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"Enough now. I think there is no need any more for us to meet. I don't wanna talk to you again." When I said these words to him and hang up, nobody knew that my heart fell down to different pieces that moment at once. Before that I never thought that I would care so much or maybe I thought that I might have forgotten about all after. For about one month we talked almost everyday for more than 1 hour, at least that long, and sometimes even 3 or 4 hours... Even now I can remember nothing about what we have shared with each other really. Did we discussed something deep? Did we ever fight to know each other more? Did we really fall in love with each other at one point? I have to admit that I was pretty lonely without my Pineapple by my side and I needed a man to be with me pretty badly. But that does NOT mean I will go to a bar and find any guy there to sleep with and spend my night time with, right? I have to say that I am really really serious lady sometimes no matter how lonely I am. I will NEVER NEVER go to find men on the street. Same with him. So now I guess maybe I did like him before, at least in some days I think so. Or else I wouldn't have wasted my precious youth time with a guy far far away from me teaching Bussiness English in a school of Hongkong and tried hard to understand his Italian or French or Spanish English. At least I will not feel guilty at all to be with a man who is 15 years older than me. Yeah. When I was talking to him, I was ONLY talking to him ONLY! Everytime he would be at working on his papers at the same time. Maybe we never should be together. I mean when I was sure that there was no future or tomorrow between us, I should not have asked about his opinions about these things. Maybe we never truly understand each other and both of us were too lonely being online. But I still wonder, is it good or bad to be with someone only for about more than 10 years? I kept on asking myself the same boring question: Where is my everlasting long-term serious relationship? Did you choose to be single like this or were you chosen by them? Or it's just god who is kidding both of you? I DO NOT like those who always don't keep up their words. And now I think that maybe he never loved me, even for one moment. Still a little bit sad when knowing about the truth cos I used to have expectations for him and I did try to be together with him. He is a foxy guy cos he thinks that surprises are more interesting than promises. But I do think that promises are more important than surprises. "You are not funny at all." I was really really upset especially thinking of his "I would never never turn you into down and even if I did, I will try to apologize and make you happy again" before. "But why should I be?" He didn't wanna give up either. "Ok. Enjoy youself in Qingdao then, and I have to tell you again, that it's the damn perfect city that I hate only. Goodbye, forver." Maybe all the people live there in VC,BC have got a pretty cold heart like the weather there. I used to imagine a lot about snow in the country of Canada. But now I am sure again that it is too far away from me. Still thank to god to let me meet this guy after last one from Australia, the golden beach. How many Chinese girls have you spent with in all? I didn't care about any more after I fall in love with my Pineapple. Yeah. Everything in the world changed in my eyes cos of the guy named Pineapple. I could NOT fall in love with any other guys on earth again as long as I have him in my heart. I died from the first day I met him. |
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