Eve ... |
Mar 7, 2007 1:07 am
Mood: mischievous, 1119 Views |  | Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve:
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10. God was worried that Adam would frequently
become lost in the garden because he would
not ask for directions.
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9. God knew that one day Adam would require
someone to locate and hand him the remote.
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8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy
himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would
therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
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7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a
doctor's dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.
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6. God knew Adam would never remember which night
to put the garbage on the curb.
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5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men
would never be able to handle the pain and
discomfort of childbearing.
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4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never
remember where he left his tools.
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3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his
troubles on when God caught him hiding in the
garden.
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2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be
alone."
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And, finally, the Number 1 reason why
God created Eve....
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1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He
stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can
do better than that!"
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7 Comments | |
| Your Place or Mine? |
Mar 6, 2007 7:38 pm
Mood: amused, 1039 Views |  | Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
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Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
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1 comment | |
| An Interesting Study ..... |
Mar 6, 2007 6:58 pm
Mood: hopeful, 1045 Views | A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal,she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.
No further studies are planned.
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Have to watch out for that | |
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3 Comments | |
| Thoughts 4 Today |
Mar 6, 2007 2:25 am
Mood: cheerful, 977 Views |  | Laugh every day and make sure someone laughs with you!
I’ve learned that you should be careful how you treat your parents as it will be returned ten fold when you have children of your own.
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When you are judging the people in your life, you are judging your life.
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Show me who your friends are and I tell you who U R
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The old three "R"s need to be updated. Readin, Riteing, Rithmatic -- should be taught in school.
The more important three "R"s need to be taught in the home.
Respect for Self
Respect for Others
Responsibility for all of your Actions
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I have learned that there is no such thing as a housewife especially when the woman has a child or or two. It should be called a house job just like any other office job.
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I have learned that Life is Short... If not NOW, then when?
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I’ve learned that my children are not an extension of me; and that after all the advice and love I have given them over the years, all I can do now is step back, let them live their own lives, and make their own mistakes.
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If you work for peanuts, you will be the Monkey that eats them.
But many only want to pay peanuts, that's why they always get monkeys
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I've realised that I should never argue with a drunk man or one who is in love.
I've learned never to shed a tear over the one who doesn't sincerely love me anyway.
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I've learned that it is useless to argue with someone who is ignorant.
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I've realised that it's easier to praise than to criticise.
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4 Comments | |
| Swimsuit Horror |
Mar 5, 2007 9:59 am
Mood: naughty, 1077 Views |  |
I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume. When I was a child in the 1960's, the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a damn good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice - she can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus escaped from Disney's Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluoro rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that a shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing costume, but as I twanged the shoulder strap into place I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared.
Eventually I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump.
I re-aligned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full-view assessment. The bathing costume fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of play-doh wearing undersize cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains "Oh,they are YOU!" she said, admiring the bathers. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversize napkin in a serviette ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with a ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane on a bad day. I tried a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high-cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally I found a costume that fit...a two-piece affair with shorts-style bottoms and a halter top. It was cheap, comfortable and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. When I got home, I read the label which said 'Material may become transparent in water", but I'm determined to wear it anyway. I just have to learn to breaststroke in the sand.
~By Ingri d Saxten~
Ohh what horror is waiting for me |
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10 Comments | |
| A New Pair Of Shoes |
Mar 5, 2007 9:15 am
Mood: contemplative, 944 Views |  |
On a cold day in December, a little boy, about 10 years, old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?"
"I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply. The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with a towel.
By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?"
As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?"
~By David L. Griffith~ |
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5 Comments | |
| Messages |
Mar 4, 2007 5:42 pm
Mood: crazy, 867 Views | Leave Your Name At The Beep!
Here are actual answering machine greetings recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machines.
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* My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
* A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
* Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
* Hi. Now you say something.
* Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
* Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
* Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
* Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
* Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
* Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
* This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
* Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
* If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
BEEP | |
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5 Comments | |
| Women ... |
Mar 2, 2007 9:18 am
Mood: confused, 701 Views |  |
WOMEN may bring more joy, hope ?? or are they a contradiction? They dont say what they really mean (diplomacy, using kindness as an excuse, but coward is the word, because they want their cake and eat it), afraid of the consequences that may follow.
They are confused themselves and play act all the time. As men rightly say... speak up and dont expect them to be mind readers!
Hypersensitive! Thats what we are, unreasonable when it comes to MEN. Quite mean to the guys we date.....sarcasism spills out of women's mouth for 'smart' thrills.
ALWAYS trying to compete with men and women too. Never do as they are told - trouble makers. Always have to prove they are smart...
Very insecure and judgemental. Hey, there's no perfect figure or beauty, and if there were one or two in the world...give it time, it'll disappear with age, hehe!
"beauty" is man-made, what the world expects us to look like. But inner beauty is what we have no time for, since we are attracted to worldly beauty. Often we say, WE WANT THE WHOLE PACKAGE (sexy body, great $ex, good looks.....)
We dont do what we say, just the idea of being GOOD but we are all corrupted!
Having said all the above and being aware of what an awful LOT we are, there is still HOPE for our kind ... PRAY for blessings on all of womenfolk, hahaha........
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Roberta Tessonson
Just because I posted this it does not mean that I am like that. But just received this in my mail from my g/f and thought that you guys out there would have a good laugh at my expense
Let's try to live life with a clear conscience.
accept uncertainty in love & work. |
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2 Comments | |
| My Kitchen is Delirious ;) |
Mar 1, 2007 11:50 pm
Mood: crazy, 909 Views |  | You have all seen those little hand painted signs hung in so many kitchens. Many are heart-warming and homey, but many are simply hilarious.
Here is a collection of the funnier ones:
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A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen
and this kitchen is delirious.
No husband has ever been shot
while doing the dishes.
A husband is someone who
takes out the trash
and gives the impression
he just cleaned the whole house.
If we are what we eat,
then I'm fast, cheap and easy.
A balanced diet is
a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more
than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
A clean house is
a sign of a misspent life.
Help keep the kitchen clean
- eat out.
Housework done properly
can kill you.
Countless number of people
have eaten in this kitchen
and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen
- just vending machines.
The only reason I have a kitchen
is because it came with the house
when I bought it.
There are only three kinds of food
- Frozen, Canned, & Take-out!
This Kitchen is Closed
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6 Comments | |
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