| Hold Your Breath |
Jul 19, 2008 7:28 am
Mood: giggly, 27 Views |  | With all this financial panicking going on, President Bush held a press conference and told everyone to 'take a deep breath.'
That’s good advice.
The economy’s tanking, and he’s giving a lamaze class. Take a deep breath. Isn’t that what he told people in New Orleans when the water was rising? Just take a deep breath now! Try to hold it as long as you can.
-Jay Leno |
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4 Comments | |
| Ed Zachary Disease |
Jul 15, 2008 3:09 am
Mood: naughty, 134 Views |  | A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any seks in quite some time.
She was afraid there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a seks therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese seks therapist Dr. Chang.
So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.'
The woman did as she was told.
'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'
Again the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.'
So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your plobrem vewy bad.You haf Ed Zachary disease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf seks or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr. Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied,
'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ar-se.'
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19 Comments | |
| *~ My New-found Love ~* |
Jul 10, 2008 7:09 am
Mood: happy, 161 Views |  | I have recently returned to my knitting pleasure.
I wasn't going to knit again at this time as I have lots of other things to do. But when I was at the haberdashery shop (love going to that big store which gives me so many inspirations), and was about to pay for the little things I picked up, I noticed this pile of beautiful lavender and deep purple Sexy tuff sticking out from underneath all the other lovely coloured wool far in the distance. It was just calling me 'take me home, take me home!!', and I just couldn't resist taking 10 slings (?) of the supersoft Merino wool home with me (quite pricey I must admit  ).
As I couldn't remember if I still had the super big knitting needles from yesteryear, I picked up a size 10 of them, and some super fat crochet needles as well in case I need to tidy the edges with crochet stitches.
Patterns .... who needs patterns  Have knitted since I was nine and knitted all my dolly's clothes during summer school vacation. When I was a teenager, I organised a knitting competition with my friends, and I knitted one of those BIG jackets with a high collar, in very thick ivory coloured wool, but no pattern. It turned out really nice, and became my favourite jacket for spring, autumn and winter (I still have that jacket, hehe).
As soon as I got home with my new-found-love, I could hardly wait to roll up the slings into balls and start knitting. But the question was ... what to knit? I mean this IS the tropics, it's always hot and humid. I can't very well knit a pullover or a beret  So I started off with 120 slings, thinking .... maybe I should knit an Afghan. I could use it when I lie in my massage chair, or when I have a siesta on Sundays  . That would be nice.
Now I just hope that the knitting needles are long enough to hold 120 stitches, as the knitting is getting heavier with each row.
Will take a picture of it when it's completed and post it here for you to see.
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16 Comments | |
| How Long Has It Been? |
Jul 8, 2008 9:41 am
Mood: devious, 230 Views |  | An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you've been with a woman?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to spend some time with him. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(Gotta love military time!)
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22 Comments | |
| ~* Living Life *~ |
Jul 3, 2008 5:10 am
Mood: exanimate, 257 Views |  | If I had to live my life again,
I'd make the same mistakes,
only sooner.
Tallulah Bankhead |
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22 Comments | |
| ~* The Meaning of Friendship *~ |
Jun 28, 2008 8:32 am
Mood: peaceful, 298 Views |  | A friend is someone who believes in you when you have stopped believing in yourself.
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Friendship is not a two way road... it's a one way road travelled by two people together - hand in hand.
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Best friends never tell each other they are best friends, they just know.
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If I could give you one gift, my friend, I'd give you the gift to see yourself as others see you, so you could see how special you really are.
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
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It's funny how someone can come in and out of your life so quickly, yet leave footprints and memories in your heart forever.
Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
Friendship often ends in love........ But love in friendship - never ...
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To love is nothing ... To be loved is something ... To love and be loved is everything...
Don't marry a person you can live with... Marry someone you cannot live without.
Kindness in words creates confidence.... Kindness in thinking creates profoundness... Kindness in giving creates love....
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"Love" One word that frees us of all the weight and pain in life ...
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The measure of love is when you love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that you meet the person you love and loves you in return. So once you have it, don't ever let go, chance may not come your way again.
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It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.
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We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.
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16 Comments | |
| Memories of Yesteryears |
Jun 19, 2008 5:08 am
Mood: nostalgic, 315 Views |  | Do you remember ... yeah I know it's a song, but I'm not putting any songs here today. I was just wondering what else you remember from long time ago 
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
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14 Comments | |
| ^~^ Daffinitions ^~^ |
Jun 15, 2008 9:10 am
Mood: giggly, 347 Views |  | These fit so well, they should be in a dictionary!
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
and MY Personal Favorite!!
WRINKLES:
Something other people have,
similar to my character lines.
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6 Comments | |
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| The Key to Success |
Jun 14, 2008 10:12 pm
Mood: thoughtful, 393 Views |  | Someone asked me yesterday at the seminar what the key to all success was. I think they didn't actually expect an answer, but I immediately fired the answer back to their astonishment.
The key to all success is learning and growth.
The reason that this is the key to all success is because in any rewarding venture that takes longer than a few hours to complete, you almost always do things you've never done before. So in order to succeed, you must learn something
you didn't know before you started in order to achieve your desired outcome. Can't figure out a thorny challenge? Then no success. Figure it out? You get to keep going!
So to succeed wildly in life, you must have a passion for learning. That is why I continue to be more and more fascinated with the work I do.
Because even though we are now into our 20th year of developing thought and behavior modification programs that are being used throughout the world, I am still very much
connected with the feelings that most people have about their ability to change their thoughts, about what they think mental training is, about how most people feel that they are "set" in their ways of feeling and acting... that they can't change what they think or do.
...To me, this is similar to when I was a kid. Any other kids who played on school sports teams competing against my school were seen as the enemy. Nothing more. Because my whole world basically ended at the borders of our school
district. Everything else was unknown.
Those competing enemy combatants were seen as evil. We were "the good guys." I guess I watched too many cartoons as a kid... Pretty funny, looking back on that.
And it's the same with our adult behaviors and our individual belief systems.
Your beliefs (all the things you accept as true), are what guide all your decisions and behaviors.
So if, let's say, while a friend of yours is driving you both to a party, you believe a bunch of your friends are going to be there, you are in a good mood, anticipating seeing them all and having a good time.
But when you arrive, you see that your friends are NOT there! And not only that, a few people you absolutely hate are there. So your state of mind instantly goes down the drain.
So the point is, if you knew ahead of time your enemies Were going to be at the party and that your friends Were Not going to be at the party, your mood would have been different as you drove to the party. In fact, you would have decided not to go at all. You would have changed your
plans entirely.
Either way, your decisions and actions were based on what you believed in the moment.
This is what happens when we have faulty and disempowering thoughts and beliefs about yourself, your value, your capabilities and your "world" around you.
When you think you can do something you have never done, you will attempt it. And you might even excel at it.
If, however, you heard that the last person who tried the thing you are thinking about doing got killed, you will probably doubt your own chances of success. And you'll probably say, "Thanks but no thanks."
But other people who've done it before successfully, could think, "But he made this mistake and that mistake. I won't make those same mistakes. Let's GO!"
This mental pattern is called confidence or certainty. It reflects a lack of doubt. It is one of the 11 core mental success patterns.
And the coolest thing is, just like any knowledge or skill, confidence can be learned.
Yup. The literal mental formula for confidence comes in the form of dozens and dozens of core, foundational beliefs, thought strings, attitude and finally emotional habits that give a person the ability and desire to take a specific set of actions.
When we created the program we call, Supreme Confidence we identified about 650 thought, belief, attitude, emotion patterns that I call confidence killers.
They stop you in your tracks and make you immediately think, "I cant do it."
These patterns in combination can set your heart a pounding, they make you sweat, they make you tremble, they make you cry.
They make you give up at times when success is a hair away.
These success killing mental patterns are learned and conditioned. That is why they are so dangerous. Because they are believed and defended by all of us who have them.
And they're not all bad, mind you... Sure, many times our lack of faith is justified and actually smart. It can save us from embarrassment, injury, and even death.
But most times, a lack of confidence is just plain wrong.
And it limits us.
Ok, enough serious stuff. Next time I give you something to laugh about |
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