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Knowing What to Say

fastcatkin

7/8/2008 9:38 pm

Knowing what to say to someone is not always easy. Today, a friend of mine had services to bury her 19 year old son. For the first time, I realized that knowing what to say was not what I really wanted to know, but did know because we have now both lost children.

Today it was so hard to look at her and know that whatever I said to her was exactly what she wanted to hear. She knew in her heart, I knew exactly what she was feeling inside. I hated being the person who knew what to say.

And now hours later sitting at home and remembering my own loss, her loss and the loss of others, I now understand that unless you have lost a child you really don't know what to say.

What a terrible bond to share with someone, the bond of losing a child. The only good from it is that someone can know what to say.

My dear friend, you are in my heart, you are in my thoughts and prayers, you will be suffering in silence and will not think anyone understands, but I will.

I love you my friend... always

cruiser387

11852 posts

7/9/2008 5:55 pm

That is not a club that anyone wants to belong to. I am sorry for the losses the two of you share.

fastcatkin replies on 7/12/2008 7:17 pm:
Hi Mary:

Thank you for your very kind words. They mean alot to me.

Cat

p.s. Glad to see you back online again.

gowerboy

9878 posts

7/9/2008 7:06 am

Quoting MunchkinMatron2:

Heavy sigh.

My heart breaks hearing of people who lose a child.

Same here.

fastcatkin replies on 7/9/2008 1:21 pm:
Hey Gowerboy:

Thank you for supporting my friend's loss. We've shared so much together and never thought we would both be sharing the loss of a child. You are a good man in always knowing what to say.

Thank you for being you.

Hugs,
Cat

PinkPurpleRose

1462 posts

7/9/2008 7:00 am

The most painful experience in life is losing
someone part of yourself. We lost parents, siblings,
friends, but its totally different when your own child
passed away. The grief and pain is unbearable,
as if part of you died as well.

My only daughter died when she was 9 years old
in 1993 and I think part me was buried with
her. Until now, no matter what I do, the pain
of losing her still lingers.

I know no amount of comforting words can ease the pain of a
mother in losing her child, yet I am conveying my deep
sympathy for your friend, I know how hurtful
it is for her, especially the son is already a well grown
child. So many wonderful things could have been in store for him
in the future. My sincere condolences for her. And for you
as well. And for me too.

fastcatkin replies on 7/9/2008 1:20 pm:
PinkPurpleRose:

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I too lost a daughter eight years ago. You are right a part of you does die. The worst part is her birthday and holidays.

I pray your pain eases with time and that understanding comes with it. While we never want this to happen, I believe they are no longer hurting and that they have a purpose to fulfill in their deaths, even if we don't understand it now.

Many blessing to you.

Cat

maverick595

1038 posts

7/9/2008 4:35 am

hello fastcatkin,

I wont pretend to understand, but in these kind
of moments where similar feelings are shared, words
need not be spoken. It is enough to be with someone who
understands.

take care

i'll scratch your back...thats it.

fastcatkin replies on 7/9/2008 1:16 pm:
Hi Maverick

Unfortunately, you are right. We share without saying a word. Thank you for your understanding.

Cat

MunchkinMatron2

11127 posts

7/9/2008 2:19 am

Heavy sigh.

My heart breaks hearing of people who lose a child.

I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.

fastcatkin replies on 7/9/2008 1:16 pm:
Thank you Munchkin...

It sucks worse than anything you can ever imagine. My friend and I have shared so much together and this is the one thing I wish we both had not experienced.

Uniforever