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 | Blogs > Whatsherface > WhatsTheBeef? > Gift of the Gap |
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I am constantly awestruck by some of my male friends. Quite a few of them are highly intelligent, well-travelled, philosophical, talented, funny and thoroughly good company. They make great mates. But they sure make clueless husbands/boyfriends/partners. Today, I was picked up by a friend, TS, whose business and lifestyle entails his wife having to live in another country and making bi-weekly flights to and fro just to spend time with him. That's not the horrible part as it is quite a common, sadly enough, trend among my circle of friends and acquaintances. The terrible part is her birthday gift. Another male friend casually asked TS when his C class or S series or whatever that Mercedes Benz auto is called, was coming in. He flippantly replied that it would get there for his birthday. Which sent his wife into an amused but resigned tirade that it is supposed to be her birthday present but was coming in on his birthday instead. I have next to zero interest in cars but even I could see the faux pas in this and asked TS whose birthday present it was supposed to be. The man blatantly responded that it was his wife's birthday gift but it was arriving on his birthday and he was going to test drive it for a while to make sure it was safe. Rrrrrright ... The kicker is that it would arrive when she is not in town. Classic. He's not the worst of the lot. There is E who bought his wife a dartboard for Christmas and made her open it on the eve, before dinner. So all the blokes could play darts while waiting for dinner. I asked E's wife, "A, do you play darts?" "No." "Oh." There was another mate who bought his wife a romantic weekend trip to a tropical resort island as an anniversary prezzie. She talked about it for days and planned her entire wardrobe numerous times, as well as audited all the girlfriends for salacious, naughty things she could try out during their third honeymoon. I slapped my palm against my forehead when I received a message that her husband had left her, to go on a golf tournament with his mates, the moment they landed on the island. Apparently, that was why he planned the trip. There was a golf tournament on and all his mates were there too. He gave her another supplementary card and told her to treat herself. I remember her asking us who was the most expensive jeweler available on the island and had commandeered a laptop and Internet connection to do some online bankrupting. Weeks later when I caught up with him for lunch, he still could not understand why she was so upset. Clueless. Totally clueless. One of my friends who is an avid ballroom dance enthusiast told me she was actually on the verge of divorcing her husband when he bought her 100 hours with her favourite dance instructor, as a birthday gift. That's not the problem. The problem was when he included a note requesting that she be discreet. Being a fairly notable businessman, he did not want to be embarrassed by the news of his wife being seen on the arms of a DI and swanning all over the place. The DI happened to be a distant nephew, which I believe was unknown to the distrustful husband. The half-wit had just insulted not only her virtue and morals but also the integrity of her family. Again, when I met them for dinner a while later, he still had not apologised and could only reiterate that having his wife seen dancing in public and in the arms of a DI, relations or not, was not the done thing. I icily said I should, perhaps, not be seen having dinner with them too then since I was a dancer. He had the grace to flush and apologise hastily. I made a note that I would not be available for meals with him anytime soon. His wife, yes. Him ... no. But one of the supposed clueless gifts, in the coterie of deal-breaking prezzies/insult, was actually quite meaningful. One of my CEOs once happily announced, during a casual brainstorm, that he had bought his wife a mattress for their 10th wedding anniversary. Not just any mattress. A Four Seasons hotel mattress. My eyes widened appreciatively even as all the women in the room started berating him for being unromantic. Hold on, you clueless harpies. A mattress that is custom-made only for the Four Seasons which cannot be bought anywhere else. Which is the most comfortable mattress I have ever slept on and I have stayed in many, many establishments. The kind of mattress that makes you want to loll around in bed all day and perform all sorts of gratifying positions to achieve the most sybaritic pleasure? I clapped my CEO on his shoulder and said, "Well done, mate!" He grinned gleefully and said it was the smartest and best gift he ever gave her. Damn right. Bet they conceived their 4th child that anniversary too. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people. |
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5/17/2008 5:01 am |
WHF, What's the worst gift you got? Just curious. His Imperial Majesty, The Crowned Prince of Joy, The best, and always right, Jimy
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5/17/2008 5:26 am |
Wow, so many ... Let's see ... there was the offer to buy me a Rolex for my birthday from one idiot who I had only gone to a couple of dates with. I despise Rolexes and do not wear watches. Which he noticed but took it to mean I could not afford a "proper" one. *roll eyes* There was the other moron who decided to "take me away for a break" Australia and invited a couple of my social-climbing, so-called friends to ensure I would go. He had the audacity to call my then-boss to apply for leave for me. All these were done without consulting me. Let's just say, when I found out, no one was safe from my fury and my boss decided to nickname me The Assassin. One of the best gifts was when a bloke, whom I had only gotten to know a couple of times, decided to help me pack a picnic for 20 on Valentines Day. He actually came over to cut, slice, grill, mix and layer sandwiches, drinks, etc for hours with me and then helped carry everything and chauffeur everyone back and forth for the picnic. He did all that without complaint or expectations. Which was especially nice of him since I had turned him down for a Valentines Day date because I had committed to doing the picnic. I notice that as I get older, the gifts get more meaningless and flashier but without real significance or substance. I often wonder if it is me or the giver. Good question, Jimy In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/17/2008 7:38 am |
It takes a special man to gage up to these measures. I would count myself lucky if I ever live up to that
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5/17/2008 9:03 am |
Well, no surprise what he's ordering for my birthday. A Kitchen Aid in Cinnamon.  Big question is whether to get the bowl-lift or the tilt-head model--what say you? That's what's holding up the order, actually. We're weighing all the pro and cons between bowl-lifts and tilt-head models.(He might be clueless more often than not, but when it comes to food, he's always bang on) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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5/17/2008 9:28 am |
Same goes for women. Have they EVER gotten a present that their boyfriend, husband, or whatever...would have got for himself? No. The ladies shop for THEMSELVES! So...Why not just massage his BACK with your  instead?
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5/17/2008 10:34 am |
It takes a special man to gage up to these measures. I would count myself lucky if I ever live up to that I can tell you without a doubt that the women would have preferred the following: TS' wife - that he sorted out their marriage such that both of them can be in the same country at the same time instead of some stupid car. E's wife - she gave up on him a long time ago. Golf nuts' wife - if he could just make time for her instead of his work, golf and his mates ... even if it was just for 2 days. They could have stayed at home for all she cared as long as she could have him for 2 days. Ballroom dance enthusiast - she would rather her husband went dancing with her. And actually respected her passion. Instead of living up to material values of gift, they would have been better off living up to the promise to love and cherish. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/17/2008 10:36 am |
Well, no surprise what he's ordering for my birthday. A Kitchen Aid in Cinnamon. Big question is whether to get the bowl-lift or the tilt-head model--what say you? That's what's holding up the order, actually. We're weighing all the pro and cons between bowl-lifts and tilt-head models.(He might be clueless more often than not, but when it comes to food, he's always bang on) Bang on food eh? *tries not to snigger* In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/17/2008 10:49 am |
Same goes for women. Have they EVER gotten a present that their boyfriend, husband, or whatever...would have got for himself? No. The ladies shop for THEMSELVES! So...Why not just massage his BACK with your instead?In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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