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 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > What do our words mean? |
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By now I was filled with questions…and I really needed answers. I knew something was wrong, but I also know how hard it is for me to trust. Am I being unfair? So…in typical Ari fashion…I began to ask the hard questions…the ones I really didn’t want the answers to…but I needed to have. Are you writing to other women as you write to me? Of course not. He swears I am the only woman he writes to. Still...it felt wrong...and I began to wonder if he was playing a game...if he needed all the women in the blogs to admire him....if he wrote his words of love and loving to every other woman. I dislike not trusting the people closest to me...yet...I couldn't quite put the thought aside. Thursday, I received an answer to a blunt question I asked him...what is it you dream of finding...in a relationship...in a woman...what would bring you happiness. This was his answer: "I dream of a lover which will join me but not be joined to me. A lover which wants me yet knows that I am hers and needs no proof in a tangible pact, but of knowing, and realizing that she is mine. Ari, I do not stray, I may flirt and play, yet no one has read any of the words I’ve shared with you. You are in my minds eye, My lover." Now...I felt that was fairly clear. I thought it really bluntly stated that he was looking for someone to be...there when he wanted them to be...but not...truly there. Being me...I asked...to clarify. I didn't beat around the bush...I was up-front about it. "I'd like to understand better what you meant by that statement. Your words are actually quite clear. It makes me wonder if you are...married, committed...something. What you say you want...as I read it...is a lover...a mistress who will be there when you want to...enjoy them...and be absent the rest of the time...when perhaps you'd rather be flirting or playing with others. That's fine...if that's what you want. If it makes you happy...search for it with all your heart. It is not what you would find with me. When I love...I love with all of me. I want to feel eager to come home...to share my evening with someone who loves all of me...not just sex...but laughter, anger, pain, togetherness, conversation, dancing, walking, playing.... Life." While I was at it...I went a step further...and asked once again...why...he would use the expressions he used in his comments to other women. It is my belief that if you “love” someone…their love and admiration are enough for you…you do not need every other woman to want you. I had two immediate reactions to the situation. First, I was worried about the other women he wrote these comments to. How did they feel about his words? Did they make each woman feel as if he were interested in them? Did he make them hope and dream as he did me? In the end…all I could see was that someone was likely to be hurt…whether it be me….or some of my friends. I don’t want to say that he was intentionally doing anything to harm anyone. I don’t even want to imply it. I don’t really know what was at the bottom of his comments; but it was entirely possible that it was completely innocent. So…I simply asked him if he realized that it was possible other women could be hurt because they saw his words as an invitation…or interest in them. I knew that the observations I made in my e-mail were likely to make him angry. I didn’t know him well enough to know how he would respond, but his comments made me feel as if he were…holding on to me while he waited to see if anyone else responded…or…as if he wanted to have every woman in the same position he had me. I didn’t like it…I wasn’t likely to tolerate it long. What each of us chooses for ourselves is our own choice. I cannot find fault in that choice because I have not walked in your shoes…I have not lived your life. All I can do is make my own choices…even if that means that my choice takes me out of your world. In the end, I thought I was fairly blunt about my choice. "No proof in a tangible pact"? What is that? Is love tangible? Is commitment tangible? Is a shared life tangible? Perhaps so...and if so...it is the choice I would make. However hard it may seem, I choose myself before I choose to put myself in a place where I will not be...happy...satisfied. What I want from tomorrow is not simply for tomorrow...but for all of my tomorrows. It is not for every minute of the day...but it will warm me every minute of the day. It is to know that I am the most important part of my partner's world...and they are the most important part of mine. I hope that my words have not been harsh...they were not meant to be. You have all that you choose to offer. Choose what makes you happiest...and if your choice is that you want a hundred women worshipping at your feet to make you feel...wanted...choose that...but I cannot be a part of that. Flirting...is a lighthearted innocent thing...it does not...invite every woman to believe you want her...you hunger for her. I'm sorry...but that's simply hurtful for every woman involved. Long term...one or all will be hurt. I don't choose that for me...or for my friends…” In the end….all we have is our own integrity…our own choices…or none of them. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
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11/18/2007 4:31 pm |
Ari I still can't read your posts, it may be beause I'm over tired, so good night Melt. Flow. Evaporate into the bright sky 
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11/18/2007 5:21 pm |
U got a new kiss in email box from me and Lizuca.....
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11/18/2007 6:12 pm |
Ari - I don't know all of what this man said to you, but from what you've posted he was doing much more than flirting. I think it's true, some men do need a lot of adoration and are always on the search for the next best thing. You deserve better than that...I know you know that, but I wanted you to hear it from me too. Take care of you!
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11/19/2007 12:19 am |
Ari I still can't read your posts, it may be beause I'm over tired, so good night Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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11/19/2007 12:20 am |
U got a new kiss in email box from me and Lizuca..... Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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11/19/2007 12:22 am |
Ari - I don't know all of what this man said to you, but from what you've posted he was doing much more than flirting. I think it's true, some men do need a lot of adoration and are always on the search for the next best thing. You deserve better than that...I know you know that, but I wanted you to hear it from me too. Take care of you! I am fine...just...dealing. Thank you for caring. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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11/19/2007 2:57 am |
Ari, i would just like to say that i only ever saw him as a friend,no romantic inclinations on my part,not ever,im not here for romance anyway,just friends and to blog my thoughts. Wishing you well hugs hun xxxxxxxxx come and roll in the mud i wanna get dirty.
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11/19/2007 9:48 am |
Ari, i would just like to say that i only ever saw him as a friend,no romantic inclinations on my part,not ever,im not here for romance anyway,just friends and to blog my thoughts. Wishing you well hugs hun xxxxxxxxx Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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