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Lazy lazy Jake. I am so lazy i haven't done any housework in days and my lounge carpet has started to crunch when i walk over it. It desperately needs a dang good sucking from the Hoover but i just can't be bovvered. The dishes in my sink have been piling up since last Thursday and me garden is so overgrown you need a machete to negotiate the garden path.Still i sit resolutely uninterested.I have no energy at all.I just wanna wallow in me baff or snooze on me sofa.I've decided it's my diet that's the problem.Too much haggis not enough veg' but i just can't summon up the enthusiasm to make myself the occassional salad, it's just too much work, all that peelin and choppin, when i can just ping something stodgy in the microwave. I really need taking in hand so i do. Any volunteers laydees? |
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2/4/2008 5:22 am |
Hey Jake.... (raises hand) I'd be willing to come and keep you company for a bit.. that is if your willing to have me.. So WHAT do you say eh...??????  When you can't beat em' with anything else beat em' with kindness 
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2/4/2008 5:23 am |
I need a vacation anyway... When you can't beat em' with anything else beat em' with kindness
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2/4/2008 5:57 am |
Sorry dear...have a dreadful allergy to housework or anything remotely related.Perhaps you could hire a maid for a while?.......... Just a thought (logical one I hope!).
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2/4/2008 7:28 am |
I am the expert at this. There are many tactics, I have explored all of them. The first thing you have to do, is stop dreading the housework. Generally, you will think of something you have to do and a pang of dread comes over you and you try to replace the idea with something else. Avoiding it. First, you must embrace the idea of what you need to do. Say to yourself over and over..."Those dishes are fun, those dishes are fun" When you have convinced yourself that those dishes need you, then you will attend to them. Turn on some music, and set the timer. I do cleaning marathons. Fast paced music, and look at it as a work out. Suck your abs in, bend over and bend your knees, and create funny dance moves as you go-I really crack myself up- but I am sure if someone were peeking in the window watching me make funny faces and doing my moves...they would run for their lives! RUN from room to room- YES RUN INSIDE your house as if Martha Stuart were set to arrive any minute! We've all done that where your heart is racing? One thing many people who have trouble cleaning is they can't organize items in their mind. So they will pick up one thing walk it to the bedroom, when they could have made one trip with 5 things. They will stand around saying,,OK, what do I deal with next? Look at the room you want to work on, like it is a clock. I start at 9AM, and move from one direction of the room around like a clock back to 9 AM. Try not to focus on the fact that in two days the room will be a disaster again, today is what matters, and today you set your mind to having this cleaning party. For some reason, my Milli Vanilli CD always gets the room done fastest! So Waht are you doing back? Wheel, Ah set beck and thought about da thins we usta do, it really meants a lot to me, YOU mean alot to me. I'M IN lOVED WHICH YOU Girl,,,IM in lovd which you girl. Dunt dunt... Oh sorry, now food. PLAN. Don't buy a bunch of stuff and find it rotted in the fridge a week later. GO to the grocery store EARLY in the morning, NOT in the evening. Buy your vegetables, chop them. A salad will keep for three days. It's nice to just reach in the fridge and have a salad already made. You don't want to be doing cooking routines right previous to every time you are hungry, because you won't DO it! You'll go for something less healthy for instant gratification. Gotta Go, MIlli Vanilli is calling! Think I'll wax the kitchen floor with my butt cheeks. Good LUck!
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All houses should come with a maid. I am severly allergic to housework too. Melt. Flow. Evaporate into the bright sky
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2/4/2008 10:29 am |
If you can still unstick your feet from the carpet, it's not dirty.
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The thought of you in an apron with feather duster in hand, lad. *Swoon* I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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....and nothing else. Wink, wink. LK  I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Weeeell...maybe just a bowtie. maybe some nappy to add to his bowtie will look good  From my heart to yours, Love and Light! 
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Git a girlfriend. Bring her home. Start snogging her. Start laying her down on the floor as prelude to shagging. Watch her recoil from crunchy floor. Then watch her try clean your house. How's that for a plan? In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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What kind of a bit are we talking here punky me princess?lol Do i need to get bunk beds fer the baldy blokes?(Is this joke wearing thin yet?lol) It's a deal cutey, i'm pretty much always home (except fer when i'm not lol) The trouble with that is i would start feeling guilty about being so lazy Potty me pal.It's catch 22 so it is. I'm thinking little French maids outfit and lets do the bedrooms first Heavenly lol. lol you've given this some thought haven't you Babs? So what you're saying is i need to employ Milli Vanilli to come clean my house now they're unemployed right?lol It's wummans work so it is swoony lol (some other wumman obviously) Ahhh the voice of male sanity Gow me wee bro If you don't need crampons and a safety rope to scale the carpet then it's fine. Ta very mooch beautiful Beta i shall go peruse anon. I blame the girly cat Ceeps me best goil. She loves crisps (chips to you i guess, you heathen) but isn't too fussed about eating up the crumbs. Quit droppin stuff so i have to bend over Morag hen, you hussy. Don't wanna scare the neighbours lady K They have enough to deal with just seeing me in me kilt. OOOO i actually have a bowtie but i've never worn it. Now's my chance huh? And a pacifier RP? Sounds like a good look for me.lol Oh not another hussy dropping things fer me to pick up lady K?lol lol If she wants to clean the house i'm not doing it right whatty.lol(Which sounds like a cunning plan lol)
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2/6/2008 10:30 am |
Well Jakey poo I don't think you'll need to employ the help of bunkbeds!! The baldy blokes are pretty well mannered when left to their own devices. So as long as you behave they do too Plenty of room for the 4 of us  and as far as the bit... what bit do you need??! kissys all over yer head jakey poo  When you can't beat em' with anything else beat em' with kindness
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buy ready-to-eat salad at supermarket
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You mean i have to behave?Dang i haven't done that in years lol.I need all the bits i can lay my hands on.lol OOOOO no Flibbers i'm a typical Scotsman i can't persuade myself to part with the ludicrous prices they charge fer ready-made when i could make one myself fer a tenth of the price.lol It just goes against me nature so it does.lol
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