|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > As We Change.... |
|
|||
|
Those of you who were here when I started blogging...will remember that when I first came here...I primarily focused on writing my poems....and my stories...and letting out all the pain in my past. I didn't come here to do that...I sort of tripped and found myself here. But...while I was here...I began to write my life story in bits and pieces. Clearly...the time had come for me to let go of that past...and the universe led me to a place I could do that. Is it really that simple? Yes....it's really that simple. It always is. In time....most of the pain had been written out of my system...and with Kelly's help...I let go of the residual. It was cathartic for me...and I found that it changed the person I was in lots of ways I didn't expect. Yes...it softened me...it also left me somewhat raw and open to wounding. Truly, there was a part of my life I hadn't let go of...and hadn't healed from. Earlier this month...I let that part of my life go....and I focused on healing from it. Now...I'm not going to sit here and tell you I am healed...all better, new and improved version of the wicked witch of the west. I'm not. But...the pain is not there. I don't live in it. I am not afraid. Sometimes I am not afraid to the point of stupidity...but there is very little that frightens me right now. The past is dead...and gone...and will remain that way. I have no need to discuss it...no need to work through it. What's left....are the residuals. The pieces of me that learned to live the way I lived. The pieces of me that learned that survival...with any small degree of happiness...depended on behaving a certain way...on expecting certain reactions....on accepting certain limitations. Unlearning those behaviors is not nearly as simple as I thought it would be. I can't make it happen faster because I want it to...all I can do...is pray for wisdom. "Lord and Lady...please guide me to see the changes I need to focus on...the methods which will most help me achieve those changes. Guide me to be the person I am meant to be. Give me the courage to take the steps I must take....and the wisdom to recognize them." This is a part of the prayer I whisper every night. Lead me...show me...teach me. Not give to me. As always...I find that I am not only given what I am ready to handle...but I am given small gifts along the way. Small gifts....knowledge...comfort...friendships. This place has been particularly generous to me in the form of friendships. So many people here that I have come to truly love. So many who have held out their hand to me...or have felt me hold mine out to them....and one particularly special man who touched me with the simplicity of honesty...who gives of himself in ways no one has ever given to me before...who holds me close when I hurt and gives me joy in place of tears, anticipation in place of fears....who asks nothing in return...and never has...and who holds my heart gently.... Over the past five years, aside from my work...home...school, I have been given two gifts that I never expected to find or feel...and really...that's what I wanted to talk about tonight. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
|
||
5/21/2008 2:48 am |
Hi Ari You are a gift, a gift to us poor mortals. This will be the last blog I read this morning, before I depart for work. It will be the blog that I ponder for the day when I need that much needed distraction. Much in here to consider and process and relate to. Thank you once again for you're giving spirit I, for one, appreciate it.Bill PS. Sunny here and a high of 68* I think today. No swamp cooler needed here today or all week for that matter lol Just thought I would rub that in a little bit  Standplatz und liefert
| ||
5/25/2008 8:55 am |
Hi Ari You are a gift, a gift to us poor mortals. This will be the last blog I read this morning, before I depart for work. It will be the blog that I ponder for the day when I need that much needed distraction. Much in here to consider and process and relate to. Thank you once again for you're giving spirit I, for one, appreciate it.Bill PS. Sunny here and a high of 68* I think today. No swamp cooler needed here today or all week for that matter lol Just thought I would rub that in a little bit Thanks for your words. I can only tell you that what I give....I have received...generously...from each of you. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
| ||
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
|
