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Ari-Wood
  
Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........

All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.

That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.

The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.

My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..

Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry

Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life

Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use

Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness

Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life

You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
Title View |
EVERY 3.2 SECONDS Aug 22, 2007 10:10 pm
772 Views
I guess I'm confused by life lately. Does that surprise anyone? I sometimes find the rules
change and I don't know what's expected anymore. So...I thought I'd ask y'all for your input.

Life is good, overall. I'm loving work although I seem to be racing from crisis to crisis. I'd like some of that to slow down and just resolve. I do really well in a crisis (as long as there's no blood), but afterwards, when the adrenaline leaves my system, I'm all wrung out and just want to sleep.

I have loads of friends and never hurt for good conversation. This week I've visited a bit with all my friends at work, spoken to Carolyn, Kelly, my mother, my brother, and Tiana (my daughter) by phone and to another dozen people by email. I don't have much opportunity to get lonely...and my friends are the absolute best.

But I also stepped back and realized how much I really don't know about men. Talk to me, guys. How come you can talk to a woman for a few minutes and suddenly you want to talk sex? Is there a secret word we don't know we're saying that drags that subject out? Now...don't get me wrong...I love sex...at least I remember loving it...vaguely...way back in the days before I got divorced...lol...hmmmm..that's a loooooooooooonnnnnnnng time ago. But, it's not the only topic of conversation. It's not even my favorite topic of conversation. So how come y'all can't resist bringing it up every 3.2 seconds?

Do ya'll have any real understanding of who we are? We are people...just like you. We laugh, cry, talk, yell, smile, everything...just like you. Now, we may get hurt over different things...we may like different things...but overall...we feel things just like you...only we'll show how we feel. We want to talk about everyday things...plan for a future...choose how our home should look...discuss our careers...feel sexy....be admired for our cooking....all the things we do...we want to feel we do well in your eyes.

Hmmm...isn't that just how you feel? Don't you want to feel that we admire and respect you? So how come you don't understand that we want that as well? What is it you want from a woman? Is it just sex? Nothing else? Oh yeah...sex and dinner...I almost forgot.

When I am deeply involved in a relationship...I like to think about, talk about, plan..sexual escapades... I love to make love slowly, tenderly, swiftly, passionately, even in anger..for the heat...but I don't want to talk about it or think about it every 3.2 seconds. When you talk to us...do you really want to talk to us? Do you really want to get to know us? Do you really even give a rip what we think? Or are you only wondering how good we'll look spread out naked on your bed...plotting how to get us there?

Do you understand how big a turn-off it is to have a man keep changing the conversation to sex....constantly? If we don't seem to want to have that discussion...drop it...let it go...try again another week...lol...you know what I mean...and respect us for the fact that we respect ourselves enough not to be with every man we meet.

I am soooooooooooo damn sick of men asking me...don't you miss it? Well heck...I could have it any time I wanted if that was all it was about for me. It's not. I choose to wait until I am involved in a loving relationship before I indulge my sexual appetite again. I choose to have enough respect for myself not to ever have to tell anyone..."Well, I've been with 15 men...there was...." I will honestly say, "There was one man...." and I will feel good about it. And if you can't appreciate what that means to you...or about me....that's your loss...cause I like who I am...and I respect me.
10 Comments
Special People Aug 22, 2007 7:50 pm
707 Views
The company I work for really supports employees being active in the community...so many of us do things to help out. For example, I volunteer as a tutor at the High School, I've volunteered to participate in Idaho Millionaire Camp, and I've helped out at a wide variety of community activities. When we need some extra time off to participate in these activities, the company is very generous and very lenient.

So, my cohort in crime and co-worker, Scott, is a big time volunteer in the community...he was in the local paper a couple of weeks ago for his volunteering....for twenty years he has volunteered as the football team's defensive coach. In between football seasons he also participates with basketball and baseball.

How many people do you know would volunteer for 20 years?

So....I'm going to challenge each one of you to tell us about someone special in your world. Share the beauty in the world around you.
6 Comments
Anger Aug 22, 2007 7:07 pm
1768 Views
Ok...one of my ridiculous questions again....

Imagine someone makes you really, really mad...right to the edge of your very worst reaction...but not quite there. What is that reaction? How do you typically respond when you are really angry....but not yet to the point of rage?
I kick the snark out of them
I yell really loud and tell them exactly what I think
I don't yell, but I do tell them exactly what I think
I stomp my feet and storm around for awhile.
I sulk, pout, or generally show them how angry I am for awhile.
I walk away
I yell
I cry
I don't speak to them for weeks
Other (please describe)
56 Comments, 43 votes
A Special Man Aug 21, 2007 6:35 pm
846 Views
I wanted to share a story about a really lovely man I work with. There's nothing unique or special about him; he's just your average guy. But...all the women at work love him. Well heck, I think just about everyone enjoys him...but we like him best.

At work he is a warehouseman. Not a bad job, but it's lots of hard work and he's very dependable...very diligent in his job. At home, he grows a field of gladiolas. No kidding. His real love is growing and propagating new varieties of gladiola. So he spends his spare time planting and growing them.

In Spring you can buy bulbs from him and some of his colors are stunningly beautiful. One I saw today was a pale green with a soft lavender top. It was striking and I definitely want some bulbs from it. Then...in the late summer...he brings a huge bucket of them to work for all the women. I've heard he gives buckets of them to several organizations.

There is no reward for him other than that we all adore his flowers...and appreciate him for his thoughtfulness.

The pic is the five glads I chose from the bucket today. And John....you are an angel and we love you. I'm so looking forward to heading over to see the field. Thank you.
14 Comments
Summer's Death Aug 20, 2007 10:38 pm
655 Views
Summer’s death beckons me with frigid breath
The golden glow cast by her fading light
Echoes with soft melodies as I walk
Into the shadows of winter’s long night
Streams thunder as they rush into silence
Trapped beneath icy rainbows billowing
Radiant beauty; Snow Queen’s fantasy
As she wraps cloaks about all; pillowing.
In the vastness of her desolation
Hunger magnified, the pulsing lightning
Is not gentle. Devouring kindnesses
Behind anonymity; frightening.
Once more forgotten, unbloomed smiles hidden
Within the mist of autumn’s poignant tears
Flowers dance in eulogy; forbidden.
2 Comments
Do You Remember Aug 20, 2007 10:04 pm
769 Views
Do you remember in the time of darkness, when first we stirred; carved from one soul, our bodies twined into a whole? Your eyes were open when I peered, unknowing, into their depths. Within them I saw myself, nestled in the curve of your hip, held closely to the only heart that would beat to the rhythm of my own. Did we know, in that moment, that we had been cast together upon the shores of an unforgiving land; destined to find our way amongst the hardships of a life we would never fully understand?

Do you remember the incandescence in which we saw one another for the very first time; eyes newly formed and seeing clearly as we never would again? You glowed with freshness and my fingers ached to touch you. We had not learned restraint yet, so they wandered as they would, probing the smoothness of your skin. There was no knowing where you ended and I began; it was a merged sensation as we both felt the touch; sensuous as a dewdrop on a bud.

Do you remember the first breath we shared as we lost ourselves in the tangled webs of soul and body? That first inhalation when I learned to taste you in the air I breathe; when the sweetness of your lips curved as you sampled the honeyed hues of my scent. My fingers reached to trace the arch of your smile; delicately, as a spider dances upon the strands of her web, barely touching, tantalizing with newfound urgency. You leaned closer and your tongue tasted the softness of my mouth until I ached to feel you closer; your lips hard where mine were soft, demanding what we could not yet know; urgency driving us onward.

Do you remember the hunger that captured us in its clenched fist as our bodies merged fully in the passing of the first moon? A star was born from that union when you lifted us to a place none had ever walked before; when I drove you to carry us higher; when those fragmented souls found that they could blend again and again into one.

Do you remember the longing with which we bound ourselves to one another; never wandering far, always eager for the sensual delights which awaited us together? Choices made together allowed us to live in harmony; answers given as one allowed us to find our path through the multitude of new births; others finding, as had we, the binding of the single cord that ties us to one another. A single ribbon so delicate that a breath can sever it; so strong that eternity will never destroy it. One soul bound to another; twisting to the whims of fate.

Do you remember the tears we shared when told we must choose lives; journey outward to learn and grow; share our knowledge and love with others; become what time had destined us to be? Unwilling to separate, yet forced to do so; our path would always be the rejoining, the forgiving, the daring to be...always.

Do you remember your promise, that time would never hold you back from me; that you would come to me in each life; that you would love me always? And mine to you, to treasure you beyond dreams, to respond only to your touch, to need only one heart, to love you beyond eternity.

You have only to press the lock to the key...you have only to whisper to me. I wait for you always...in the passage of time.
10 Comments
Whisper My Name Aug 19, 2007 6:55 pm
1044 Views
A long walk on a rainy day. Raindrops softly caress my skin as I step through moments in life, allowing them to wash away. Such catharsis is only found in moments of peace; in times of communing with nature. As the misty rain deepens to a small downpour, my hair is pulled straight and darkened by the rivers of water running through it. The water draws away all the ills of the world and runs them down my back...from earth they came and to earth they will return.

Sadness overcomes me as I feel the tensions of the past few days leaving me. I cannot cling to them, nor do I wish to; but I can grieve the causes in my own way. Teardrops mingle with the trickles of water washing my skin clean...washing my heart clear...washing my soul in Haven's waterfalls. My soul, clear and refreshed, reaching for the next step in the path. Too soon, little butterfly...too soon. Allow the healing to occur.

I turn my face up to the rain and feel it's coolness soothe my heart. We cannot hold onto the past and still move forward. We cannot hold onto our pain when it is being gently pulled away from us. We should not want to, but sometimes there is safety in the pain we know.

My eye sees through fresh droplets as if a diamond had been dropped into it. I see radiant colors bedecking the trees with fresh greens. Autumn is beginning and leaves are slowly turning into the warm hues of winter's hearth. The sky is still gray, yet shades of blue soften the edges and I can see the dawning of a new life, a new breath...one I am eager to taste.

Rain slips away from me bearing all the final vestiges of unhappiness and I can feel the resurgence of hope, of love, of friendships I will value for the rest of my time. I can feel the vibrations of Gaia under my feet, her heart pulsing in time with mine. Dance, little butterfly, dance to the music of the earth.

And so I dance, in a quiet place, in a hidden grove in a forest of trees; I dance to the music of life as it surges through the ground; I dance to the music I feel in my heart as my feet touch the soil and my soul touches the sky. Wind joins me and wraps me in it's soft embrace, lifting me higher until I am one with the currents, drifting with the clouds. Feet stepping into tomorrow, carrying me away from the past into a future bright with love and light and promise.

Whirling within the glade I am elated as I feel wind's arms tighten around me, holding me closer, fingers caressing each inch of skin unexposed by trappings of modesty. His hands touch me knowingly, trailing over sensitive nerve endings and heightening my awareness of self...and other. His lips brush mine and I vibrate to the emotion, lost in the vortex of his need, his dreams, his love. Touch me with the senses of the universe, love me with the passion of the spirit, need me with the hunger of the ages, hold me with the brilliance of the mind.

I am yours, if you only knew it; a soul dancing on the cusp of the horizon, hands stretched to capture the star, heart open to enter the soul, words poised to bare truth. If truth be, I have been yours since the dawning of time; since the first moment our souls wakened together, since the first time your eyes locked to mine, your lips thirsted at mine...I have been yours.

If you remember me when dawn lifts you from your silken pillow with a soft smile at the taste of my lips on yours; if you long for me when wind whispers my love into your ears as it carries my caresses to your soul; if you need me when rain hungers at your skin, washing away your own pain...whisper only my name...I will hear.
29 Comments
Letting Go Aug 17, 2007 11:43 pm
913 Views
This isn't written for anyone else...it's for me...something I need to do...and I really don't expect anyone else to read it...or understand.

My Dearest Jennifer....

The time has come to let you go...in my heart. Soon I'll go and leave flowers once again for the beautiful woman I knew and loved. Our friendship is a gift I'll never forget...as were you. I miss you so much.

I think about you often. Not daily any more...but often enough that I haven't fully healed from any of it. I can't talk about you. No one understands how I feel about it...no one understands why I can't let go. It's been the assumption that since you are dead...it no longer matters. But it does...it always will...at least to me.

Your husband blamed me for your death...he couldn't blame me any more than I did myself. I still do sometimes when the night is long and I dream of the accident. It doesn't go away, you know. Those last few seconds...your tears, my tears, the tree we hit...and you...I never forget that last glimpse of you broken against the tree. It lives with me. I'm not sure how I'll ever let it go. Some things I think we are never meant to see.

I still don't know how much of the accident I caused. Was it simply your time? Was it your tears and unhappiness...was it my crying when you reminded me of words from my past....was it the deer...was it simply something that was going to happen no matter what we did? I torment myself with the idea that if I had not started to cry...you would still be alive.

I wish I could remember it more clearly...remember the timing...the sequence...remember how it all fell together. As time passes, the memory becomes more confused, not less. So many things happened so fast. I wish I could have done something...anything...to have saved you. I wish you had worn a seatbelt. I wish it had been me...and not you. I wish it had never happened. I wish I could remember you with the joy you lived rather than the terror of those moments...rather than the guilt I've lived with this past year.

I have to stop beating myself with your loss, Jennifer. It doesn't ever change the way I felt about our friendship. It doesn't ever change the way I remember you...laughing, dancing, singing, teasing, playful. It doesn't ever change the woman who lived life fully, passionately, with so much love...such a beautiful friend.

So, from this day on, I choose to accept that it was simply your time to go...there was a greater need for you elsewhere. I want to thank you for the years of friendship...all the laughter and joking, all the long talks sitting at the park, all the whispered giggles and shared stories. You were one of the most giving people I've ever met. All of us loved you...and regret the loss of one beautiful soul...

I hope that, where ever you are, you have found peace, real love, and the purpose you always searched for. I'll always remember you with love...sister of my heart.

Arreana
11 Comments
Wandering Mind...and a Question..... Aug 17, 2007 10:46 pm
788 Views
I fell asleep in my chair tonight. I must be tired. It's been a busy week...although a good week. I got a call from my friend, Michelle, last night. She called to tell me all the bosses would be gone today...it would just be her and me at the office...so I should study hard cause she planned to kick my butt at Scrabble. Too bad...we played Boggle...I whipped her hiney. So satisfying.

Good friends....I love good friends who can see you for who you are...and appreciate you even when they don't particularly agree with you. I've been very lucky with the friends I've chosen...lovely people who are supportive, perceptive...and just beautiful inside.

I left work a little early, hoping to get to Pocatello and buy my building supplies, but that's been put off another week...which is fine cause I really can't do that stage for another week. So...I sat down with my laptop and watched a couple episodes of Sweat Equity. Nothing much in there I wanted to do in my house...so I deleted the files and played online a few minutes. Then I got my Accounting book out and started to read...and fell asleep. Hmmm.

When I woke up, nothing had been done in the kitchen...so I decided to do it. I needed to get the tape and mud on the walls. How come so many men can't be supportive of us trying new things? How come people have to be so critical? Don't watch me work if all you're going to do is criticize. I'm learning...I'm expected to make mistakes. And guess what? It's MY house. If I make a mistake...I get to fix it. It's that easy. You'd think people would understand that it's so much less demeaning to say "You know, if you turned your arm this way....." rather than..."You're doing that wrong. Can't you get anything right?" Blech....I loathe people who can't be constructive in their criticism. Help me...don't tear me down.

Date my ex husband...please. I'll pay for him to come to you. One way ticket to wherever....

Anyway...so now I'm finally getting to sit down and relax...without sleeping...lol...I'm not really tired now. Hmmmm.

I do have a question, though. I have a friend at work who has sleep apnea. He stops breathing during the night and has to sleep with a machine to put air in his lungs...and keep his throat open so he doesn't stop breathing. The machine is pretty small and pretty quiet...but he has to wear a mask over his nose to get the air in his lungs.

He's recently divorced and wondering if a woman will ever be interested in him again because of his equipment. So.....Would it bother you to start a relationship with someone who had to have medical equipment to sleep well? Would it bother you to not be able to cuddle much in the middle of the night because of the mask?

What is ok in a new relationship...and what would be something you just couldn't handle?
2 Comments
What Happened? Aug 16, 2007 9:41 pm
989 Views
It was an odd day today...a day to make me think more and more on who I am and what I'm doing in my life. As I've said...I don't do mornings. I think mornings suck big smelly rocks. I'd rather sleep a little late and be up later in the evening....or stay up all night if I want to see a sunrise. But today I managed to drag my butt out of bed and actually get moving faster and more eagerly than I have in some time. Even now, at the end of the day...I can't think what was different about today.

So...off to work and I get into my work so fast I forget to put my yogurt in the frigidgator...or even make coffee. When our receptionist popped her head in my office, I remembered and got there before she did. Her coffee is so strong I can't drink it. She says mine is really weak...ok...so she adds coffee crystals to my coffee and she's happy. I won't drink hers.

And the day begins. I get through the production accounting really fast today...that doesn't happen as often as I'd like. But after that...I was just...playful. I went out into the reception area and announced that it was nap-time...and from that point on I just had the greatest possible day. It was filled with laughter and giggles and dancing down the hall..singing in my office, chair dancing, teasing my current and my old boss, teasing a number of co-workers...just a fun-filled day. And I even managed to get a bunch of work done...but not as much as I usually do.

Our receptionist wanted to know what drugs I was taking. Then she wanted to know why I was so happy. I don't know. Well, what's different. I don't know. Well something's happened. But, I don't know what!

I headed home feeling wonderful, upbeat, excited...still giggling to myself over events of the day. But, when I got home it took less than five minutes for the house to be dead silent...and I had lost all sign of that happy feeling. I don't know where it went...I don't know how to find it....it just...disappeared. And I'm sitting here right now wondering...what happened?

I'm not often subject to sudden mood swings; I'm pretty much either happy or sad. Like everything else in my life...I am passionate in my emotions...and sometimes I'm not good at hiding what I'm feeling. But...I can almost always figure out why I'm feeling it...and I'm just lost right now.

Am I lonely? Well yeah...but so are most of us. Am I angry? No...I'm not feeling anger...there's an underlying note of sadness...of defeat...and I can't figure it out. What am I defeated at? Has something happened to hurt me? I don't think so...I did something I regret now...nothing bad, but sometimes I speak without thinking and the words don't come out quite the way I planned them...and then...I just feel foolish for having taken that step. But...my words couldn't have hurt anyone, for they weren't hurtful.

So what changed between 3:45 and 4:00 pm? What changed that stripped away all the sunshine and laughter...all the joy I was walking in...what happened to leave me feeling...lost?

And how do I reverse it? Life is too short to be unhappy...to be miserable...even to be lost. I want to live...I want to live as passionately as I love...I want to experience every minute of life fully...not through a veil of sadness.
15 Comments
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