 | Blogs > MunchkinMatron2 > Not Necessarily The News > Another Edumacational Post |
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*Author's note: Some anatomically correct terms have been replaced by more acceptable words, denoted with an *, to deliberately confuddle the ff censors. So here I am again, breathless with the excitement of sharing with all you glorious folks out there another saucy tidbit about men, women, and their body parts. Or more specifically, men, a woman, and those body parts. Melissa Noble of YourTango wrote an article entitled "Sexy Stupid Human Tricks" which got me gaping over my morning coffee. To find out what made me resemble a slack jawed Mark Sanford (which, admittedly, doesn't take much effort on his part), read on: Just when we were beginning to feel as if we've got it going on in terms of sexual prowess, a few uber-talented upstarts swoop in to make us look like amateurs. Typical. Take Tatiata Kozhevnikova for instance. Tatiata is a Russian overachiever who has the world's strongest coochie*. Yes, you read that correctly. Her hoo-ha* is strong—like, in a Mr. Universe kind of a way. Unfortunately, we don't think it's bulging with muscles (but haven't seen any pictures...). She's exercised her nether regions the way we do our abs for the past 15 years and now Ms. Kozhevnikova broke some sort of world records after she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights– almost 31 pounds with her tunnel of love*. (shudder) How does one get a stronger va-jay-jay*? Wonderful question. Glad you asked. This was Tatiata's workout regime: "After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls. I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my honey pot*. You insert one of the balls in your love box*, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook. It’s enough to exercise your * (ok, ok, I've run out of euphemisms) five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed." Next we have a group of men who are good with their hands, have vision and think outside the box. True artists. But instead of carving woodland creatures or throwing clay, they create skin shapes out of their pen1ses. Again, yes, you read that correctly. Puppetry of the Pen1s (we can't make this stuff up) is an ensemble of men who strip down and show audiences how pliable their pen1s skin truly is by "shaping, folding and manipulating them into the shapes and likenesses of food items, wildlife and international landmarks." They'll start performing Off-Broadway in New York City in August. Sounds nice. One minute it's a flaccid pen1s and the next it's the Easter Bunny. How cute. The Puppetry of the Pen1s will put the balloon twisting clowns out of business. Just watch. Now I'm wondering if anybody out there was, like me, sick enough to actually speculate over what would actually happen if Tatiata ever hooked up with one of them Puppetry guys? I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion. |
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7/9/2009 9:12 pm |
The differance between getting paid for an "Off Broadway exposer & "Off Off Off Broadway" exposer. Jim Henson he's not. A 44-year-old man was arrested earlier this month after witnesses at a Federal Way apartment complex spotted him using his genitals as a puppet. Prosecutors have now charged Timothy Wayne Martin, of Auburn, with felony indecent exposure. At issue, according to court documents, was a May 13, 2009 incident during which Martin was spotted by residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex standing partially nude over an air conditioner intake. Clad only in an unbuttoned flannel shirt, Martin appeared to have attached a string to his genitals and "was apparently manipulating it with the string like a puppet," according to police. When Martin was arrested at the scene minutes after the 10:30 a.m. incident, the string was still attached, police contend. Prosecutors say he was also in possession of a small quantity of methamphetamine, as well as a pornographic magazine. Due to two similar convictions, Martin was charged under the state's felony indecent exposure statute. He remains confined at the Norm Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent on $25,000 bail. I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me! Typos are human - perfection isn't
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 7/10/2009 12:44 am |
Well, if Mrs Bobbit had strengthened her coochi muscles that way, she could have had her revenge on Mr Bobbit in the apparent throes of passion without opening herself to a charge of Grevious Bodily Harm (as it would be in Britain). The mind boggles!  Now, as for my 'Little Puppet', all amazing performances will continue to be in private, and completely free to the right lady!   At this point I'd better rein in my imagination. PS: Lady Munchy, where do you find these snippets? Should your family be concerned about your reading habits? hehehehe
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7/10/2009 7:01 am |
Oh... MY... GOD!!!! You HAD to DO it didn't you... you HAD To lead my mind there  lol, ummm.. strong hoo haa. is it errr, lawn free I wonder  Oddly enough I had heard of the bogstick* (hahahhaha) performances before, and I thought frankly..."that has got to be made up" Paying to seee men's trouser snakes* leaves me... boggled. just plain boggled. (and no you can't trot out the stripper example, yes I did see them, however when they went down to the danglies* I left.. Male genitalia just isn't THAT appealing to look at if it isn't errr... rigid )Sensy  between the stars, beyond the planet mars, there Sens will be
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7/10/2009 8:45 am |
The differance between getting paid for an "Off Broadway exposer & "Off Off Off Broadway" exposer. Jim Henson he's not. A 44-year-old man was arrested earlier this month after witnesses at a Federal Way apartment complex spotted him using his genitals as a puppet. Prosecutors have now charged Timothy Wayne Martin, of Auburn, with felony indecent exposure. At issue, according to court documents, was a May 13, 2009 incident during which Martin was spotted by residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex standing partially nude over an air conditioner intake. Clad only in an unbuttoned flannel shirt, Martin appeared to have attached a string to his genitals and "was apparently manipulating it with the string like a puppet," according to police. When Martin was arrested at the scene minutes after the 10:30 a.m. incident, the string was still attached, police contend. Prosecutors say he was also in possession of a small quantity of methamphetamine, as well as a pornographic magazine. Due to two similar convictions, Martin was charged under the state's felony indecent exposure statute. He remains confined at the Norm Maleng Regional Justice Center in Kent on $25,000 bail. I wonder if he named that puppet The Animal? Cookie Monster? I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/10/2009 8:48 am |
Well, if Mrs Bobbit had strengthened her coochi muscles that way, she could have had her revenge on Mr Bobbit in the apparent throes of passion without opening herself to a charge of Grevious Bodily Harm (as it would be in Britain). The mind boggles! Now, as for my 'Little Puppet', all amazing performances will continue to be in private, and completely free to the right lady! At this point I'd better rein in my imagination. PS: Lady Munchy, where do you find these snippets? Should your family be concerned about your reading habits? hehehehe  That said, will not ask you if puppet strings are part of your arsenal. *snerk* I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/10/2009 8:50 am |
Oh... MY... GOD!!!! You HAD to DO it didn't you... you HAD To lead my mind there lol, ummm.. strong hoo haa. is it errr, lawn free I wonder Oddly enough I had heard of the bogstick* (hahahhaha) performances before, and I thought frankly..."that has got to be made up" Paying to seee men's trouser snakes* leaves me... boggled. just plain boggled. (and no you can't trot out the stripper example, yes I did see them, however when they went down to the danglies* I left.. Male genitalia just isn't THAT appealing to look at if it isn't errr... rigid )Sensy Too true re them danglies not being that attractive whilst pointing down. (And it's my birthday present to you, leading you down the path of perdition) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/10/2009 1:55 pm |
Wonderful post! Just added a "sexy" post to my blog and I thought what I posted was shocking enough. Errm, really interesting, especially the Vajay work out.  
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7/11/2009 4:25 am |
 That's got to hurtA loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
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7/11/2009 6:09 am |
HA Rocky..watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat..
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7/11/2009 12:31 pm |
I can see the movie title now ~ Ms. Ball-buster meets Mr. Dancing Potato-head, a genital Odyssey ~  Live the life that you love,  and love the life that you live  
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7/11/2009 11:07 pm |
Wonderful post! Just added a "sexy" post to my blog and I thought what I posted was shocking enough. Errm, really interesting, especially the Vajay work out. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/11/2009 11:08 pm |
That's got to hurtGod, the things they showed me way back in college. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/11/2009 11:09 pm |
HA Rocky..watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.. (Stops before the rest of my imagination runs away from me) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/11/2009 11:11 pm |
I can see the movie title now ~ Ms. Ball-buster meets Mr. Dancing Potato-head, a genital Odyssey ~ God, now I'm remembering stories told to me by my nurse friends from all over the world online, of the stuff they've seen while in the ER being yanked out of women's coochies. One of them was, get this--a light bulb. Another was, and I kid you not--a cellphone, and not one of those tiny ones, too. Gack! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/12/2009 2:30 pm |
LMAO ... I am so glad Sensy kidnapped me and drug me in here !!!
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7/13/2009 7:14 am |
Quick, Tex! Get that title copyrighted before they steal it from here! God, now I'm remembering stories told to me by my nurse friends from all over the world online, of the stuff they've seen while in the ER being yanked out of women's coochies. One of them was, get this--a light bulb. Another was, and I kid you not--a cellphone, and not one of those tiny ones, too. Gack! this thought had me laughing for hours ... naughty, naughty brain of mine .. hehehe  Ohhhhh I know about some of those strange stories about people and their orifices I have never gotten over the one about the movie actor Richard Greer having to go to the hospital to get the gerbil (little rat) extracted from his ass, because the tail had broken off when he tried to pull it back out.... gad zooooks   Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/13/2009 12:29 pm |
You know, I'm rethinking this whole clown thing now....maybe they are on to something! I run away from them as soon as I see them, maybe if I stick around I'd see some very interesting, uh, formations.... Nah. Clowns still freak me out. Not even a Penis Weiner Dog could make me change my mind! There's a fine line between curiosity and stupidity.
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7/13/2009 8:12 pm |
LMAO ... I am so glad Sensy kidnapped me and drug me in here !!! *ponders sending LL Murano balls for Christmas* (heehee) I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/13/2009 8:17 pm |
dully noted on the copyright this thought had me laughing for hours ... naughty, naughty brain of mine .. hehehe Ohhhhh I know about some of those strange stories about people and their orifices I have never gotten over the one about the movie actor Richard Greer having to go to the hospital to get the gerbil (little rat) extracted from his ass, because the tail had broken off when he tried to pull it back out.... gad zooooks There's this comedy sketch Ricky Gervais had of how a guy had a wine bottle shoved up his bum and then claimed it was an accident. God, THAT cracked me up. So many strange people everywhere, huh, Tex? I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/13/2009 8:18 pm |
You know, I'm rethinking this whole clown thing now....maybe they are on to something! I run away from them as soon as I see them, maybe if I stick around I'd see some very interesting, uh, formations.... Nah. Clowns still freak me out. Not even a Penis Weiner Dog could make me change my mind! Speaking of which, did you know that Oscar Mayer III just died? Am not gonna make jokes about him and the Weinermobile, no siree. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/13/2009 10:48 pm |
I think they debunked that gerbil story eventually--but it was fun while it lasted. There's this comedy sketch Ricky Gervais had of how a guy had a wine bottle shoved up his bum and then claimed it was an accident. God, THAT cracked me up. So many strange people everywhere, huh, Tex? yep it is a little scary that I think of you and I as NORMAL its the rest of the world that's in denial that this stuff is going on  u r a nut ... no doubt   Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/13/2009 11:02 pm |
yep it is a little scary that I think of you and I as NORMAL its the rest of the world that's in denial that this stuff is going on u r a nut ... no doubt Awww, you say the nicest things. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/15/2009 6:31 am |
ah ever one strongest till new one takes over thanks for reading and as per Dave Allen "May your God go with you"
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7/15/2009 6:21 pm |
ah ever one strongest till new one takes over I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/16/2009 1:38 am |
Hmmm....folding and manipulating their skin into shapes....but can they blow bubbles with it.  (Pulls his skin over his head and leaves Munchkin's blog while he still has his dignity)  If you can't convince them, confuse them!
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7/16/2009 3:20 am |
Hmmm....folding and manipulating their skin into shapes....but can they blow bubbles with it. (Pulls his skin over his head and leaves Munchkin's blog while he still has his dignity) Gosh darn it, Dean--you just fried my brain. Congratulations! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/17/2009 1:24 am |
Pull your skin over your head?? Gosh darn it, Dean--you just fried my brain. Congratulations!  If you can't convince them, confuse them!
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7/17/2009 3:13 am |
its a wrap - member deleted I bet another ff fib thanks for reading and as per Dave Allen "May your God go with you"
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7/18/2009 7:45 pm |
I just look normal on the outside, Tex. Awww, you say the nicest things. Yuck someone on here, gave me a mental image of an big, old and wrinkled " Wiener-mobil" ... blowing bubbles out the tail-pipe ... AAAAakKKkkk Hey wonder if I could find a picture of that in the vastness of the internet .. Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/18/2009 9:14 pm |
Anytime! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/18/2009 9:15 pm |
its a wrap - member deleted I bet another ff fib Tsssssssssssssssssssssssss. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/18/2009 9:17 pm |
Yuck someone on here, gave me a mental image of an big, old and wrinkled " Wiener-mobil" ... blowing bubbles out the tail-pipe ... AAAAakKKkkk Hey wonder if I could find a picture of that in the vastness of the internet .. Um, not that I was thinking of his old and wrinkled... Never mind. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/19/2009 12:39 am |
You know, when you said "old and wrinkled Wiener-mobil," I remembered Oscar Meyer III just recently died at 95. Um, not that I was thinking of his old and wrinkled... Never mind. cos i am just getting started .. just say ..... "you win" ...  ... and I will never darken your door again.. if not suffer the consequences and you are a brave nut your husband is very lucky hehehehehe   Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/19/2009 1:44 am |
I'm still smoking, halp!  If you can't convince them, confuse them!
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7/19/2009 4:04 am |
you .. young lady better stop cos i am just getting started .. just say ..... "you win" ... ... and I will never darken your door again.. if not suffer the consequences and you are a brave nut your husband is very lucky hehehehehe I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/19/2009 4:05 am |
Hold still and I will find a fire extinguisher. This won't hurt a bit. /:>READY!!! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/20/2009 10:32 am |
You know, when you said "old and wrinkled Wiener-mobil," I remembered Oscar Meyer III just recently died at 95. Um, not that I was thinking of his old and wrinkled... Never mind. OMG We did it again The old wiener-mobile is now wrinkled too ... this just in An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp in Racine, Wis. on Friday … Fri Jul 17, 9:01 pm ET MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. – One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee. Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon. No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued. Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover. Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening. Hey do you think we cold make some large money .. fortune telling OOOuuuu a solal eclips is comming up real soon ... and it has something to do with clingy wrap ...LOL and sushi Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/21/2009 8:20 pm |
OMG We did it again The old wiener-mobile is now wrinkled too ... this just in An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp in Racine, Wis. on Friday … Fri Jul 17, 9:01 pm ET MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. – One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee. Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon. No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued. Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover. Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening. Hey do you think we cold make some large money .. fortune telling OOOuuuu a solal eclips is comming up real soon ... and it has something to do with clingy wrap ...LOL and sushi Oh goody, if a solar eclipse is coming, I can probably use the aluminum foil instead of the cling wrap. At least nobody fries. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/21/2009 9:03 pm |
Now I have that Oscar Mayer song in my head. And the way that kid spelled b-o-l-o-g-n-a. Oh goody, if a solar eclipse is coming, I can probably use the aluminum foil instead of the cling wrap. At least nobody fries. OMG I just noticed that it was a she And how does one think they are going backwards, but be moving forwards "women drivers" hehehe I think in a moment of naughtiness she just wanted to see if that big old wiener would fit in that little hole  but of course she would never admit it would you I worked with a computer genius once that went around work with an aluminum foil hat shaped like Napoleon Bonaparte's once He said it kept the government from being able to read his mind I am not real sure he was from earth Live the life that you love, and love the life that you live
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7/22/2009 6:43 am |
OMG I just noticed that it was a she And how does one think they are going backwards, but be moving forwards "women drivers" hehehe I think in a moment of naughtiness she just wanted to see if that big old wiener would fit in that little hole but of course she would never admit it would you I worked with a computer genius once that went around work with an aluminum foil hat shaped like Napoleon Bonaparte's once He said it kept the government from being able to read his mind I am not real sure he was from earth And what's wrong with a little aluminum foil? *adjusts my little foil hat* I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/22/2009 11:38 am |
Thinking more on the lines of that One character from ...Final Four .... ya know .. that streachy one .....lmao and could only imagine....Ballon Animals ....with fur ????? hugssssssss Stardust
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7/23/2009 3:34 am |
Thinking more on the lines of that One character from ...Final Four .... ya know .. that streachy one .....lmao and could only imagine....Ballon Animals ....with fur ????? hugssssssss Stardust Gadangit, Heavens--now you've put my imagination on overdrive, and you know what that does to me. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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8/18/2009 1:50 am |
OMG!!! How could I have missed this one Hilarious post. Now let me clarify (or is that rectify) what beautiful Tatiata said about the glass balls (good Lord ). Did something similar to that after my 1st and 2nd one but less skirmish. On the first day after delivery, they put one of those heavy cotton pillows on your feet and you're supposed to lift it at least 10" off the bed. The next 5 days the pillow is replaced with sand bags, each weighing from abt 2- increasing to 10kg It's painful, especially since the stitches are still raw. But believe me, it really got everything nice and tight ... tighter than ever before But one has to keep up the exercise. 'No time' is no excuse. Do the squeeze while on the phone, in the lift, while waiting for a bus/taxi whatever you're waiting for. Don't waste that time ... you think I should make a blog out of this Ana?  ... It's nice to be insane when No one is watching
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9/30/2009 3:08 am |
OMG!!! How could I have missed this one Hilarious post.Now let me clarify (or is that rectify) what beautiful Tatiata said about the glass balls (good Lord ). Did something similar to that after my 1st and 2nd one but less skirmish. On the first day after delivery, they put one of those heavy cotton pillows on your feet and you're supposed to lift it at least 10" off the bed. The next 5 days the pillow is replaced with sand bags, each weighing from abt 2- increasing to 10kg It's painful, especially since the stitches are still raw. But believe me, it really got everything nice and tight ... tighter than ever before But one has to keep up the exercise. 'No time' is no excuse. Do the squeeze while on the phone, in the lift, while waiting for a bus/taxi whatever you're waiting for. Don't waste that time ... you think I should make a blog out of this Ana? ... I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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