 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > The Lessons....Summer Solstice.... |
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I had a lot of time to think today. Sometimes letting me think is a very dangerous thing. I spent a fair bit of time at Kelly's playhouse hugging on a new best friend of mine....and Kelly...and then tearfully left Glenwood. It was tearful. I know it's likely to be awhile before I see Kelly again....and I had truly forgotten how stunning the green growth on the red mountains is. The river was as high as I've seen it in something like 20 years....and it just really planted memories in my heart. A trip to Grand Junction and my mother wasn't home. I went to Sutherlands and bought a jigsaw and a circular saw....then my brother called. I spent way longer there than I wanted to do....but it was a good visit. Unfortunately...I've only just barely gotten home....and I'm way tired. My feet and legs are screaming at me for all the sitting they've done in the last few days. The animals are begging for attention....I have fifty some odd emails...most of them junk....and a dozen phone messages....most of them threatening violence on an innocent sleeping fairy. Dang that old bat. This was a journey of learning, growth, and change for me. I wasn't expecting any of those things....but I got them all. I learned that I'm getting old...and even with my glasses...I shouldn't be driving in busy cities after dark. The multitudes of lights and textures confound my one eye and I can't make sense out of what I'm seeing. Not a fun lesson to learn...but necessary. I found new friends who have walked their own paths and have a great deal to share. People who have become a part of my family....and will always remain there. I learned that I lean...even when it doesn't seem like I lean. I struggle with driving on curvy roads. I have no depth perception....sometimes I feel as if I am way too close to the edge...sometimes too far away. I tend to do a lot of slowing down and shifting lanes. My fingers get imprinted on the steering wheel and my neck and shoulders get tense and stressed. It's not fun for me. I did something totally different this time. I was in Rock Springs....on a road under construction...dark...lots of lights coming at me....curvy....all the elements I'm struggling right now....and I found myself all tensed up over the steering wheel. But then....I just imagined a particular person sitting beside me...."Oh you big baby. You can do it. You can do anything. Let go...you can do it." It was amazing how much I relaxed. It didn't help at all with the lights issue....but I just stopped worrying about the curves. In Colorado, Glenwood Canyon and DeBeque Canyon are two places I really dislike driving. They are reduced speed, very curvy, guard rails, and drops. I was still struggling just a little when Kelly and I went down Glenwood Canyon....but when I came up DeBeque Canyon today....it was cake. The road felt like I knew it from memory and knew just what the car could handle. I should....I drove it twice a day every day for months. But today....I finally let go and let myself relax. It was a wonderful feeling....and I'm delighted to say that I didn't struggle with any of the other curvy roads I tackled today. This morning, Kelly and I were talking and she decided I needed some stones from her personal medicine bag. I was very hesitant to take them because they are stones she selected for herself...for her own needs. Her answer stopped me in my tracks. "They aren't mine. I don't own them. I don't own anything but me." I spent a lot of time today thinking about ownership....and how much we each think we need to "own" things...people...places. "I don't own anything but me." I've been getting rid of a lot of stuff lately...and Kelly's words put that in a new perspective....maybe not one she planned for me to capture....although the things don't belong with me anymore....I think they must belong with someone....and I need to get them on the path to that person. Letting go. We struggle harder letting go of people. Sometimes we want something so much....that we wish it into being. Is it really there or are we figmenting? I'm struggling with a few things....trying to decide if they are real...or if I am...making a tapestry out of a single thread. I do that sometimes. I suspect we all do. We want and hope...and suddenly everything bursts into beautiful moonlight and we glow....alone. Because I want something...doesn't mean you do. I forget that sometimes. I am so enthusiastic about most things in my life...and I bubble over with excitement sometimes...and I forget to wait and see....how other people feel. That's how I made Carolyn my friend...I pretty much told her she was....treated her like she was....and eventually....by golly...she was. We are bestest friends and I adore her....but it doesn't make that pattern right. I have some thinking to do about that. I'm that way about helping people too. I have this innate need to be....needed...to help....to fill the vacancies in other people. If you have a problem...I want to solve it for you. It doesn't make it right...or welcome...or anything but intrusive and controlling. I truly don't want to control....just to help. But....it's another place I need to work through. Maybe you should back away and wait for people to ask for help...not just assume they need it. "I don't own anything but me." For the first time in my life....I own me. I love it. I'll never give that up again. But I can't own anyone else...I can't own anything else...all I can do...is be there...to catch you when you fall, to hold your hand when you ask for it...and to love you with all my heart. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
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6/24/2008 12:27 am |
So inspiring. Good to know all that about you Ari
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 6/24/2008 1:09 am |
you have learned a lot me too with certain things you wrote here. I will leave and think a bit about them   making a tapestry out of a single thread ... one of the things for me to think about
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6/24/2008 1:37 am |
oic what you were thinging about. Best regards, Clarencio  FlashMedic Everyday is a good day. Can you trust them? No so be careful what you say 
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 6/24/2008 4:35 am |
  thanks for reading and as per Dave Allen "May your God go with you"
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6/24/2008 8:57 am |
morning stink--was a bit strange to awake this morning and not have the stinky one here--i treasure and cherish the time we had together--it was waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy to long since we have sit around the catch all and just jabbered---it was hard to watch you drive away--and yet you are with me always in spirit missy-- the last part of this says it all--- love ya even though you is rather stinky--ha ha peace love and laughter kel
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6/25/2008 7:37 pm |
Ya know last weekend seemed to have invoked a lot of reflection. Joanie and I have been talking about it as she feels that way as well. I still don't feel quite the same and I can't quite put my finger on the reason, other then the card reading Kel did for me. Even working with the guys at the job site didn't bring me out of the thoughts. That's one of the big drawbacks to this marvelous technology we use. One meets amazing people and altho phone calls and emails and messenger chats are great, they don't quite fill the void. I like what Kel said about the stones. Enjoy the ride. All you take with you when you leave is the experience.
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6/25/2008 9:50 pm |
So inspiring. Good to know all that about you Ari Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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6/25/2008 9:51 pm |
you have learned a lot me too with certain things you wrote here. I will leave and think a bit about them making a tapestry out of a single thread ... one of the things for me to think aboutFeel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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6/25/2008 9:52 pm |
oic what you were thinging about. Best regards, Clarencio FlashMedic How are you? Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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6/25/2008 9:53 pm |
Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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6/25/2008 9:56 pm |
morning stink--was a bit strange to awake this morning and not have the stinky one here--i treasure and cherish the time we had together--it was waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy to long since we have sit around the catch all and just jabbered---it was hard to watch you drive away--and yet you are with me always in spirit missy-- the last part of this says it all--- love ya even though you is rather stinky--ha ha I have missed you so much, Kelly. I am so delighted for the time we got to spend together. For Haven's sake...it was only minutes before we were both already on our way to laughter....and it only improved. It always feels as if....we have never been apart. As I told you...it was as hard for me to drive away. I had a hard time seeing for a time...not necessarily a good thing on the narrow Glenwood roads...but my guardian angel is ever with me, hmmm? I am so eager for our next get together...please plan it for a day we can all manage....I'd really love to come back...can you predict snow for that day, please? I do NOT plan to melt again. I is not stinky.....don't make me get the wands out.... Love and great big hugs to the divine one.....and to you, sister person. I love you Me. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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6/25/2008 10:01 pm |
Ya know last weekend seemed to have invoked a lot of reflection. Joanie and I have been talking about it as she feels that way as well. I still don't feel quite the same and I can't quite put my finger on the reason, other then the card reading Kel did for me. Even working with the guys at the job site didn't bring me out of the thoughts. That's one of the big drawbacks to this marvelous technology we use. One meets amazing people and altho phone calls and emails and messenger chats are great, they don't quite fill the void. I like what Kel said about the stones. I will tell you this. Kel and I have kept in touch by phone...occasional mail (very), email, chats, and blogging for the past six years. Did you see any difference in our friendship? The minute we were within 20 feet of each other we were running for hugs...and crying for joy. And it will be the same for you. Being able to spend time together is wonderful...however we get to spend it. The miracle of modern technology....that we can live so far apart...and somehow find our way to one another. Celebrate it, Certs.... And the something that feels wrong? You haven't had a Kelly or an Ari hug in several days. I think you got addicted....lol... The card reading isn't what changed....it is you, Certs...and all of us....we all changed...and eventually that circle will grow tighter and tighter...until that family meets again. Until that day....there are still...phones, chats, and emails. Love and hugs to you, Ari Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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