| Right On ;) |
Apr 6, 2007 4:51 am
Mood: bouncy, 1304 Views |  | Never argue with a fool or a man in love 
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But ... is there a difference?
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Peace, Peace, Peace 
Forever Peace and Love 
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14 Comments | |
| Women's Little Instruction Booklet |
Apr 5, 2007 5:30 am
Mood: crazy, 1392 Views |
Don't imagine that you can change a man unless he is in diapers.
So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
Go for younger men - you might as well, they never mature anyway.
Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the Do It Yourself types.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they are too old for it.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
A man's idea of serious commitment is usually 'oh alright, I'll stay the night.'
Sadly, all men are created equal.
Remember that a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
There are lots of words to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you can still use them.
Go for younger men - you might as well, they never mature anyway.
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23 Comments | |
| I've Learned Summor |
Apr 4, 2007 11:48 pm
Mood: grateful, 1171 Views |  |
I have learned that being good looking isn't always an advantage
I have learnt that you can do anything in this world, but you can’t do everything.
I have learnt that if you do not know how to be a child, you will also not know how to be an adult.
I have learnt that having too much knowledge can actually be to ones disadvantage.
I have learnt that the way to success it full of so many tempting parking spaces.
I have learnt that though the duck may seem relaxed on the surface of a stream, but below the surface, the legs are busy paddling.
I have learnt that the way up is down.
I've learned that I know everything I need to know about a person who will litter.
If you don't like people pushing your buttons, don't let them see the buttons.
I've learned that no matter which side of the political fence you sit on, if you lean too far in either direction, you'll be regarded as a fanatic...and treated accordingly.
"Our only limitation is your imagination".
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8 Comments | |
| Matzoh Mattah You? |
Apr 4, 2007 11:31 pm
Mood: amused, 1031 Views |  | A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh,a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.
A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.
The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap?"
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4 Comments | |
| Desiderata |
Apr 4, 2007 4:32 am
Mood: contemplative, 1208 Views |  |
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all people.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to all
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others you will become vain and bitter;
there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let not this blind you to the virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have the right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
~ Max Ehrman |
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14 Comments | |
| Tip Of The Month |
Apr 3, 2007 9:10 am
Mood: relieved, 1189 Views | Do you find that at times your PC screen needs a good clean?
Donno if you feel the way I do, but I get very irritated when there are tiny spots on the screen and I have no idea where they come from 
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I just thought of the purrfect solution 
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I keep Moist Towelettes in my bathroom 
They come in a big tumbler, and are actually for cleaning baby's bottom, hehe
But, they are GREAT for cleaning the screen
Just did mine and no more little black dots in between my letters here
Give it a try | |
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12 Comments | |
| Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road? |
Apr 1, 2007 9:27 am
Mood: devious, 1255 Views |  |
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein #1: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
OJ Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
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12 Comments | |
| African Safari |
Mar 31, 2007 6:41 am
Mood: devious, 1226 Views |  | A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees."Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says. "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bull*hit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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14 Comments | |
| Punctuation is Powerful!! |
Mar 31, 2007 1:09 am
Mood: amused, 1833 Views |
An English professor wrote the words:
"A women without her man is nothing"
On the chalkboard he asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A women, without her man, is nothing".
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All the females in the class wrote:
"A women: without her, man is nothing"
What say you? | |
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31 Comments | |
| I Pity the Prosecutor! |
Mar 31, 2007 12:58 am
Mood: bouncy, 1157 Views |  |
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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6 Comments | |
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