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 | Blogs > Ari_fairy > Ari-Wood > Where Do You Draw The Line? |
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I'm supposed to be cleaning the house, but my mind is elsewhere. A long ways elsewhere. Actually...it's split in two places....with the man who lights my world up...and a situation I witnessed recently. I often try to hold my tongue...but sometimes it gets slippery and my fingers slide right off. I have been really busy the past few months, trying to get my life in some kind of order. I don't post a lot, don't comment a lot...but I do indeed read a lot. Some of the posts I read astonish me....particularly when they assume what is not in evidence. This place is much like a community in that we build relationships. Sometimes the relationships are healthy and growing as in Misty and Riny...sometimes the relationships are less healthy and involve a great deal of fantasizing on the part of a single party. You know, that's all well and good, but when that party announces their desires publicly....when there is truly no relationship of the nature they describe...it is intrusive and unwanted. Step back and think about it. Let's assume I have a crush on someone here...it doesn't matter who, but he doesn't know I have a crush on him...or maybe he knows but doesn't feel the same. Since he hasn't encouraged me...but I'm wildly infatuated, I write a post about how them that implies soemthing not actually there. Maybe I tell the entire FF community that I want to rip his clothes off and make love to him. How is he supposed to feel about that? How is he supposed to respond to it? Dear rejected lover...back off...leave me alone...I'm not interested. Would we find that an acceptable response...or would we expect him to be cautious with my feelings? Perhaps it's just better if he ignores the post...as if he never saw it. Perhaps. As a woman, I'll tell you how I feel about the situation. If a man wrote a comment like that about me, I would feel violated....pursued even though I had not encouraged that level of relationship. Aren't we allowed to say all we want is to be friends? Just because you want more....do we have to want more? And do you have the right to make us the center of attention to please your ego? Doesn't this approach the level of a stalker? To be pursued even when it is against your wishes? This is a very public place...and everyone often knows everyone else's business. It doesn't often take a lot to know exactly who is interested in who...and whether or not it is reciprocated. So....why make such a public statement? Isn't it simpler to send an email to that person and ask them if they return your affections without making a spectacle of them? Isn't that less intrusive? What I choose to share here...that is up to me...not up to anyone else. What I choose to respond to is equally not up to anyone else...yet people choose to make it their business. Several times in the past I have been criticized for situations I have either responded to...or ignored. When did that become anyone else's business? Shouldn't it be up to me to decide? Even if you disagree with what I've done...shouldn't you respect my right to choose to respond or not...as I see fit? And shouldn't I show you the same courtesy? It's not my place to judge others...but it is my responsibility to consider situations like this...and to determine how they impact me...and what I believe is the least harmful resolution. I think that's a responsibility we each have. So...I'm curious about what is acceptable...to each one of you...women AND men. How would you feel about this situation...or other situations you have seen on FF? Where do you draw the line on how people use your name...or even write about you without your name...but making it obvious who they are writing of? At what point does your privacy, your dignity...your self-respect...matter more than their ability to say whatever is on their mind? Voice an opinion....please. I'm really curious about how people feel about this. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari 
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7/28/2008 11:30 pm |
Hi Ari jeess, I had a crush on someone i hope you're not talking about that  but really, as far as what other people write in their blogs,well ,i just like to stand back,and keep out of all that,as long as they're not hurting me or the people i care about here,that's all
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7/28/2008 11:35 pm |
Hi Ari jeess, I had a crush on someonei hope you're not talking about thatbut really, as far as what other people write in their blogs,well ,i just like to stand back,and keep out of all that,as long as they're not hurting me or the people i care about here,that's all Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 2:21 am |
I imagine every person has their own opinion on this one. For me though, I don't see anything wrong with showing your true feelings or thoughts about someone you care about. It's just truth, that's all. I do think that it may be unfair to the other party however. It may embarrass them which would not be a good thing. Ultimately I'm just a person starring into a monitor where my words and actions have no real meaning. Unless of course......someone cares, cares about an individual on the other end of a phone line, or a satellite dish. Aren't the blogs just another computer game?
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7/29/2008 4:03 am |
hello ari...and may i say i echo some of your sentiments.. i have written something similar to this one before at another site..about respecting other people's right to blog, to post or not. most often people write about love and their thoughts about it. I for one write when i am inspired by someone i am sharing a special friendship with...or about pains and hurts too. If what one will blog about will affect anyone other than the writer, then that blog needs to be thought about thoroughly. Sometimes people blog to vent...which is about ok, as long as they dont step on anyone else's toes. At least that is what i follow when i try to think of ideas to write about. with the freedom to blog comes also the responsibility about what you will be writing about and consideration for other people's feelings and privacy... just my own thoughts... thanks for a very nice blog Ari... joyce
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7/29/2008 6:36 am |
I imagine every person has their own opinion on this one. For me though, I don't see anything wrong with showing your true feelings or thoughts about someone you care about. It's just truth, that's all. I do think that it may be unfair to the other party however. It may embarrass them which would not be a good thing. Ultimately I'm just a person starring into a monitor where my words and actions have no real meaning. Unless of course......someone cares, cares about an individual on the other end of a phone line, or a satellite dish. Aren't the blogs just another computer game? indeed we as humans have our own opinion--and yet it is what we do or how we present it that perhaps just perhaps sets us all apart--free expression takes on many forms this we all know to be so--and yet when we freely express how we feel --do we not take into account just how the other person may or may not feel as well--if it is not even close to being the same--does it make it right to go off on a tangent of harmful words--i would hope not and yet it happens time and time again -- this part here i am just a person starring into a monitor where my words and actions have no real meaning--unless of course someone cares --cares about an individual on the other end of a phone line and on and on-- how unreal those words are and you know quite simply this--you know full well what you are doing and quite frankly it puzzles me endlessly when humans do this--what is so wrong with them that they act out in this manner and feel the need to continually do so--my heart is saddened for them--for it shows me that the personal worth of the person who taps those words is just not there and to continually play a game that serves not a positive purpose at all --truly makes me want to reach out and help --will i do so--perhaps not and perhaps so--reason being just this--i know who i am and what i am --and what i can full well do for another being--i can indeed take a great deal for you see through it all the person who begins the name calling and what not is NOT A HAPPY PERSON and must for what ever reason attempt to bring ca ca to many cuz they can and they do--without a thought or a care--sad really --for it finds me wondering just what this person is all about and if this person truly has a clue to who they really are--as i said this saddens me to no end--what purpose does it truly serve--for in the end the harm that is done is done to many and yet the most harm to the person who creates the ca ca--do you not value you more than that--sad --you should--for perhaps just perhaps you may find your genuine self along the way --no one can ever do this for you --it must come within --lash away at me mr bill--for simply this--you are who you are and me i am me--the difference simple i know who i am and what i am all about--and harming my fellow being is not what it is all about-- and if this is a game to you --well you make that one quite clear--has been for the length of time i have been on ff--and you know what i still say this--i wish you more--more than you wish for yourself-- as for the rest stink--simple the land of the blogs once upon a time was a land of never ending fun and people truly caring about the fellow being --reaching out and making never ending human connections--perhaps it has changed in many ways for us all over the course of time and yet --why and for what reason--life and life happenings --of course--and yet i still say this welcome to the land of the blogs --enjoy the journey many wonderful people are found here-- and as for would i use this format to share a secret crush or love or flirt--perhaps --perhaps not--for you see stink we all share much here--and yes quite frankly going over the line happens --why we need to harm our fellow being--beyond me and it happens countless times--humans and human nature never a dull study-- does this make sense --perhaps only to me--but you know what i mean what i say and i say what i mean--for that is me peace peace love and laughter kel
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7/29/2008 8:26 am |
No Kera...this is much more specific than saying you have a crush on someone. How would it feel to you...if someone wrote that they wanted to throw you down and have sex with you? If it were someone you didn't feel that way about? If it were someone you actively disliked? Even if it were someone you kind of liked? Would you really like being splashed across the bogs that way? Cause I know I wouldn't. It just made me wonder....because so much of what I see here...I know we would hesitate to do in real life. So why is it ok here? What changes when we come to the blogs? I know what you are talking about here,I understand how you feel,i know you need to voice your thoughts ,but try not to let what others say or do upset you, is it really worth the frustration this causes you ? NO, and you don't need this "bull" in your life, i do respect your feelings on all this,though . You ask how i would feel ?I'd be pissed off, mostly,but that wouldn't change anything,so i'd probably just say to hell with them,that's just my way,besides, it's kind of hard to smoke someone in the mouth with my fist,here at ff oh,i know, that's vicious but really,i hope you don't let this pick away at you too much,i think you are right in what you say,but it's not going to change some peoples actions,unfortunately. take care Ari,talk to you soon...KM
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7/29/2008 2:54 pm |
I'm not biting Kelly, you're welcome to your opinion.
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7/29/2008 3:54 pm |
I imagine every person has their own opinion on this one. For me though, I don't see anything wrong with showing your true feelings or thoughts about someone you care about. It's just truth, that's all. I do think that it may be unfair to the other party however. It may embarrass them which would not be a good thing. Ultimately I'm just a person starring into a monitor where my words and actions have no real meaning. Unless of course......someone cares, cares about an individual on the other end of a phone line, or a satellite dish. Aren't the blogs just another computer game? Are the blogs just another computer game? I hope not. I see too many people who grow from what they gain here. I see too many hearts touched deeply and passionately. And since...my heart is one that's been touched....I hope truly I will never find this is a "computer game". We touch lives here....hearts, souls, emotions. To treat it as a game lessens everything that is possible here. In my opinion, at any rate. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 3:55 pm |
hello ari...and may i say i echo some of your sentiments.. i have written something similar to this one before at another site..about respecting other people's right to blog, to post or not. most often people write about love and their thoughts about it. I for one write when i am inspired by someone i am sharing a special friendship with...or about pains and hurts too. If what one will blog about will affect anyone other than the writer, then that blog needs to be thought about thoroughly. Sometimes people blog to vent...which is about ok, as long as they dont step on anyone else's toes. At least that is what i follow when i try to think of ideas to write about. with the freedom to blog comes also the responsibility about what you will be writing about and consideration for other people's feelings and privacy... just my own thoughts... thanks for a very nice blog Ari... joyce Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 3:57 pm |
yes stink i am using this to quote here and add my words to not only this post --mr bill's comment as well-- indeed we as humans have our own opinion--and yet it is what we do or how we present it that perhaps just perhaps sets us all apart--free expression takes on many forms this we all know to be so--and yet when we freely express how we feel --do we not take into account just how the other person may or may not feel as well--if it is not even close to being the same--does it make it right to go off on a tangent of harmful words--i would hope not and yet it happens time and time again -- this part here i am just a person starring into a monitor where my words and actions have no real meaning--unless of course someone cares --cares about an individual on the other end of a phone line and on and on-- how unreal those words are and you know quite simply this--you know full well what you are doing and quite frankly it puzzles me endlessly when humans do this--what is so wrong with them that they act out in this manner and feel the need to continually do so--my heart is saddened for them--for it shows me that the personal worth of the person who taps those words is just not there and to continually play a game that serves not a positive purpose at all --truly makes me want to reach out and help --will i do so--perhaps not and perhaps so--reason being just this--i know who i am and what i am --and what i can full well do for another being--i can indeed take a great deal for you see through it all the person who begins the name calling and what not is NOT A HAPPY PERSON and must for what ever reason attempt to bring ca ca to many cuz they can and they do--without a thought or a care--sad really --for it finds me wondering just what this person is all about and if this person truly has a clue to who they really are--as i said this saddens me to no end--what purpose does it truly serve--for in the end the harm that is done is done to many and yet the most harm to the person who creates the ca ca--do you not value you more than that--sad --you should--for perhaps just perhaps you may find your genuine self along the way --no one can ever do this for you --it must come within --lash away at me mr bill--for simply this--you are who you are and me i am me--the difference simple i know who i am and what i am all about--and harming my fellow being is not what it is all about-- and if this is a game to you --well you make that one quite clear--has been for the length of time i have been on ff--and you know what i still say this--i wish you more--more than you wish for yourself-- as for the rest stink--simple the land of the blogs once upon a time was a land of never ending fun and people truly caring about the fellow being --reaching out and making never ending human connections--perhaps it has changed in many ways for us all over the course of time and yet --why and for what reason--life and life happenings --of course--and yet i still say this welcome to the land of the blogs --enjoy the journey many wonderful people are found here-- and as for would i use this format to share a secret crush or love or flirt--perhaps --perhaps not--for you see stink we all share much here--and yes quite frankly going over the line happens --why we need to harm our fellow being--beyond me and it happens countless times--humans and human nature never a dull study-- does this make sense --perhaps only to me--but you know what i mean what i say and i say what i mean--for that is me peace And this is why I find it so damning to say....isn't this just a computer game? When we view our contact in one another's lives....as a game...we have the potential to do so much damage...wittingly or unwittingly. Well said, Kel. As always...there are two sides to every story...but the past often speaks for itself....and the future is the only place we can change who or what we will be. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 3:58 pm |
Actually....I meant to say the present is the only place we can change who or what we will be. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 4:00 pm |
Dear Ari I know what you are talking about here,I understand how you feel,i know you need to voice your thoughts ,but try not to let what others say or do upset you, is it really worth the frustration this causes you ? NO, and you don't need this "bull" in your life, i do respect your feelings on all this,though . You ask how i would feel ?I'd be pissed off, mostly,but that wouldn't change anything,so i'd probably just say to hell with them,that's just my way,besides, it's kind of hard to smoke someone in the mouth with my fist,here at ff oh,i know, that's vicious but really,i hope you don't let this pick away at you too much,i think you are right in what you say,but it's not going to change some peoples actions,unfortunately. take care Ari,talk to you soon...KM I hope you know...your friendship is a great joy to me. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 4:01 pm |
I'm not biting Kelly, you're welcome to your opinion. Thank you. Feel the passion, walk in peace, live in love....Ari
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7/29/2008 9:17 pm |
Ari... I kind of float around on the fringes of the blogs, and don't really pay much attention to what doesn't interest me, and for the most part, intrigue doesn't interest me. That being said I can well sympathize for the parties involved in the situation that you mentioned. The one who was written about, but does not reciprocate the feelings, this certainly does put undue pressure on the to return the feelings, negate the feelings, or at the very least respond. The other person? from what you describe, it certainly doesn't sound like a love letter, it sounds more like an attack, almost a rape. Fonting such things in an open forum such as this? that represents to me a taking away of choice from the "victim". It almost feels to me like a power ... not struggle but a ... I don't know the words aren't coming out right tonight. Do you understand what I am trying to babble? But yes, it is your choice to whether to involve yourself in matters in blogs. Sens between the stars, beyond the planet mars, there Sens will be
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