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The Ex-Files My wonderful artist friend who's based in New York, Jac--whom I haven't talked to in a couple of years--found me on face book last week and immediately sent me an invite into her network, which I ecstatically accepted, of course. From that single invite I found others from our old network of friends, and as I was checking out these old friends and acquaintances from my sorta-wild past, I was struck by something-- These friends and acquaintances had a few of my ex-boyfriends in their networks. I counted how many exes there were. Oy, almost half (not gonna say half of what number) of them had profiles in the site. Noodling around face book I discovered a couple more, plus some guys I've dated but totally forgot about. Three guys I flirted with on and off, and a couple of them whom I had turned down outright in college. Holy social networking site from hell, Batman! This is one blast from the past I don't want to be reminded of. I've never had much luck staying friends with any of my exes. Must be because I don't think they wanted to hang around the gal who bolted from them as unceremoniously as I usually did. (What self-respecting dude would want to be constantly reminded of the ignominy, I ask you?) So as I'm meandering down memory lane I checked out how they've fared since we've parted ways, and I'm happy to say, they moved on quite well without me, building careers, getting married, raising their own , looking happy and fulfilled. Which made me feel good that I didn't do them THAT much damage as I had feared. Then I paused and thought, gee, talk about major inflated ego, thinking I'd still affect them after all these years. (Did I really think they'd pine for me that much for that long? I don't think so--so I took an imaginary needle and pricked that bloated ego to shreds) And no, I'm not going to initiate contact in any way; they're exes for a reason. Hopefully they don't send me an invite either. Would be danged awkward, if you ask me. So I wonder now--how many of you have stayed friends, and by friends I mean not just tolerating each other because you had together--but really got along well AFTER a relationship, with your exes? Is it even remotely possible? Can you really go back to just being friends after all that passion's been spent? I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho instead of Oh God in the throes of passion. |
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1/6/2009 12:26 am |
Nope is all I can say. Nice post Thanks for saying bye . I will get in contact when my trip to Philippines becomes more reality. 
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1/6/2009 12:59 am |
Well Ana, i can honestly say i have stayed friends with most of my exe's...there is only 1 really i haven't because of physical and mental abuse...but with the others, yes, i have managed to keep in contact with, the major one being my ex husband, who is a very good friend, it works for me, maybe not for others...my ex from when i lived in spain came to see me xmas...well, actually, i think he came to see Bruce as he is his 'daddy'...  ...thought provoking post...thanks...Rachel... Never Give Up Hope...Your Dreams Are Out There....
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1/6/2009 3:26 am |
It took a while before my ex became my friend..after a couple of years I think. Eventually I accepted him again as a friend since he would come to my house to visit my son regularly since he is still the father after all and I can't hide his son from him. We separated when I was at the early stage of my pregnancy and I was bitter towards him when I gave birth since I was alone during those times that I needed him. But now we are very good friends,and we don't think about our past anymore. We are both happy now on our separate ways. Normal way of life..I would say. Nice post my dear friend.  
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1/6/2009 4:07 am |
Too much disillusion potential to ever try to reconnect. The past can be so past. I mean it's really gone.
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Nope is all I can say. Nice post Thanks for saying bye . I will get in contact when my trip to Philippines becomes more reality. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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It took a while before my ex became my friend..after a couple of years I think. Eventually I accepted him again as a friend since he would come to my house to visit my son regularly since he is still the father after all and I can't hide his son from him. We separated when I was at the early stage of my pregnancy and I was bitter towards him when I gave birth since I was alone during those times that I needed him. But now we are very good friends,and we don't think about our past anymore. We are both happy now on our separate ways. Normal way of life..I would say. Nice post my dear friend. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Too much disillusion potential to ever try to reconnect. The past can be so past. I mean it's really gone. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I don't even have one ex who became a friend, charm. I really close chapters in my life and when I do, they stay closed. I know, I'm awful. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Wow, what an ego too. I guess I am lucky. I am still friends with about half. Most I have not had any contact with, but bday cards and calls. Life has driven us all to different corners of the globe. I hope that self inflicted pricking did not hurt you too much. Be well, Munch I was so bad my girlfriends back then held me up as some sort of a flawed role model, the way I drove some of my boyfriends to tears. Not that I'm proud of it now, mind you. In many ways I was a hardened little cynic when it came to men when I was younger, always believing nobody, but nobody, was going to get to me first, so at the first sign of incipient trouble, I bolted and left the guy in the lurch, wondering what the heck happened. Talk about what was wrong? Not in my book. I was gone, baby. Then it was on to the next one. Strangely, I lost my cynicism about love and started believing in how it can redeem you as I got older, which is like having the entire process in reverse. And I learned the value of giving the one you love the benefit of the doubt, of seeing his good side and believing in him, something I never did when I was younger. Heck, a little self-inflicted pain's sometimes good for you. Keeps you grounded. Be well too, Jimy. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Well Ana, i can honestly say i have stayed friends with most of my exe's...there is only 1 really i haven't because of physical and mental abuse...but with the others, yes, i have managed to keep in contact with, the major one being my ex husband, who is a very good friend, it works for me, maybe not for others...my ex from when i lived in spain came to see me xmas...well, actually, i think he came to see Bruce as he is his 'daddy'... ...thought provoking post...thanks...Rachel...I usually stayed away from them since I was usually the one who bolted, though I tried to stay friends with my second one, but it didn't work out either, and got more and more complicated as the days went on. After that I gave up even trying with the next ones. I think it's a testament to what a sweet person you are that your exes still loved being friends with you even afterwards. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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it took awhile before me and my ex became friends, i think its not easy to befriend someone who caused you pains and heartaches. now that we are living separate lives we are more comfortable with each other..and we're both happy with our lives now farahdise 
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Hmmm. Friends with an ex? Nah. Just sends them confusing a mixed message and they end up hitting on me again. Miss you guys! Cheers! 
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wow! nice post tita Ana... dont have lots of exes but "saying it and doing it are 2 completely different things." as they say... friends can be lover... but lovers can never be friends... call me old fashioned, but my answer to this will be 100% NO's. exes are exes for reasons and i fail to see how relationships can go backwards.. i don't know how you can go from a state of love and/or passion with someone to friendship, or why you would want to, but then i'm not other people. if my guy wanted to continue a friendship with an ex-g/f, i would expect to join them when they got together. BUT... would i like it? NO. could i continue in the relationship? i don't think so. haven't experience it tho.. just wanna share my thoughts.. btw.. Happy New Year!"never view anyone as a priority that views you as an option!”[ 
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I wish I had an answer for this but I've always said "they are called exes for a reason"...I tend to live by that motto. Who needs to find out that the person with whom you shared your most intimate thoughts and feelings has moved on to someone else....Not I! If I wasn't good enough for them, why would I want to know. I guess I'm a little immature in that regard. I do envy the person who moves on and can actually keep a relationship going with that person. Perhaps it would have been different if I had kids or something-I'd be forced to see that person (because of the kid) and I would have to be civil with them! Immature women unite!!! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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I don't like it when an ex-girlfriend asks if we can still be friends, right after breaking up. Not that I wouldn't eventually be friends with her again, but immediately post-break is not the time to ask for another commitment. If friendship comes back around again one day, I'm accepting enough. I have a couple of exes who are friends with me now, but I don't consider them close friends. I find it's easier for everybody to be friends again, after everyone has moved on. That needs some time and distance. ~ B. It happened again when I was alone this time around and he had someone else with him. Same thing. The one ex I can't quite get away from is my godmother's son. We're constantly invited to social gatherings where we move in the same circles, and we've learned to just say hi to each other briefly and move on. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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it took awhile before me and my ex became friends, i think its not easy to befriend someone who caused you pains and heartaches. now that we are living separate lives we are more comfortable with each other..and we're both happy with our lives now I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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Hmmm. Friends with an ex? Nah. Just sends them confusing a mixed message and they end up hitting on me again. Miss you guys! There's always that risk, isn't there? When things with the ex stretch on. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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wow! nice post tita Ana... dont have lots of exes but "saying it and doing it are 2 completely different things." as they say... friends can be lover... but lovers can never be friends... call me old fashioned, but my answer to this will be 100% NO's. exes are exes for reasons and i fail to see how relationships can go backwards.. i don't know how you can go from a state of love and/or passion with someone to friendship, or why you would want to, but then i'm not other people. if my guy wanted to continue a friendship with an ex-g/f, i would expect to join them when they got together. BUT... would i like it? NO. could i continue in the relationship? i don't think so. haven't experience it tho.. just wanna share my thoughts.. btw.. Happy New Year!But I do admire people who can actually shrug off their passionate past and go back to being platonic. It takes a certain kind of mindset, a more mature one than I have, I would think. Happy New Year, Daphne! I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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1/7/2009 8:42 am |
wow munch cant answer that one but miss chatting with ya hope your new year was well. but still missing a credit card do you have it lol, might need it back to pay my medical bills coming up miss ya hope your well Flirt
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Hey Boom--that's true, re how we were in our relationships with our exes. Lord, I must've been really bad, for them all to avoid me.  But in my defense, I was so young and impatient and immature back then, so, erm, I wasn't exactly the sweet caring girlfriend most of them dreamed of. I picked fights like anything (because I felt they had to prove themselves constantly), made some of them cry, then bolted. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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In my case I didn't really mature enough in a relationship until it was with later boyfriends. By the time I met my hubby I was one of those very calm women who wasn't into drama anymore. (Had too much of it when I was younger I just felt burnt out and tired of it) But my previous boyfriend before him doesn't want to have anything to do with me simply because he asked me to marry him and I turned him down saying I wasn't ever going to get married--I was going to pursue my law career. Then I turned around in three years and got married to hubby. So, yep, he hates me, from what I hear. (Thank goodness HE'S not in face book) Thanks so much for your insights, Boom. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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The thing I regret with a couple of my exes is that they really should've just stayed just friends, instead of us crossing the line into a relationship. I lost a couple of people who could've been very good friends still. I didn't make that mistake with my best guy friend Enzo, but unfortunately he died at 27.  You are very right about not needing to contact them. I'm quite content and happy with what I have right now, being with the one I want. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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wow munch cant answer that one but miss chatting with ya hope your new year was well. but still missing a credit card do you have it lol, might need it back to pay my medical bills coming up miss ya hope your well Flirt *waves a hankie at you so you get distracted while I put the credit card into lesmew's purse* What credit card?? Hope you are well too, my friend. Will look for you at the y place and see how you are these days. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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1/8/2009 4:34 am |
I know the internet is making the world a smaller and smaller place, but now, like you say, it's compressing time too, and bringing the past crashing into the present. Gives me the willies sometimes....Happy New Year, bach.
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I know the internet is making the world a smaller and smaller place, but now, like you say, it's compressing time too, and bringing the past crashing into the present. Gives me the willies sometimes....Happy New Year, bach. The internet is a black hole we're all disappearing to. Real life will soon be just a myth. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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