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 | Blogs > Whatsherface > WhatsTheBeef? > I am a Fox Vixen ... Apparently |
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There I am, minding my own beeswax, soundly napping to resuscitate my appetite when I hear an impatient pounding on my door. Followed by someone leaning on the doorbell. What on earth?!! I am never good when I just awake so I half stumbled, crawled out from beneath the sheets and meandered drunkenly to the door. Peeking through the tiny spyglass, I saw the distorted visage of an unfamiliar female behind the door. I say distorted not only because of the convex lenses that warps all faces into a pointy fish face but also because the woman looked really ugly with fury. Cautiously I opened the door to ask through the latch. "Yes, may I help you?" "You effing biatch! You w&^re! Where's my husband?" "Eh? What? What husband? What on earth are you talking about?" She kept throwing one insult after another, her shrill voice rising higher and higher as her command of English sludged drearily over the same four- and five-letter words. I could feel my confused blurriness giving way to mild annoyance. I was woken up for this??? I am going to be one cranky cow tonight, that was for sure. "Look, you crazy half-wit. I have no idea who your husband or you are for that matter, but you are seriously pissing me off and I advise you to get away from this door before I lose my temper." She responded by trying to stick her arm through the narrow aperture of the door to claw my eyes out. By now, some of the other hotel guests were out of the rooms to watch the antics of the psycho. I saw hotel security and staff dashing towards us so I decided to open the door. I happened to have Hakim with me. Once the door opened, the rather chubby Chinese woman lunged through without taking a good look at me. The me who was wielding Hakim and settling into position. Door opens, woman is open, WHF side kicks her right in the chest into the opposite door. Then I moved forward to point Hakim into her stomach. "Don't move. In fact, do not speak unless I tell you to. My hand might shake and you could end up with a liposuction you did not want." Hotel security started to turn their attention towards me now, thinking I am the psycho and tried to talk me down. I assured them I was only defending myself and I was not going to lose my temper yet and skewer her but I wanted some answers and then I wanted them all to vamoose so I could continue my nap. But I was fast losing patience and if they got in my way I was really going to let loose with Hakim. "You. Who the hell is your husband?" She gave some Chinese name. "Never heard of him. Why do you think he's with me and shagging me?" She screamed that she knew he was in Room XXX with his ... she used a bad Chinese word equivalent to a woman's part. "Stop shouting or I might lose my grip on Hakim. Either talk softly or scream loudly when I get frightened and lose my grip. I frighten easily you know." I looked at my room door. Right number. "You can see there is no man in my room other than Hakim. That's the sword's name, by the way. Has not been a man in there other than the bell boy bringing my luggage." "You lie! Look at you! Of course you must be a fox vixen. You probably hide him somewhere! Where is he?!!!" Wow, a fox vixen, eh? That's the Chinese slur for women who seduce hapless men, usually of the married variety. They typically look like some harlot from a bad American soap ... wait, is there such a thing as a good one? Sorry .. tangent ... Gee, the insult has struck me so much to the core, I can feel my grip on Hakim loosening. "Oy, watch it! Do not know your husband and am certainly not hiding him. And what do you mean look at me? How rude! Right, call your idiot husband right now to check his whereabouts." By now she is starting to think she's in mucho trouble and it is a much quieter woman who called her erstwhile husband on her mobile. I swear, all heads turned when we heard a mobile ring behind us. It was like a scene from a farce. A man in a bathrobe with a woman in matching attire were in the passageway a few doors away. As he reached for his mobile in his pocket, he realised he had just been busted. Crazy, jealous wife was so infuriated, she actually swatted Hakim as she rose from the floor and lumbered angrily towards her new target. Everyone followed except me and one hotel security staff. I rolled my eyes and he apologised profusely. I told him they owed me one and they better make sure I am appeased or I might sue them. And then told him to go away for now as I wanted to go back to sleep. Of course, after I returned to the calm of my room, I could not sleep. Such drama and excitement. It can only happen to me. Wait a second, the cow did not even apologise to me! Ah, feck it. I rather not have to hear her strident voice or see her or her faithless spouse anywhere near me again. And to think I stayed at a hotel today because I wanted some peace and quiet. Right. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people. |
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 5/11/2008 7:13 am |
 to Hakim.  DDM
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5/11/2008 7:28 am |
You fox vixen you, seducing my hapless husband with ngo hiang and a steamboat!  Sorry chickie, Paul and I reading this together, and for some reason we can only crack up!!! Jaysus, it can only happen to you ROFLMAO!!!!! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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5/11/2008 10:18 am |
so you are realy spanish then,the word mucho slipped out. i called my ex a bitch, and the spanish courts translated it to a zora, a vixen, got 4 days house arest, and told not to speak to her for 6 months. i won on apeal, i got 8 days house arest and told not to speak to her for a year whats it all about if you cant have a laugth and a shag every now and then
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5/11/2008 10:49 am |
Wow, I bet you were pissed.....she's lucky you didn't hurt her
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5/11/2008 10:59 am |
Happy Mother's Day ! SL  Keep love in your heart ! SL
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5/11/2008 11:58 am |
to Hakim. DDM In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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 5/11/2008 12:00 pm |
First of all...I'm sorry to hear you went through this experience. Second...Would you believe, that after all this time since I first met you in chat, until I read this blog, I didn't know that "Hakim" was not your husband?  --- I get lost and confused sometimes. I don't even know if you're married. I don't know if you have any children. Which is another reason I decided to pop in here. To wish you a Happy Mother's Day. (And the same to any other ladies reading this blog). If you're not a Mom, I hope you have a feller, and hope he shows you a little extra special attention today just the same.  --- Bye for now.
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5/11/2008 12:02 pm |
You fox vixen you, seducing my hapless husband with ngo hiang and a steamboat! Sorry chickie, Paul and I reading this together, and for some reason we can only crack up!!! Jaysus, it can only happen to you ROFLMAO!!!!! I swear I am the most arsed luck person I know. I cannot count the number of times some crazy woman has accused me of seducing their husbands/boyfriends/dogs/whatever! Really! It is so insulting! Me??!! Bloody ridiculous. Ha, Phase I of Sir LongSufferingHubby's corruption executed successfully then! LOL, I have even started on your nephew with fish head curry and your sons with Terry's Orange. Will the evil never end??!!  In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/11/2008 12:05 pm |
so you are realy spanish then,the word mucho slipped out. i called my ex a bitch, and the spanish courts translated it to a zora, a vixen, got 4 days house arest, and told not to speak to her for 6 months. i won on apeal, i got 8 days house arest and told not to speak to her for a year I think you lucked out on the sentence. Not speaking to her for a year sounds like heaven, no? Hmmm, wondering at the similarity in insults between the Chinese and the Spanish. I always wondered at the fox vixen thing. Only knew of it from watching Chinese kungfu movies. They like fox vixens in those. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/11/2008 12:07 pm |
Wow, I bet you were pissed.....she's lucky you didn't hurt her  In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/11/2008 12:08 pm |
Happy Mother's Day ! SL In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/11/2008 1:00 pm |
First of all...I'm sorry to hear you went through this experience. Second...Would you believe, that after all this time since I first met you in chat, until I read this blog, I didn't know that "Hakim" was not your husband? --- I get lost and confused sometimes. I don't even know if you're married. I don't know if you have any children. Which is another reason I decided to pop in here. To wish you a Happy Mother's Day. (And the same to any other ladies reading this blog). If you're not a Mom, I hope you have a feller, and hope he shows you a little extra special attention today just the same. --- Bye for now. Not married, a mum or have a feller and not in the least bit interested in any of the three. But thanks for the kind thoughts, mate. Might see you in chat one day. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/12/2008 10:58 am |
"Such drama and excitement. It can only happen to me." I could not stop laughing when i read this!!!!!!!!.Your not the only one it happened too.Something similar happened to me in Bahrain.....the woman was a unfortunately a Bahraini Princess,LOL.I was quite innocent.Her little fat Arabic husband was my Squash/Jog partner who i was acting as personal trainer too at his request to assist him in loosing weight.Little did i know he was carrying on with some other lady on the side.One fine sunny day there was a huge scenario on my front porch which set my wild looking dog off barking like hell.The little fat Arab had followed his wife and her buddy realizing their mistake.Both cars ended up racing up my driveway without prior warning, squeaking tires at around 200km,First she and her friend closely followed by he in his Jaguar in hot persuit,LOL.Guess he thought they were out to kill the wrong woman,had visions of me becoming an innocent victim.I wondered what the hell was going on.That was the end of my squash partner and i decided id had enough of Bahrain after that.In those days it was like one huge Brothel and i got tired of mens hotel keys being laid down on my table...........i got out ,LOL.Best move i ever made...Thankyou Abdulla & Princess Wife Remember..live each day as it comes..it may be your last!!!xx " NAMASTE"
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5/12/2008 11:20 am |
Welt - Hey, at least you knew who the miscreants were! I had never seen or heard of my unhappily-married tormentors before that day! Oh I know about middle eastern men and their shenanigans. Am surrounded by them daily. I once performed at some festival where they had a stage made to look like Juliet's balcony (I know, bloody tacky) with a little cast iron gate that opened to the side. The band was beneath the balcony and there was a little flight of stairs leading to the gate to the balcony/stage. One of the drummers was next to the gate and apparently got into a scuffle with some crazed Arab who decided he that was going to storm the stage and carry me off. Fortunately, I had my back turned to him and did not realise what had happened till I got off stage. When everyone was talking about the drummer protecting my virtue and some bloke being forcibly chucked out of the place. And yes, the hotel keys, gifts and money jackets are still doing their rounds even now and not just in Bahrain. Hell, Asian men do the same, what am I talking about? The Princesses can be hard to take whichever country they come from. So can the Princes. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/14/2008 3:39 pm |
Are you saying that you're one of those people who can merely cross the street to admire something in a shop window, and create an international incident in less than half a block?  --- You don't really look all that mischievous, even with the tape across your eyes.  --- P.S.: Just how old were you when you first HAD to start carrying Hakim?...10? 12? 14?. --- Have a good one.
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5/14/2008 3:57 pm |
OK, I once languidly and half-heartedly stuck my hand out to hail a taxi which was 5 lanes away from me, not expecting him to even spot me or respond. To my astonishment, the madman crossed all 5 lanes to get to me, causing a big pile-up. ANother time, I was at a laundromat and left in a bit of a hurry then realised I had left a pair of knickers in the dryer so I high-tailed back. To find a French bloke holding on to it, standing next to the dryer, while his Thai girlfriend was screaming at him to find out who his "other woman" was. I had nothing to do with either incident except to be minding my own beeswax. Not mischievous at all. *Hope no one tears off the tape* Er, my grandfather gave me my first sword when I was 8. I have had Hakim since 2000. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/14/2008 3:58 pm |
Actually on that note, the person who gave me my first sharp instrument was my grandmother. She gave me my first kitchen knife at 6. An irony as she deeply disapproved of me learning martial arts. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/15/2008 4:10 am |
Sounds like typical grandparents to me. You reckon they figgered out something you didn't know kinda early in your life?... --- P.S.: Have ya ever considered cutting eyeholes in the tape? It might prevent some of the disastrophes. The Lone Ranger's career improved right considerable after Tonto got him to cut eyeholes in the mask. 
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5/15/2008 6:02 am |
Well, swords are our family emblems so ... but usually male children get the swords. Hmmm ... Those are actually X-ray bands. They cut through the crap and bs. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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