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 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > The FF Community |
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I've been avoiding this place for awhile. I come here...and feel...so much emptiness. The one thing I love most about Friendfinder...is the sense of community...the playing together....the caring for one another. It has always felt like a huge neighborhood; as if we all live next to one another along our quiet curving streets. I don't feel that way anymore. It feels as if we have all gone our separate ways....and friendships don't matter....nothing matters....we are so wrapped up in ourselves. Perhaps I am as guilty of that as anyone. A couple of things have been really hard for me to talk about....for several reasons. It's hard to discuss having cancer. What do I say about it? My immune system is shot. I get sick frequently. It seems that I get one infection after another. That's not much like me....but it's the me I've been for the past couple of months. Hopefully...we are nearly at the end of that. I hope. Although I didn't discuss it with anyone, I tried chemotherapy briefly....I'll never do it again. I have never felt so horribly sick in my life. It seems to me...that using chemotherapy to prevent any recurrence of cancer...is a silly thing to do. They can't even be sure how successful it is at preventing recurrences. All that it does is to reduce my immune system even more....and I really can't deal with that right now. I simply want to feel better. Since my ex moved out...I have felt...particularly boring. My feeling, not anything anyone has said. I love my life....I am so much happier...everything changed for me....and I would never let it change back. Each day I learn more and more about who I really am. Each day I work harder to heal from the past...to let go of the attitudes and behaviors that had become so much a part of my life. I try not to be insecure. I focus on believing in myself. I keep all my thoughts as positive as I can...and I try to let go of what hurts or upsets me as fast as I can. It makes for a pretty boring person. My personal life? Hmmmm....I'm not entirely sure I have a personal life. I have days....I get through one day at a time...and make the best that I can make of it....and enjoy the love and laughter I share with my friends....but...quite often I come here...and all I find is that same emptiness. Where did our community go? I think of one common thread as I write this. I've heard many stories about communities being overtaken by gangs....communities where the lifestyle is diminishing because the population base changes. To some extent...I see that here. Maybe we should consider it from this perspective. In each of those communities....the residents felt helpless to change what was happening. We are none of us helpless. FF can be exactly what we choose it to be....what we work to make it. We can give up the sense of community that drew each of us here...or we can stand strong and tall....and refuse to let anyone drive us out of our homes....our blogs...our friends...our community. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
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5/12/2008 11:47 pm |
Ah Ari..... feeling much the same here.... Riny has been here, so I haven't been on here as much as I have been in the past. I think you've made a wise decision about chemo.... I'm not convinced of its efficacy. Cancer and the idea of cancer just makes me shudder. I have had skin cancer and that was scary enough.... Hope all is well at your end of the potato kingdom. Wishing you happiness Misty
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5/12/2008 11:55 pm |
Emptiness? We are still strong and caring. We have had some bumps and bruises at times, but we are just fine. I wish you good health and renewed happiness.  If you can't convince them, confuse them!
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 5/13/2008 12:43 am |
 
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5/13/2008 1:33 am |
Wish you better health, Ari. Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional
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5/13/2008 2:13 am |
Aw crud! I did not even know you had it. My dad had kidney cancer recently and had one removed and seems to be doing fine now, so it can be beaten. I do agree it seems the good ole days on FF are gone. I know I have not felt like writing much on here the past year. Seems I have gone the way of the dinosaur. Also enchinea is good for boosting the immune system. I think I spelled it right.
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5/13/2008 2:38 am |
Like in life there are ebbs and flows. People come and go from FF. Some return I did Yes, you are correct, FF was kinder and gentler a year ago or two. People, we knew, started finding each other and moving away and not feeling the need to stop in as much or at all. Their lives fulfilled Remember that lovely lady,"Jet"? I think her handle was something like rainbowsnrain? Such a lovely woman Gone from our midst. However, we do have some very nice people that have entered the FF community as well I could name quite a few, but I would be afraid of forgetting someone and having them feel left out. I, for one, feel privileged to have so many terrific people here to chat with. Exchange views and even joust with, upon occasion lol Perhaps the emptiness in me has lessened to some degree, but it is still there and you wonderful, terrific people help me to fill it I saw a clip of a promo for the evening news. It was about a surfer who was beaten by a, "Surfing" gang. Yes, they now exist at the beach and ride surf boards. They exist in all walks of life now, in one form or another. Bullying and arrogant. I fear it's they way of things these days Ari. One could create a group here on FF and as moderator one could minimize the effects of the bullies to a large existent Just a thought The bullies of the world need a stage and an audience. We don't necessarily have to give them ours. I have my blog and my delete button. It has worked for me thus farI pray for your continued good health Ari. Bill Standplatz und liefert
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 5/13/2008 2:59 am |
perhaps the emptiness is coming from the fact that you haven't been here so often?  Ari, I still remember the first time I read your post, you wrote about cutting tiles then slowly I've learned another parts of your life, revealed each time I visited in here. I wrote another day and will repeat it here: you are a strong woman, who has been changing many things in your life. Had difficulties, sure, but have been successful, as much as I can see. You will handle this disease and get even stronger by that. Some people are just like that I'm here for you if you need
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5/13/2008 3:47 am |
I think the community's still alive and strong, as witnessed by the fact that bloggers have been meeting up, in friendship and camaraderie. WHF and I, Nat and Val, Rachel and Tone, to name a few. And with each day that passes, I would think that the bonds between the people here grow stronger. Positive healing thoughts, both for your spirit and your body, sent your way. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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5/13/2008 6:02 am |
As Joanie says, doctors talk about success rates after chemo but they conveniently don't keep long term records about recurrence rates after putting that poison in a persons body. She's been using this stuff called "No Fool I" (I know, strange name)which works great at helping prevent things like colds and flu etc. You've been going through a rough time kid, perhaps that has altered your opinion of the blogs a bit as well? There hasn't been as much fun stuff lately as there was. For me Spring is always such a busy time. I have a couple of neat ideas I've been wanting to do here but I haven't been able to get after them. Maybe we need a blog block party. We could use your blow up doll for a pinata. Enjoy the ride. All you take with you when you leave is the experience.
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5/13/2008 6:20 am |
Dang it, Ari! I wish I'd known sooner. I know how hard it is dealing with cancer, being a survivor. Don't ever give up hope. You're strong and you will beat it and feel much better soon. Have you tried some of the online support groups? They have lots of good information to help you cope with the depression and all. And the American Cancer Society has a great online site with lots of helpful resources. Keep strong and celebrate life! Don Celebrate life!
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5/13/2008 6:55 am |
Ari,you are not only a woman who can write beautiful words but also a strong woman who can smile to rough life. a little piece of ice with blue blood
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5/13/2008 7:08 am |
Hi Ari sorry had an ebforced absence. if you need anything let me know dear friend Alec thanks for reading and as per Dave Allen "May your God go with you"
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5/13/2008 7:50 am |
stink--sit with me a bit and i will share a thing or so--when the phone rang last night and scooby said geez woman the old one is in bed its way past her bedtime--well that made me curious and to chat the way we did last night was as always a wonderful happening--old does not mean not alert well okay sometimes but i heard you--and you know as the chat was ended and tapping of the keys could be heard you know i was curious as all get out to just what stink had to share-why cuz you is stink--number one--and well i could list many things stinky here but nah--so i just had to pop in this morning and see what the wonderfully wise stink had to say-- does this have anything to do with what you posted about--no but you know me i need to say it--i am not a happy camper this morning--why stink--simple--i asked the great and powerful stink to keep the snow in the land of potatoes for i have oodles of flowers to plant this day--gosh stink--thanks NOT--mother nature is sure showing her nature this year--will wear multi layers this day--oh and yes will be playing in the dirt why cuz i have oodles of flowers to get planted-- you know stink what you shared here makes sense on many levels--you have changed a wee lotta bit from where you were a year or so ago--a growing spurt if you will--and with life imagine this one stink--life happens not always in a good way but none the less--you share just as you always have from the zany antics of you --to the excuse me do you serve cold showers with that (your poetry)--to examples --and yes stink you have gotten gut honest with alot of what you have shared within this stinky blog--one tends to do that as they heal on the many levels of healing--a bit of helping the fellow being along the way--does getting gut honest make you lots of goodest bestest friends along the way--ah nope and you know what stink--if it did i would wonder just what strange planet it was--does not happen--and yet having said that the flip side is thus--many a wonderful person you have indeed found since you began stinking up the land of the blogs--oh some not so wonderful ones as well--no different than day to day living-- am i going to chat about your cancer here--nah --am i going to whack you up side the head over the chemo--nah --am i going to tell you that you stink--well come on sure why cuz i am me and i am tapping to stink--go figure--and yes stink i am taking up much space with this comment --why cuz i can nothing more--or is there--hmm you shared here a bit of community lacking within ff--the ff of perhaps six months ago or as long ago as a year or in your case many years--you know i can speak for no one but me--and i am speaking here--community is what we make it whether it be here or within the real world--always diversity and always some you just have got to be kidding me type things--but what you said stink is perhaps felt by many and what you spoke last night i have not many doubts if any -as to that is a bit of what is going on--perhaps my comment to you will be viewed this way --you stink have the power to ban and delete these words--we all do--and yes granted it makes it harder to do so when you know someone--and yet not so for when one chooses not to agree with a fellow being--to me it should always be done in a healthy type manner--not a mudslinging or pissy contest--but life is what it is-- oh and the community which you speak as in the fun times aka the snowball fights--the pillow fights the bbq parties the blog crawls well those do not happen a great deal any more why --once again i speak only for me--egg shells come to mind and man do they break--when one is fearful or not of harming another with the words shared--well that missy to me is just that mudslinging or a pissy contest--and that happens a great deal within this community from time to time--and yet i understand what you say when you feel it daily and do not have the desire or urge or whatever word you choose to use here to come to the land of the blogs within the community of ff as one once had--so my question is this--how does one turn it around--for indeed it can be--the urge--desire or word of choice just needs to be rather present and make it so--for some reason the ideal world comes to mind--no we do not dwell in an ideal world--and yet one person at a time perhaps just perhaps this can be just that--not a so and so called me this and so and so has multi what evers and so and so is uncaring and just flat out mean--am not so and so --i am me-the only me i ever care to be let alone want to be-- we have chatted a bit about why i am not posting for a bit or will it be forever--do not know--what i do know stink is some of daily life is at the forefront and i being me will honor that one first and foremost--do i miss a few many lotta people here--why of course and yet reading this and chatting with you last night perhaps made the marbles move in a different fashion--no wonder i have a headache or is it a heartache--either way it is what it is and you know perhaps just perhaps one day the old bat will swoop back into that blog and whip the pants off that stinky person (handing out gas masks)but you know stink--if one truly allowed oneself to view this outside the box a ta dah could happen-- now excuse me my fingers is tired and well i need to multi layer and go plant oodles of flowers--no matter if i am within the land of the blogs or not stink i am but a jingle away --be mindful of the old ones sleep time--ha ha --and many remain within my thoughts--go figure that one--many many many -for offering up for the betterment of all --such an easy thing to do-- the old bat
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5/13/2008 7:53 am |
Ari: First, let me welcome you back to blogsville. It is a neighborhood and a friendly one at that. I don't usually talk about my cancer either, but I will to show you it doesn't make you. I have had three surgeries in the past couple of years... took chemo, lost my hair, my dignity, my ex, and friends who couldn't handle my - oh well, got to keep going attitude about it. Chemo was tough, but once it is over you have accomplished a huge step. Don't let the day-by-day little stuff get you down. Talk to someone. It's better when you share what you are feeling. It helped me alot to talk with someone I trusted. Yes, chemo is no guarantee, but its is worth it just to see if you are one of the lucky ones. I know how you feel though. It is a hard period and people don't understand how you feel, but I do and if you need a friend to talk to... I'm here. My hair is just now growing back and I'm dating again. I've met some wonderful men on here and they've not been ashamed to date me. I also have met some wonderful women on here that make me laugh and remember that even though I fought a battle with cancer, I'm still me, I'm still beautiful on the inside and that is what matters. My prayer for you is that God will bless you and continue to heal your body, mind and spirit. That he will give you strength to face the day-to-day stuff and continue to move you in a direction of complete healing. May God bless your treatments and the doctors providing your treatments so that you may continue to get well. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you. Cat
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5/13/2008 7:59 am |
I wish you well in your struggle to beat this disease Ari. As everyone before me has said, you are strong and you will fight with all your might. The friends in FF will stand beside you too. Best wishes Ari - take care
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5/13/2008 8:10 am |
Nice post Ari. I for one have been in and out. I come back because I find something unique in the FF community. The sense of friendship. I have known you through your blogging here and I have read very wise posts from you. Your significance obviously is more than that, but that in itself is a greater reason to believe in this community. The reason why I have been out for the most part is because of the overwhelming study load I have had to deal with. I miss this place every single day and it is because people like you, Ari make it worth a site
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5/13/2008 7:11 pm |
Ari- I've had friends Die from Cancer,lost one just a year & a half ago because she couldn't get help. I send Prayer Your way.
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5/14/2008 4:31 am |
I am so sorry 2 hear u have cancer, i dint know, i have been away for so long. My thoughts are with u & prayers. I know how u feel bout FF i seem to have bouts where i just wanna stay away, not from blogs but chat. Some people dont know how to be nice to others and @ the end of the day they r real behind those screens, some r so very sad. But then i remember all the friends i have made here, the few i have met, the few i have spoken to over the phone and the response we get in our blogs and this is what brings me back Thinking of you xx
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5/14/2008 10:10 pm |
Ari- Come on down to the beach and I'll take care of you. YOU can have my room...I tend to toss and turn and type and watch tv all nite instead of sleep. Come sit by the ocean, let me put some sunscreen on you, lets go play in the water....you know nature can make everything better... Just call and I'll be there! for you Ari or for any of my pals I will always try to be there I have a fine southern gal pal in S.C. who lost a breast last year to cancer and she is alone and surviving you are a much stronger lady I have faith that you can beat this demon just simply set your mind to it you don't need no chemo you know all you have to do is not to accept it (yeah, I know, shut up and pratice what I preach) I get a clearance next month, I hope and if not well I will go back under the lazer b/c I have to live I want to live I want to love again so I must live Heck girlie you finally lightened your burdens with Merv leaving now you have to find your nitch of happiness it's there...we both know it... U take care of U and always keep in touch with me come on down to the beach and I will help you I can't leave since I have this 16yr.old still but soon I can but til then you can come here YOU are thought highly of and you are loved don't you forget it you put a big positive impression on me Peace,,lisa Make luv & war will be extinct! Stop the hate!
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5/15/2008 11:19 pm |
Ari, as you very well know, I haven't been around for a very long time, this is the longest period by far, I've been away, since I joined FF way back on Sept. of 2005. What a day to come back. I see a very innocent title, on this blog, but once I start reading, within a matter of seconds, all of a sudden, I became deeply saddened in reading that you have cancer. Ari, in the past, not all time, but many times when I finish one of your excellent blogs, I always became very inspired by your writing which always has great substance within, and never failed to raise my endorphins, by your usual thought-provoking blogs. Ari, you've always challenged me mentally with your blogs & maybe one day, we'll actually, after all these years, finally talk to each other; & I'll finally be able pick that intelligent brain of yours. By the time, I reached Cat's blog, I was very happy in what she had to say. My full attention went back to something much more important & that was a topic of a terrible disease, cancer. I only wish you the best, Ari & I totally agree with Cat, on what Cat expressed so very well in her blog. Ultimately, Ari you are going to make your own decision on exactly what approach you're going to take & whatever you decide I might not be visible to you, or even around FF, but, just know, I will understand how you feel, & how sometimes, especially when you are alone, you like to able to open up & tell somebody something that is deep within you, that you would like get out. A postive attitude is something that has gotten me through many tough days. I owe, my girl, Jenny quite a bit, when it comes to having that positive outlook. She has instilled that in me from day one, when we first dated when we were in our 20's & than when we hooked up again, all those years later. She was even even more positive then ever before. She owns more books on that topic than anybody, I know. One last thought on FF, since we both have experienced a different group of ppl residing at FF, at one time, and have also seen so many different ppl that have come & also have left. I do miss the banter we use have on many of the blogs. We had some good times, Ari on some of those blogs back then. But, you still have many friends on FF, and I think maybe you are just down & not really realizing just how many ppl on FF do really care for you. Ari, I wrote this with very very very little sleep over past 2 days. It's about 2am,but I really wanted to do this post. I hope I was able to convey my thoughts on this post exactly the way I wanted it to come out, without at least making too many mistakes. I am literally typing this with one eye half open and the other totally closed,& if I don't finish this soon, I will definitely fall asleep head first into the keyboard. Can do me a favor, & say A quick hello to very nice person, Carolyn for me. Once again, my friend, my thoughts & prayers will be with you. Take care Rob
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