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 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > Evolution |
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Lately I've avoided the blogs. It's seemed so negative here...and I've chosen to avoid anything truly negative. While I find that my world seems to be leveling out and moving forward in a positive wave....I also find that I am choosing to walk away from situations that drain or exhaust me. That's really not my style...or is it? Conversations with Kelly in the past week have led me to be more open in exploring who I really am. That doesn't mean I even think about it...I just allow myself to feel...more...deeper....more frequently. As I move furniture...I evaluate the room for where it feels as if the momentum is upbeat....and forward moving. When I feel content in the room...I am done. This was equally true when I bought clothes that were bright and vivid this weekend. It wasn't a conscious choice...it was more of an instinct...and then when I got home and looked at the colors....I just stood there and thought....what have you done? But you know what? I love these colors. So...instinct. Feeling what feels comfortable and good to me. I don't think about it at all...I just let it happen. I've been very bad about calling my mother as well. Conversations with her are always exhausting and negative...and I'm simply not ready to have anyone rain on my parade. I want to keep the positive wave washing over me until I've internalized it. I think sometimes....that the person I have been for the past...nearly 30 years....wasn't me. It was the person I needed to be to get through. And the person I am finding inside me right now...is this totally different person. I started this move when I got divorced...but the changes were only made very slowly and gradually until he left....I needed to keep that protective shell active and shielding me. Now....I don't find that I need it in the same way...and slowly it is cracking and someone new is emerging. I'm not sure where I am going with these changes. I find myself once again softer....and quieter. When I get home from work...I often turn on my music....and start cleaning/organizing. In short order I find myself dancing around the house as I work. I don't mind working....I don't mind anything I've done so far....I've actually enjoyed the movement...and the dancing....that has accompanied each thing I've done. It's probably not a smart move to dance as I climb the stepstool...but I find it a little bit scary to climb on the stepstool...my fear of heights hasn't gone away...but I do fight it every day. I like that I'm enjoying my daily life enough to be dancing...and it often surprises me....to realize that I've been dancing around the room as I worked. Those are the best kind of surprises. As for the rest....I haven't known what to say. There are things I'd like to talk about....but can't. Strangely, I find myself more private....and when I am not private...more protective of other people. I feel as if I am just....boring these days...but I have to say...I am so very happy...not everything in my life is perfect or wonderful...but it's all working out...and changing....and growing. I go to bed earlier...I sleep better...and I am really loving...the changes that each day brings to me. It's simply evolution....as we walk our path...we change...and grow. But I miss you all. I simply....don't know that I have anything interesting to say. So....I just don't. I hope you understand. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
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5/6/2008 10:57 pm |
Good to hear how happy you are..... I agree with you about the negativity here for the past little while...the best thing as you know press the magic ignore button and just visit those people who are friendly....and cheerful... Wishing you happiness Misty
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 5/7/2008 4:37 am |
Ari, you'd make Darwin jealous.  Very happy for you. There is time for that too.And dancing on stepstool...as long as you have got one foot down, have fun. I love dancing too, with or without a partner.
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5/7/2008 5:38 am |
I always miss the tiffs and negativity until they're long past and I feel as if I'm standing in the dust walking around in crcles saying "What ?!? What happened ? What's going on ?" Ari, did you get my e-mail ? It's still acting weird. Bob said there was a call from you on our answering machine when he was deleting old mail and asked me if I'd heard it. I didn't. I never saw the light blinking. As I said in my e-mail my bet is that when he was deleting he remembered he never told me about it. i feel very mundane these days too - as far as blogging goes. Love hearing that you feel peaceful and happy and safe on your own.
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5/7/2008 6:58 am |
Can I give you a hug, for missing us all, Ari?  Pains will heal gradually, it's only a matter of time. Glad that you are feeling happy. Agnes
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5/7/2008 7:12 am |
you know stink the dancing on the step stool does take chair dancing up a notch or so--hmm--ha ha will jibber with you sooner or later love the old bat
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5/7/2008 9:06 am |
There is little that you say that would be considered not interesting to some of us, me for example. I love the way you share your inner self. There is little on this blog site that interests me. Seems most do a lot of copying and pasting. Boring. You are a refreshing place to visit. Whether you are up or down you always have something to say that is interesting. Glad you are happy and that you are growing. I had a vision in my mind of a new baby chick hatching out of it's shell from your words today. A whole new, big, different world awaiting you just like a new hatched chickie! Enjoy the experience!
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5/7/2008 9:11 am |
Ari, you don't have to do anything except what you choose and makes you feel good inside. This is your time to put yourself first, something that is probably foreign to you. To have the freedom to live alone for the first time in your life, and make decision based on YOUR feelings must be very liberating. wear your bright colors and DANCE to your own tune, and most of all, enjoy every moment of it. Just be careful with that step stool  You have so many people who love you and are cheering you on.  Love and Hugs Flo
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5/8/2008 6:54 am |
Seems things have quieted down around the blogs again, thankfully. Nothing too negative except some old fart bemoaning the fact he is an idiot. It does take some getting used to. Being alone after a long relationship. I did the same thing as you except for the dancing. It makes my dogs crazy. Critics. Enjoy the ride. All you take with you when you leave is the experience.
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5/9/2008 3:30 pm |
I feel the same way about things these days. But for different reasons. While I am happier than I have been in a long time, I just don't have the necessary angst to write. Sad, but true for me. I think I'll take the happiness and run. Peace .. elaine67
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