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Ari-Wood
  

Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........

All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.

******


The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.


My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry

Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life

Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use

Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness

Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
Title View |
And so we pray.......... Aug 9, 2007 10:52 pm
1426 Views
For this one night, I would ask only for heart's peace. Let no anger nor pain enter my world. Let no sorrow fill my heart. Let my night be filled with joy and love; let my heart be held tenderly; let the past blend with the present and guide our hearts to one place. For this one moment...for this brief time...let us all feel the love our souls cry out for. Let us all feel needed, admired, desired. Let our emptiness be filled...for this one moment in time.

Lord and Lady, I thank you for all you have given me this day. May I always be grateful for your generosity...may your gifts always fall short of my complete satisfaction. Let me find my way to that which I need...and work my way to that which I only want. Please guide me so that the choices I make are right and true...and so that I honor these choices fully. Teach me to be...all that I can be.
27 Comments
Were You - Spitfire's Poetic Challenge #1 Aug 9, 2007 10:31 pm
989 Views
Were you with me when I danced
Beneath starry skies
Soundless with need
Absent of resolution
Were you looking through my eyes
As sullen candlelight
Flickered into life
A moment's hesitation
Were you speaking through my words
Written as I cried
Wanton hunger's life
For endless absolution
Were you wandering my dreams
Hurting in my place
Your smile on my face
Hearts share love's emotions.
3 Comments
Defining Needs Aug 8, 2007 8:52 pm
1110 Views
Tonight I took some time for me. I haven't done this for awhile and I simply decided I needed some time alone...to think, to feel, to commune with all that I believe in. So, I went down to the reservoir. It's rather low this year, being in the midst of a drought and all...but still lovely.

Any body of water is my closest connection to the Universe...to all that I cherish and depend upon. And so, I walked. And as I walked, I thought. And after a time or two, she spoke.

"You have done well."

I have done little but bare my soul to you.

"That is the most difficult task."

It is not difficult; it is natural with you. I always feel comfortable when you hear my tears.

"I heard many tears. And then I heard you choke them back. Much you have not released."

When the time is right, it will be right. Most is now revealed. Most is now healed. Moments still reside that have great pain attached. Yet, I do not allow them to consume me.

"No, you have moved past that. But if you do not release what is in your heart, still you will not be whole."

I will be whole when the time is right. You guide me on this path and I sense that you hoped I would take the final step. Yet Lady, sometimes the gap is still too far and I am afraid of falling.

"Should you fall, I will catch you. This is my promise to you and I have kept it."

You have. It binds me to you heart and soul. I walk ever in your light praying to be worthy of your love.

"You are worthy, child. All are worthy. Not all choose to feel the light of love bathe them. Not all choose to accept it. Not all seek to grow within it. This you have chosen. Continue on your path. All I may do is guide you. Beyond that, you must choose as you must choose."

I am choosing, Lady. But I am choosing slower steps so that I may fully learn as I walk.

"Then it is good."

Lady? Today I was told that I "needed" a man. This rings with truth at the same time it is untrue. I am confused.

"Seek truth within your heart, little one."

I have sought the truth. I feel hunger, Lady...but not for a man.

"What do you search for?"

Love. The man is not the love. The love is not the man. Each is dependent and yet independent.

"How are they independent?"

To say I need a man indicates that I feel incomplete alone; that I am incapable of sustaining a good and happy life alone. This I know to be untrue. I can maintain a good job; I can handle my finances; I can learn to do the work on my home; and what I cannot do...I can either learn or pay another to do. I do not need a man to complete me.

"So why do you need a man?"

I do not.

"Who are love and a man dependent?"

From my perspective, the person who will ultimately shine glowing light over my world will be a man. Each friend I have casts a light and guides my path; but the true source of that endless pool of energy and hope will come from him I am meant to be with; from the one man who makes me long for more, who holds me when I hurt and hurts for me, who shares my laughter and my passions. This I do indeed hunger for...the twin to my soul.

"And is he not a man?"

Perhaps. I hope so. Yet, many women have been sisters to my heart. I cherish each relationship and each connection. Many men have been brothers to my heart. I cherish each of them as much. But, what I need from them is not their physical presence...it is the emotional bond we have formed. So, I would argue that what I need is not a single person...but what I hunger for will come from one person.

"A paradox."

As is all of life, Lady. But do I see this wrong?

"You do not. If you simply needed a man, any man would accomplish your goal. We have seen this is not so. Why do you question what you already know?"

I do not always feel comfortable with the answers I derive. I seek confirmation that the path I am walking grows more solid with each step I take.

"Little one, as you tell so many others, you must learn to believe...in you."
10 Comments
Broken Doll Aug 7, 2007 10:16 pm
1117 Views
Your touch burned
Like cigarettes
Pressed to fragile skin
Tortured heart
Holds emptiness
Rolled out very thin
Hating you
A waste of time
You don’t care a bit
Young girl’s dreams
Split at the seams
And on them you spit
Hold her close
She’s just a doll
Made for you to play
Broken eyes
With empty gaze
Use her anyway
Teach her well
In secrecy
Pleasures that you choose
Don’t dare tell
Pain’s deepest well
Skin is meant to bruise
Desperate
To be set free
I’d give everything
Sell my soul
Give up my life
I’m only a thing
11 Comments
Who Am I? Aug 7, 2007 10:13 pm
Mood: Confused, 1084 Views
When I embarked on this voyage...when I started writing out my life...the goal was to find a place inside where I didn't hurt anymore; to eliminate that pain and be able to move on from it.

So, I worked really hard to dig up everything I had felt...everything I had lived through...good and bad...and I allowed it all to rain over me in torrents of unforgettable pictures. When we do that, the pain is as incredible as when it first happened.

Think back to that moment when someone truly hurt you...ripped you open and left you laying on the ground wishing you could sink into it. Feel the pain that you felt then. And then...walk into that pain...sink in it...feel it fill your heart and soul and every tiny molecule of your system. Is it filling you totally? Now, talk about it. Share it. Let it out. And keep talking about it until the pain begins to diminish. Keep talking until it has no power over you. Keep talking until you can talk without anger...without tears...without pain. It just is.

That's pretty much where I am now. It just is. I just am. I feel...empty...absent...lost without that pain I wrapped around me like a blanket for such a large part of my life. I just am.

I am none of those things...not empty or absent or lost...but inside...a part of me feels that way. The pain defined me for a very long time. So, I sit back and wonder...what am I supposed to be feeling? How am I supposed to act? Who am I supposed to be?

The answers are not really so hard. I am me. That's all. I don't really see me changing a lot...other than to probably get even weirder than I already am. I like the person I am...and I like what I believe in...what I try to stand for. I'm not always successful...but I don't have to be.

How am I supposed to act? That hasn't changed a lot except at home. I feel more at peace at home. I feel more willing to step out and say..."Hey, stop it. This isn't how I'm going to live...it isn't what I want...and it's going to change." I feel more capable...I feel more need. I need. Oh Lord and Lady how I need.

I need to be able to be me...without caring what anyone else thinks. I need to be able to express what I need to express; to dance when the spirit takes me...to laugh when my heart is light...and I need to say..."You don't have to like it...I am who I am...accept me...or go away."

Much easier said than done.

I wonder sometimes...who I am...am I the person I see, the person I try so hard to be...or am I the greatest of fakes? Am I doing the best I can for everyone in my world...or am I just using?

My ex is the prime example, of course. My friends would tell you I'm generous to a fault. I don't know that that is true. My ex would also say that...but he often says what he thinks I want to hear...unless I'm telling him to get out..in which case he usually tells me just what he's thinking...even if it's cruel and unfair.

So...twisting in the wind again...twist and turn and turn and twist...double, double, boil, and bubble....two sides of the coin...does he live with me because I feel bad for him, responsible for him, unable to help him any other way...or does he live with me because even if he doesn't do what I want, at least some of my house is cleaned...at least some of the work on it is done. Is it selfish needs? Is it helping him?

I'm wondering about dependant people. How much am I helping him if I allow him to continue to live here when I don't want him here? Am I misleading him....or setting myself up to fail? Am I not allowing him to move on...or protecting his needs? Am I hurting him as much as I do myself?

I read a post tonight...about which kind of wife you would choose...and it made me think...that the answer to the question was that I would never choose someone who makes me unhappy. Yet...although we have no relationship...I've done just that. How do I move on with him in my home? Am I so afraid to move on? Am I truly totally afraid of what the next person will do to me? What I will allow them to do?

Am I such a coward? Failure to act is in itself an action. Not making a choice is in itself a choice. And I need to decide...what Ari is so afraid of...and where I go from here.

Any input is appreciated. Sometimes others see us much more clearly than we see ourselves.
5 Comments
Paths Aug 6, 2007 9:50 pm
1035 Views
Worlds revolve around me
Choices I can make
Places I may visit
Destiny’s mistake
Travel in my memory
Paths I’ve walked before
Vanquished fallen enemy
Woman’s inner core
Vision of a slave girl
Ankles chained and sore
Pampered harem dancer
Whirling cross the floor
Lady to the warrior
Owner of the store
Satan’s sacrificial lamb
Hanging from the door
Silken fortune teller
What you’re hoping for
Cherished and desired
I never asked for more.

ARR
3 Comments
Neglecting My Friends Aug 6, 2007 9:46 pm
1311 Views
I haven't been a very good friend lately; not to anyone. I've been rather wrapped up in myself, in working through lots of other issues and I've neglected friendships because it was hard to stay in contact with people who...had opinions, expressed concern, even offered support..I couldn't ocnsider what anyone else had to say...because I had to work through how it all felt to me.

A fair bit of it is over and done with now...there are still some pieces I'm mulling over...particularly why I feel so responsible for my ex. But, in the meantime...I have not responded to emails, not returned phone calls, not been a very good friend. And I'm so sorry for that.

Really, I wasn't good company for the most part...I've been too emotional to be a reliable conversant. I've spent a lot of time pulling details and emotions out of myself...and I couldn't cope with distractions. If I stopped...I would never have finished. I know that part of myself.

I browsed a number of blogs...but I was not in a place where I could easily laugh or play...so, I simply read and moved on...waiting until my heart said it was time to do more.

So..if you sent a letter, called, contacted me...and waited for an answer...I will be responding over the next few days. Between all my other commitments, I can't promise it will be sooner. If I hurt you by failing to respond, I hope you will understand that I really had to be isolated to get through the weight of my own feelings.

Friends are a wonderful gift we give to ourselves...and each other. A friendship should never be taken for granted, nor should a friend ever wonder if they are being shunted to one side. I hope that all of you know that was never my intention. But sometimes...we need to be alone with ourselves in order to work through pieces of our own lives...good or bad.

This was one of those times for me.

I appreciate how patient and understanding you've been...and apologize for not responding more quickly.

Be good to you.

Me
15 Comments
Wrapped in the arms of love Aug 5, 2007 10:36 pm
1205 Views
My room is the one still place in the house. Not totally disorganized from the work I've been doing...although I haven't done a lot of putting clothes away the last week or so... It's very peaceful in there...decorated with my collection of fairies...and the fairy painting my sister had done for me. Right now it's all cream, but ultimately it will be sea-foam green. The dominant colors in my room are white, green, and burgundy. It's soft and feminine...but I don't think it's overwhelmingly so.

I like 400 thread count sheets. They feel like silk against my skin as I slip between them. They are cool in summer and warm in winter...which I love. I use a lavender scented detergent and fabric softener..and I have a vase of silk flowers (lavender of course) with lavender oil in it on the headboard. It's a soft and subtle scent, but it relaxes me completely.

The swamp cooler is on and the room is chilled so I don't feel the day's warmth keeping me awake. In fact, it is so chilled that I still sleep with the down comforter I use in the winter. Between that and the sheets, I feel like I am sleeping wrapped in a cloud. I love that feeling.

I throw the extra pillows off the bed and lay back to relax; drifting off to sleep to the sound of my favorite cd. Soft, soothing, relaxing....restful.

Sometime in the night, I feel you joining me...curling up against my back and holding me close. I nestle tighter against you and your arms pull me in. It is a comforting feeling. I no longer feel the small aches and pains of the day as I draw from your warmth...your strength.

Fingers slide the hair away from my neck and I feel your lips pressing a soft kiss on it. Whispered words..."I love you" tease at my ear...and I waken slightly, wanting to hear more. I smile softly and turn in your arms so that I can kiss you. Even in our dreams, the kiss ignites flames...and soon...I cannot think beyond the thought of you...touching me...and me...touching you....

And I never want to wake...

Where ever you are tonight...I hope you sleep in peace...wrapped in the arms of your love...

For those of us who haven't found that place yet...I hope we are wrapped in the arms of love...

From my heart...to yours....
12 Comments
Weekend Antics..... Aug 5, 2007 10:08 pm
1046 Views
Ok...I have to share a stupid moment...or perhaps it was a stupid day. Well...here we go...

Yesterday we went to Lowe's to buy the redwood for the trim out front...ended up being a way more expensive day than I expected...but I needed a fair bit of wood. I picked up the replacement panels for the garage doors as well. It was a very long...very hot day in Pocatello. And right at the end of the day...the wind kicked up to 50+mph in next to no time.

Ok...we have to tarp the wood...but we can't even close the truck doors. This is going to be fun. It took forever to get the tarp on...and the wind was incredibly strong...and then the rain hit. This day just sucks some rocks, doesn't it? Ok...we've got it tarped...we'll have to hope. So...we head back to Soda.

On the way..the two gutter pieces fall out of the truck...so now we have to stop along the highway and re-tie down the load...retarp it. Not so much wind, but the rain is pretty cold. Then we drive back and find the gutter and get it in the doggone stupid truck.

We've got long pieces of redwood and gutter sticking in the back window of the truck...so it won't hang off (it's a shortbed), and the rain is blowing in the back window. Ok..that's a bit cold, but hey...I like cold.

So..home...and once it stops raining, we get to unload 200 billion pounds of wood. Ok...it wasn't 200 billion pounds, but after I'd bent down 50 times, my hips were sure it was. Get it unloaded and now the sun's out and it's hotter than snot. Oh goody...and humid...and I'm dripping. Aren't I just the lucky one today?

So...I work in the kitchen awhile...ripping out drywall...and then I finally run out of what energy I had left.

I need to take a shower. So, I go in the bathroom and strip. My nice blue capris and shirt look like heck by now...all covered in dust, drywall ick, insulation, and wood shavings...so..into the laundry bag. I glance in the mirror and remember that I have a white headband in my hair.

Uh oh....it won't come out. What the heck? Oh Lord and Lady...in the wind and rain, my curls have made this massive tangle on the back of my head and the headband is stuck somewhere in the middle of it. Took about 15 minutes of conditioning to detangle the mess. I sure hope no one saw it...

Anyway...so I go to bed and sleep like the dead. I was tired. I get up this morning and it's one of those fuzzy days. Ever have them? Your brain says, "Excuse me? Do I know you?" So, I sit down to read my book and fall asleep a few more hours....twice. I must have been REALLY tired.

Finally, I get up and think I'm going to study...but the kitchen cabinets need to come out...so we start on the countertop...it's one huge massive piece nailed down with 600 nails. Goody, goody.

The ex gets the prybar out and can't seem to get it to lift...he heads for the garage to find something to help...like a reciprocating saw. While he's gone...I start playing with the prybar...and dang...it takes a little work...but I have the countertop out before he gets back...which just irked him right the heck off...lol...

So...he told me to tear the cabinets out. Didn't tell me what I was doing, just left me standing there with the hammer and the prybar. I felt a little stupid and inept...and then I thought...what the heck...the cabinets are crap and I'm just tearing them out...what can I hurt?

That was my first mistake.

I took the hammer and beat the wood. Watching the nails slip out was fun so I kept doing it...until...I missed the wood...lol...and flung the hammer...and missed my ex by an inch...ummmm...I really didn't fling the hammer...when I missed the wood, it just kind of kept going...and somehow slid right out of my hand...and flew through the air...and missed him by....not a lot....

When I got to the part of the cabinet I had to hit from underneath...he took the hammer for me. Said if I missed, I'd hit myself in the head. Lol..who said I would miss?

I'm thinking there's some depth perception issues tied to this home repair stuff.....
7 Comments
The Battle of the Kitchens Aug 4, 2007 9:36 pm
1192 Views
The fairy hotline rang tonight...shrilling out to let me know someone wanted to make a wish. I'm pretty surprised I even heard it; I was ripping drywall out of the kitchen when it rang. Beat it with the hammer a few times and then rip hard. Hmmmm...my fingernails are just about gone.

Anyway, it was the old bat on the hotline. She wanted me to tell her she's stupid....lol...ok...if you insist. Why are you stupid, Kelly? Cause she moved...today...and had to work...today..and now she can't find her bed. lol...hmmmmm....

Somehow...somewhen...we ended up on the subject of our greatest failing....for both of us...patience. Kelly's having to learn patience cause she can't find nothing....her apartment is a disaster area and it's smaller and she wants it all to have been done yesterday. Call the house elves, Kelly. They don't wear no clothes so you can really have fun with them.

Ari's having to learn patience cause she wants her house to be remodeled...done...finished...looking beautiful...without having to wait sixty-two years for it to be done. Can you tell we are both a wee bit...irritable? lol...

So...I'm ripping drywall out...and guess what I find? A second layer of drywall...wooohooo...suck a friggin duck. And some of it has mold on it. Ooooh baby. And the ex says...we'll just spray bleach on and drywall over it. Ok...hold the phone now. You keep telling me a bunch of monkeys remodeled this house...so we're going to do just what they did? I don't think so, bozo. I think we're going to rip the second layer of drywall out...make sure the studs are sound, and then put new insulation and drywall up. Duh.

Why bother to do the work if I'm going to do it poorly? I could have left the house alone and had that. Besides, I worry about all that mold stuff in the air...of course, I've been living here five years so....wouldn't be anything new.

Kel was busy telling me how small her kitchen is. Well Kel..mine's small enough that if I turn around, I slap myself. Kel says hers is small enough that if she farts, she feels it. I wanted to ask if that was the wafting hot air, the sensation of the air wave off the cupboards, or the sensation of air being corrupted...but I was sweet and didn't bother to say it.

She told me her kitchen has fourteen cabinets...well, mine has eleven...oh yeah, she counted the drawers...lol...ok...you win...I have fifteen if I have to count drawers. Her kitchen is officially smaller than mine....

Sides...if I fart...I can't feel it...I'm already dead....lololol...Oh...sorry...was this a bad topic?

By the way, Kelly...I hope you found your bras and panties...

Sincerely,

Mama Jugs
7 Comments
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