| Another Blonde |
May 17, 2007 10:33 am
Mood: bitchy, 1886 Views |  |
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer.
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
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28 Comments | |
| Girl's First Time |
May 14, 2007 9:31 pm
Mood: naughty, 1980 Views |  |
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
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'
Excuse me, what were you thinking? |
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16 Comments | |
| ~*~*~*~ Different Customs ~*~*~*~ Different Laws ~*~*~*~ |
May 9, 2007 4:03 am
Mood: confused, 2028 Views |  | Every country has their own peculiar laws, and only the lawmakers know the reason for it 
Here are a few that I found peculiar 
1)
In Eureka, Nevada, USA, it is still illegal for men with moustaches to kiss women.
2)
In Alexandria, Minnesota, USA, it is still illegal for a man who has garlic, onions or sardines on his breath to have zex with his wife.
3)
In Logan County, Colorado, USA, it is still illegal to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
4)
In Providence, Rhode Island, USA, it is still illegal for shop owners to sell toothpaste and toothbrushes to the same customer on a Sunday.
5)
In Zion, Illinois, USA, it is still illegal to offer cigars to your pets.
6)
In St. Louis, Missouri, USA, it is still illegal for firemen to rescue women who are still in their nightdresses.
7)
In Ames, Iowa, USA, it is still illegal for men to have three sips of beer while they are in bed with their wives.
8
In Maryland, USA, it is still illegal for radio stations to play Randy Newman's song 'Short people'.
9)
In Oklahoma, USA, it is still illegal to make faces at a dog, a crime that could result in a prison sentence.
10)
In Texas, USA, criminals are still required to give their victims at least 24 hours oral or written notice giving details of the crime they are about to commit.
11)
In Washington, USA, it is still an offence to pretend that you have rich parents.
12)
In Baltimore, Maryland, USA, it is still an offence to take a lion into a cinema.
13)
In Tremonton, Utah, USA, it is still an offence for a woman to have zexual intercourse with a man in an ambulance. She can be charged with a misdemeanour and have her name printed in the local paper.
14)
In Oxford, Ohio, USA, it is still illegal for a woman to undress in front of a picture of a man.
15)
In Miami, Florida, USA, it is still illegal for anyone to imitate an animal.
16)
In Afghanistan the Taliban militia banned women from wearing white socks just in case men find them attractive. The police are also ordered windows to be painted black to stop women being seen from the outside.
17)
In the USA impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 states.
18
In Illinois, USA, it is against the law to give a lighted cigar to a pet.
19)
In Iowa, USA, it is against the law to kiss for more than five minutes.
........... ...........
20)
In International Falls, Minnesota, USA, it is against the law for a dog to chase a cat up a telegraph pole and dog owners can be fined for this.
21)
In Kentucky, USA, it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
22)
In Minnesota, USA, it is against the law to hang male and female underwear on the same washing line.
23)
In Singapore it is against the law to speak at Speakers Corner without a licence and a written approval of what is going to be said.
Have a happy carefree day 
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19 Comments | |
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| Say a Little Prayer |
May 6, 2007 12:04 pm
Mood: amused, 1753 Views |  | One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
And one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
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4 Comments | |
| Snippets |
May 5, 2007 10:47 pm
Mood: cynical, 1837 Views |  | ؠWhen I was born, I was so surprised I didn't Talk for a year and a half.
ؠJoin the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
ؠI'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
ؠAlways and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
ؠI've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.
ؠThe road to success is always under construction.
ؠI say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
ؠMarriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
ؠWork is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.
ؠWhen everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
ؠBorn free; Taxed to death.
ؠLife is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
ؠSmile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
ؠI love being a writer... What I can't stand is the paperwork.
ؠA printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
ؠThe hardest part of skating is the ice.
ؠThe guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.
ؠIf our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
ؠIf you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
ؠBeat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
ؠIf you can't convince them, confuse them.
ؠIt's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
ؠI couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
ؠHot glass looks same as cold glass.
(Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers) |
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14 Comments | |
| Silver |
May 4, 2007 1:01 am
Mood: mellow, 1778 Views |  | Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fre and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
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8 Comments | |
| Believing |
May 3, 2007 4:47 am
Mood: crazy, 1702 Views |  | I'm not half the person my dog believes me to be,
but because she keeps believing that I am
I keep trying to be as good as she believes me to be. |
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11 Comments | |
| Recovery Programme |
Apr 30, 2007 9:13 pm
Mood: experimental, 1611 Views |  | 12-Step Internet Recovery Program:
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
 I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
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12 Comments | |
| ~>~>~>~> Each Life Affects Another <~<~<~<~ |
Apr 28, 2007 5:05 am
Mood: content, 1619 Views |  |
We may not always realize
That everything we do,
Affects our lives
But touches others too.
For a little bit of thoughtfulness
That shows someone you care,
Creates a ray of sunshine
For both of you to share.
Yes, every time you offer
Someone a helping hand…
Every time you have
A kind and gentle word to give…
You help find beauty
In this precious life we live.
For happiness brings happiness
And loving ways bring love;
And giving is the treasure
That contentment is made of.
~by Amanda Bradley~
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14 Comments | |
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