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 | Blogs > Whatsherface > WhatsTheBeef? > Voice of God |
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Had lunch with an old friend who bemoaned the rising prices of property in a time when they suddenly found themselves with three properties on hand. Having been a hausfrau for a long time, the prospect of having to return to the workforce just to manage the mortgages on all three properties is a horrifying one with much dramatic rolling of eyes, grimaces and woeful quivering of lips. In other words, she was having a ball lamenting her fate. She's a funny kid with a droll sense of humour and a self-professed love of doing nothing but shopping and lunching. Their current house is next to a church that is frequented by the yuppies and bourgeoisie. Every Saturday and Sunday, the cars line up right up to their gates, both illegally and legally parked as their owners enter en mass into the house of God to hear His word. Usually, the devotees would drive their poshest cars to church even if they live within 15 easy walking minutes' distance. It is an opportunity to display their wealth and positions. We made snarky gasps of amazement that they did not have chauffeured cars as that would eliminate the need for parking. Trust the nouveau riche to be clueless. Anyway, her husband is a Catholic but she is a forcibly converted one who is more comfortable in being spiritual than religious. She occasionally goes to church with him under duress and with the promise of a nice prezzie after. So, having to deal with a battalion of cars blocking their gate and street when they leave for Sunday brunch is a reprehensible crime to her. She recounted how she would call the police to remove the vehicles as a Sunday routine. I commented that it was a trite bit unChristianly, driving her into a tirade against th equally hellish behaviour in blocking their way in and out of their own estate. I jokingly said she should just take a loud speaker into the church. Get her husband to tome in his deep, authoritarian voice, "Hark, would the driver of vehicle no. XXXX please remove your car from the gates of heaven. Amen." Which would prompt some to declare they heard the voice of God and others to start jotting down the numbers so they could buy lottery. She piped in that some might even burst into hallelujahs. It was two rather hysterical women who rolled out of the restaurant for some coffee and cakes. I am sure we are driving straight to hell after this. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people. |
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 5/7/2008 8:50 am |
The road to hell is paved with good blasphemous jokes. Hang on.....that's not right.....or maybe it is.....
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5/7/2008 8:51 am |
Oh, and "hausfrau", great word.
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5/7/2008 9:24 am |
 .. I love your writing style, keen observations, and descriptive adjectives. You are one funny lady  
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5/7/2008 12:58 pm |
The road to hell is paved with good blasphemous jokes. Hang on.....that's not right.....or maybe it is..... While pondering on whether clamping the cars would be a better option, I started singing (which is always a bad thing) - Clamp of God Yooouuu take away the wheels of my car How pissed off are we ... Yeah, I like the word 'hausfrau' too because that is one fate I try to avoid. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/7/2008 1:00 pm |
..I love your writing style, keen observations, and descriptive adjectives. You are one funny lady Am like that in real life too so I write as I speak. Now, that is scary.   In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/8/2008 11:39 am |
Er ... actually I was too embarrassed to even admit that I actually bastardised a hymn during lunch. While pondering on whether clamping the cars would be a better option, I started singing (which is always a bad thing) - Clamp of God Yooouuu take away the wheels of my car How pissed off are we ... Yeah, I like the word 'hausfrau' too because that is one fate I try to avoid. there's a hot place in hell reserved for hymn bastardisers Now say an Act of Contrition. Oh my God because you are so big I'm truly sorry I parked where I did and when I get my car back from the pound I will not reoffend.
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5/8/2008 1:02 pm |
It appears bastardisation of religious materials is a family trait. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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5/9/2008 7:04 am |
Bastardisation as a family trait is an interesting concept.
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5/10/2008 10:52 pm |
Rather. In the immortal words from 6th Sense ... I see stupid people.
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