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 | Blogs > Whatsherface > WhatsTheBeef? > You Don't Mess With The Movie |
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I guess I am too used to watching movies inflight or in the relative peace of my room. I seldom go to the cinema and if I do, it is always on impulse and at the last minute. So, I have forgotten how annoying going to the movies with people can be. I had the misfortune of going to the movies with a bunch of dancers recently. There was a short break of a few hours in between workshops and a few of us found ourselves at a loose end. We really needed a break, especially from the cloistered atmosphere of dance. After some absent-minded debate, we decided on going to the movies. Since most of us were English-speaking, we drove quite a distance to the nearest cinema which featured English-speaking movies. It so happened that the only movie with available tickets, that was still showing, was You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Which I thought was highly ironic, considering where we were. So off we went ... three women and one bloke. I quickly managed to finagle the corner seat as far away from the lone bloke as possible. Not that I disliked him, mind. It's just that I am not as familiar with him and experience has taught me to avoid sitting next to a strange, straight, male dancer in the cinema if I do not want to risk being groped. But I might have been safer seated next to him. I was left literally climbing the walls as the dancer to the left of me kept hitting my arm throughout the movie. Having known her superficially throughout 5 years, I knew she was not the brightest spark. But I never knew how dim the spark was. She found everything funny. Sure, I enjoyed the movie once I switched off my brain to the level of an Adam Sandler vehicle, but she laughed at everything. And she communicated her enjoyment by slamming her palm against my forearm every few seconds. When I removed it from the armrest in self defence, she started slapping my upper arm to demonstrate her hilarity. I swear I have major bruises on my left side. Not since I was paired with Adam the Clumsy have I had such massive bruises all over my body. My left arm looks like Robin Givens. When she was still married to Mike Tyson. When I asked that she not hit me, she looked puzzled. After half an hour of the heifer's abuse, I lost my temper. When she raised her massive mitts of moronity towards me, I slapped it away and told her if she hit me one more time, I was gonna hit back. She then turned to the male dancer on her other side and complained that I was "unfriendly". She must have been hitting him too as he gave me a look of miserable commiseration. Unlike me, he could not threaten her with retaliation. Things were peaceful for a while. Then Zohan had to shag everything in sight or at least simulate shagging. The daft female on my left started squirming and making squealy noises as she giggled and tried to cover both mine and the male dancer's eyes. Incredulous, I turned to look at her. The woman is all of almost 50 and she is acting like a 15-year-old! The male dancer just looked like he wanted to die. As far from her as possible. By the time we left the cinema, I decided I was not going to the movies with anyone for a long time. I think I will keep to watching movies on flight and in my hotel. And they did not even sell beer at the cinema to numb my pain. How uncivilised. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people. |
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6/30/2008 1:26 am |
Can't understand why she didn't slap her own arms or laps instead in time of ecstasy. I am now wildly racking my mind as to what type of the weapons that one should prepare before being forced to watch a movie with such a friend, and the first one that comes to my mind is the picture of the alarm clock you once attached to the post entitled "If You Were My Husband..."  And laughing at everything in the movie? OMG! Agnes
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6/30/2008 4:18 am |
Reminds me of this time my high school friend and I sneaked out of Chinese class to watch Pia Zadora's Butterfly, an R rated flick we managed to finagle our way in even though we were only 15, stupidly daring each other that we could. And promptly regretted it when some guy sat beside us, tented his lap with a newspaper and started doing the nasty to himself. We RAN. (You should've dumped popcorn on her) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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6/30/2008 9:44 am |
Can't understand why she didn't slap her own arms or laps instead in time of ecstasy. I am now wildly racking my mind as to what type of the weapons that one should prepare before being forced to watch a movie with such a friend, and the first one that comes to my mind is the picture of the alarm clock you once attached to the post entitled "If You Were My Husband..." And laughing at everything in the movie? OMG! In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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6/30/2008 9:52 am |
Reminds me of this time my high school friend and I sneaked out of Chinese class to watch Pia Zadora's Butterfly, an R rated flick we managed to finagle our way in even though we were only 15, stupidly daring each other that we could. And promptly regretted it when some guy sat beside us, tented his lap with a newspaper and started doing the nasty to himself. We RAN. (You should've dumped popcorn on her) I went to the movies after school with my best friend and one of the school pervs insisted on following us. He was trying to hit on her (he was too afraid of me after I threatened to castrate him once) and while the ads were on, her started getting smarmy with her during a sanity napkin ad. So she turned around and said really loudly, "What? You want to see my used sanitary pads??!! You sick basturd!" And everyone turned to look at him. Wonder why he left in such a hurry ... And once I was watching a movie with some girlfriends and I suddenly felt this rubbing on the outside of my thigh. Some bloody perv next to me was trying to feel me up. So I took my keys and stabbed him in the hand. Wonder why he left in such a hurry ... I cannot tell you how many times I have had such stupid encounters in the cinema. It got so bad my male mates would flank me to prevent such bollocks from happening. And I did not have any popcorn. We had to go back to the workshops so we just had an ice cream and water. No eating before or during dance, ya know? In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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