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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.)
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| Happy Birthday, Carolyn..... |
May 5, 2008 9:32 pm
973 Views |  | 
Happy Birthday, Sis....I hope it is wonderful...and special...and that man does something fantabulous for you.
Now that you are officially OLDER than dirt.....how does it feel?
Happy Birthday Carolyn.....
Love and great big hugs to you.....
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9 Comments | |
| Naughty Minds |
May 5, 2008 9:29 pm
750 Views |  | They named my blow up doll at work. I'm not sharing the name. However, I do have a question for anyone who has a blow up doll....male, thanks...anatomically correct...which was only $5 extra...OMG....I am so going to get even with Michelle. Anyway...my question is....where do you blow it up? Cause....there are some things....that just aren't happening....lol....
Dean came over tonight to try to play with the bird from hell. This weekend she gave him kisses...and nearly climbed on his hand. Tonight she turned her nose up....but let him rub her beak. I'm thinking that's called....getting fresh with the bird. Actually, he came over to get some left over biscuits and gravy. It's not my favorite and I figured he might like something...that's not hot dogs and macaroni and cheese....blech.
I'm not quite sure how we got on the topic....of dating and relationships and what each of us would like to find in the future. Dean wants to get married again...holy crows...how many times is it legal to get married? But he wants to date for a couple of years first...platonically....he says he no longer believes in sex outside marriage. I'll believe that when I see it.
I'm not sure I'll ever get married again. I'd have to really believe in a man to bind myself to him that closely. I do believe in sex outside marriage...but I believe in sex in a committed relationship...not casually. I might consider a handfasting...for a year and a day...and see where that takes us...but....I just don't know if I want to give anyone the key to me again. I still believe marriage is meant to be....forever.
Dean had no clue what a handfasting was...."Is that the same thing as 'do it yourself, Ari?'"....he was blushing when he asked. I had to laugh out loud. OMG....heck no....it's similar to being married...but you can choose to bind yourself for a year and a day...instead of for....all the rest of your days....and it has nothing to do with....what you said, Dean....lol...
He's barely speaking to me now...he's too embarassed. Well ya know...I talk about lots of things with Dean....but...do it yourself is not one of them. I guess I should cut him a break....Michelly thought the same thing. I'm thinking some people have naughty minds....and it isn't me. For once. |
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5 Comments | |
| In Case Tomorrow Never Comes...... |
May 4, 2008 10:36 pm
764 Views |  | Promise me no more than that today....each day...each moment....we will be all that we can be...for ourselves...for one another. That we will give all that we can give...without reservation, without resentment, without fear. Give to me no more than you would have me give to you...expect from me no more than you would give to me. Share all that you are....expect all that I am.
In hesitation lies uncertainty...and in uncertainty...defeat. What dwells within your heart bears truth for you...listen only to your heart....and know that this truth...is what you choose...or reject. Believe that two hearts can beat as one....and one heart can do impossible things.
Know always that each tomorrow is a gift we cannot ask for, but only be grateful for. As daylight fades to night, be thankful for the moments shared...and in your heart...hold tight the hand that holds you tight....and know that love...is always right.
In case tomorrow never comes....remember always...that I have loved you...deeply, fully....and eternally. So mote it be.
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This was not written to or for any single person....or perhaps in a strange way it was...but it ws intended for each of you that I have ever loved....have ever shared my heart with....have ever held near to me....even if only in my heart. Sometimes I forget....to remember...how much I love you.
I do...love you. |
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8 Comments | |
| In Sacrifice |
May 4, 2008 10:15 pm
653 Views |  | What were the secrets hidden there
Inside the place you could not share?
Why did you ask my heart to care
And harbor close the truth I bare?
Heart’s solstice is a healing time
When every thought is made to rhyme
We celebrate the warmer clime
With boughs of lavender and thyme
Unseasonal, the dreams you brought,
When every hope became a thought
So dear the pleasure we had bought
Although the cost…it mattered not.
Your hand in mine, it felt so right,
As did the arms that held me tight
When fear did hold me in its sight
Through ever longer, empty night.
With fiber fine my heart you bound
I ever hungered for the sound
The tenderness you wrapped around…
Indeed you burrowed deep and found…
An unchained love for sacrifice
A bargain cheap at half the price
Unused so you could crush it twice
Within annihilation’s vice.
Successful venture, don’t you know
A rose before the blooms did show
Before she even came to know
The fragrant joy of passion’s glow. |
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0 Comments | |
| Changes |
May 4, 2008 1:36 am
703 Views | This is the first time I've ever lived....alone. When I got divorced, my daughter and I moved in with my mother for an extended period. At the time, it worked well for everyone....since I had a car payment and a horse to support. Now I have this huge old house all to myself.
Actually....it's not that big a house...but sometimes it feels that way. Other times...it feels claustrophobic with...stuff. I've been slowly working my way through the stuff. Since Thursday, I've nearly filled two big trash barrels full of garbage. It's simply amazing how much stuff accumulates....and how much garbage people can leave behind. That part irritates...but whatever.
I've got my living room finished and in great order for my taste now. I still have some remodeling to complete....but it's getting close to the point I'll need to work outdoors first....and perhaps just get the trim cut to put in the living room when it gets cold again.
The dining room is just about in order...although I'd like to make the second upstairs bedroom into a study for the time being...and move my desk and weight equipment in there. The weight bench is too tall to fit downstairs.
My house feels totally trashed right now....I seem to keep moving more and more stuff...and eliminating....and in some places it is piled up waiting for me to get there. It keeps me busy.
I didn't expect the silence to get to me as much as it does. I've been cranking my music and dancing as I work on the house...and that helps a lot....but it's very odd to have no one to speak to at all. I know I will adjust....I just wasn't expecting that.
We went to visit the baby today. It's gotten so cute. Last week it barely looked like a bird....this week it is just adorable....and in two weeks...when I can see it again...it should have some good feather growth started. I love it when I hold the baby....and it just curls up in the side of my neck and burrows in my hair. It's not so great when it has accidents. I must remember to pick up some new rags that I can let him...leak on...lol..
Three of us had gone out for the day....my friend Dean, his best friend Clay (whose also one of my friends)...and me. We went to Pocatello shopping after we played with the babies. Dean and Clay went off and did boy things....looking at guns and tools and hot tub supplies. I went out and got groceries and odds and ends for the house.
I wanted another pair of capris for the warm weather...and I think that was the biggest shock for me today. First....that when I put on the size I usually wear....they slid right back off. I was tickled pink with that. Second....while I did buy one pair of black capris to go with a specific shirt....I didn't buy my usual....neutral tones. I bought bright lemony yellow, soft butter yellow, and vivid orangey-red (ok, Kel....I know I said I hate orange...but it isn't really orange....)....I bought bright, glowing colors....and as soon as I got home....I changed into them.....and I feel....great.
There are a lot of things that...I often say I wasn't allowed to do....when Mer was here. That's not really true....they were things I chose not to do or wear or buy...or whatever...because I knew there would be hell to pay for it. I hadn't realized how much...not just my attitude...but everything about me....would change...when he moved out.
In just a few short days.....almost everything about the rooms I've finished has changed. Colors....textures....personality....it's all me...and it feels comforting and peaceful...and very soft. I haven't made the house....fussy or girly....the colors are still blues....and I still love clean lines rather than clutter or lace....but...Kelly told me....make the house my own haven....and that's what I'm doing. And surprisingly...that's how it feels.
So tomorrow.....I cleanse the house...and bless it. I loathe the scent of burning sage....but I really need the last of the negativity to be gone. I have freshly cleansed crystals ready to go in the corners of the house....and I'm looking forward to feeling some really positive energy filling the house.
For the first time ever....I invited friends who are men into my house....and it was fun...and playful...and there was nothing negative about it. The energy was positive and I am looking forward to having lots more friends in.
I hope....at some point...those friends will include lots of people here....who have come to be such a special...and supportive...part of my life. | |
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3 Comments | |
| Accepting |
May 1, 2008 10:02 pm
Mood: hopeful, 821 Views |  | Does anybody want this snow stuff? Heck...we didn't get much...but Pocatello got eight inches...and it closed the highway for a time today. What's up with all this....almost daily snow?
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I remember when two were made from one....and one again from two. Can you see it in the journal of your mind? It is a wondrous moment when two halves are rejoined; a celebration shared on multiple levels....all of Haven rings with joy.
Her heart was just a broken toy that she had yet to rebuild. Long days had she spent recovering from the history each person experiences. So many shattered dreams across the mists of time and yesterday echoes with the memory. She held it carefully together and bound it with a fine blue filament. It bathed the wounds with healing light and slowly, more slowly than ever the wounds were inflicted, they began to heal.
It wasn't in her nature to wait for the healing to be complete. She often found herself suffocated with impatience as she longed for each tomorrow to hurry it's way along her path. 'Tis not advantageous when one takes not the time to experience fully all that one must learn prior to stepping into a new glade, yet she was never one to exercise caution anyway. It was her way to step into the midst of turmoil and hope she could make sense of it before it devoured her. This was her leaning; this was her path.
Oftentimes, a path is exactly as we make it. We choose the trials and tribulations that will weigh us down for a time by the actions we take. It is not an easy admission for any to make, but in honesty, all must admit that life often does not happen to us...but happens in reaction to us.
Perhaps the actual result was not what we anticipated; but hindsight often allows us to see...exactly how we came to this moment in time.
He thought that she should move more slowly; with caution and with greater wisdom. It was a source of dismay to him that she so often failed to still her feet when she knew that quicksand lay before her. He reminded her that it was her very steps that led her to the place she most disliked. There was no doubt that he spoke truth, but not all can walk their paths in the same manner. Some will walk with slow and measured steps; others will race ahead and take the experiences as they come...without preparation.
It was a most difficult situation, this very gentle man who chose to weigh his actions with a reasonable caution and the woman who often stepped into the deepest mires as she battled for what she believed in...often without considering the price that would be demanded of her. Neither was right nor wrong...each was simply different...each had advantages the other lacked....and each had failings as a consequence of their...natures. And each was strangely drawn to the other...in spite of their differences? Or because of them? |
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7 Comments | |
| Cause of Death |
Apr 30, 2008 10:20 pm
875 Views | Simply as a follow up to the post I wrote about the girl who died this past weekend....the autopsy revealed that she had spinal meningitis. I do not know this disease, nor do I understand how it killed her...least of all as swiftly and painfully as she died...but the answer allows everyone to find closure.
My nephew has returned home...still mostly silent and painfully changed by Alicia's death. He tried to see her family today...to ask that she be buried with the promise ring he had given her some time ago...but they were unwilling to see him. I find that terribly sad...for both her parents...and Ryan...could find comfort in each other.
Sometimes....the choices we make....hurt ourselves...as much as others. | |
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9 Comments | |
| Thank You.... |
Apr 30, 2008 10:15 pm
762 Views | In the past two years...so many of you have reached out hands....and joined me in friendship...and in love. In the past few months...you have taught me a great deal about the willingness to allow another to lean...and the ability to lean when you know the time has come. Never in my life have I had as much support and guidance...as I've had as I worked through...my life...my past...and stepped into a place I always hungered for.
My sister...Kelly...many of my friends...didn't believe I would ever willingly take this step. Everyone knew how much I wanted to....no one was sure I'd ever let myself be free of all that tied me....and some...simply thought I wanted something to complain about. I don't like feeling as if I've spent a long time whining.
Regardless of what anyone else thinks or thought...this was a step I needed to take...in my own time...in my own way. I have often said I needed to do this with love...and not anger...and I needed it to be his choice as much as mine. I always believed the time would come...and it would fall into place...but I'm not sure I ever expected it to go this easy.
Althuogh the past few weeks were tense and difficult....this relationship ended on a positive and friendly note. We are not friends...and probably never will be...but we have a daughter....and a lot of years between us....and there will always be a part of me that is glad...we ended in a way that if we need to....we can speak to one another again...without anger.
Tonight I receive a call from my ex....and I knew he was in Denver from the voices I could hear in the background. I wish I could describe the feelings....relief, joy...and an odd kind of loneliness....that there will no longer be anyone to even speak to in the house. I may be making lots of phone calls in the near future...lol....
It is not an atypical reaction...but I did not expect to feel this way at all. I do not miss the man....but the house feels....strangely empty tonight. I suppose it is much the way I felt when we got divorced...although on a much smaller level...I don't feel any sadness...nor do I think of what I could have done differently....I simply celebrate the sense...that I can begin...once again...to move forward.
In the past few months I've written a lot about my ex. I'm sorry if those words were in any way offensive or...depressing...but it was a step I needed to take...to set myself free. And now...it is only what once was...and the person who walks away from it...has grown stronger from the experience.
As I suspect we do...from all experiences. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Walk in Peace |
Apr 29, 2008 10:26 pm
747 Views |  | It is a final step we take this night; sundering all that ever was. I wish you to know only that I wish you no harm...that I wish all that you dream will come to you...that I wish you laughter and love.
I hope that the discussions we've had these past weeks have led you to a place where you have no doubt that thia chapter of our lives is over. There is no joy for either of us in this place...and none should live unhappy. When we find there is only anger and unhappiness most of the time...we must recognize that there is little to be gained by continuing on that path.
You have much to learn in life...as do I. I wish that you would walk your path with wisdom and safety. I wish that you would find....recognition that not all things are as they seem. I hope that someday you find one who would love you as you need to be loved...but I am not that one...as you are not that one for me.
Sometimes what we think we want most...is not what is best for us...or even what is meant for us. True love is a gift given without expectation in return. It is not selfish nor is it willfully hurtful. It is a flower growing in the sun which takes nourishment from those days of rain....which becomes stronger when the elements are harsh...which blooms again...over and over and over.
This day our paths will at last part and we will each find our own path....as filled with adventure as we choose. I have watched you step from your shell to search for another who will care for you....it is the first step I have seen you take away from your hidden world...in years. Perhaps indeed....this was as necessary for you...as for me.
Take time to live your life. Take time to love living your life. Take time to know that beautiful woman who held us together for so long. She loves you more than she is willing to admit to herself....and she needs you to be a strong part of her life...not a vine wrapped around her ankles. Your daughter is an amazing person who can shower you with an unbelievable amount of love....if you only open your heart and receive it....if you only open your arms to hold her tenderly.
Give to her as you would receive...and the gifts she offers will sustain you far beyond what you imagine....as is true in all aspects of life. Give always...as you would receive.
Let go your anger...let go your fear...let go your pain. I am not the enemy in this venture. I have done...and will do...nothing to hurt you. Only set me free....and in the unbinding...free yourself.
Walk in peace...now and always. |
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5 Comments | |
| 36 Hours |
Apr 28, 2008 9:50 pm
777 Views | In 36 hours, my ex will be gone. He plans to leave around 4 a.m. on Wednesday morning. It's a strange time...but very like him to plan on a time like that. A part of me will be sad that we could not end this relationship as friends...but a part of me is very relieved...and very happy. I've wanted this for a long time...but let fear guide my actions.
I have no idea what to expect out of the next day and a half....I haven't been able to predict his actions at all for the last several days. I've tried hard to keep this ending pleasant...and friendly...but...I think I have failed in ways I didn't expect. He says my sense of humor is gone. Perhaps it is.
I have slowly begun to redecorate my house. I want to have a very different look throughout..since it will now reflect my taste. So....soft periwinkle sheers through the dining room and kitchen...and I have begun shifting furniture and decorations in assorted rooms...and hang curtains instead of blinds in my living room...well...sheers...I like the diffuse lighting.
I want to make the house feel...special...and different. It's definitely been surprising...but it's also helped me to see the house as mine..reflective of me...to let go of a lot of things that happened here....and to stay strong in what I need from him....simply freedom.
There have been lots of moments I've wanted to back down and simply find that temporary peace...but truly...that peace is indeed...temporary...and I don't want to be there anymore.
In spite of everyone's belief that I am an angel...yes...fine...my belief that I am an angel....I haven't behaved like one. I've been very tense and nervous for days...and it's definitely impacted my temper. Surprisingly...at least to me...I've felt relatively capable of dealing with all of this....much the way I did when we got divorced. Why does it take so much to find that strength?
I'm finding that I'm questioning myself a lot lately...my choices, my decisions, my actions, my beliefs, my feelings. It reminds me strongly of my divorce...when I re-established who and what I was. Perhaps we simply need to do that from time to time.
I was in a meeting today...with my boss...and my co-worker...and noticed that he had a book on his desk about emotional health...and it made me wonder....do we all feel...confused...conflicted...uncertain? Because...for the most part...I always thought that was a part of my...particular inability to believe in me. But now I'm really wondering...is it much more common than I realized?
Sometimes I wonder....what is real...and what is simply what we want to be real. Sometimes I think about...who we are meant to be...and how we come to understand that...or if we ever do....and then...I just work out what makes sense to me...and let it go again for a time...but now I wonder....is that something you feel as well? And if so...how do you work through it?
And I wonder...if I take your hand...and walk deeper into the mists...to find the answers...will you walk with me? | |
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6 Comments | |
| To link to this blog (Ari_fairy) use [blog Ari_fairy] in your messages. |
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