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 | Blogs > Whatsherface > WhatsTheBeef? > Debrief |
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I kind of pride myself on being able to smell danger a mile off. Especially the kind of danger from unwanted attention. Close friends know why and how I tend to keep a careful eye out for the slightest sign of trouble. It has led to a now-entrenched lifestyle of flying under the radar, keeping to safe environments and a low-key, almost reclusive existence. Perhaps it is in response to the attention-garnering work I do. Still, every time there is trouble, I ponder and analyse everything in my own private debrief. Why did they behave in such a manner? What prompted or triggered such behaviour? What could I have done to prevent it from happening? What can I do to stop it from ever again? How did I miss the signs? How did the perpetrator get close enough? When did I drop my guard? Tonight, I knew exactly the catalyst, the why, the how and the when. I was the only female seated with a bunch of old fogies. To an outsider it may have looked like I was open to or desperate for any male attention. When in actual fact, half of them were my uncles and the other half were my uncles' friends. What prompted the stalker to target me? A plate of cheese. Talk about cheesy come-ons. Some of the older gents had decided it was past their bed-time and a couple of the uncles drove them home before returning to the cafe. So there I was, all alone till they returned. Which is normally not a problem. One of the uncles had just been back from the motherland and had a platter of goat cheese for me to try. I was nibbling delicately on it when the lone chap seated at the next table asked me what it was. Ever polite, I told him it was a special, home-made goat cheese from the motherland. When he asked its name so he could order some, I told him it was off menu and was just something one of the uncles had brought back. He looked so disappointed, I made my first mistake. The When for when I dropped my guard. The How did I miss the signs was because I was tired and feeling complacent after being coddled by all the uncles and in our safe oasis. I did not think anyone would be stupid enough to harass me in our own territory. Silly me. I offered him the platter of cheese. I even smiled kindly at him as I did that. Mistake 2. He pulled his chair over. Immediately, the guards went up and I had to restrain myself from pulling my chair further away from him. I knew the sign. The encroaching of personal space move. And sure enough, he ate the cheese, he ordered coffee, he kept pulling his chair closer and closer till his arm was almost on the back of my chair. His speech started slowing into what he thought was a seductive purr but in reality was a sibilant spew of smarminess. His face crept closer and closer till he could almost smell my hair , which was unfortunately unbound and all over the place. Fortunately, I managed to place my shisha between us, claiming that the wind was blowing the smoke into my hair. He started asking me personal questions. If I was married, attached, single. What I did for a living. What I liked to do in my spare time. Where I frequented. My answers were icily monosyllabic by now and I executed my usual rescue mission plan. I pretended my mobile had rang. When in actuality I had just called the cashier. In our language, which I was sure he did not understand as he was Swiss, I asked them to send the Enforcer to my table. So F, aka the Enforcer, came round and I gave him the look. So he sat down between us ... insistently ... and tended to my shisha. And stayed to chat. Something the almost perpetually silent F seldom does. I think tonight was the longest conversation I have ever had with the boy. And then my uncles returned and I apologetically (not!) informed my persistent stalker that the chairs were reserved for them and that it was nice meeting him. He hung around for a while, hoping to catch me alone again. But by now, my uncles and the waiters knew the score and no one gave him an opening and many menacing looks were cast in his direction. In fact, the more geriatric uncle (he's 82) wanted to beat him with the charcoal burners. We had to dissuade him as we were afraid he would do himself more harm than the persistent stalker. He still had the gall to give me his card before he left and asked that I call him so we could have lunch or dinner one day. I used the card to add to the fires of the coal burners. So, my debrief goes like this ... Never offer strange men food. They'd think you're interested in them instead of being kind. Never be kind. Never assume you are safe. Even in your own territory. Never go around smiling at strangers. Especially men. Side note: Remember to buy F a nice shirt to thank him. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people. |
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 5/17/2008 1:43 pm |
never is a bit of a hard word, but you are right in your debrief. Often people (men) get the message wrong and think you are interested, when you are far from that 
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5/17/2008 2:54 pm |
never is a bit of a hard word, but you are right in your debrief. Often people (men) get the message wrong and think you are interested, when you are far from that Life loves me. I am living happily ever after.
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5/17/2008 2:56 pm |
WOw... It's funny how some people can be so obtuse to body signals eh? I have been fortunate to never have to deal with that kind of thing, but then I can be a really intimidating person when I so choose. Am glad your uncles came back and the "man" was dealt with in such a way, that he can not come back at you about slighting him. am also glad that you have men in your life that you have nothing to fear from and that are ready to protect you  Sensy between the stars, beyond the planet mars, there Sens will be
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5/17/2008 6:20 pm |
For some reason it seemed so apt food would be your undoing. F should've accidentally dropped a piece of coal in Mr. Hotpants' crotch, though, darn. I'm missing the meshwi!!!  I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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5/17/2008 10:47 pm |
never is a bit of a hard word, but you are right in your debrief. Often people (men) get the message wrong and think you are interested, when you are far from that Yeah, I often have people misinterpreting my casual politeness for interest. Why are they so egotistical? In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/17/2008 10:53 pm |
WOw... It's funny how some people can be so obtuse to body signals eh? I have been fortunate to never have to deal with that kind of thing, but then I can be a really intimidating person when I so choose. Am glad your uncles came back and the "man" was dealt with in such a way, that he can not come back at you about slighting him. am also glad that you have men in your life that you have nothing to fear from and that are ready to protect you Sensy I learnt a Chinese phrase that I think is wonderfully apt for such men. The vermin disguised as a gentleman. Well, usually I have only myself to depend on to defend myself. It is the rare occasion when I am surrounded by my male relatives and I certainly do not expect anyone to protect me. I just happen to have the singularly bad ability of attracting stalkers so have learnt to be watchful and to take action fast before it becomes a problem. Ta for visitng btw, Sensy! Nice seeing you. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/17/2008 10:57 pm |
For some reason it seemed so apt food would be your undoing. F should've accidentally dropped a piece of coal in Mr. Hotpants' crotch, though, darn. I'm missing the meshwi!!! Yeah but F's fists are scarier than any piece of coal. The funny thing is that he's the most gentlemanly, gentle and quiet bloke but terribly no-nonsense. Everyone is terrified of him. Even my uncle. He just has to show his face and suddenly all trouble will cease. I wish I could carry him around with me! Bloody useful, I tell you. LOL. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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 5/19/2008 3:30 am |
Never offer strange men food. I think there's a lesson there for all of us. (you won another euro, I won nothing, seems you have a knack for getting your money back).
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5/19/2008 4:41 am |
Now we just have to work on my non-existent knack of getting somebody else's money, no? In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/19/2008 5:57 am |
That man makes me feel sick. He is de cun jin chi. Years ago there is a popular TV series entitled "Don't Talk With Strangers"(bu yao he mo sheng ren shuo hua). Now it seems that the title sound reasonable. Agnes
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5/19/2008 9:52 am |
Now we just have to work on my non-existent knack of getting somebody else's money, no? (I could launch into a long and ultimately dreary story about how a certain inept boss of mine is completely bungling my contract negotiations with HQ - for hierarchical reasons I can't talk to them directly - and how when he did finally come back with an offer the other day he'd completely failed to ask about salary...I mean, as much as I love my job, the whole "work for pay" thing is fairly fundamental, right?). Ah, well. You got the short and dreary version.
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5/19/2008 9:59 am |
Ah, am in between flights and it's the middle of the night and awfully dark here. Anyway, while waiting, I thought I would dash out some replies. And of course, you would be first! De chun jin chi means to take a yard when given an inch, right? Did I get the translation right for si wen bai lei? Vermin disguised as a gentlemen? Someone explained it as such to me. Yeah, that's the first thing you are taught as a child and obviously I do not heed it well, do I? Duh. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/22/2008 7:03 am |
Ah, am in between flights and it's the middle of the night and awfully dark here. Anyway, while waiting, I thought I would dash out some replies. And of course, you would be first! De chun jin chi means to take a yard when given an inch, right? Did I get the translation right for si wen bai lei? Vermin disguised as a gentlemen? Someone explained it as such to me. Yeah, that's the first thing you are taught as a child and obviously I do not heed it well, do I? Duh. Obviously, si wen bai lei is more appropriate in that case! Take care and safe trip, WHF! Will be missing you! Find time to have good pig-out!  Agnes
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5/22/2008 6:47 pm |
You and me both, kiddo. (I could launch into a long and ultimately dreary story about how a certain inept boss of mine is completely bungling my contract negotiations with HQ - for hierarchical reasons I can't talk to them directly - and how when he did finally come back with an offer the other day he'd completely failed to ask about salary...I mean, as much as I love my job, the whole "work for pay" thing is fairly fundamental, right?). Ah, well. You got the short and dreary version. Yes, they seem to think everyone works because they love them so. No worries, mate, lay on the full version if you need to. It helps to get it off your chest before you pick up an axe and murder the bloody idiot. Why do I suddenly have images of Alien in my head? In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/22/2008 6:50 pm |
Ta Agnes! Had a nice break but unfortunately no big pig-out as it was a pretty basic place we went to. Simple but relaxing and totally different from the usual rubbish I have to deal with! Might be back but we'll see! In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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