| Promises to Keep..... |
May 19, 2008 11:58 pm
558 Views |  | In an instant...this moment will have passed...and all that might have been...will be no more. New possibilities creep in with each breath we take; new dreams arise to fill us with hope. There are no guarantees in life; no promises that the sun will ever lift itself to shine upon us. Yet there are promises to be kept. Some promises are only whispered in the depths of night when the only sound to be heard is that of your gentle breathing.
My mind floods with the emotions that I feel at the sound of your voice; laughter that resonates in the deepest corners of my heart. I do not know the answers...nor even fully yet the questions. Still, I know that there are tendrils of hope you have sent me...a dream that only two can fulfill; a course that only two can walk. No promises that ever we will walk this path, yet still....promises to be kept.
What is today is not necessarily what will be tomorrow. Time changes all and in your journey there is much you have done to smooth your own path....yet still...you walk it in solitary silence. If determination could win battles there would be no more, for you would have won them all. Hold tight to that dream; to that strength; to the faith that what we will...can be. Another promise yet to keep.
You stand alone upon the barren ground, facing all that comes to you with only what you can muster of your own. I tell you truly, love...reach out your hand and I will take it. Let me be the rock you lean against....as you have been for me. Let me be the ear that hears your pain....and the arms that hold you close so that none will ever take your strength again. As you hold me up and bring laughter to my spirit when it is broken...so let me hold you. I am not weak; I am not afraid; I want only to give to you as you give to me...with open heart, with confidence, with trust, with love. My promise to keep.
As one can be bent in the winds of frustration, two can hold strong to one another. As one can fail from weariness, two can find strength in one another. As one can find silence echoing with loneliness, two can find it rings with companionship. There are no promises, love...and no opportunities if we fail to reach out and take them. Reach out your hand to mine...trust that always will I hold it tight....and know that what strength I can loan...is yours...always...from my heart....to yours. A promise I will always keep. |
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| My Way |
May 19, 2008 11:32 pm
589 Views | Have you considered the concept...that you can do anything you want to do? It's been in my mind for several weeks now....and I've taken advantage of some of the actual benefits of it...but I'm not sure I really fully internalized what that means until a conversation I had with Kelly last night...and a conversation I had with Flo tonight.
My ex often felt that he had no voice in how things were done in my house. In some regards...that was true. I wouldn't let him put his die cast cars all over my living room...which is decorated with american indian pieces (mostly NOT genuine...since I really can't afford them)...and eagles. But...I also felt I had no freedom to choose...because a choice he didn't agree with resulted in an argument...a fight...at any rate...the knowledge that there would be a serious price to pay for doing it my way.
A week ago, I asked my sister to walk through the house with me and tell me what tasks were the highest priority. She was pretty huffy when she told me I needed to just get the front porch done....and finish everything Mer had started but not finished...and don't touch remodeling that bathroom. I really thought she'd be more concerned about the water damage in the bathrooms...but ok.
I've been a little frustrated with the idea that my family continually calls or comes by to tell me what I need to do in what order. Bite me, baby. Sometimes I want to just say...back off...let me do it my way. Tonight...I got to thinking about what I'm doing. I'm listening to each one of them...considering what they say...and continuing to plan things exactly as I want it.
Sure...I started with the front porch...with the nice weather I could finally get out there and move all the garbage piled up on it...and begin finishing it. The job is time sensitive since we have such a short warm season. But....when the weather turns....I'm going to tile my other kitchen counter....rip out my entry way and fix it...and if there's enough time prior to next summer....start on the back bathroom.
Ok...maybe I really can't handle it all alone. So what? I can hire someone to change the plumbing...assuming it can be changed...cause it's gonna suck if I can't do the bathroom as I have it planned....the rest? Heck...it's not hard to hang drywall. It's a pain in the butt to sand it, though. I might want to hire someone to tape, mud, and texture it. It can't be that terriby expensive in such a small room.
Realistically....I think I'm doing this the smart way....I listen to people....try not to say the wrong thing...and then go do....what I was going to do to begin with...unless somehow I've been convinced that my plan has a flaw. This is my time for me; my time to choose...what I want....how I want it...when I want it....my priorities. It's important to me to be able to walk in my house and see it taking shape. The entry way is not such a big renovation....it's primarily demolition, drywall, and tiling. But the sense of accomplishment it would give me to have a finished room....the satisfaction of walking into the house and seeing it opened up and looking great...personally...I think that's priceless. | |
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