|
Meet your Special Someone™
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
|
|
|
| I'm Running Away |
Mar 1, 2008 5:59 pm
1209 Views | I worked today. I hate working weekends...but I think I'm going to be working tomorrow as well...although...I can work tomorrow at home.
It was a pretty long day...longer than a regular work day, in fact...and when I left...I just wanted to get home. So...I headed down the plant road...just in time to get behind a tanker that decided he needed the entire road.
Slow...slower...EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Could you move your butt!!!!!!!!!!! Which he finally did and I whipped around him at a relatively fast rate of speed. Ok...I was flying.
Turned onto the highway and it's beautifully clear in spite of the snow today...so I was flying faster...lol...hmmmm...
I passed the cop while I was doing 90 in a 55 mph speed zone. Oooops. Here we go...my first ticket in some....9 or 10 years. Not that I haven't DESERVED them...but I've been rather lucky that they haven't caught me.
He walks up to the car and I'm sitting there with my license and registration already in my hand. He looks them over and says, "Did you know your registration is expired?"
Well hellfire. This is going to be a pretty mess.
"No, I didn't realize I'd forgotten to send it in."
"Do you know your front license plate is missing?"
"Yes, it was snapped off against a snow bank." Don't ask...just don't ask.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
Nope...I'm a retard....
"I think I was doing...about 90."
"Ma'am...you were doing 93. Do you know what the speed limit is?"
Nope...never been on this road before...oh yeah...my license says I live on this road.
"55."
I kind of want to hide cause I know I've been stupid and I deserve what's coming...but the local cops really like to make you feel stupid.
"Is there a reason you were driving so fast?"
"Yes. I am running away."
OMG...the look on his face.
"Excuse me?"
"I was running away."
"From whom?"
"Not from a whom...from work. And if they catch me...they're going to make me go back and they're going to shackle my foot to the desk."
At this point he's choking.
"Would you like to report them?"
"I've honestly thought about it; but I'm afraid they'd charge me butt rental for every day I've sat in my chair. They are quite vindictive, you know."
"You're Ronda's sister, aren't you?"
"I am...how did you know?"
"You bear a very strong resemblance to her...and only someone related to her would come up with a story like that."
He hands my license and registration back and says...
"Slow down. Ronda isn't going to like it if we have to scrape you off the pavement."
Holy crows....I didn't get a ticket?
I need to run away more often.
This is me....running away. | |
|
50 Comments | |
| Introspection |
Feb 29, 2008 9:17 pm
804 Views | *a brief note...this piece is written from me...to me. It is my personal introspection as I wade through some of the garbage in my head. While part of this piece are indeed written to other people, the entire piece is not directed at any one person...nor has anyone done anything hurtful to me....I only want to work through some of the things that have always....tormented my own thought processes. And...in all honesty...I simply allowed my thoughts to wander all over the place as I wrote. Truth...
I seem to feel my thoughts more closely when night has closed down all light…all sensation. I sit here in the darkness and simply feel the keys before my hands. I do not think of the words I want to say. I begin with a simple thought and let the thoughts lead from one place to another. I have this thought in my head; but the words do not come easily. They stumble like falling bricks bouncing off the broken wall of a derelict building. Am I that derelict building?
Am I so broken inside that I cannot be restored? Am I so hungry that I cannot listen with my ears; with my heart; that I cannot find that corner of peace I search so assiduously for? What tears at the tissue fine membrane of joy that I wrap around my soul as if to cloak it from all pain? Can I protect myself from pain? There is no protection, there is no safe haven, there is emptiness. There is only longing for what I cannot find, for what evades my most penetrating stare into the recesses of my mind. What have I done?
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog. I keep few secrets; hold few cards close to my chest. In truth it feels most honest to open my life to the world and allow my actions to be judged openly; clearly….so that I may read the judgment on the stars and recognize the sentence. You do not assign the sentence; only I have the ability to rip my heart from my chest and throw it on the ground where it is trampled; uncaring; unseeing; footprints driven into the flesh until the pointed heels penetrate and life blood spills upon the filthy ground. It is no more fitting than that I, who know my sins so well, should choose the penalty I pay.
My words reach out to wrap you in my soul; to drape you in the silken colors that surround all who come into my circle. I love you so very much; all unexpected and uncertain; this was not the path I meant to take. I walked in silence, studying the pattern of the stones upon the walkway and you stepped into the soft warmth I absorbed from gentle moonlight. Your entry at that most inopportune of times when liquid rain dripped from broken eyes. How could you look upon that shattered doll and find a word to tempt your soul?
I do not understand; confusion takes the reins and my thoughts dance to misted vagaries. A pirouette of joy becomes the fallen step which drops me off the pedestal I stand upon to see you clearly. She drapes you in her love and I am dazzled by the dappled sunlight reflected in your eyes. How clear your soul must be to hold so much…peace…generosity…love.
I am no virginal gift granted to the most deserving; the most wanting. I am the test; I am the challenge; I am the maze that tempts you within its chatoyant depths. Whilst shadows and hidden alcoves abound, the lustrous depths of the puzzle draw you to explore; deeper, further; until you can no longer find your way to exit. You are enshrined within the insanity which lingers along the corridors as if residual from all that has gone before.
I search so hard for the core; the place wherein no penalties are required; where hearts are gifts given and received with joy; where dreams are shared and tomorrow is not a mystery or a hope….but a certainty and knowledge. Yet, within that core are only magmatic walls hungry for the completion of passion’s quest. They throb with eagerness as if veins pulsating with need. Feel the hypnotic draw of the surging heat as it draws you deeper into the kaleidoscopic emotions.
Can you feel the questions raging through my unthinking mind as my words are magically spread upon the page? I cannot ask nor can I answer. I cannot hope nor deny. I cannot dream nor awaken. Questions trickle through the passageway of moss-strewn brain cells longing for knowledge, information; destinations only arrived at after time. So little time, so little patience; my soul hungers for all that ever could be….yesterday. The gift I cannot give myself; the love I cannot shower over my own heart; the need to be held within the heat of your love.
The music vibrates through my skin and I am hungry for the touch of your hand yet words will never allow that hunger to be expressed. How cowardly the heart that cannot speak of what throbs so passionately through it’s corridors…and into the darkness...... | |
|
12 Comments | |
| Self Confidence |
Feb 29, 2008 7:06 pm
662 Views | My self confidence is a carefully crafted illusion. When we can visualize what it is we want to draw into our lives, we can focus on that thing…and create it from the mists that wrap our dreams and longings. I believe that with all my heart. I know…I am a dreamer…but look at what I have crafted within my dreams. I have taken shattered pieces of a life that I should have ended years ago…and built something I never imagined I could have. Sometimes I want to slap myself to see if I am still asleep…only still wistfully dreaming of the life I desperately needed to have. Do you ever wonder if you are asleep or awake?
In some settings…I can be arrogant. Dealing with people who irritate me with their ridiculous clinging to all that once was…and can never be again. Times change and we must change with them lest we find ourselves…no longer capable of sustenance. I should refine that statement. Traditional VALUES are desirable; but refusing to change as all about you does…is absurd. To manage a company well, you must be able to somewhat accurately forecast changes in your marketplace…in your suppliers. Similarly…in life…we must be flexible in how we approach the world…or it will break us in two as it blows across us.
In some settings…I can be quite confident. These are the areas of my life where I have built up a wealth of experience which now guides me to make informed and generally accurate decisions. Generally…not always. I am confident in most aspects of my work…usually…although right now I am not so confident. I am confident when I build friendships…I love people and I am generally good at sharing who I am…openly and with love. Generally…not always.
In some settings…I feel like the most inexperienced schoolgirl setting out on a new venture…and scared to death that someone will tell her just how stupid she is. My personal life is this way. It’s interesting that…when I put on a suit, heels, make-up…I can walk into any place and feel completely comfortable. I know who I am…I know what I am…I know what I can do…and I believe in myself. Put me in jeans…take away my cosmetics…and I feel…so inadequate. I don’t know who that woman is. How can I have lived so many years…and not really know who I am at all times?
It isn’t simply being…comfortable. If I can wear loose, flowing clothes that feel as if the lightest wind will blow them away…I am once again…confident. It truly isn’t all make-up I need to have to believe I look good….I do like mascara on my very short eyelashes…and the faintest color of lip gloss….usually almost the same color as my lips already are. Simple things…how can they make me feel…more comfortable in my skin? Put me into clothes I am not instinctively comfortable in…and I lose all of that. Jeans come to mind. I’m really not a jeans kind of woman. Give me shorts all you want…but….I can’t stand how jeans feel on my skin….and I am so uncomfortable…I can’t relax and be myself.
Similarly…I may have all the confidence in the world when I am making friends…but my confidence shrivels into a corner of my mind when I try to build relationships. A piece I am still working on…and it is a daily effort. I am not comfortable when boundaries are amorphous. I am not comfortable with no experience of…what annoys…and what enhances. I am not comfortable when I am testing limits. And when I am not comfortable…I have no confidence.
Do I share too much…not enough? Do I talk too much…not enough…lol…we all know the answer to that one. Am I needy…not needy enough…am I annoying…am I showing you how little confidence I have in myself? Do I seem…cocky…forward…hungry…? I loathe new beginnings.
It’s funny…in my business life…I am considered the most flexible employee. I constantly reach for more…take on new challenges…work with new departments…branch out. In my home life I am the same way…always learning something new…going somewhere I’ve never been before…testing my personal limits. How far can I go before I hit rock bottom? How far do I dare reach in trying new things? What’s next and new that I can try? And yet…when I get to my deepest…most private world…I need to know. I need to feel comfortable. Is that residual from my past? Is it that…nothing was ever comfortable or safe? Is it that I so often got slapped with the unexpected….and learned to be sorry for not knowing the boundaries? How can we be so totally different in our responses?
I want to be the same woman in all aspects of my life. I don’t mind uncertainty…I do mind when my self-confidence is beating me with silent words whispering that I am…..going to do the wrong thing. I know. I have to be myself. But…I have to FIND myself in this area. Where is my comfort zone and why is it so very different from every other part of my life? And how do I silence that voice….that is so afraid all the time….not of someone else…of myself….
Just musing…just considering…just trying to find….where I belong…in myself. | |
|
4 Comments | |
| Last Night |
Feb 29, 2008 6:19 pm
680 Views | I touched the stars last night
Within soft laughter shared;
Fragments of memories,
Tiny whispers of dreams.
You pulled one down
Placing it in my hands
Unknowingly. My heart
Beat to your words.
I felt the sun last night
Bathing us in fresh warmth;
So inarticulate;
Thoughts scattered nervously.
You held me close
Wrapping lambent sunbeams
Around my frozen hopes…
Washed in the glow.
I tasted truth last night;
Fractured bonds fell away;
Frigid fears shattering.
First light of spring beckons.
Awakened needs
Unknown tenderness bleeds
Into one such as I...
Hungry for life. | |
|
8 Comments | |
| My Secret |
Feb 27, 2008 5:18 pm
2161 Views | I'm not much of a game player. I'm pretty direct and honest. Y'all know just about everything that has happened in my life...but there's something I've been a little more hesitant to share...although I've definitely written about it recently.
By nature, I am a playful person...I like to tease and have fun...but I don't like to do anything that can be in any way hurtful to someone else. So, I want to make sure I'm not...misleading anyone.
I recently made a decision to explore a...deeper relationship with someone. Who it is doesn't matter unless he's comfortable with people knowing...but...I don't want anyone thinking I'm still looking...playing with their emotions...or in any way misleading them. This guy definitely lights up my world and makes me feel wonderful...and I hope he can say the same about me. He makes me...believe...that dreams can come true.
And I just want to say, love...that this one's for you | |
|
66 Comments | |
| Things Better Left Unsaid |
Feb 26, 2008 10:49 pm
1088 Views | My brother, my daughter, my step-daughter, my spare son, and both my nephews...all have now set up pages at My Space. I went there tonight for a bit to update my page...which in no way looks anything like I want it to...since I really suck at putting graphics on it..heck...I suck at all of the elements. I'm not fond of the space...other than that some of the pages look sooooooooooooo beautiful...and not as bland as here. I'm not sure I'd be able to write some of the things I write here...wondering how much of myself I'm revealing to my daughter....and how much of her father. She knows I blog here...I don't actually know if she's reading it or not...I haven't had the nerve to ask her.
I'm not moving there right now...I really don't like the place at all...it's too big...too open...too...impersonal. But...I may start blogging there a bit...and I may slow down here. I'm a bit...too open...and sometimes I say...what I should keep as a whisper in my heart. Perhaps I'll be more likely to do so there...knowing exactly how many of my family know I am there. Some things you don't share with those who don't need to be hurt by the words. Some things you don't share...when they are a dream...whispered softly in the night...and your words...expose them to light.
How many of you have blogs at the space? And what do you think of it? And if you do...look me up...at ladys_haven. | |
|
25 Comments | |
| Inventions Are Us |
Feb 26, 2008 10:33 pm
936 Views | Are there any engineering types out there? Inventors? People who can take great ideas and make them happen? Cause....I really want someone to invent a toilet seat warmer..... I'm about sick of having a cold butt.
What inventions would you most like to see? | |
|
11 Comments | |
| A Pretty Toy |
Feb 26, 2008 10:19 pm
787 Views | I am such a fool...putting such stock in simple phrases. A whispered promise of...nothing. And still my heart took flight and danced amongst the stars. Understanding fails me; the most cautious of people, still I let hope take my feet beyond the path I walk in safety...forgetting that there is no net; free falling from a dream.
We hold our hands out hoping that the pure liquid washing over them will wipe the stain from our skin. There is no letting go when past deeds harbor vines that drape us; pull us into place and hold us within the traps we've set for ourselves. Spread out upon the moss of hope; I dared to take a tiny stone and cut upon the ropes. I felt them part; a tiny glimmer of light between the ruptured threads. And in that instant dared to dream of what could be...that I would be set free.
Perhaps the goal becomes the thing; the purpose that moves our hearts to hunger until we can pull each thread apart with strength magnified beyond our capabilities. Then when it is removed; must we fall back within the trap; let the root be sealed with sap falling from the weeping leaves. Do those leaves weep for me?
No more the hunter or the prey, I give that role away to one who needs with deeper faith; who heeds with greater depth...what I cannot. Simply bow my head and walk away from all that will enshrine my heart upon a cold and lonely dais; trembling in fear for the lash's angry bite. Those things you did aren't right; you cannot take a woman's body as your own; she's not your toy...she's not a doll. Stood upon a pedestal to gaze upon as if she were...no more than frigid stone. Ignore the painful groan she didn't mean to utter as her robes are rearranged to suit your taste. Beware the ruby tear.
Heart's blood dripping from alabaster skin; your touch an angry whim that lets you practice as you will. The bruises left don't heal; for you ensure that they cannot be revealed and in the hiding do they scar. Coat her head with tar and shape the pose you'd like to see; she cannot dance for me...or her...the steps have been ordained by your harsh words.
In silence does she stand; skin rent by nails you were too callous to remove. Her heart remembers still, all the dreams that fascinated; you have not destroyed her will. Turn back to see the emptiness you've written on her face; but she is not in place and there's no trace of where she's gone. Did she move on without your pleasure or consent? Her love was spent upon another when you bade her to conceal it from your sight. And in the night....she danced a sparkling dance meant to mesmerize. And in his eyes....
She was a pretty toy...for just...another boy. | |
|
8 Comments | |
| No More |
Feb 26, 2008 9:44 pm
747 Views | It seemed so little I did ask
Freedom from our bitter past
With words you seek to undermine
The strength it took so long to find
You've bound me to you, hand and foot
Until your pain has taken root
Those angry lashes you would share
As if you think I still might care
Put down your hand, unmake that fist
Remove your fingers from my wrist
No more will I be made to feel
As if my soul were yours to steal | |
|
4 Comments | |
| Releasing |
Feb 26, 2008 9:14 pm
657 Views | A little love. That's all I can offer...a heart filled with love to send out when you have need. I have an ear...and I can listen....I have a shoulder that you can cry on...I have arms to hold you close when life hurts and you need someone to care....I have hope that I can whisper into your ears as I try to absorb as much of your pain as I can. Take it away...draw it out...vent to me...let it go...let it fly away from your breaking heart.
I was thinking tonight...about some words Kelly once shared with me...that before we worked on any part of my healing...she would shield herself...partly because that pain and anger shatters outward and slashes into everyone else..partly because there is only so much we can draw into ourselves before we are...overwhelmed with their emotions.
I'm not very good at shielding myself....and in large part because I believe that shielding removes me from the empathy I need to feel to be able to touch another heart. If I can't tie into that empathy....I am only an empty shell you whisper words into. By being open to the emotions...the nuances...the textures of your pain...I can more easily find the words I need to share...the steps you need to take...and the laughter you need to feel...so that you can begin to move away from the breech.
But...every so often...I realize that I am have drawn too much into myself...and I am not a bottomless repository...I need to release that pain into the universe so that it does not tear me apart. That's much more difficult. Generally, I only deal with one or two people at a time...their needs...their pain...their healing. Lately...there have been so many people...and I am overwhelmed with the emotions.
So...if you feel a certain..."tone" in my writings for a short time...there is nothing wrong with me. I am happy...I am recovering swiftly...I have more joy in my life right now than I have felt in a long time....but I have to let out...what has been given to me.
With all my love....
Ari | |
|
0 Comments | |
| To link to this blog (Ari_fairy) use [blog Ari_fairy] in your messages. |
|
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
43
|
51
|
|
63
|
7
|
81
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
121
|
|
134
|
142
|
151
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
192
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
