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Meet your Special Someone™
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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
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| Testing |
May 28, 2008 11:02 pm
541 Views |  | The woman slept undisturbed upon the right side of the bed. Her right, not mine. Curled up on her right side, one hand rested under her cheek as she nestled deeper into the comforter.
"Try this one, then. Let's see if it makes any difference which one we put with her." The voice was female although the speaker remained unseen. Hands spread across the keyboard as keys were struck. In the room below, seen dimly through the shadowed glass, a man appeared upon the left side of the bed. He slept beside the woman as if unaware of her presence.
More keys were tapped and she awakened slowly, turning in the bed until she saw the man. Eyes abruptly opened, she rose from the bed and stood, trembling. Now fully wakened himself, the man smiled and held a hand out to her.
"Come back to bed. I'm sure we can think of something to do until it's time to get up."
Head shaking, she left the room.
"Is she not interested, or is it that this is the wrong person? Shall we replay the scene?"
"I'll set it up."
Fingers tapped swiftly and once again the woman rested quietly in the bed. A different man lay tangled in the blankets beside her. Turning in her sleep, her hand reached out to rest upon his chest and she moved closer to his warmth. Her eyes opened slowly as her fingers moved over his skin and she smiled softly as she saw him.
In only moments she was in his arms and again the voice rang out. "Shut it down."
And as the room grew dimmer she smiled softly in her sleep. |
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5 Comments | |
| At Home |
May 28, 2008 10:42 pm
456 Views | It's been hectic. It should be more hectic, but I'm finding myself....less interested in my work than I should be. That's a bad thing. I missed three days of work last week because I was ill....and let's see...a holiday Monday...and I'll take Friday off and work Sunday instead for month-end....sounds like a life of leisure...but it isn't...truly. Still....somehow...I find myself WANTING to be at home.
I love being at the house these days. Yes...there are still mountains of work to do...and prolly always will be....and I'm enjoying it. I haven't played my video game in more than a week....I'm rarely on the computer...I am watching more television...but it's nearly all from the DIY Network...and I really love the show Wasted Spaces....I get lots of cool ideas from that show.
I went to dinner last night with my boss and two corporate execs from Calgary. It was an amazingly relaxed evening. One of the ladies and I hit it off immediately and were chatting away like best friends within minutes. The other was more reserved...but only marginally. I loved the conversations about American politics...the company...just our differences and similarities in outlook.
Tonight was a Turnaround dinner. I'm about tired of eating restaurant food...although I loved the Thai food yesterday....of course...I haven't been making any kind of real meals for myself either. I have to work on that. I seem to stay too busy to worry about it until my blood sugar drops and I'm getting light-headed...ok...more light-headed than usual.
I missed a couple of calls tonight...I'll return them this weekend....sorry. I did, however...speak with Kelly for awhile. Amazingly...the Von Crap Family Singers sang me a song filled with all the possible alternative words for.....bodily wastes....I'm pretty sure Kelly should gag her son when I'm on the phone....but I had to laugh at their silliness. I volunteered a few words I thought they missed...you know...pucky...pooh....whatever...they say they didn't miss them. Yeah right...whatever.
Oh yeah...I didn't start out here...I'm so pleased to find myself eager to get home at night. I'm still not going to bed early...which I need to work on...and I need to get back to my homework...but I love the feeling of peace in this place...and I love coming home eager to hear a special voice....and I just find myself loving life. It's a great change from the days when I would find myself getting depressed on the way home....and one I hope only grows as time passes.
What a beautiful way to end a day....at peace...at home. | |
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| Words We Cannot Say |
May 27, 2008 11:43 pm
666 Views |  | I am so…hungry tonight. Not lonely….not empty….but wishing on a single glowing star that your heart hears mine as it tells you all I long to say….that your soul whispers words your lips would hide….that your dreams hold me close….as you are held…within mine. Words I cannot say…..words I cannot stop….
You fill my heart with longing for a moment when I look into your eyes….and see…what I will see. Still….that voice which rages within my head cries out that I am not worthy….and cannot be. It is often as if I take a knife and rip that voice from my brain…am I insane? I cannot see…eyes open for the truth….in words we cannot speak.
I’ve come to write my dreams across the skies….so many lies that do confuse the way I feel. Search for what’s real and in your heart you know it’s so….and don’t let go. I hide the truth within the thoughts I dare not share….within each line another word…another hope….until at last I cannot cope and they spill spewing from my fingers….as I dream…..of what could be….you here with me….
My heart…my dream…my love…unseen. |
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17 Comments | |
| Words Unspoken |
May 27, 2008 11:26 pm
581 Views |  | Her words were most impartial
Though unseeing eyes cast flame
A moment meant for fortune
Yet within her thoughts lay shame
So much remained unspoken
Like a curse they filled her head
Until her silence broken
Razors whispered while she bled
No hand reached out to hold her
And no star would light her way
All eyes were turned and haunted
As she stood and had her say
“I’ve loved you for a lifetime
Always knowing you must be
Your heart I’ve held inside me
Eager for the time you’d see
Your love is held imprisoned
Within dreams you’ll never share
A soul walks close beside you
Ever hoping that you’ll dare
An innocence that beckons
Though the mind is wracked with pain
In laughter she’ll conceal it
Always hoping not in vain
In answers never questioned
Hear the songs she’s never sung
Burnt candles yet unlighted
From her soul the truth is wrung
No hands have ever held her
Though she’s twisted in their touch
Nor caring eyes beheld her
Though she’s hungered overmuch
Within her dreams you’ll linger
Always wishing for the chance
And long to learn the rhythm
Feel the pattern of the dance.” |
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7 Comments | |
| What Makes You Amazing...to Me |
May 26, 2008 3:46 pm
676 Views | Have you ever noticed something about a person that just….makes them very special to you? To me, there is something unique and wonderful about each person who comes into my circles. Carolyn lights up a room with the way she smiles, and I have to tell you….her eyes just sparkle with mischief. It’s one of the reasons we make such great friends. Chelle is as naughty as I am and we play off each other brilliantly. One of us will make an innocent statement and the other will immediately run with it and we will both be laughing too hard to talk. Misty and I share a number of perspectives on the world….and spirituality…and her word games sparkle. If you get either of us playing with words, the other will take it to totally new places until we can’t remember how innocently it started. Flame is earthy and practical in lots of ways. I love to listen to her experiences and her advice because she is so very wise in ways I would like to be someday. Her laughter is infectious and she has a sense of naughty to frequently surprises me with delight. Becca comes off so sweet and innocent that you think…when you spring something naughty on her…that you will shock her spitless….but she bounces right into the spirit and you are stunned with her quick repartee. With Cat I discuss all the secrets of the universe, politics, family, growth, spirituality….and…hmmmm…like all these ladies…she has a sense of naughty that jumps right out and bites you….as does Kel…who guides me into places I have only dreamed of being. Amazing ladies. My male friends are just as unique…and just as twisted with wicked senses of humor.
My Sundays are often filled with one phone call after another. Yesterday I spoke to my sister, my brother, Chelle, Flo, Smeagoll, and my daughter. Lots of conversations…each one unique and different….but each one filled with laughter and teasing. We are all of us playful and spirited in different ways. That sense of playful draws me to people. It doesn’t have to be logical…Smeagoll writes totally absurd blogs that just make me giggle at the silliness. Balty writes things that make my eyes pop and my head explode trying to think of ways to top his naughtiness. Bruce makes so much fun of me that I have to laugh and jump right in to snap back. Different….similar….laughter; it may be the laughter that draws me in….but it isn’t the laughter that makes you special to me.
I can’t tell you what Misty looks like, I’ve never seen a picture….but I’ve seen pics of all of Chelle’s family. It doesn’t change how I think of either of them…both are unique and wonderful ladies I admire and love to visit with. It makes no difference to me what you do for a living…some are teachers, some are artists, some have no jobs. What difference does it make to the person you are? I don’t know how any of us live or support ourselves….outside of what we may share. We all earn different salaries, have different lifestyles, decorate our lives differently….and none of that changes anything about us. What each of these people have in common is as unique as they are….each one of these people would bend over backwards to help another. Each one of these people has walked through their own fires and come out the other side to be better, stronger, more caring people. Each of these people gives love openly and generously…even if it is disguised as sarcasm, naughtiness, laughter. Still….in the end…they give of themselves.
I would tell each of these people that I love them with all my heart. It is true of each of them in totally different ways. Most of these ladies are sisters of my heart and there is little any of them could ask that I would not help them with. Bruce is a soul brother of mine without ever knowing it. We share an oddly twisted and wicked sense of humor that allows us to pick at one another without peeling back scabs…without hurt…without anger….we share so much in common that it is as if we were each half of a whole.
Yesterday, I told someone that they amaze me and they told me they were the least amazing person imaginable. Sounded rather like me in that respect. Still, I would say that each person who touches my heart as each of these people do….are amazing. That they came through their private hells to be stronger, more caring people speaks highly for them. That they give love so openly and deeply says even more. They have learned the value of giving of themselves in ways that most people never imagine. I suppose for me…the bottom line that makes each of these people so wonderful….is the person they are inside.
Inside a shell that life has battered against the shores of experience….is a person who glows with light, love, laughter. Each person shares in unique and different ways….some openly speaking of their lives as if they were a lesson to be shared, some private and deeply hidden so that the world cannot know what words will hurt them….yet each opens up and offers of themselves in unexpected places…in unplanned situations….as the spirit moves them to do….and each of them hears…their own spirit sufficiently to be able to do so.
I would tell you that I am the most ordinary and boring of women. In lots of ways that is true…yet many of my friends would tell me that I sparkle with life and intensity…that I vibrate with energy. That is also true. We are none of us obviously different…and yet we are all distinctly different. And what makes you special….what makes me love you….is all in your heart….and I love you….all of you…totally. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Completion - Muse's Poetic Challenge # 15 |
May 26, 2008 8:49 am
606 Views | Completion
Within the vaulted chambers
Muted footsteps softly fall
Where no echoes can be found
Haunted whispers faintly call
A single step was taken
Just a fragile pirouette
The riddle was unspoken
‘Prisoned in an oubliette.
The room was fraught with tension
As the tempo set the mood
Compassion’s scales were leveled
Though her heart remained the food
Confusion was her partner
An arena housed the dance
And many milled around her
Hoping for a second chance
With hope a still companion
In her mind she calmed the fear
And prayed for wisdom granted
For the one she could hold dear
In innocence he circled
Reached the final perigee
Attention never faltered
Though the room hushed hastily
His fingers held her steady
As he led her from her seat
Her fate was cast that moment
In his arms she was complete | |
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5 Comments | |
| Total Chaos |
May 25, 2008 8:11 am
650 Views | I'm feeling rather overwhelmed right now. I can't begin to believe the sheer quantity of work that needs to be done. I really thought I had a handle on it...and then today I evaluated it more carefully. Can I just shoot myself in the butt with a bazooka and get it over with?
The house has been taking longer to re-organize than I expected. Just as I get one room cleaned, organized, and ready to go....I realize that there's something else in it that needs done. That's the Missy Anal side of me. I can't stand to let go until its finished. Of course...that doesn't stop me from starting the next part of the work. That's cause I'm STUPID. lol....
So...while working on getting the dining room where I want it, I decided to go ahead and paint the china cabinet. Not a bad thing....but probably way earlier than I should have started it. So now I have dishes all over the table and cabinets....the whole...you know...three cabinets I have....and the china cabinet is beautiful blue...and I'm just giving it a day or so to make sure the paint is set up....so...let's try some small tasks. How about we put the new house numbers on the house? They've only been in the garage for a year waiting to be put up.
Out to the garage...get the house numbers...oh yeah...aluminum siding...need to pre-drill the holes....where are those drill bits? In the back of the garage....I can't get to them cause the garage is a disaster area. Ok...let's organize the garage...and I started...and very quickly got overwhelmed. I need to....no...I should do this first...oh hold on...you forgot this...and finally I threw my hands up in the air and retreated in defeat to the house.
My sis called to walk me through how to hook up a battery charger....my car is dead as a doornail due to some ignorant woman who left the lights on for two days. Hmmm...don't know who that could be. I could call Roadside Assistance...but then...while I was out in the garage...I found a battery charger. Bet he didn't realize he left that here. Seems like a better thing to learn how to use it. Of course...it's the electrical stuff that freaks me out.
So..."positive to positive". How do I know which is positive? "It's all red." Ok. Got it. "Negative to negative." Got it. "Plug it in." Ummm...wait a minute. There are settings on this thing. 6 volt or 12 volt? My brother-in-law says 12 volt. K. Trickle or maximum power? "Well duh....I'm guessing if your battery is dead, you want maximum." Ok. Hold on...I'm going to plug it in. First I have to unbury the extension cord. Got it.
I pull the charger as far from the car as I can....and then the cord as far from all of it as I can...and tentatively plug it in. No explosions. Oh yeah...I have to turn it on. I don't want to. What if I did it wrong? "Just turn the flipping thing on." Ok....don't yell. Lean over as far as I can and push the button. On...
"Did it explode?"
No, I'm still here.
"Retard."
Thanks.
Think I'll be brave enough to do it next time?
I think it's time to back up a bit....slow down...take one thing at a time...and stop thinking about everything that's still not done. The garage will still be there when the house is organized. It may drive me insane climbing over all the crap....and I may not be able to really work on the house until it's organized...which is giong to make me nuts cause I only have so much warm weather to work in....but....when too much is disorganized...I feel chaotic and I can't function well. It just flat out stops me in my tracks and I feel...totally overwhelmed. So...if I don't back up...nothing is going to get accomplished...or finished. One thing at a time little butterfly. It doesn't have to all be done today.
Patience is a virtue. Anybody got some to spare? | |
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4 Comments | |
| Celebrate WE |
May 24, 2008 2:27 am
634 Views | 5m - 7 = 13. It started with a simple equation.
5m = 20. As the equation resolved, so did a great many thoughts within her head. m = 4. Right. It's all so right. She loved the feeling. Simplicity at its best. The ability to recognize truth in unexplored solutions.
There was an echo in her heart as she thought of being wanted...even for so simple a task. Will you help me? Can you? Do you mind? It didn't have to be anything critical; she didn't have to be responsible for anyone or anything; she didn't need to find answers for anyone. Just help. Please. Thank you.
It was light-hearted; a moment that simply was with no ulterior purposes or thoughts. The day had been filled with activity and had not yet ended, but the break was peaceful and made her feel a part of something more; something outside herself. She had been wrapped up in herself for too long. It was time to step outside that box.
Time had taken that sensation from her as those who truly wanted her had moved forward in life and left her behind. It was the natural way of things that children should grow up and leave their homes. Still, being the one left behind was a lonely feeling. She often wondered if there were any remaining purpose for her life.
Just a woman passing through. Your time has come and gone and now you simply are. Existence is not always worthwhile for only the sake of existence. She believed in something deeper, something more. But time had left her standing on the corner with no destination yet in sight.
2k - 3 = 7. Justification in the voice of a child she could only imagine knowing. An innocent heart as yet untouched by those nightmares that often change the person who we are. It was a sad realization that she could only justify her reality in the countenance of another. Even so, there was a sense of rightness in the understanding. We are not meant to be here for ourselves. There is no we in I, yet there is I in we.
2k = 10. Each of us, in our turn, are meant to share the knowledge we have gleaned with those who can take that knowledge to the next level. Her time had come and gone and she was unlikely ever to complete the next phase, yet there was one who could...one who might...one who needed to be shown a light...and one she wished to see progress beyond their own imaginings. Reach out and touch a heart.
k = 5. Within our passage, step by step; within our longings, day by day....there must always be a gift we give outside ourselves. Promote learning, promote dreams, promote love....celebrate we. | |
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10 Comments | |
| On Your Special Day..... |
May 22, 2008 9:49 am
700 Views |  | In a perfect world, no one would ever question their self-worth. In a perfect world, each of us would walk in confidence and security, knowing that we are loved, valued, treasured above all else. Tiana, on this special day....for my beautiful girl...I wish you only the knowledge...that you are loved beyond words, valued beyond price, treasured as the greatest gift in my life.
It is a strange moment to see you turn 25 and to reflect on the passage of time...both for you...and for me. You stand on brinks I have stood upon. I hope you always feel confident of your decisions....and strong enough to make those decisions. The woman you are today....is an amazingly loving and beautiful woman. Your soul glows with the light you cast onto all in your circle....and I am so very proud of you.
Remember always to draw strength and guidance from those who truly love you....yet to use that strength and guidance to walk your own path. You are a trail-blazer in your own right.
Happy Birthday, baby.....the gift of your life....the gift of your presence....the gift of the light you bring....has highlighted my life for 25 years. You are...and always will be....a joy...to all who know you.
I love you.
Mom |
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13 Comments | |
| The Nut Case |
May 20, 2008 11:33 pm
723 Views | Two unexpected gifts. I know I've written about one before....several years ago I had an unusual experience. As a child, I had received an injury that should have killed me. Like all people who receive injuries of this caliber, I had always wondered why I lived through the accident. Why had I been allowed to live....when most people would have died? What was it I was living for?
One night....I had crawled into a hot bath and allowed the heat of the water...and the scent of the lavender to relax me totally. As I sat there absently focusing on nothing....I suddenly knew....what my purpose was; not in brilliant clarity with every detail outlined....but the job I was supposed to complete before my time ended. The job really doesn't matter here and now...I will know when I have done it.
The experience was....fascinating, elating, confusing, frightening...and I called Kelly...just to ask her if I was losing my sanity. A long discussion later...I knew I was not...but I really wasn't a lot closer to where I needed to be. Time has given me further information...but still....I do not know every detail of what I am to do.
I think it is meant to be that way. We must make choices in life. If we knew what our purpose was...fully...we would either do it or not do it...but we would learn nothing from it. By making the choices we make everyday...we either move closer to completing that task...or further away. We cannot be forced to complete it...only guided...and allowed to choose for ourselves. I have chosen to take the steps I believe I am meant to take to complete this task...which certainly doesn't mean I will always make the right choices....or that I will ever achieve my goal.
Have you decided I am nuts yet?
The past few weeks have been...stressful...and stressfree....wonderful and filled with laughter....and hauntingly sad and strangely frightening. It's a mixed bag as life often is. There are stresses related with tackling life on your own...although those stressors are substantially less than the ones I faced living with my ex. There is a certain amount of loneliness...but it is not nearly as bad as I feared it would be. I am happier....more satisfied...and each day...I build a little more self confidence and self-esteem...two things I have sorely lacked.
I have a number of strange insecurities. I have felt...as if I were worthless...for most of my life....unacceptable...unpresentable...unlovable. It's very difficult to step back from those beliefs I internalized...and learn to believe in myself. I've had a lot of help. Kelly and Flo call regularly to make sure I am ok...to make sure I am not lonely....to make sure I haven't stupidly jumped off the roof of the house (ok, I made that up).
They aren't the only people who call regularly...but they certainly keep the phone lines hopping. Still....at the end of the day...when I crawl into bed...I wish....very hard...that I could hear his voice just one more time as I drift into sleep...that I could feel him closer....that the distance...did not exist. I can't change that. It is what it is until the time is right for it not to be as it is. Convoluted; I know.
Last night I curled up in bed and the dog crawled up on my chest and lay there breathing his stinky puppy breath in my face. Ok, I wanted to die. I did...have you ever smelled puppy breath? Ick. Truly...I simply lay there thinking through the day, planning out the next day...relaxing myself into sleep. At some point...I rolled to the side and curled up under the comforter. I felt a hand on my hip....wrap around my waist and pull me up close against....someone....no one...it just was. I felt my body relax totally and let go...and I drifted into sleep...comforted, loved, safe. I haven't consciously felt unsafe...but it was an element of what I felt last night.
Throughout the night...as I woke and slept....I simply felt....held....and necessary...and protected. And strangely....I realized that I've never felt that way before.
Tonight...as I spoke to Kelly, I got tired of sitting at my desk and went back to curl up under the comforter. I simply lay there and listened to the story Kelly told....and I felt that same hand...pull me close to them...and hold me. It is an amazingly unerving feeling to realize that...even though you thought you were relaxed before...you were not. Now...now...you are relaxed; every muscle in your body has just...let go...and softened. It feels....warm...loved...as if someone had just rolled over in the bed and gathered me close.
Is there someone in my bed? No....and I don't need there to be. Is my house haunted? No...and never has been. Truly....all that I can say is that somewhere...someone...has wrapped me close in their thoughts....and offered love...without asking anything in return. And my heart cries out with the beauty of it.
To the universe....to those who care...to everyone...thank you...and I love you, too.
Signed....
The Nut Case | |
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8 Comments | |
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