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That's A Wrap I've been on a kinky article kick lately (but then again, when have I NOT been on a kinky article kick? They seem to find me no matter where I hide). It's almost like a compulsion, one that, for the sake of my self-improvement and further enlightenment (and to show Sir John that, yes, I AM capable of bringing my uncontrollable urges to heel), I should overcome. So check me out on New Year's Day of 2010 ‒ I'll be the one by the azaleas flagellating myself with a garden hose while having a marathon polka session with Lawrence Welk's Greatest Hits–all for the noble purpose of self-censorship. But before I retreat into self-imposed kinky article detox, here's one more that caught my eye while reading Glamour. Apparently, another devoted reader sent on this priceless tip: "One day, I brought saran wrap (plastic cling wrap to you people unfamiliar with the term) to my boyfriend's house and wrapped him up like a mummy. I cut holes to let his nipples out, and the sensation was amazing when I rubbed my fingers across his covered skin. Plus, when the saran wrap was peeled off, his skin was ultra sensitive. He was blown away by how cool it was." Now, I don't know about you, but saran wrap reminds me of sad little sandwiches with limp lettuce, mystery meat and watery tomatoes trussed up and sitting forlornly on a cafeteria display case. Or that guy from The Full Monty trying to shrink his beer gut by wrapping it up with the darn thing. Or Bruno, being wise to this trick, trying it on himself and declaring, “I ist your über skinny spring roll of love!” Plus, I'm thinking, by the time I finish mummifying hubby with it, I'd be so tired I'll pass out face down on the bed, snoring. Nevertheless, being the adventurous middle-aged semi-cougarish (being 3 weeks older qualifies me as one) housewife that I am, I get hubby to read the abovementioned tip, and then, brandishing a brand-spanking new roll of GLAD wrap, I give him my best come hither look. Sad to say, hubby has no sense of adventure. And now he's taken to hiding the aluminum foil and the wax paper, too. Darn it.  I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho instead of Oh God in the throes of passion. |
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Let me guess ... condoms, as a variation on the experience are no where to be found either?  *checks to see which site he's logged into* Oops. 
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7/16/2009 7:25 am |
I hope she cut holes for the mouth and nose and not just the nipples. Otherwise he wouldn't have been too sensitive when unwrapped.
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Let me guess ... condoms, as a variation on the experience are no where to be found either? *checks to see which site he's logged into* Oops. Chocolate body paint though, is another thing altogether. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Hooonneeeeeeeyy? Come on, you gotta read this! Aw, come on, just give it a try? I'll be in pink. You love me in pink. (Nope, not even the idea of me in pink, Ophelia. Sigh) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I hope she cut holes for the mouth and nose and not just the nipples. Otherwise he wouldn't have been too sensitive when unwrapped. Ah, logistics, logistics, logistics. Good thing you and I are both obsessed with the finer details. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Wait, you have a wool fetish, you mean? Oooooooooo, I know a Kiwi lass that would be perfect for you. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I'll send you some ASAP, Mariya! Never let it be said that the MunchkinMatron shirked her duty to her friends when dire necessity is involved! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Dang Boom. If I was gonna use it for all those areas of mine I think I'd need two rolls. Wait, what am I saying??? I'm SHORT. Half a roll, tops. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I'm a little chili pepper, I am.  And drat that dress code!!! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/17/2009 10:48 pm |
I think the point is to just spring it on him. DDM
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Ha, bet you got yourself a fresh new roll of cling wrap, too. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I've given him EVERY look, Marijan. I even tried the cross eyed look. No go. He says it makes him think too much of left-overs. I'm gonna have to try something else, just you wait. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Cling wrapping in the water! You've just given me an idea, Vora baby! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I think the point is to just spring it on him. DDM (If this doesn't work, I'm so gonna blame you, heehee) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Wow, Al--now THAT'S an idea. I think I'll look for the Chocolate Pudding Jello--that way we can also use the whipped cream and the chocolate syrup, too.  Thanks for popping in--glad to meet you! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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It involves a lot of sneaking around now, Vora. He did offer to be the wrapper instead of the wrappee, but I said, heck no. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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If it's dark chocolate I'm gonna order double, Marijan. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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And they said you don't learn anything from this blog, Marijan!  I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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You're going to bring your uncontrollable urges to heel? Damn, I didn't think you'd take me seriously! 
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 naughty brain just kicked in again   Just realized that Saran wrap would work much better than duct tape  no sticky residual  And before I got the clutch pushed in again  A valentines day present An hollowed out banana, Sarene wrap and a giant chocolate covered strawberry ..  Ohh yeah and a 3rd member  
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You're going to bring your uncontrollable urges to heel? Damn, I didn't think you'd take me seriously! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Aw, come on, pack some packets of Jello for Brest, Marijan. Where's your sense of adventure? I recommend Grape. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Oooooo, chocolate mousse, now you're talking. God, if it isn't sex, it's food in my blog. And now it's both sex AND food. Amazing. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Yeah, and do it on one of those wineglass shaped bathtubs they have on honeymoon suites!! Just, well, hope nobody mistakes us for a real order of dessert, ack! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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naughty brain just kicked in again Just realized that Saran wrap would work much better than duct tape no sticky residual And before I got the clutch pushed in again A valentines day present An hollowed out banana, Sarene wrap and a giant chocolate covered strawberry .. Ohh yeah and a 3rd member Erm, whose member? *runs* I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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