Blog : 5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy

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6/30/2009 12:55 am

5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy

I came across this article written by Sarah Jio for Glamour, and by Jove, if she didn't hit the nail right on the head! This, THIS is the real reason why I won't try out for a anymore, never mind that even at past 40 my mother in law still keeps bugging me with not-so-subtle hints every chance she gets. (FIVE grandsons, see, and no girl in sight)

Do you ever get the feeling that your friends with want you to become a parent--ASAP? Maybe your pal with a baby goes on and on about how wonderful motherhood is, how easy her baby is, how pain-free her labor was. Well, it's time to call BS! Check out this list of lies women sometimes tell each other about pregnancy and motherhood...

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The lies, according to Sarah Vine and Tania Kindersley, authors of the new book Backwards in High Heels, as reported by The Times:

1. It doesn't matter if you get fat, the weight will drop off afterward, especially if you breastfeed. (Hell yeah--I went from looking like an obese manatee to a slightly overweight cow six months after giving birth. Isn't progress wonderful?)

2. The birth itself isn't that bad, and anyway your body is biologically programmed to forget the pain. (I was given a drug that made me drift in and out of consciousness, and boy was it GREAT! But post-delivery was a pain once the epidural wore off, and THAT'S when you find out how much it hurts to pee with an episiotomy)

3. Breastfeeding can be a little tricky to start with, but in the end you'll get the hang of it. (Not to mention your nipples bloat to the size of coasters; not to mention they get DARK. I screamed the first time I saw them that way, making my hubby rush up fearing the worst, only to find me, bawling and hormonal, gibbering while pointing at my breasts)

4. You get used to not having as much sleep as you used to. (Ha!)

5. The experience of looking after a newborn can really bring two people together. (Ha! Ha! and Ha! Hubby had to endure me railing, "This is all your fault!!!" at him every time I had to get very painful iron supplement injections every month for six months after the delivery because I lost quite a lot of blood)

The truths, they say (and as a woman who has been there, I vouch for every single one!):

1. Her stomach will never be the same again, not even if she goes to the gym every day (which she won't be able to because she won't have the time), breastfeeds until her goes to university and observes a strict vegan diet. (Flabby skin. Cellulite. Stretch Marks. And now the ones responsible for giving me all these talk back to me)

2. The birth is quite terrifying, gas and air doesn't work like they say it does, having stitches is horrible, midwives don't always get it right, there will be more blood and bodily fluids than an episode of "CSI Miami," and having half the world staring at your most intimate parts while you make noises like a demented pig is not, in any sense of the word, empowering. (Up until now my OB GYN still refuses to tell me about any of the things I said when I started surfacing, but dangit, she keeps having a fit of giggles every single time she remembers)

3. Breastfeeding can be very hard indeed, you feel like a useless failure if you can't do it, you will almost certainly get mastitis (which is like the worst toothache you can imagine, only in your breast), old ladies will give you horrid stares if you try to do it in public, breastfed babies do get colic, you may have curious and uncomfortable anxieties about being a prize heifer, you will leak in public, your nipples will feel like they've been sandpapered and your breasts, like your stomach, will never really recover. {The worst pain I EVER experienced was the first time my milk came in--my breasts got as hard as rocks, and I gasped in pain every time I moved. You can imagine how it felt when the baby latched. I'd have screamed in agony if I wasn't in the hospital nursery. That's on TOP of the pain you get from your episiotomy)

4. You will go insane with sleep deprivation. You really will. Even the hardiest of military men were reduced to wrecks after three days of no sleep in Japanese prisoner of war camps, and you were not trained for this. There will be days when the very act of putting clothes on your shattered body will feel like a major achievement. a?? (Yep. Yep. And YEP. And then your baby gets colic, oh joy!)

5. Once the initial euphoria has subsided, you and your partner will effectively become shift workers: when he's awake you will be dropping off to sleep, and vice versa. You will become resentful of his ability to leave the house in the morning, bound for the comparatively stressless world of work. In the back of your mind will be the sneaking suspicion that he is spending longer and longer in the office because he would almost rather be anywhere than at home sterilizing bottles and dealing with a frazzled you and a wailing babe. Sex will be implausible, not so much because of the physical changes wrought by giving birth, but because you will both be spectacularly exhausted, and no one feels like having much sex when they're tired. And smelling slightly of sick. (Post-pregnancy sex--the biggest oxymoron ever)

I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.

designerfar08 60F

533 posts
6/30/2009 6:00 am

1. Her stomach will never be the same again, not even if she goes to the gym every day (which she won't be able to because she won't have the time), breastfeeds until her child goes to university and observes a strict vegan diet. (Flabby skin. Cellulite. Stretch Marks. And now the ones responsible for giving me all these talk back to me)

hey atty, that's not true ha, not all who got preggy and breastfeeds has a flabby skin and her stomach will never be the same again not even if she goes to gym everyday........ok, want some proof?? i have pics here that shows... hehehe dare ??

farahdise

Sherry329 68F

6/30/2009 6:35 am

Oh lala! just remembering the pain while in labor is too much already!
and those times that Im out of the house and my breast was full of milk as if ready to explode, soaking me entirely as if I have taken a shower.
Goodlord! I'm glad Im over with that phase of womanhood already.

rachieannelol 67F

6/30/2009 8:02 am

Now....shall i let my daughter read this just as the baby falls due today...hmmmm....me thinks not....but i have enjoyed reading...

Never Give Up Hope...Your Dreams Are Out There....

explourer

6/30/2009 3:28 pm

If only they had told me a cesarean was gonna be that painful and would take me 20 mints just to get out from the bed and walk to the loo,almost fainting on the ways from agonizing pains..I'm begging to have a normal birth next time..

My son hardly wanted to breast feed so I had constantly pains..I was forced to buy me a pump and most times under the shower, message the brest and squeezed the milk out..

Pure relief!!

For the first three months I slept out on the sofa as he would not sleep in the bed for long...WORSE,I became a zombie from sleepless nights and days..

Ask me if I would do it all over again? No probes...

It is the truth in man that sets him free..