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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
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| Love's Ocean |
Sep 27, 2007 10:51 pm
835 Views | Your eyes see into my heart
Nascent desire half concealed
Sensuality
Conveyed with a single glance
Quicksilver flares igniting
Your gift to me, need;
Exquisite, overwhelming,
My soul trembles at the thought
Of your hands touching
Imagination your guide
To the world of my senses
Chaotic with lust
Fingers twined in lengths of hair
Pulling me closer to you
I feel you shudder
Soft moans of longing suppressed
Gazing at eternity
Hearts like drums beating
Ancient rhythms taunting us
With fulfillment’s wild promise
Entwined bodies dance
In surging waves of motion
Drowning in your love’s ocean | |
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4 Comments | |
| The Seed |
Sep 27, 2007 10:41 pm
692 Views | Step into the darkness
Test the waters
Plan to stay
Linger in the silence
While emotions
Slip away
Surging all around you
Water heated
By your need
Fear’s evaporation
Is required
For the seed
Here the soul’s rebirthing
Simulate the
Mother’s womb
Once you’ve left the chamber
Leave your anger
In the tomb
Reach out for the starlight
Seek the future
In your dreams
Once you’ve found the pathway
Travel down its
Gentle streams
Follow to the garden
Where the roses
Ever bloom
See the forest started
Gifted by you
In that room
Yours the heart that lingers
Hoping for a
Second chance
Still, it never started
He departed
From the dance
Deep the love that echoes
Waiting for the
Sun’s first glow
Answered from the valley
Deep beneath an
Endless snow
When he’s heard the whisper
Heart’s unending
Lilting call
He will know that time has
Come to find him
After all.
Celebrate potential
Destination
Never known
Dance beneath the tree grown
From the greatest
Seed you’ve sown. | |
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6 Comments | |
| Believing |
Sep 26, 2007 9:35 pm
937 Views | I lay in bed and whispered words into the darkness. They were words no one would ever hear and so I felt safe uttering them. "I believe you mean for me to have all that will make me happy. I am content to wait for your time and your way. What will be, will be." And then silence reigned over the room.
I lay there quietly thinking on the words I had spoken so softly. Sometimes there is no silence when my mind is ringing with thoughts. I wanted to call out....please, let it be soon; please, let him love me very much; please, let him be a good man; please, let me be good enough... Ah, my style of meditation. Back to the center, Ari.
"I believe you mean for me to have all that will make me happy. I am content to wait for your time and your way. What will be, will be."
And my mind whispered back...liar.
Shhhhh. We have to focus on the positive aspects of the meditation.
It grew louder. LIar.
Shhhh. Stop it. You can do this. Focus. Believe...the universe wants me to have all that makes me complete...happy. It will be.
I hear the booming....LIAR.
Ok...I'm lying. So stop it now. Focus.
"I believe you mean for me to have all that will make me happy. I am content to wait for your time and your way. What will be, will be."
You don't really believe that.
Yes, I do. I believe it with all my heart.
No, you don't. You want it yesterday. You keep trying. If you believed it...you would just let it be.
Shut up. I don't want to hear another word out of you.
I know...too bad. I have lots of words to say.
Bite my butt and shut up.
Ick. Nope. But you have to face reality. How can you say anything you are saying if you don't really believe?
Well...I have to learn to believe. I'm teaching myself to believe.
That means you have to shut up that other half of your mind so it stops doubting and wanting.
I can do that.
I don't think so.
I have a dirty sock.
Yeah, so?
It will fit in your mouth.
Nasty, aren't we?
You irritate me.
Yes, I know. So how do you learn to believe?
I do all that I can to focus on believing...and to close my mind down when it doubts. I drown it out with words of affirmation.
You really think you can drown me out?
I really think I'm going to strangle you and it won't be a problem.
Oh. Do you think I will go easily?
You never have before, why would today be any easier?
It won't. You are lying to yourself.
Fine...fine...oh Lord and Lady, leave me alone. I'm trying. Stop pushing me to fail.
I don't want you to fail...I just want you to face reality. Do you really think all this crap works?
Yes, I do think that or I wouldn't waste my time with it.
So...how do you convince us of it?
I don't know. I simply keep working at it...and I beg.
You beg? You? I doubt that very much.
I do, though. I beg...and I believe. Lord and Lady...Guide my eyes so that I can see the beauty of the Universe...so that those pieces I need to learn are always shown to me in the time I need to learn them. Guide my ears so that I can hear the words you whisper to me; so that I am receptive as they are spoken to me. Guide my mouth so that I can speak only the truths you give to me without doubt, without insecurity. Guide my heart so that I can feel the truth and believe. Guide my soul so that I walk always in the truth you bring to me. Guide me to be all that you would have me be...and more.
I whispered the prayer several times until that inner voice fell silent...and then joined in...and I was at peace...and sleep came to me. | |
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16 Comments | |
| Ari Giggles |
Sep 26, 2007 9:09 pm
718 Views | I've been forbidden to take another long vacation. Yeah right. Next year I get three weeks...oh yeah, and I worked extra hours for the extra days...so I still have another hmmmm....lol....56 hours vacation left to use before the end of the year. Well, well, well....
I actually told one of the managers...if Jon would just let me phone my work in...I'd move to North Carolina. He told me "All the gain with none of the pain...let me go talk to him." lol...hmmmm....I'm thinking we have a butt kicking in order.
I slept so many hours last night...and then went to bed at an unusually early hour...that I was up at 3:30 this morning. Have I mentioned that I loathe mornings? Have I told you that whoever invented mornings should be drawn and quartered...or hung at dawn...I could flipping care less...I won't be up to see it. But...being up early meant I was WIDE awake when I got to work. That's a scary concept.
For everyone else.
Some of us enter the lotto together...we all put in $2 when the kitty is over $60 mill. Today's drawing was one of those. So, the manager dude who collects all the moolah and buys the tickets came to collect...moolah. I didn't want to go in my office...someone might have thought I should work. I told him I had money in my desk drawer...so he asked if he had my permission to get in my drawers...lol...why not, everyone else does. OMG... I can't believe I said that to him.
They tell me I was grinning like a cheshire cat today. What the heck does that mean? I have no idea what they think I was grinning at, but it got me watched....all day. They tell me I was in an absurdly good mood...and making very bad jokes. Very bad as in not very funny...except to me. While they looked at me like I was stupid, I was still giggling. I think I needed some more sleep.
Michelle lost a key today. It took me exactly one minute to find it in the safe place she had hidden it. She asked me to marry her. Hmmm...uh no. Thanks. That's about her fifth proposal. I wonder how her husband would feel about that? I'm pretty sure I'd just get to be the live-in baby-sitter. Of course, I worship the ground the baby walks on.
Actually, by the end of the day, they had decided that I must be very tired and need a nap...and that I must get silly and giggly when I'm tired. I'm still thinking about that one. I'm rarely silly or giggly at home unless I'm on the phone or one of my friends are over. I always thought I got crochety when I was tired.
Well, now that I've written a totally worthless blog...I think I can safely bounce off walls a few more minutes and crawl into bed. I did pay my bills tonight...so the day wasn't totally wasted on Ari giggles... | |
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6 Comments | |
| Is this all there is? |
Sep 25, 2007 10:58 pm
1132 Views | Don't take this wrong...I'm not hurting, nothing is wrong...but sometimes the loneliness creeps in when the night is long and dark. Sometimes the emptiness fills us and we wonder...is this all there is? Is there nothing more?
I know that there is more...and I know that in time it will find each of us...but there are moments when I am filled with self-pity and wonder....when is it my turn? What do I have to do to earn it? When will it find me...or me it? Is this all there is....for me?
And so...since I refuse to live in self-pity..and I refuse to dwell on what I cannot have...I offer this...a hug to each one of you who is feeling the same way tonight.
This is not all there is...and I know...that it will all come to you. I know that in my heart. | |
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34 Comments | |
| The Secret Universal Mind Meditation |
Sep 25, 2007 8:37 pm
652 Views | A short time ago, we were all talking about the book "The Secret". A number of us felt that reading the book had changed the way we looked at the world...and the way we expect life to happen to us. For me, the book has changed a lot of my outlook on my own life.
The main point of the book is that when we "expect" things to happen badly, to go wrong, the Universe gives us just that. When we fret and worry about it, we bring those things to fruition. I hadn't really thought about that concept too much, but there is a lot of validity to that. In my life, I have often expected everything to fall apart..and it has indeed done so...over and over again. Since I moved here, since I started with this company, so many great things have happened that I've learned to expect things to go well. Perhaps that also impacts how I do things, because they have, indeed, gone very well for me.
So, I ordered the cd to go with it. "The Secret Universal Mind Meditation". I found it at One Spirit book club which is perhaps my favorite place to order books from. I listened to it off and on all for the last several days and I have to say, it has had even more impact on my perspective...and my view of the world, than the book did.
I anticipated that it would basically follow the book, but it did not. It is, in it's entirety, a meditation intended for you to use as you go to sleep at night. It talks over and over about the idea that our "God" wants great and wonderful things to happen in our lives, and that when we expect them to come to us, they will. We do not choose the method or the timing, we do not "push" for them to come...we simply expect that they will...and the Universe provides for us. It is comprehensive, simple, unique. If you are attempting to listen to the words, there are moments when you hear two voices at once, each at different points of the meditation. There are moments when you hear no voices, which are reported to be subliminal messages. The cd uses delta wave technology which we are supposed to internalize more readily, absorbing it as we sleep.
I have listened to the cd at work a number of times, always finding it relaxing, but not sleep-inducing. I whip through my reports in rather swift order, finding there is no disruption to my thought processes...but I feel totally relaxed as I do so...which is a wonderful thing...and allows my thought processes to function more effectively. This is, however, not the recommended method for using it. The recommended method is to listen to it as you go to sleep each night for six weeks...which is the length of time they say it takes for us to internalize changes in our lives. I am also following the recommended method.
I hope that, if you found "The Secret" to be a useful tool...you will also give the cd a chance. Thus far I have found it to be not only relaxing, but also enhancing of the material I have been working so hard to internalize into my life. | |
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2 Comments | |
| What's in your sandwich? |
Sep 25, 2007 8:13 pm
688 Views | Oh dear, it was a hectic day at work today. I reviewed the expiring lease we needed to renegotiate and gave my boss the pertinent details. We discussed the offer we intended to make...and went into the meeting. I was pleased with the end result of the meeting, but the entire day seemed to be wrapped up in this meeting, when I had a number of other projects to work on. Oh well. I enjoyed it...and I was instructed to order business cards, not for a Junior Accountant, but for the Production Accountant. Did that make my day? Heck yes.
I felt a headache coming on as I walked out of the meeting. It had nothing to do with the meeting; that was simple and straightforward. But I had been feeling lots of pain at the base of my skull half the day and never took a pain pill to resolve it. I know better than that.
So, I came home...took a pain pill, and lay down for awhile. I thought I might read, but I couldnd't focus on the book for the pain between my eyes. So, I turned off the lights and eventually fell asleep. I didn't wake up for 3 and a half hours, but when I did wake up, the pain was gone, although I felt sluggish and disoriented. Glad it didn't last the whole night.
I was hungry though...and it was already 8. What to eat, what to eat. Hmmm...a sandwich. Ok, I can live with that. I don't just do a sandwich, you know....I like to have a sandwich with bursts of flavor so...I take an oval tortilla shell, whole wheat, and put some deli-sliced honey baked ham and turkey on it. Slivers of Muenster cheese are soft and lightly flavored. A couple of lettuce leaves and slices of tomato, roasted red pepper and red onion enhance the flavor of the meat and add bursts of intense flavor. Some avocado mashed into a spreadable form...and maybe some bean sprouts or roasted eggplant slivers...and I have a wonderful sandwich I can enjoy. The best part is...it's not just a sandwich...it's a very healthy meal.
So...when you make a sandwich...what's your favorite blend of flavors? | |
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6 Comments | |
| Too Much Love? |
Sep 24, 2007 8:25 pm
1029 Views | I left work a little early today. Well, early for me. I wanted some time alone and I wasn't focusing on what I needed to do. It was ok, actually. I'd just finished a rather lengthy project going over the year-to-date inventory...and tomorrow I will be in a meeting to discuss renewing a lease and beginning my royalty audit. Ah, busy, busy. I like it that way. The days fly by when we are busy.
I put my headset on and don't hear a word around me...I simply focus on the task at hand and crank the tunes. Of course, the rest of the office has to deal with foot tapping, raucous singing, chair dancing...and since I added an extension cable to my headset...the occasional moments when I get up to file documents and dance across my office. What can I say? I'm all the entertainment you could ask for. Of course, most people wouldn't ask for it. Today the tunes were Dido...which I love but probably shouldn't sing. We'll see what I'll choose for tomorrow.
Anyway...where as I? Oh yes...I left the office early....hmmm...didn't I say that before? Well...I can't see it on my screen so I must not have. It was cold here today. The average temp was about 37 degrees. I like it that way although, since I was wearing shorts, I stayed just mildly chilled. Nice.
A walk seemed out of the question...so I took a walk. I went to the park and sat at the springs for a while. The springs are a natural carbonated soda springs. It always amazes me how many people come to fill bottles of this nasty water up and drink it. They swear it has medicinal properties. I know that I've seen dead animals (like deer) in the creek feeding into the spring. No way in heck I would drink that nasty stuff. I'd rather shoot myself in the butt with a bazooka. Hmmm...was that a bit extreme? Prolly not.
So...I sit at the spring and I wonder where I'm going with my life. What are the choices I've made recently and am I happy with them? Am I making the most of my world? What do I really want from life? What do I need in life?
As I sat there, I understood that what I need in life is simply to let go and be. I have so many "things"...and they simply don't matter to me. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't want them stolen...but I often give away things...because they don't mean so much to me. So...I've come to the conclusion it's time for me to weed the house out and narrow down the quantity of things I have in my life. I need to make room for change...for possibilities. Right now, I am so cluttered there is no room for anything in my life. I don't like living cluttered. It feels chaotic.
So...not things. Maybe money. I'm not well-off, but I live reasonably comfortable. I like my life. I have to exercise a fair amount of caution about spending...and honestly, most of the time I'm so flipping cheap I can't be bothered to spend the money. But when I do....I do. Hence...the things. lol....vicious circle, isn't it? All that money means to me is the flexibility to do as I choose. I want to keep enough money to know I will be ok for some time if I were to lose my job. I'm not there right now, but my money is all going into my house and school. In time, I will get there. Beyond that....I could care less. money is not the be all and end all of my life.
Love? Well yeah, love is really important to me. It is, perhaps, the most critical part of my life. I would tell you...and probably have....that most of my life was filled with people who used love to break me...to gain what they needed from me. In the last few years, however, I've come to find love that enriches and grows. This place, with all the deeply caring, giving people I've met, has changed my life. Who'd have ever thought it would be Idaho? This place, with people who don't encourage or deny....simply allow me to be who I am...has offered me so much room to test my own limits.
Now...I won't say it's perfect. I know that if I were to say something rude...the odds are I would be saying it to someone's wife, mother, son, husband....and it would impact my world directly. So...I had to learn to control my mouth a little bit...and my temper...and my impulsive smart-ass comments (minimally)... I had to learn to be more considerate of others than I had ever been. This place taught me some restraint...and I sorely needed that.
Additionally, I found FF. This place taught me love. Lord and Lady, you all love so much. Yes Riny...people say I love you too easily. People call one another friend too easily. But....when we see it so in our hearts...we make it so in our lives. This place taught me that people could love me without needing to beat me with words or fists. This place taught me that people could see the woman inside me...without being intimidated by her.
I tend to intimidate people. Have I told you that? I'm extremely smart...I'm extremely driven...I'm extremely motivated...I'm extremely passionate...I'm extremely naughty. Notice all the extremes? That's me. It's who I am...almost constantly. I am high energy...and for some people, that means high maintenance. I had a boss once who decided I was high maintenance because he dreamt about me. I almost asked him if his wife knew he did. Naughty Ari. But...I knew he dreamt about me because he totally loathed me...and I him. I challenged him and he couldn't deal with it. I stood up to him and wasn't the good, obedient, subservient woman he thought I should be. I teased him just as I tease others rather than making him an icon on a pedestal. My boss. Butthead.
Love means not having to be intimidated by me. Be challenged by me...that's not a bad thing...and challenge me in your own way. Share my passions, encourage my drive, inspire my motivation, test my intelligence...and love the gifts I bring to a relationship.
I bring weaknesses too. I'm very emotional. I can be very defensive because I don't believe in myself well. I'm very stubborn...but if you can present a solid argument, I'll back down. I can be quite lazy...although I think that's a side effect of how very busy I stay. I can be obsessive...but that decreases if the world stays reasonably unchaotic. I'm no one's saint, no one's doll, no one's idea of a perfect woman on a pedestal. I'm just me. Just as you are just you.
Love. I have so much love inside. I showered my ex with love in our marriage. I gave until I realized it was all he wanted in the relationship...for me to give. What mattered to me...didn't matter to him...including me. So, I learned to shower my daughter with love. And in time, I found that she grew just as ungrateful...and then I began to see some patterns. As I backed away and allowed her to give...to find her way...took more care of myself and my needs...my daughter began to be...more receptive, more giving, more loving. Sometimes we can smother with our love. Perhaps that is my problem.
I love to give of myself...it is the prime motivation for me. When I love, I tend to give all of me. Perhaps that is too much for anyone to handle. But then...in this place...I find something different. I can love with all of me here. I can give all of me that I choose to spare in this place. There are so many people I choose to love...that I am less likely to suffocate any one person. So....I give love to Carolyn, Kelly, Cat, Misty, Smeagoll, Jake, Jeff, Kassam, Michelle....you see what I mean....and no one gets so much they feel "smothered" by me.
How much is too much love...and how do we know when we are giving "too much"? And honestly...don't slap me, Misty and Kelly and Lisa.....how come I always feel like I do it wrong? | |
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26 Comments | |
| My Journey of Trust |
Sep 23, 2007 10:39 pm
784 Views | Somewhere in time...when my time has come and my world is complete...somewhere in time I will find this moment again...until then...I simply choose to share it with each of you. For each of my friends...as you close your eyes and journey with me....take your dearest loved one along as your companion...and I will journey with the past...and the future. Be at peace. I wish this blog to be peaceful and filled with love for this one night.
Now come with me.....
Tonight I finally sit here...at peace with my world. Sometimes it is difficult for me to slow down sufficiently to sit in stillness. Tonight is not one of those times. I sit here and feel the stillness within....and the stillness without.
It was a cold and blustery day in my corner of Idaho; a precursor of the winter to come. I am, as always, quite eager for the colder weather; insane woman that I am. If I had an ocean here, I would not mind the heat; but there is no ocean...and I suffer much when the temperature rises.
Ah, I did not mean to be so distracted. My apologies to you. I meant to guide you, with me, into a place of love and light. And so, I invite you to join me, as you will, in the journey I must take this night. I would not be alone...and I would love your company.
Close your eyes and let the world dissolve around you. It is as nothing. Feel the presence of the wind as it wafts over your skin. Do you smell the soft scent of lavender as your hand reaches for mine? Sit in stillness until the scent fills your lungs; until it is part of your very breath. Sit in stillness until you can feel the soft fingers caressing yours. Sit in stillness and join your heart to mine.
For this one journey, for this moment in time, walk at my side, hold my hand, feel the love I share with you blanketing you; for I do love you. Walk with me into the mists that blanket my hidden world. Step into the softness of the moss that drapes the ground I walk upon. It is a beautiful place and you will see all of it shortly. Only take a moment to walk with me...and hold my hand to keep me ever close to your side.
Close your eyes, beloved, and trust that I will allow nothing ever to harm you. Close your eyes and put your faith in me. My love for you will shield you from all that harms. My heart will wrap you in warmth that nothing may approach. Hold fast my hand and follow as I lead. Allow all need to control, to see, to guide...to pass. Relinquish that need to me and believe that I have only love for you in my heart.
Step carefully, my love, over the fallen log that blocks your path. Exactly so, one foot over...and now the other. Feel you the softness of the moss against your feet? Step upon the path now, and feel the texture of the wood beneath your toes. It is good to feel. Stand quite still and spread your toes wide. Press them into the wood and feel. Feel deeper, love...feel deeper until you can feel the vibrations of Gaia surging upward into your veins. Enjoy the rush of energy she gives and pause a bit...until you can feel the wisdom of her words filling you. Allow her to guide your steps as I continue to keep you safe from all that would harm. Her heart is pure, my love...and she wishes you only love and joy.
Continue along the path, dear heart. Feel the subtle pressures of my fingers as they guide you; feel the warmth of Gaia's path as she leads you. The path inclines yet it is well. Worry not, for it will lead you to the place my heart wishes you to see. Follow at your own pace, beloved. I will move only so swiftly as you choose. Walk with me into serenity.
You feel the wind increasing and I can feel the matching rhythm of your heart. I sense the tiniest trace of fear in your heart. Fear not, love, for I am with you. This is the expression of love; this is the experience of trust. Trust in me as I trust in you. Allow me to prove to you that in all, I will give to you all that you need me to give. As I will expect from you...all that I need you to give. This is life, my love...the ability to trust with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our body. I would ask you to trust me..as you would ask me to trust you.
Can you feel the openness of the space? Does it make you nervous? Do not peak. Simply stand here, in this particular place. Stand in stillness and feel the wind whispering in your ears. It whispers to you with my voice; it sings softly of the songs I would share with you. I wish to feel you, love. Hold wide your arms and let me rest against you; leaning back until your chest cradles me. Yes, just so, wrap tight around me and hold me close. Feel my hair whipping against your face in the wind. Hear my voice in her whispers even though you know I do not speak.
And now, beloved, I would have you look. We stand at the top of the cliff, in the place I love most, watching the ocean surge and crash around the rocks below us. Do you see the tiny fairies dancing on the surf as it sprays against the shore? This is my world, my love, my place to be and to recharge; this is the place I would bring you every day so that you could feel the power, the innocence, the clarity she gives to me. Hold me closely, love, lest I fall into her spell and long to feel her arms. Keep me grounded to this place, to your heart, in your soul.
Turn me round and take the kiss her passions ignite in you. Let me feel your need merge with mine...until nothing is too great...no height, no depth, no distance is too far...for I am here...and I wait patiently...for you to come.
Come to me, beloved...on the wings of the wind. My arms ache to hold you. | |
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4 Comments | |
| My Thanks |
Sep 23, 2007 12:18 am
1122 Views | I do want to say something about the last few days. It's not my style to threaten to leave, but it's also not my way to just walk away without a word. I have so many friends here who I would not want to worry or hurt.
It was a trying week...and some of it was very painful. It seemed easier to close doors and run like hell. It always has. Deep inside I still see me as that frightened woman hiding in a corner.
But, Kelly is right. With your help, with her help, with a lot of hard work....I'm not that woman anymore. I might fall back temporarily, but I don't stay down.
I'm not letting my ex chase me away from this place...from all the relationships I've built here. I'm not letting anyone control me to that extent. I may slow down a bit because of my schoolwork...but I am not leaving.
I wanted to thank those of you who called to find out if I was ok. I want also to thank those of you who sent me emails. I am still responding to them. Your caring touched me very much. Your offers of shoulders and ears without intrusion were so very generous. I don't deserve the gifts I've been given here...but I am grateful for each and every one of you.
May you always know the generosity you've shown. May you always feel the love you give. May you always have friends to lift you...as you have lifted me.
I hope you truly know how much I love each one of you.
Always,
Arreana | |
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24 Comments | |
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