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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
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| Wintered Winds |
Sep 22, 2007 11:33 pm
835 Views | When wintered winds
Howl through bare branches
When day comes late
And nighttime echoes
When worlds are cold
And paths are lonely
Reach out for me
And know I'm only
A breath away
An angel's kiss
Two arms that ache
To hold you close
A promised heart
Since time began
A woman who
Wants just one man
To touch you soul
To hear your voice
To dwell within
That sacred place
Where love begins
Where pain would end
Where we can share
With our best friend
Close out the fear
Let darkness leave
Within the flames
Come walk with me | |
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4 Comments | |
| You Don't Own Me Anymore |
Sep 21, 2007 10:36 pm
1332 Views | The where's and why's don't really matter. Have you ever had a single place that was your "safe haven"? This place has been that for me. Even with all the risks attendant with posting your life on the internet, this was the one place I could say what I was thinking, share my life, work through my past. It was.
Yesterday, my ex told me he had found my blog and read it. I don't know how to explain how I felt...as if I had been raped; as if someone had taken my diary and read every word; as if the one place I had total privacy had been invaded.
It wasn't so much that he had read the words; heck, I put them out on the internet, how private could they be? It was that they were every thought I ever had...about him, about wanting him totally out of my life, about how I was working through that part of my life, about how I intended to get him out of my life. There were no surprises there, I've told him often enough. But it was enough.
It wasn't that my words offended him...or that he denied a single word...or even that he cared that I had written them...it was that I put them on the internet where anyone could recognize him. Hellooo...you have to know people before they can recognize you. It wasn't that there was a single surprise, except now he knows exactly what I have in mind...and it is as if I gave him a weapon. It is not a weapon he will refrain from using against me. And he hasn't.
The man's temper is huge and I will admit to lots of moments of terror dealing with it. When he yells, he loves to get right in your face and yell at you. I always loathe those little sprays of spittle on my face....and I truly dislike people who have to lean into you and scream. Don't try to intimidate me. I may be afraid, but I'm damned if I'm going to back down and let you see it.
Only...he does see it. He knows where to look in the back of my eyes, in the way I turn my head, in the way the look on my face changes. What I saw in his face...was pleasure at seeing that fear come back. I am damned if I'm going to give him that pleasure ever again. No man is ever going to beat me with his words again...and no man is ever going to touch me in anger again. Never.
But more than that, it was the idea that I have no place to go that I can release what I'm feeling...no place in my life he doesn't invade...no place that is just mine. And I suddenly realized, as he screamed at me and threatened to do his worst, that there never would be...that I was a fool to believe I was safe anywhere; that he wouldn't be eaten with the need to know he was safe and I would always take care of him.
It was a strategic mistake on my part and I can't blame anyone else for the weapon I handed him.
My first response to fear is to cower and hide. My second is to shut down all access to me; I slam doors hard and simply stand and listen as I am ripped into pieces. If you can't see inside me, you can't really hurt me. I know that's not true, but it is my immediate response. I run, I hide, I slam doors. I don't allow anyone close enough to see me hurt. I don't allow anyone close enough to hurt me. Well...to see that they have hurt me, because it doesn't stop the pain.
It might not have been so bad...well, that's a lie...it would have been so bad, but it was worse when I found out someone I had trusted was just a fake...just playing a game with hearts as the prize. I don't handle that kind of game player well; I don't understand their need or motive in hurting others...and even when it is unintentional...the idea that you would risk someone's happiness for your personal joy ride...is anathema to me.
So, there I was. Friend Finder was no longer a safe place...and someone I trusted at Friend Finder was as much a game player as my ex. He just colors his words in prettier colors. And suddenly I understood that I had taken huge risks...knowing they were risks. I always knew that my ex could possibly read my words. I just figured that...since he can't read well, he would never bother. I always knew people could be liars and cheats, I just figured that people would treat me as I treat them...with honesty.
Silly girl. Stupid girl.
Kelly called tonight. I never refuse a call from Kelly...she's walked me through too many parts of my life. Her anger was healing for me and let me express my own anger. The one thing she said that really hit home with me was that I could not allow my ex to put me back in time where I was...hiding from the world and unwilling to trust anyone. I could not allow him to strip everything I loved from me, because it gave him control over me once again.
She's right.
So, I want to say these words directly to my ex. If you are reading my blog again, I hope you enjoy it. I hope you can hear my voice in every word I write here. I don't love you, I don't want you, I don't want you anywhere in my world. I try to help you because it feels like the right thing to do, but beyond that...you are the past and I want to move into the future. You don't have to like my words, but you have no right to use them to hurt me.
I will never lie about you, me, or anything between us...but if you feel like I have, you are welcome to come here and argue it. I am not letting you chase me away from anything ever again. I am not letting you beat me down with cruel words. I am not letting you win...ever. I am a better, stronger person than the one you used to think you owned. You need to remember one thing. You don't own me anymore. | |
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34 Comments | |
| Letting Go |
Sep 20, 2007 4:28 pm
1520 Views | Sometimes we come to a crossroads in life. We can choose to move forward, or we can choose to allow circumstances to change the direction we are moving. We have no compass to guide us, only our own instincts in which choice is most appropriate for this moment in time.
Everyone always thinks I am so strong. I will tell you that I am not always strong enough. Sometimes I let the fear win. Sometimes I run and hide. Sometimes...I just give up.
I came here, nearly two years ago, looking for nothing. I didn't expect to like it here, I didn't expect to stay here, I didn't really expect anything except that it would be another boring experience. I was wrong.
This place has been the greatest place I've ever found and I love it so much here...I love each person here so much that I can't begin to tell you with words. I have found healing here and beautiful, rewarding friendships. I have found love here and joyful experiences. I have found laughter and tears, anger and fears. I have found real people who share with real hearts. Each one of you.
I have also found anger and pain here; people who lash out with whips of words to break you; people who believe they have the right to hurt others; people who beg you to love them, tell you they love you, give of themselves until you finally trust them...and then tell you it was all imaginary...the same dishonesty we find in life. People who use friendship to hurt you...and people who simply play games.
Like all of life, it is a mixed bag. Like all of life, we take from it the pieces we need to take....and hopefully let go of the pieces we don't need. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the pieces we don't need.
I want to share a few thoughts with you and I hope you don't mind. I suppose if you do, you have only to exit my blog.
I want to thank each and every one of you who joined me through my walk in the shadows. Facing my history, the years of my father's abuse and my mother's denial, my marriage, all of the bits and pieces of a shattered life...was difficult for me; more difficult than you know. Having hands to hold mine, lights to guide me, gentle loving words to encourage me, and the occasional 50x4 upside my head helped me to work through it and put that part of my life behind me. I want to thank you for walking the paths of joy I've found alongside me. Life shared, no matter how it is shared, is a gift beyond measure. The friendships I've built here are golden and I hope they last forever.
This place...we all think of it as a place, but too many of us feel that it is not real. I will tell you that it is more real than your neighborhood. We share here in ways we never share with our neighbors or co-workers. We touch hearts in a way that would be impossible in our everyday world. We bring our hopes and dreams here and open up to others those pieces of ourselves that we are afraid to share with our families. We bring our pain and our sorrows here and share them with people who take the burden from our shoulders and lighten our load. If anyone ever asks you if the people here are real...I will tell you that they are...for the most part...the most real people alive.
We can build relationships here...and we can expand on long-term relationships. My friendship with Kelly took on all new dimensions when she came here. My friendship with Carolyn is as strong as that I share with Kelly...in different ways. The friends I have are as cherished as those whose houses I can sit in. And sometimes they are more open...more free...more giving...because I can dare say something I might never say in person.
If we can build friendships, why can't we build love? How many couples do we see here...and a number have moved forward; gotten married, begun a life together. This place forces us to communicate with one another...and communication is the most important foundation of any relationship. Yes, we can build love here...and people do...when they learn to trust and let go of their fear...when they learn to extend their hands in honesty and share of their lives. We can build great worlds from such a simple foundation.
I never claimed I was like anyone here...I am not. I am my own person and I actually like the woman I am. I have appreciated your tolerance and understanding when I share my spiritual beliefs, my sensual side, my naughtiness. I have appreciated your love and caring...and hope I have returned it in some small measure. I have appreciated all of the gifts of small kindnesses you have given me...and I hope I have given some myself. You have all been so very giving and generous with me...and I can only thank you for that.
But, there is in me the strong sense that I have outlived my place here...and that I have taken some very real risks by my actions here recently. I spend entirely too much of my life here and it is certainly not helping me get through my schoolwork or resolve the issues in my home.
I have my own quirks and issues to deal with. Today I am facing something that terrifies me beyond words and it isn't something I can share with anyone; it is simply something I know in my heart. I made a mistake...I do that sometimes...and I have to find something to hold on to before I allow it to shake the foundation of everything I have worked so hard to build.
This is me running. This is me slamming doors shut. This is me hiding. This is me, with tear-filled eyes...saying goodbye.
I love you all...more than you will ever know. I hope you feel that love wrapped around you and the touch of my hand on yours in the softest breeze. | |
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34 Comments | |
| Conversation with a man....... |
Sep 20, 2007 3:21 pm
908 Views | I had a visitor at work today. Actually, he drops in my office most everyday, but today he walked in and started trouble.
"Hello Miss Snobby McAri Pants."
It took me a few seconds to understand what he'd just said and then I burst into laughter.
"Where the hell did that come from?"
"I came in here yesterday to get a fireball and you ignored me."
"I was on the phone."
"I know you picked it up just before I came in and pretended to be on the phone."
"Why would I do that? I smiled at you."
"Oh, that baring of your teeth is called a smile?"
OMG...I'm going to break him. lol...
"Well yeah....what part of that were you missing?"
"You were mean, now you know. I just wanted you to understand how I felt when you said I wrote a mean email to you."
"Hold it. You write an email to me and address it to Dear Gentlemen. That was flipping rude."
"Sometimes these things happen."
"I'm thinking we need to have a person to pimple discussion and you get to be the pimple."
He's laughing now, but not ready to back down.
"You don't scare me, Ari...other than your ulta-liberal outlook on the world."
"Ultra-liberal? We aren't so far apart on our outlook, except on religion. We are both slightly to either side of the mid-point."
"That makes you ultra-liberal."
"I'm going to kill the man."
"Are you talking to yourself now?"
"Yeah, I am. And it's not a sign of incipient insanity...I just wanted to have an intelligent conversation."
Amazing how quickly you can win....lol...Why is it that men always start absurd conversations and then act all surprised when you walk all over them? | |
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6 Comments | |
| A Fair Trade. |
Sep 19, 2007 9:56 pm
875 Views | It's raining outside...and quite cold; 34 degrees. I'm getting really excited for the winter to come...if only the roads didn't get icy. It gets a little chilly in the house and this is one of those times. I could grab my fleece blanket and pull it over me, but I'm tired and getting ready for bed.
So, I was thinking....how about if you curl up here on the couch with me...and wrap your strong arms around me....and hold me very close...and keep me warm while we listen to the raindrops on the roof. And when the raindrops are done falling....I will make you very warm....
I'm thinking it's a fair trade....what do you think? | |
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4 Comments | |
| First Soul |
Sep 19, 2007 8:14 pm
859 Views | Once upon a long ago, a soul was created. It took a great deal of work to create the first soul and the Lord was exhausted with his efforts. The soul was a nebulous thing and incapable of growing, but it had potential. The Lady looked upon the soul and saw all its potential. She also saw that it had a fatal flaw. The Lord was so exhausted, he would not be able to make another for some time. The Lady, having experienced much time alone, knew what loneliness felt like, and determined that once the soul was viable, it would not feel that loneliness. She thought and thought about how she would be able to prevent it, but her thoughts were as nothing; she had no answer. So she went to the Lord.
"My love. I have looked upon the soul you created, and it is beautiful."
"It is. It will grow and be strong and we will find it able to communicate with us."
"This is a good thing, beloved. But I believe you have forgotten a thing or two as you created it."
"What have I forgotten, Lady Love? I have given it the ability to learn and grow, to defend itself, to feel emotions. It will be much as you are, my love."
"And as I was, it will be lonely. I look upon you now and I know that you will be unable to duplicate this soul for some time. I would not have it feel my pain."
"It will have you for companionship."
"It will not. My place is at your side, and here will I stay. It is meant to be a child, yet not a child. I wish it to learn and grow until it asks us for help. It must not live here in the Havens with us, but must aspire to live here."
"What would you have me do, Lady?"
"I do not know. I know that you have insufficient strength to duplicate it. Can you prevent it from growing for some time?"
"I can, but only for a short time less it dissipate on the winds of time."
"It will burn with the agonies of aloneness if we do nothing to help."
"Then it will burn with the agonies of aloneness. I know not what you would have me do."
The Lady thought again for some time and her Lord thought with her. Still, no answer arose. When enough time had passed, the two went back to the soul and looked on it. It had all the colors of the rainbow in it; each color for a different emotion. Eventually, the soul would understand the colors that touched it; that defined it. It was a beautiful thing and the Lady reached out to hold it gently in her hand.
As she held the soul, the Lady ran her soft hand across it. The soul began to move and separate into two parts. The Lady held her breath as she watched. She felt the first gentle motion as each part of the soul began to live; thoughts beginning to move through them like tiny lights upon a christmas tree. The Lord was amazed and only watched as his love held the soul and cherished it.
When both parts of the soul were living; the lord looked upon them and knew that they were not yet equipped to live upon the world he had prepared for them. He turned his attention once again to his creations. In a short time, he had created bodies for each half of the soul.
One body had strong muscles and height. It was designed to hunt and protect. It was made to survive in the coldness of the world. The other body was soft and curved to fit into the first body. It was designed to allow both halves to merge into one whole.
The Lady placed the soul with the bodies and allowed each half to merge with the body of its choosing. As the souls merged, the bodies curled into one another and formed the shape of the whole. And the Lady was pleased.
The bodies were placed within a corner of the Haven and allowed to wake at their own time. The Lady was not surprised when they awakened together, eyes locking and hearts merged as they did so. In her heart she understood the meaning of the merging...and the awakening. The soul was made in perfect imitation of the Gods who created it.
Just as she and the Lord, each half of the soul would forever be incomplete without the other half; each would search always for its mate. And the Lady knew that she and the Lord would create many more of the same; but this soul would forever be as special as the first child...which it was.
And as she had planned it; as she had written...so it was. | |
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4 Comments | |
| The Waterfalls |
Sep 19, 2007 4:37 pm
812 Views | I remember it like it was yesterday instead of long lives ago. The memory is small consolation for all that has gone between, but it is all I have. I remember the way the sun felt as it warmed us, the way the water cupped us in her hands, the way the breeze kissed our skin as if to enhance the moment. I remember you.
The morning mist had burned off and the dew no longer lay like teardrops on the leaves. We walked silently amongst the trees, holding hands as if we were children, yet we were grown. There were no words and none were needed; we had spoken our words before ever we came here. This was our moment in time; one of those perfect moments we are gifted with so rarely.
The trees parted and we stopped to gaze upon the resting place; the waterfalls I love pouring gracefully into the cold pool of water beneath, moss draping the rocks and branches surrounding it. The sunlight dazzled as if reflected in diamonds. For an instant we were breathless as we watched, awed, at the unrelieved beauty of the setting.
You stepped forward, pulling me closer to the pool and I smiled in delight as we stood above it staring at ourselves mirrored. We were perfect in those days; young and beautiful, our hearts untrammeled by the pain time would etch upon our souls. Without a word, I dove into the water and gasped as the sudden cold drove the breath from my lungs. I dropped to the bottom of the pool and slowly rose to the surface. As I brushed the long hair from my face, you smiled and dove in beside me.
As you surfaced, I felt your hands slide up the length of my legs, warming them...and me...intimately. Your skin brushed against mine and I turned so you would rise looking into my eyes. I saw the instant the heat lit your face and I was alive with that hunger you always inspire in me.
Wrapping my arms around your neck, I felt you clasp my waist and pull me closer until there was no space between us. You were pressed against me and again, there was no need for words, for we each could feel the passion burning in the other.
It was a soft kiss, meant only to invite, but as my tongue traced the shape of your lips, as I drew your lower lip between mine, you taught me of the hunger you felt. Your lips were hard and demanding as they dined upon mine, insisting that I grant you entrance. Your tongue was inquisitive and fiery as it tasted the sweetness of my mouth. When I closed my lips around it and sucked softly, you strained against me and I knew you would not wait long. I was determined to persuade you.
My legs wrapped around your waist and you pressed closer to me, sharing all I needed to know. I smiled softly to myself, sure now that this moment was all that mattered. And for a time, it was.
Your hands were ever wandering implements of torture and you wasted no time employing them in gaining control of the situation. I burned to their touch and begged you not to stop. My fingers locked in your hair to pull you closer until I could take possession of your lips as you stroked my body to higher levels. You know me so well, each tiny brush of your fingers heightens my awareness of you, of the desire flaming in my core, of the need to feel you fill me until no other ever can.
My hands were fluttering butterflies as they drifted over your skin. I felt you shudder beneath them as they touched you. I love the way you respond to my touch, my kiss; I love seeing the desire in your heavy-lidded eyes; I love knowing that in this one moment, I am the cause of your burning, your need. This one element of power; all that I need to feel comfortably in control of myself. All others are extraneous so long as I know I can incite your response as you do mine.
I wanted to postpone the moment when the flames consumes us, but I knew instantly when you had been pushed too far. You demanded entrance and I had no will to refuse you, my own need so great that I was consumed by the desire to feel you within. Your kiss matched the pace and my soul celebrated the colors you gave me as the sky swallowed us; drawing us into the clouds and letting us fall, exhausted...drained...back to the water which cradled us safely.
And I wished, for one moment, that never would we leave. | |
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1 comment | |
| Sex Fairy? |
Sep 18, 2007 8:25 pm
1097 Views | So I have to ask this question. Am I like the Sex Fairy? How come people I don't know send me outrageously pornographic emails? How come they think I want to cyber with them? Do the words "Not no, but HELL no" mean anything to you?
Ok....I know I sometimes write some rather erotic pieces. I know I tend to write things that are filled with the passions I feel inside. But you know what? When I find the right man, I'll let that all out with him...and it sure as hell won't be on a webcam. Ick.
I have a webcam. Lol....didja know that? I didn't think so, cause the only reason I have one is to talk to my daughter in Denver. Since we only manage to get together once every year to eighteen months....I want to see her as often as I can....and make sure she's not losing too much weight.
I've never used one to chat with people. Y'all don't need to see me in my jammies (or my yellow tongie, Bruce), with my hair totally uncombed, picking my nose or something...
I do NOT cyber. I am not going to fulfill your wildest fantasies on the net. I don't want to MAKE you watch while I have sex with someone else. Sorry...that's just ICK!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to be a dominatrix....nor am I submissive. I believe sex is a shared pleasure....although sometimes, having you under my control....hush now, Ari.....
If that's what you are looking for....you have the wrong lady....
And I'm kind of curious. When a person writes to you...out of the blue, unexpected, tells you next to nothing about themselves, doesn't know anything about you...do they really expect you to contact them on your personal email or IM? Really? I did that ONCE...and I was sorry for a very long time.
No, not, never, ever...you can read my blog and get to know me....you can comment on it so I can get to know you. You can send me an email and we'll talk and see if it goes anywhere....but I am not giving out my private email to anyone who just asks. What kind of silly is that?
And they say women are stupid....OMG.....lol.... | |
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20 Comments | |
| Responding to Email |
Sep 18, 2007 7:51 pm
707 Views | | By the by...I am attempting to catch up on emails..so if you are waiting...I'm working on it...I am, I promise. Especially if you sent an email to my office....I have been just about totally buried there...so, it's a bit of a wait. I keep thinking I'm working so hard my desk should be clear....but it doesn't seem to work that way...and they keep scheduling more for me to do. I got home to almost 300 emails just at work, so please bear with me as I work through it all. | |
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0 Comments | |
| I'm Going to Kill the Cat |
Sep 18, 2007 7:41 pm
707 Views |  | My cat is making me crazy. I'm just about ready to put him in the shower again...just cause he's making me crazy...the silly hairball. I wasn't gone that long...some 10 days. He wasn't alone...but you'd swear he must have been. I'm not allowed out of his sight.
He walks right under my feet until I swear I'm going to fall on him....and I've stepped on his tail several times. When I sit at the table, he reaches up to bat me with his paw as if to say..."I'm still here..." If I heat a cup of coffee, he jumps on the back of the chair and smacks me with a paw...."Hey lady...I want some petting." He walks through the house crying for attention...which is definitely not a Pudge thing to do.
If I sit in my recliner, he curls up beside me and hogs up the arm. When I go to bed, he's wedged so tight against my head that I feel as if the bed is rumbling. He's licked my ear and shoulder until they are just about scraped raw from his tongue. If I go in the bathroom, he gets there first and he only leaves when I turn the water on. If I go outside, he sits at the door and calls for me. He hasn't even looked at the birds since I've been home...not that they care anyway...they just terrorize him.
He must feel like he hasn't had enough attention cause he keeps trying to eat the plants...and my shoes...and my fingers...and my toes, if I rub him with my feet... Oh yeah, and did I mention he's got nearly two weeks of hairballs on him? He's going to hate me when I have enough energy to want to brush him out.
The dog, on the other hand, just pushes the cat out from under my feet and throws himself down for some belly rubbing. He begged for scraps from the steak I made for dinner, but otherwise couldn't care less. He just sits there and watches, but doesn't have to follow me all over the house.
I swear...this cat is worse than my daughter ever was.
I think it's time to remind him who the Momma is...and who can get dowsed in the shower...except....I really don't want him climbing my leg again...lol....hmmmm.
So....what was it I liked about cats? |
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