| Nightmare Dreamscapes |
Jul 8, 2008 2:13 am
873 Views | Laughter rolls off your lips as you turn within the arms of one who lights your world with love and laughter. You look into his eyes and see the pleasure which fulfills your soul and then the flash of something silver. There is no pleasure, only pain as you twist against the searing in your skin and bitter screams resound within your head. They do not cease but fling you forward from your sleep with only the memory of the joy in his eyes....and the pain in your heart.
I waken to the sound of screaming and realize in disquiet that it is me. Heart racing, I throw myself up from the bed and I am disoriented as I think first that I must silence the screams and end the fear. It is time to rise and work on the house...oh no, it is a work day and I have risen late. What knife penetrated my back as I lay sleeping? Just a work day, am I truly late? It's 2:28 and I have awakened in the night because....I am dead.
Rising from the bed I try not to think of what has passed through my sleeping thoughts. A cup of coffee sounds wonderful and it takes very little effort to pour a cup and place it in the microwave. Such a reassuring shade of blood that curls within the coffee cup covered with hearts. My heart is shattered and bleeding upon the bed and in his arms I lay dying; one last gaze into eyes gone flat and empty. There is no life behind them. Search though I might, there is no joy within them.
I'll eat a cracker, it will bring me out from the discomfort of the dream. It is not that I can see this thing happening, although, I wonder if that is entirely true, but that I do not wish to remember even the night-spun fantasy.
"Most people say their dreams intensify and become much more vivid."
"I'm not sure I need to have more vivid dreams....they are already vivid enough."
"The dreams are typically not violent or disturbing in any way. The most common side effect is the enhancement of the fantasy world. Basically, most people experience more intense erotic dreams."
"You have no clue."
"It's not going to hurt you, Ari."
The heat of the coffee stings my lips as I sip from the cup. No longer blood, but the drink is...still disquieting to my exhausted body. The sense of security I had gone to bed with is not only disrupted but totally gone. Check the locks on each of the doors.
My heart breaks as I remember barely heard laughter in the midst of all the screaming in my head. What kind of animal laughs as it feasts upon the deaths of its prey? I have that sense of being prey.
Just a dream. It was just a dream. Let it go. Blood pooling on the clean white cotton sheets until there is little trace of the white. It was just a dream. Take another drink of the coffee.
So bitter it tastes. I don't want more.
Let your mind wake up completely. It will soon go away and be forgotten in the mists of the night.
I woke up screaming. I still feel the echoes of the screams inside my heart.
You are just fine. Wake up, little one. Wake up.
I'll write it out so it leaves my soul and I no longer need to think on it.
And words upon the page as my thoughts are poured from my mind onto a pristine page of blog. I do not want to see them ever again, yet they will be memorialized. How then did this help me?
Let it rush from you and fill every space except those within your mind.
I cannot feel him in my world.
You have blocked yourself from all feeling except the fear, the pain, the rage. Let go the emotions and reach out to feel him. He is fine. You are fine. All is well and you have wakened, no longer dead.
How can I be no longer dead? I am no longer dead. He is no longer dead? So much to consider in the emotions experienced.
Nothing to consider, only a vagrant passing thought that someone wished upon you.
And I dreamed it.
And now...it is simply words upon a page within a blog. Nothing more.
Nothing more. I'll go back to bed and finish out the night hoping not to revisit the place of pain.
And so I rise from the chair, turn off the computer, and as I walk away, I walk directly into the blade once again....and waken screaming from the pain. | |
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