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Meet your Special Someone™
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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
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| The Gift You Are |
Jun 3, 2008 10:53 pm
506 Views | I feel as if I am dangling from a fine spider web dropped over a waterfall. So much going on in my mind...so much I want to believe...and question in my own heart. So much remains unsaid...a thought in my mind...a question I cannot ask...a dream I cannot reveal. I wonder sometimes if the time will ever come when all will be as it is meant to be...open...free....trusting.
I feel the silences between us and wonder at the chasms we allow to build through unspoken words. I wait for a clue from you that it is allowed...permissible to speak my mind...and yet...afraid that it will be judged harshly...that the words I feel are unwelcome. And so...discretion becomes a watch word and I guard my thoughts carefully lest I spill out my joy.
I hear the hesitation in your own thoughts and think about the moments in which you have been...open...freely sharing each thought as it occurs to you. I remember the laughter as you tell me things you've never dared before...and wish....that you would dare again...take that step and share with me. Still, a door partially opened remains a door opened.
I wish I knew what words to speak to give you confidence. I wish I knew what words I wait to hear to take the next step myself. There are no hidden agendas or clues...only two people feeling their way along a path riddled with shadows in which could lay hidden traps. We try to avoid those traps, but in doing so...we also avoid taking that risk that allows us to step closer to the light.
Have I told you that you are a light for me? You light my world with the burnished glow of the evening sun; colors transcendent and beautiful as they unfold across the darkening sky. You light my world with laughter and love...and the colors that glow within my heart as I feel my way, step by silent step....into a place of comfort and security.
Trust...not an issue...still an issue. Is it strange that I would trust you with my life...with all that matters to me...and be so fearful of the words I may speak? I wish I knew what fears tied your hands...what experiences hold you back from sharing...what longings reside unexpressed...within a heart that cares so deeply...within a soul that holds so closely. I wish....I could express...the gift you are to me. | |
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4 Comments | |
| A Moment Out of Time |
Jun 2, 2008 10:38 pm
536 Views | The wind howls in sudden rages that infiltrate the house. It is so loud that I can barely hear my own thoughts. This was an evening of rain and thunder...I so dislike the sound of thunder. Much like my animals, I just want to bury my head and not hear the sudden booms.
Strangely, lightning excites me. I could sit and watch it for hours...as long as I am inside and well away from it. My blood pulses wildly in time with the strange pulses of light and I am drawn into a place where time stands still and all that moves are the passions in our souls. I love this place.
It is rather like a well warmed cavern in which the only sound is the sound of your heartbeat; the only sensation is the touch of your skin; and the only vision is that of flowing red passionate need. Red is not a color of anger for me...but one of intense, heated passions. Still...it is a color I prefer to experience in my mind rather than in the rooms about me.
As you read these words, can you imagine the pulsations of my heart beating....faster and faster in time with your own as our lips meet and skin brushes against skin? Can you feel your own veins dancing in time to the rhythm established by hunger? My soul cries out for your touch as much as I long to feel your skin, hot and so taut, beneath my fingers. It is a music of its own and we celebrate life as we move to its beat.
There is a heat that begins in the place you first touch and radiates through my skin. It inflames my mind as much as my body until I cannot think beyond the moment; beyond the need; beyond you. I search for a semblance of sanity, but it is out of my reach within the swirling sensations of your voice, your laughter, the whispered urging that we share.
A misted rain of flame that titillates my skin until it is no longer part of me...but all of me...my heart, my body, my desires bound into one place, one need...one instant out of time....when you are mine...and we are all... | |
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2 Comments | |
| Getting it in order |
Jun 2, 2008 8:36 pm
566 Views |  | The picture is what it looks like behind my television. It's very typical of everything I'm finding in this house...and it's making me crazy. I rented National Treasure 2...and found that I couldn't play it on either DVD.
I tried to sort through the cables....but I haven't yet traced more than two of them to the source...and I haven't gotten either DVD player working. I'm trying to figure out why I need two DVRs....and two DVDs attached to the television. Doesn't it make more sense to attach one of each in one of the guest rooms?
I have no clue how to set this stuff up....but I think I can trace the wires and figure it out. I hope so...otherwise I might as well cancel my satellite as well as forget to rent videos. It isn't that I watch television often, but I do watch it occasionally...more when I am watching the DIY network. I also occasionally like to play video games....it's why I bought a fairly wide screen plasma television...to get great graphics on my games. Hasn't really worked that way.
This is why I am so frustrated all the time. Picture an entire garage this way. Go down the stairs and into any room down there...and each of those rooms looks like this...or reasonably close. I've been busy trashing tons of stuff...and wondering why every single empty box that ever entered the house...was stored away....empty. I think it's going to take me years to dig out of this mess.
It's funny how much you can avoid seeing when you've kept your eyes closed for years. I can't blame anyone but me....I let it happen. I should have known. I was burying my head in the sand and pretending things would just...be ok.
I need to make a contract with myself. Each day...I will do at least one outside task....and one inside task...until all the tasks are complete. I don't have to do more than one...but I can if I choose...but I do have to finish that one before I move on to another. It isn't that I want to have a ton of unfinished tasks...it's that there are so many....and sometimes I suddenly realise...I need this done before I can finish that. It's very frustrating....but perhaps...if I can live with my personal contract...I can begin to make headway I feel good about...instead of feeling like I am continually slamming my head into a brick wall.
There is no blaming anyone else for what I find. Sure...he chose to do...or not do...what he chose to do...or not do. I chose to pretend everything was going to be all right. My issue in the end. So...moving forward....and getting my world in order...so I can stand to live in it. |
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10 Comments | |
| It's a Man Thing |
Jun 2, 2008 3:29 pm
603 Views | I've got to tell you girls...men think they are funny....until they realize they've just walked into a trap. It always amazes me to see just how fast a man can back-pedal.
We were having a talk today at work..about cutting rebar. It's a piece of metal rod...hmmm...about 3/8 inch in diameter....that's just sticking out of my yard over by the lilac bushes. It has to go because I can't see it when the grass is long...and it makes horrible noises under my lawn mower. Additionally....I can just see a kid running along there and tripping over it. Not good...time to go.
I tried to dig it out. I keep hitting honking big rocks and the rebar just kind of sits there and laughs as me as sweat pours down through my hair. I get a bit...snarky when that happens. I kept pulling on the rebar...but it wasn't budging...so I decided to try standing on it and jumping. It's really not bent enough for that to be effective and rebar across your shins is....memorable. Eventually I gave up...leaving a gaping hole in the side of my property...and a hunk of stupid metal which had...thus far....defeated me.
Today at work...I asked for advice from the men. It was our Maintenance Manager who stepped in the piles I was leaving behind. "Ari, you can get that rebar with a pair of bolt cutters. You can borrow them from the tool crib, but you're going to need someone to cut the rebar. You aren't going to be able to do it yourself."
Excuse me? What retarded words did you just say? I can't do it myself? I look at Michelle who smiles and flexes her muscles and says..."I'll come over and do it for you, Ari." I'm shaking my head in amazement when Butch comes out of his office. He listens to the discussion for a minute...and looks at the Maintenance Manager. "If I was you, I'd back away real slowly and let these two have their way. Just admit that they can do anything that they want and they might let you live. You might mess with any other girl...but these two are trouble and you just stepped in it knee deep."
I peek up at Jack from under my bangs and he smiles as he backs down the hall. "You can do anything you set your mind to, honey....I believe in you." The fact that he laughed all the way down the hall precludes him from being absolved of his sins. We still intend to prove him wrong.
I'm thinking a sledge hammer properly applied will bend this friggin piece of rebar...and if not...it might bend Jack's head just a little...just a little....he's such a....MAN....geez..... | |
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22 Comments | |
| A Simple Step |
Jun 1, 2008 10:27 pm
604 Views | Can you see my moon where you are? Can you feel the silvery glow bathe you in the love I've sent to you? It's a beautiful view as I sit gazing out the window wishing you were here with me.
I can imagine leaning back against you as we sit upon the bench and simply admire the evening sky. The darkness takes my breath away...or is that your touch? I want to turn in your arms and look into your eyes, sharing with you all that is truly me as I absorb all that is truly you. If the eyes are the mirrors of the soul, you are truly a wonderful man.
It's such a small step from there to here...or here to there...such a tiny step and yet...so immense it is as if oceans stand between us. Your life and mine. So many things to consider and I wonder...if you are truly prepared for all that will change if you should step into my world.
I wonder if I am truly prepared.
Eager does not begin to describe how I feel at the thought of you. Your laughter brings me joy, your words bring me hope, your whispers bring me love that wraps me ever warmer in a blanket of tenderness. I can only hope that what I give to you brings you pleasure...brings you all that I would send in a single instant.
It is a simple step, my love...from that place where we are both alone and longing...to the place where dreams are real....and longings...are only the beginning... | |
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16 Comments | |
| Stepping Out |
Jun 1, 2008 10:08 pm
413 Views | My busy life is about to take a huge leap into impossible. Today is the first day of our month-end process. It is also the first day of our turnaround prcess. Turnaround is the period in which we shut the plant down and effect major repairs. So.....lots of costs involved...and I get the honors. I'm really looking forward to it...but a bit intimidated at all I have to do.
I worked today....a regular work day to get things in order for tomorrow. I will have deadlines all day long and no spare time to pull together the data for my afternoon meeting. So....a regular work day but I have to break off my work at 1 to prepare for the meeting. A meeting each day at 4...and then I can go home and work on the house...and my schoolwork...which I haven't been doing. I'll also be working weekends through the month. It's a requirement.
There's a lot to do around here...not just at work, but also at the house. I'm trying to get my yard cleaned up and in order for the summer...and plant a couple of small gardens...very small....I don't have the time to do a big one.
I'm also trying to get my house...just plain in order. It seems that no matter how much I do...there is always more. I have a number of guests coming this summer...so I am trying to get the house in order...and to get the guest rooms fixed up nicely.
It's going to be hectic for a time...and maybe for longer. I'm probably not going to be around as much....and I know I have already cut back a lot. The truth is....that I have much less time to blog...because I need to live. Isnt' that a strange concept?
So excuse me...while I step into my life....and wish you were all here with me. | |
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2 Comments | |
| The Word Around Town..... |
Jun 1, 2008 4:03 pm
503 Views | My neighbor just came by to visit me. I guess I needed the break...I'm totally soaked from mowing the lawn anyway. I really like playing with that rotary mower....for a little bit, anyway.
So....here she comes. "Hi Ari."
"Hey..."
"You know, you sure go awful fast on that lawn mower."
"I do? Huh, I haven't even gotten it up to the top speed yet. It's kind of fun."
"It is? But isn't it dangerous to go that fast?"
"Dangerous? To who?"
"To you. What if you turn a corner too fast and get thrown off it."
"Hmmm...never thought about that. It's nice of you to warn me."
"So...you know...it looks like Mer moved out."
"It does? You think people figured since his truck isn't here...he must not be here?"
"Well, no one's seen him around for a few weeks, and you've been working on the yard."
"Yes, I really enjoy getting out and riding that instant vibrator."
"Ari." Embarassed giggle.
"What?"
"You know, people are saying Mer left cause you wouldn't have sex with him."
"They are? Wow...how did they know? Do you know how long it's been since I've had sex? Ten years. So....they were right. I'm impressed that they figured it out so quickly."
"But, I thought you were....that new age religion."
"I am."
"I thought you guys had sex in all kinds of places; with lots of people."
"You did? Really? That's those silly stories we put out so people won't know how conservative we are. You know, we are actually more conservative than most Christians. We just don't like to advertise it. It keeps the numbers down."
"Are you teasing me?"
"Oh no, I would never do that. Honestly....go ask any Wiccan; they'll tell you. And we only have sex maybe four tiimes a year. It's kind of a sin to have it more often. I mean....what's the purpose? Once you've tried four times, you know you aren't going to get pregnant. See, I had to quit having sex when I entered menopause. I can't get pregnant...so I can't have sex." Big huge sigh. "It really sucks when you get menopause early."
"I had no idea. We all thought you guys met in groups and had sex all together."
"You mean something like the key club here in town?"
After she turned all red, she was in a hurry to leave. Some people are so gullible. Wonder what they'll be saying in town about me next...lol.... | |
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14 Comments | |
| A Helper? |
May 31, 2008 2:40 pm
462 Views | I called my ex today. That's an exercise in futility. Let's see...he's bored, unhappy, not getting along with his friend, broke...and supposedly...the police are looking for him. Seems he thinks I like that "bad boy" image. Instead, it makes me feel sick. At 52 you should be a bit more mature. Look who's talking...lol.
I was looking for the circular saw. I've decided to build a platform bed for my guest room and I'm really fighting with the table saw. We are not friends. I figured that to do crosscuts on some 2x10 pieces of wood, the circular saw might be more Ari-friendly...but I can't find it anywhere. So....a phone call.
"Do you know where the circular saw is?"
"Why?"
"I'd like to use it to cut some boards."
"I told you that you can't use it. You aren't strong enough and you will cut your fingers off with it."
"Excuse me. I think that's my decision. Do you know where the circular saw is?"
"Yeah, I brought it with me. I knew you'd try to use it."
"How is it more dangerous than the table saw?"
"If you use it wrong, it kicks back."
"And the table saw doesn't? Whatever....thanks very much."
So...another day at the hardware store...sigh....
At the hardware store I asked them what kind of saw would do....and I listed everything I have in mind for the immediate future.
"Your table saw."
"Oh. Ok. I suck at the table saw."
Try this blade for this...and this blade for this...and raise the table saw an inch so that your wood fits better on the work bench beside it.
"Ok; that's going to help?"
"It's not going to hurt. What you really need is a helper."
"What kind of helper?"
"You know...the kind that holds the other end of the wood and moves it for you."
"Well sure, that would be helpful, but I don't have one so I need a solution that works for me."
"Hey so-and-so.....Ari needs a helper to build a bed. I know you want to help....."
The poor guy went beet red. I was pretty embarassed myself.
"Ummmm...well....you know...a helper is a wonderful thing, but I'm trying to learn how to do this stuff myself...without leaning on anyone else." And to the person who says I am too proud and stubborn to ask for help.....bite me.
So the poor embarassed guy....who has no real alternatives...offers to let me call him when I need help.
"I appreciate that....I do. You are so sweet to offer...but I really do want to learn how to do this myself.."
"Well...let me give you my phone number...or...I could stop by on my way home from work...."
Some days....it's just easier to lay it all on the line.
"You know....it's very generous of you...since my boyfriend can't be here to help me...."
Amazing how fast people can change their story.
"Oh yeah...I forgot...I have to go to my mother's house for dinner tonight."
"Thanks for offering." | |
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14 Comments | |
| Waiting.... |
May 31, 2008 12:11 am
575 Views |  | Wondering....why things happen the way they do.
Wishing...I could make everything you dream of come true.
Longing...for the moment I can look into your eyes...and see you.
Sending...love and laughter to each and every one of you....and especially....to you.
It is what it is...and what is meant to be, will be.
Searching for a modicum of patience....for I have none...when it comes to waiting... |
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18 Comments | |
| A Single Word |
May 30, 2008 1:11 am
557 Views |  | It was a single tear that led the torrent down her cheeks. A solitary droplet lazily wandering the soft skin of her face. Such a tiny precursor and she was puzzled as to its source.
She'd spent much time in laughter and her mood had been high. Still, as she folded the laundry, warm from the freshly ended drying cycle, she heard the words come back yet again. Over and over they played in her head; just one word that could destroy all her hard-earned equanimity.
"Words have power only if you allow them to have that power," the teacher had told her. Truth, yet only a portion of the truth. How do we heal from those things that make us feel less? How do we let go of the pain that arises when those things are used to hurt us? The answers should be simple, but often, simplicity is an illusion...or is that complexity? I often confuse the two.
"Let it go." Her heart whispered softly in the silence of the room. "Let it go; consider the source. Words have power only if you allow them to have power. It was meant to be cruel and it was. Let it go."
So many voices, each with their own advice, each with their own truth. "You have to be tougher; you have to remember that the words were said to wound; don't let the evil win; some people are just evil; let it go; why do you listen to the words; why do you let words hurt you; you are too sensitive." Still, no easy solution suggested itself.
"Think positively." She spoke out loud as if another person stood beside her and advised. "I am so grateful for all I have been given. I am grateful for....." What was she grateful for? "...all I have been given...all I have given...all that was taken..." Ah...a fruitless path and one she must avoid. It would be easy to fall into the trap of self-pity. The words were meant to wound; to bring her to her senses and force her to realize how without value she was. No wounding woiuld be allowed. Let it go.
"Does he think you are beautiful? Did you convince him that you were?"
"I am not beautiful so that would be a worthless conviction, wouldn't it?"
"You know what will happen when..."
"Enough. Let it go. Don't speak to me again."
"No one could ever want you, you know. You and your...."
The word twisted her soul and she felt it as it shattered. She gathered the broken shards and forced them into some semblance of the person she had been mere moments before.
"I can't believe you said that. If you hate me so much, why do you speak to me?"
"I don't hate you. I just want you to see."
"See this...there is nothing you have to offer; nothing I want; nothing I will ever give you. Step away from the door, this bus is moving on."
The words he spoke then had no power to hurt her, she had heard them so many times before. But the new word...sat with her and whispered into her heart in any instant when the house fell silent. As it twisted in her heart its razored barbs slashed at the tender flesh.
"I can be strong. Your words have no power to hurt me. You have no power to hurt me. Words have only the power I allow them. I allow your words no power."
Her mind fled from the hideous word and she turned her thoughts to the one who brought light streaming into her world. Remembered laughter soothed her spirit and she smiled wryly at his light-hearted taunting. She wished that she could carry the sound of his voice into her sleep, the touch of his hand, the warmth of his kiss, the look in his eyes as.....
Understanding often comes too late to prevent what will be. Her thoughts could turn from the words as easily as she could will it, yet still, the residue remained. She was unworthy, she was untouchable, she was.....a single word... |
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