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I had an interesting year this year. First, there was the move across the United States, which was a pretty scary transition. Whoever leaves California eventually learns: You are moving from the land of Anything Goes to the land of Being Responsible. It doesn’t matter what state you move to; it’s always the same. You all know why I did it – it’s because my kid got to start attending a seriously better school. The family got to trade its million-dollar California postage-stamp property for an idyllic riverfront, complete with soughing oak trees, short jumps off long piers, and sassafras tea. There’s another piece, one not everyone knows: I came home because my parents were aging. My mom was not going to live long. She died in February of Alzheimer’s, and there is a flower growing on the Thornapple River where we scattered her ashes. Dad died too, in March, and rather unexpectedly; born in 1920, he had always told us not to expect his death until 2010 or later. As we know it now, life in 2008, regardless of what money can buy, was too much for him. Sigh. A lesson to be learned, my friends: money can’t buy you love. Can’t buy you life, either. My dad was wealthy. If he could have bought it, you can bet he’d be alive today. Instead, his ashes now reside in a box, under a marble plaque, in Scottsdale, Arizona. I went to England this summer, to meet a man I met on a chat site some years ago. We sailed a narrowboat on the Shropshire Union canal. Made endless cups of tea; cooked bangers and mash; sampled fish and chips and mushy peas and bacon-and-egg buttys as we walked Nantwich’s ancient streets, carrier-bags full of sweets and second-hand books. I got home and carefully labeled my circa-1800s map with our trip. And I was thankful. Added another layer to my life. We Americans don’t get to do that very often. I savored every bit and remain thankful that I had it. Ana, please take this lesson with you. We have what we have. There is nothing more. Please love your family, understand the passing of time, and be at peace. Sorry it's not more profound; but unfortunately, life tends to be scrappy and inelegant. Full of bug-bites. Love, LK |
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7/19/2008 9:35 pm |
Sorry for the loss of your parents.  You are right, money can't buy love, or anything else in life that is REALLY important. Take care.
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7/19/2008 10:08 pm |
I rail against my mother's suffering at the best of times. I shall tell her story here one day, when it doesn't pain me too much anymore. But thank you. Acceptance is a process, and hopefully I'm more than half-way there. Your words help more than you can imagine. I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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 7/20/2008 2:46 am |
indeed and so that explains why i am not seeking for both money nor passport here at FF have fun  we been there New Jersey, Delaware, Virginia, Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee, Pennsylvania and New York  Ros & Jimy
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7/20/2008 2:46 pm |
Sorry for the loss of your parents. You are right, money can't buy love, or anything else in life that is REALLY important. Take care. It seems to me that, if you learn the lesson, that God will somehow give us the last laugh. I have to believe it's so. Love, LK
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7/20/2008 2:50 pm |
I rail against my mother's suffering at the best of times. I shall tell her story here one day, when it doesn't pain me too much anymore. But thank you. Acceptance is a process, and hopefully I'm more than half-way there. Your words help more than you can imagine. Acceptance is definitely a process. It happens in its own time. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. Don't hurry the pain process either, by the way. One day, you wake up, and the peace that passes understanding has taken its place. It's pretty cool. In the meantime, have some sassafras tea. Love, LK
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7/20/2008 6:38 pm |
I didn't ask your permission before posting, so I hope I was not being presumptuous. Acceptance is definitely a process. It happens in its own time. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. Don't hurry the pain process either, by the way. One day, you wake up, and the peace that passes understanding has taken its place. It's pretty cool. In the meantime, have some sassafras tea. Love, LK That you even took the time to find the words to soothe my spirit--I am deeply honored. (Thank you for the sassafras tea, too! I'll bring cake) Much love, Ana I'm dyslexic. I scream Ho Dog instead of Oh God in the throes of passion.
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7/21/2008 4:11 pm |
LK-- That you even took the time to find the words to soothe my spirit--I am deeply honored. (Thank you for the sassafras tea, too! I'll bring cake) Much love, Ana Til the next time, LK
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7/21/2008 4:17 pm |
indeed and so that explains why i am not seeking for both money nor passport here at FF have fun LK
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7/23/2008 6:16 pm |
hi LK, just read your post, I have been out of the loop a little. I am so sorry to read of your parents, sorrowed for your loss, yet, a slight admiration, that they left so close to each other. makes me think that they are close together, again, as they were. sad, yet so awed in such a life together? I hope I am not presumptuous. still, my deepest regards to you, and the rest of your family. my best, mark. once an oldhoglover, always an oldhoglover!
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7/23/2008 8:23 pm |
hi LK, just read your post, I have been out of the loop a little. I am so sorry to read of your parents, sorrowed for your loss, yet, a slight admiration, that they left so close to each other. makes me think that they are close together, again, as they were. sad, yet so awed in such a life together? I hope I am not presumptuous. still, my deepest regards to you, and the rest of your family. my best, mark. This is the wry part: my parents divorced when I was 16 months old. You do the math: I'm 50, born in late '57, so they divorced in 1959. My dad remarried and made a spectacular, public, ugly match; went on to build a scary fortune and a reputation to match. My mother, to her dying day (God, I actually got to use that phrase, and accurately, at that!) always thought my dad was coming back to her. He never did. (We kids knew he wasn't.) I think I could count the number of times that my dad talked to my mom during my lifetime on one hand. Where am I going with this? Just that: based on the facts, you'd think he committed himself to his second wife. And also how pissed off my stepmother must be, that maybe he and his first wife might be out there cavorting in the Ether without her! So why did he die within a month of my mom? Friends, I have no idea and invite your suggestions. (I would love to have preconceived notions; however, I have come to the conclusion that I know exactly nothing about what happens to us when we die.) What a wonderful revelation. Maybe Mom is flying with Dad, or he’s running from her presence. I absolutely can't figure it out; and what’s more, I could really give a rat’s ass! I therefore officially declare myself death-impaired. ((I think there's a blog in here somewhere....)) Love, LK
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7/24/2008 2:14 pm |
My deepest sympathy to you. My mom too died of Alzheimer's and to see her beautiful intelligent self erased was torture for me. She came to live with us for her last 6 years and died here at home in the room I'm typing in. I have a feeling differences are more easily resolved away from this planet. Maybe they're friends again, your mom & dad.
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7/24/2008 5:11 pm |
My deepest sympathy to you. My mom too died of Alzheimer's and to see her beautiful intelligent self erased was torture for me. She came to live with us for her last 6 years and died here at home in the room I'm typing in. I have a feeling differences are more easily resolved away from this planet. Maybe they're friends again, your mom & dad. We can't truly know what happened; after all, they don't have fleshly bodies anymore, and that has to make a big difference. What I do know is, they're at peace. Even if they buzz me from time to time, I know that the physical part has passed, and they're still at peace. In the meantime, it's up to the rest of us to stay happy. After all, what else is left? Love, LK
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7/31/2008 5:08 am |
I see it again and again that no amount of money can give you happiness nor good health. I personally thank God everyday for my peace of mind and my sanity. Hope you enjoy living in the UK  I got away from it as the wet cold was getting too much for me to handle.Wishing you peace, love and happiness LK It's nice to be insane when No one is watching 
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7/31/2008 12:59 pm |
I see it again and again that no amount of money can give you happiness nor good health. I personally thank God everyday for my peace of mind and my sanity. Hope you enjoy living in the UK I got away from it as the wet cold was getting too much for me to handle.Wishing you peace, love and happiness LK This was my first trip to the UK, though it truly is the land of my ancestors (we left in 1683 for the last time). I loved the canals and have idle dreams of living there someday, maybe when the kids are gone. Michigan is much the same -- cold winters, idyllic summers -- so if I ever make it back to England it will be because I heard a narrowboat calling my name again. Thanks for reading. LK
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7/31/2008 1:21 pm |
Glad to hear that your dad managed to live well into the 21st century with a full head of  . I never thought I would live into the 21st century!
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7/31/2008 4:13 pm |
Glad to hear that your dad managed to live well into the 21st century with a full head of . I never thought I would live into the 21st century!Sometimes I wish he had grown it out in dreadlocks. It would have been spectacular. However, I don't think he would have gotten it. Something of a generational problems. Yours in hair, LK 
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8/9/2008 10:18 am |
Life not elegant? Awww sure it is, girl. It's kinda tuff to see sometimes when we're in the midst of it. But when we step back and watch it from a distance (or the horizon )... What a beautiful and elegant ballet it is. Been curious about your adventure in the UK.... Enjoy the ride. All you take with you when you leave is the experience.
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8/9/2008 5:08 pm |
Life not elegant? Awww sure it is, girl. It's kinda tuff to see sometimes when we're in the midst of it. But when we step back and watch it from a distance (or the horizon )... What a beautiful and elegant ballet it is.Been curious about your adventure in the UK.... I'm still percolating on the UK adventure. It was fabulous and deserves to be catalogued. I'm still a little too close to it, though. So glad to see you back, James. I missed ya. LK
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