| Believing |
May 3, 2007 4:47 am
Mood: crazy, 1707 Views |  | I'm not half the person my dog believes me to be,
but because she keeps believing that I am
I keep trying to be as good as she believes me to be.  |
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11 Comments | |
| Recovery Programme |
Apr 30, 2007 9:13 pm
Mood: experimental, 1616 Views |  | 12-Step Internet Recovery Program:
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
 I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
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12 Comments | |
| ~>~>~>~> Each Life Affects Another <~<~<~<~ |
Apr 28, 2007 5:05 am
Mood: content, 1624 Views |  |
We may not always realize
That everything we do,
Affects our lives
But touches others too.
For a little bit of thoughtfulness
That shows someone you care,
Creates a ray of sunshine
For both of you to share.
Yes, every time you offer
Someone a helping hand…
Every time you have
A kind and gentle word to give…
You help find beauty
In this precious life we live.
For happiness brings happiness
And loving ways bring love;
And giving is the treasure
That contentment is made of.
~by Amanda Bradley~
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14 Comments | |
| Men Complaint |
Apr 25, 2007 4:12 am
Mood: mischievous, 1417 Views | These rules were written by a dear friend of mine and I thought you might be amused by reading them. My reply to the (blue) male rules are in pink
If you gals have a better reply than I, plz feel free to add on. I'm still learning to be a bitch 
We always hear " the rules" from the female side.
Finally, the 'guys' side of the story.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... they are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
Never thought they are, their mind is not open enuf for that, hehe.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Thank goodness  Couldn't handle another complaint
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Have it your way I have my own programme to take care of
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Good, good Rather use my energy on softer grounds 
1. Crying is blackmail.
Hey, those tears have dried up long ago 
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Oh yeah, totally agree with you on that. Say it as it is But can your fragile ego take all that 'honesty'?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Didn't think that the male brain could handle more that that
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
uhmm Not to worry, I can change the tires in a whiffy
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
Now that I think of it, where did I get that headache from?
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
It's a deal !!!!! As long as you remember that as well
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
I rather play U Tarzan me Jane
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
Not to worry, hehe. But don't ask us in the morning "do you think my tummy is flat and my bum is still high?"
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
But of course  Never doubted that for a moment
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
I thought you knew that I am quite self-sufficient? 
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
If there is anything you need while watching your ball game, you know where the fridge is
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
HaHaHaHa ... is that why the thousand of sperms get lost every day? Bcoz they forgot 2 ask 4 directions
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
Neither do I know what Mauve is. Is that an exotic fruit I haven't tried yet?
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
As long as U do that in private, there wont be any objections 
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
Wow!!! Now you're a mindreader
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Didn't you know that on odd days I'm deaf?
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
Good to know. So you don't mind that I wear the backless chiffon dress tonight to your staff party?
1. You have enough clothes.
So do you!!
1. You have too many shoes.
Ditto
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
So is a pumpkin = round 
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
I always knew you like the company of cockroaches from the kitchen that come and camp on the couch at night 
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10 Comments | |
| The Pickle Slicer |
Apr 24, 2007 3:30 am
Mood: giggly, 1469 Views | Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a \bsexo?\b therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
"No Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
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12 Comments | |
| Cleansing |
Apr 24, 2007 1:55 am
Mood: giggly, 1169 Views |  | There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins child and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face." |
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4 Comments | |
| Sinful Behaviour |
Apr 24, 2007 1:49 am
Mood: amused, 1191 Views |  | A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said , "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly
ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
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10 Comments | |
| Just a Little Reminder |
Apr 20, 2007 2:39 am
Mood: thoughtful, 1513 Views |  | ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO.
Marry a someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others; and
Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.
'
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
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24 Comments | |
| Ladies in India |
Apr 19, 2007 3:09 am
Mood: drained, 1454 Views |  | When I visited India the last time, I arrived at the airport, waiting in line at the Immigration check-point for my passport to be stamped.
The wait was for quite some time, and mother nature called quite urgently.
I went back to find some female cleaners to ask where the 'Ladies' are. Well, the first group of cleaners looked at me puzzled not quite know what to make of it. They thought that I lost a group of ladies, and said that they did not see the other ladies
So I went to another cleaner, and ask "could you please show me where the 'Powder Room' is? (thinking, maybe the British expression would be better understood). To which she responded "we don't have powder, maybe you try the pharmacy"
Ok I thought, lets try and make this as simple as possible. Trying to find yet another lady who might be able to help. I am too shy to ask a man
Finally I found a Indian women dressed in a beautiful sari, and asked her if she knew where the 'Restrooms' are. To which she replied very concerned "are you not feeling well? Shall I call for a doctor?" Oh dear God I need to P so desperately.
Nearly wetting my pants, I gave it a last attempt and found a male cleaner (hey, by that time I really couldn't care less as long as I could find the place!!). I mean I was REALLY desperate by then. Asking him 'do you know where the ladies toilets are?' He pointed behind me where it clearly said TOILETS with the little female siluette, phew what a relieve that was ... and what a relieve it was to get in and out as fast as I could
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10 Comments | |
| Life is Short |
Apr 17, 2007 12:10 am
Mood: loved, 1543 Views |
They say
It takes a minute
to find that special person,
An hour
to appreciate them.
A day
to love them.
But then
an Entire life
to forget them.
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16 Comments | |
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