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9387 posts
7/9/2009 5:33 pm

Another Edumacational Post

*Author's note: Some anatomically correct terms have been replaced by more acceptable words, denoted with an *, to deliberately confuddle the ff censors.

So here I am again, breathless with the excitement of sharing with all you glorious folks out there another saucy tidbit about men, women, and their body parts. Or more specifically, men, a woman, and those body parts.

Melissa Noble of YourTango wrote an article entitled "Sexy Stupid Human Tricks" which got me gaping over my morning coffee. To find out what made me resemble a slack jawed Mark Sanford (which, admittedly, doesn't take much effort on his part), read on:

Just when we were beginning to feel as if we've got it going on in terms of sexual prowess, a few uber-talented upstarts swoop in to make us look like amateurs.

Typical.

Take Tatiata Kozhevnikova for instance. Tatiata is a Russian overachiever who has the world's strongest coochie*. Yes, you read that correctly. Her hoo-ha* is strong–like, in a Mr. Universe kind of a way. Unfortunately, we don't think it's bulging with muscles (but haven't seen any pictures...). She's exercised her nether regions the way we do our abs for the past 15 years and now Ms. Kozhevnikova broke some sort of world records after she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights‒ almost 31 pounds with her tunnel of love*. (shudder)

How does one get a stronger va-jay-jay*? Wonderful question. Glad you asked. This was Tatiata's workout regime:

"After I had a , my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls. I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my honey pot*. You insert one of the balls in your love box*, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook. It’s enough to exercise your * (ok, ok, I've run out of euphemisms) five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed."

Next we have a group of men who are good with their hands, have vision and think outside the box. True artists. But instead of carving woodland creatures or throwing clay, they create skin shapes out of their pen1ses. Again, yes, you read that correctly. Puppetry of the Pen1s (we can't make this stuff up) is an ensemble of men who strip down and show audiences how pliable their pen1s skin truly is by "shaping, folding and manipulating them into the shapes and likenesses of food items, wildlife and international landmarks." They'll start performing Off-Broadway in New York City in August.

Sounds nice. One minute it's a flaccid pen1s and the next it's the Easter Bunny. How cute. The Puppetry of the Pen1s will put the balloon twisting clowns out of business. Just watch.

Now I'm wondering if anybody out there was, like me, sick enough to actually speculate over what would actually happen if Tatiata ever hooked up with one of them Puppetry guys?

I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.

Alienjohnxx 77M

129 posts
7/10/2009 12:44 am

Well, if Mrs Bobbit had strengthened her coochi muscles that way, she could have had her revenge on Mr Bobbit in the apparent throes of passion without opening herself to a charge of Grevious Bodily Harm (as it would be in Britain). The mind boggles!

Now, as for my 'Little Puppet', all amazing performances will continue to be in private, and completely free to the right lady!

At this point I'd better rein in my imagination.

PS: Lady Munchy, where do you find these snippets? Should your family be concerned about your reading habits? hehehehe